The Runaways
by MarinaNamaste
Summary: "I would run with you though, if I could," he whispered ... ..."Then let's go, Jake. Let's leave. Right now." Follow Jake & Bella as they escape on a road trip, running away from it all. Will Bella realize just how deep her feelings for Jake run, or will the ghost of Edward haunt her broken heart forever? An adaptation from New Moon. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1 - Leaving Home

A/N **\- Finally! I have written a Jake/Bella story.**

 **FYI, For the record: In this story Bella has a smart phone. I know she doesn't seem to have one in the cannon books. But p-lease… even when this series was first written (circa 2008) most high school kids had some kind of mobile phone at their disposal. And the Bella I've created in this story most certainly does. It's hers and it's a decent one; with data and stuff.**

 **Right. Enough about telecommunications and more about digital Bibliophilia (I get the irony).**

 **Enjoy…**

 **Marina Namaste.**

* * *

 **.**

* * *

 **THE RUNAWAYS**

 **Chapter 1- Leaving home**

…" _you can't imagine how tight I'm bound…"_

 _I didn't like that—didn't like the way his eyes closed as if her were in pain when he spoke of being bound. More than dislike—I hated it, hated anything that caused him pain. Hated it fiercely._

 _Sam's face filled my mind._

 _For me, this was all essentially voluntary. I protected the Cullen's secret out of love; unrequited love, but true. For Jacob, it didn't seem that way._

" _Isn't there anyway for you to get free?" I whispered, touching the rough edge at the back of his shorn hair._

 _His hands began to tremble, be he didn't open his eyes. "No, I'm in this for life. A life sentence." A bleak laugh. "Longer, maybe."_

" _No, Jake," I moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"_

" _It's not something I can run away from Bella," he whispered. "I would run with you though, if I could."…_

 _(Stephenie Meyer,_ p.253, New moon)

"Then let's go, Jake. Let's leave. Right now."

His eyes looked over to the window, out to the moonless sky hanging low with clouds. "I can't."

"Why?" I begged, not understanding all the secrecy and mystery. What did these men have over the loving boy who given me warm sodas and warmer smiles only a few weeks earlier.

"I can't say. I just… can't," he choked.

"Okay," I nodded, gripping his warm arm as hard as I could. As if my grip could somehow give him some strength to overcome whatever secret he was being blackmailed with. Anger flashed hot inside me. I hated them for what they were doing to my Jacob. I wasn't going to let it happen anymore. I owed this much to Jake. I owed him so much more than simply helping him to run away from his troubles. But it was the best I could do for now.

"You don't have to tell me, Jake. But we're leaving anyhow. We're getting out of here until this thing cools down."

I turned, falling on to my hands and knees as I searched under my bed for my duffle bag.

Jake stood, bare foot at my side, his whole body tremoring. "What?" he asked, as if his mind was focused on a hundred things at once.

"We're leaving," I said with an officious, commanding certainty to my voice that I didn't feel in the slightest. "Even just for a few days." I stood up in time to see the panic in his eyes. "Or as long as you need," I added as a new, desperate hole in my chest opened for the boy who was like my brother. It was pulling and aching for him as he stood with nothing but a pair of cut-offs on in my dark bedroom, his changed body was tight with tension and a haunted air. This wouldn't do.

With more finesse and grace than I had ever achieved in my life, I stuffed my duffle bag with clothes as a plan formulated in my head.

I packed warm clothes, comfortable clothes, and the samples of hiking clothes I'd been given by Newton's. I pulled a hoodie over my pajama top and slipped my feet into the sturdiest boots I had. I tied my hair back into a low ponytail, then packed all the toiletries I could fit into my wet bag. All the while Jacob stood, bare foot and half naked in the center of my bedroom. Not helping, but not running—like he look like he wanted to do.

I tiptoed in the dark to the cupboard in the hall, grabbing two towels as Jake still stood, tremoring, half naked, barefoot in my bedroom.

"Do you have a shirt with you, Jake?" I whispered as I re-entered my room.

He shook his head, looking out over the forest outside my bedroom window. "All my stuff's at home."

I looked him over again, his feet and legs were lightly caked with mud, his fingernails were crusted and dirty. He even had a little leaf stuck in the side of hair. Jake always had those mechanic type, oil stained nails, but this was something else. This was like he'd just run through the rainy forest—barefoot and shirtless.

I reached up and threaded the little leaf out of his damp hair as I looked over his shoulder out the window, to the front driveway. "How did you get here?" I asked, my head shook a little, side to side in confusion. The only cars that I could see in the street were Charlie's cruiser and my truck.

"I ran," he shrugged, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do; to run from one town to the next in the middle of the night. To jog fifteen miles— bare foot and shirtless.

It really, really wasn't.

Whatever Sam and his gang of thugs had over Jake was some messed up stuff. I wasn't going to let it control him anymore.

"I'm gunna get you out of here." My cold vow of liberation whispered through the room. I stuffed the towels into the bag and zipped it. The metallic whiz seemed loud in the quiet night. As I hefted the bag over my shoulder I paused to listen for Charlie's continued snore in the room next to us.

With as light a movement I could manage, I unplugged my cell and wrapped the charger up in my pocket before I tiptoed to the top of the stairs. With a pausing look towards Charlie's closed bedroom door I started down.

"Come on," I whisper yelled to Jacob, pausing on the second step, "Jake!"

Nothing.

I stepped back into my bedroom to find Jacob still standing, bare chested and bare foot in the middle of the floor. My hand found his, it was warm, dry, and tremoring still and I pulled him out the door.

"Come on, Jake. You need to come now. We'll figure this out, we've just got to get out of here first."

Silently, his chest rose and fell as he took a settling breath, he nodded almost indiscernibly and then took the duffle from my shoulder. Hand in hand he followed me down the wooden stairs and out the back door.

* * *

…

"Stay here," I whispered as I wedged my fingertips under the large rusting latch that held the hefty timber double doors of the shed shut. With a clink and a low wooden moan, the door opened. The noise echoed into the large space. My footfalls were hollow as I stepped over the assortment of tools and gear my dad had stored back there.

In the distance, far off to the west, the howl of a wolf repeated through the valley, followed by another, then another.

"Bella," Jake hissed from the doorway. "I don't think this is such a good idea." He sounded edgy and nervous. Scared.

"It's the best idea I've had for a long time Jake. Come help me." I waved him over, handing him two bed rolls and a butane cooker from the shelf. As I unhooked a sleeping bag from a hook on the wall I was, for the first time in my life, actually thankful that Charlie was such an avid fisher and camper.

I searched around the mess using the light from my cell to illuminate a small patch of the woodshed. In the far corner, I saw the folded pile of blue tarps and the large rectangular bag of deep green polyester tent.

With my eyes trained to the back of the shed, I marched in, blindly getting my foot caught on a strap and tripping on the bar of a weed whacker. With my hands full of sleeping bag and cell phone, I braced, ready to hit the hard, cement ground.

But I never made contact with the floor.

Jake was by my side, his scorching hands holding me by my waist, my face suspended inches from the blade of a snow shovel. I could have sworn he'd been by the door only seconds earlier.

"What are you looking for," he asked quietly. His voice was deep as he placed me back on two, unsteady feet.

"The tent," I answered, pointing to the polybag in the corner. I lifted the cell in my hand, illuminating the area for Jake to go fetch it more safely that I could.

There was another howl, this time much closer. It was in the forest behind the house. I felt the goosebumps rise on my skin. The animals were wound-up tonight.

Jake paused, midstride towards the back wall. He turned, the whites of his eyes bright in the darkness as his tremoring increased. "I have to go Bells," he breathed, not meeting my eye.

"No, Jake don't," I said, stepping closer and holding him as tight as I could by the wrist. "We'll go now. We won't worry about the tent. We'll just go, right now. No one will know. We'll go where no one can find us."

I shoved the cell in my pocket, there was a clink of pots and plastic pesticide bottles as I dumped the sleeping bag in the floor. I reached my hands up, his height was much taller than the last time I'd stood face to face this close to him. My hands gripped at the cropped hair behind him, "I hate this Jake. What have they done to you? What have they got on you?"

"I can't tell you Bells. Trust me, if I could, I would, but I literally can't. You've just got to remember."

"I'm trying. But whatever of the reason, Jake, I'm scared for you. I want you to come with me," I urged, pulling at the bare skin of his shoulder.

"It's not going to work Bella," he resisted, my pulling didn't move him in the slightest. It reminded me of the way I could never move Edward unless he wanted to be repositioned. Jake leaned into my side, whispering in my ear, "They'll find me." His voice was of the same as the boy who pointed the gang out to me only weeks earlier, the boy who was worried that he'd be next.

He'd been right.

"You have my word, Jake. We'll drive, and we'll keep on driving. And we won't stop until you're safe. I promise, Jake." My eyes filled with unshed tears. "For everything you've done for me these last few months, and because I love you like you're my brother, I'll keep you safe."

There was another howl. The tenor reverberated through my chest, a fresh chill of goose bumps rose over my skin. Jake choked, his breath caught around his tongue as sweat beaded at his forehead, "If we're going to do this Bells. We've got to go now. No stopping."

"What about your stuff? Your clothes? Shoes?"

He shook his head, his eyes closing in a grimace, "It's now… or never."

"Then let's go," I nodded, lifting up the dropped sleeping bags and pushing him towards the doors.

Jacob was like a dead weight with legs. He was incapable of directing himself. He needed exact orders or a physical push in the right direction to move. With my hands full of the equipment I'd managed to find, I tugged him by the hand, towards the truck. Quietly we threw the gear in to the back.

Again there was a howl in the forest out back and Jake visibly jumped, his shaking now easily evident from a few feet away. "Now Bella! We've got to go now, before they find me."

"Get in!" I whispered, trying to find my key in the darkness.

"Don't," he ordered, coming around to the driver's side. He picked me up as if I weighed nothing more than a Pomeranian and placed me in the seat. He leaned over, pulling the parking break off and taking the keys from my fumbling hands. His heat radiated off him, and as his shoulders brushed past, the scent of the forest permeated my senses.

"Steer," he directed as he moved to the hood of the truck and pushed.

Slowly, with the gravel of the drive crunching underneath the tires, the truck backed out the drive. Jake jogged around to the back, stopping the backwards motion, and then he pushed.

* * *

For half a mile, until we were at the end of my street, Jake pushed my two ton truck—up. At the top of the street, he sprinted up the side, jumping in as I started the car and took off in third.

I looked over at him once I'd turned into West Street. "How did you do that?"

"What?" he clipped, looking quickly over to me in the darkness, then back out again.

"Push the truck, you pushed it all the way up, by yourself, uphill, at like… ten miles an hour."

I paused, looking over his new found physique. He hadn't even broken a sweat. His muscles seemed to have muscles of their own.

He'd always been kind of built, for a sixteen year old, but this was something else. Something unnatural. Something like drugs. And it had all happened in less than a month. Since he'd gone off the grid and started hanging out with Sam and his gang. "Are you on steroids?" I asked, my lips tight, no humor in my tone.

"What?" he asked, feigning misunderstanding. He was hiding something from me. Jake always said I was an open book, a horrible liar and that he could see it written all over my face. Well if that was true, then he was my counterpart. I could read his misdirection, it was in his eyes, his face, and the way he held his shoulders.

"You heard me," I clipped, jerking the car to a hard stop at the stop sign on Forks Avenue. I turned slightly in my seat, my hands still fisted around the wheel. "Are. You. On. Drugs?"

He scoffed, chuckling darkly to himself. "I wish Bells. I wish it was that cliché."

"Then tell me, how the hell you can push this hunk of rust up that hill, how are you so much bigger in just a month?"

"I can't tell you Bells."

"Why?" I begged, reaching my hand to his, the scorching heat of his skin almost burnt my cold night-chilled fingers.

There was another howl, followed by two more.

Jacob looked out the window, his eyes searching in to the darkness. He rolled his window down and inhaled deeply, like he was smelling the freshness of the forest behind us. With pursed lips and closed eyes, Jake let out a long, pained breath.

Then he turned, his eyes, hopeless and scared. "I promise you Bells, I'll figure out a way to tell you, or to help you remember, but we got to go. Now!"

For a beat or two I sat, my clutch pressed in as I idled in neutral, my eyes simply tracing over the lines of his face. His jaw, his cheeks, he lips, his eyes. He really was beautiful. And hurting.

"Now!" he yelled.

I jumped at his panicked harshness, double pumping the clutch and shifting into gear. I rolled into the intersection, not really sure which way to head. "Which way?" I asked.

Jake didn't hesitate. "Right!" he shouted, "Right, Bella! Right!"

I turned, just like he asked, heading south on the one-oh-one. The cool, white brightness from the street lights started to flash through the cabin as we gained speed, it illuminated his face.

I heard his broken whisper as he stared out the window. "We've got to get away from the Res."

* * *

 **A/N: Well, I'm excited, I hope you all are too!**

 **I want to give a big thank you to my Beta, Egratia. She's an amazing editor and brainstormer. Always keeping me on track and in the right tense. She's also my friend. Thanks for you input in this story Les.**

 **If you need a good read, she's got a rocking story out right now called 'Theory of a Wolf man'. Check it out if you like the angst.**

 **Leave me some love if you'd like to see a little more of our runaways.**

 **Update next weekend.**

 **Hugs, MarinaNamaste**


	2. Chapter 2 - In it together

**Chapter 2 – In it together**

We drove, pushing the truck as fast as she could, for a good hour before I felt we we're safe to slow down to speeds within the confines of the law. And it was another half hour before I saw a visible shift in Jake.

As we'd traveled through the forest, Jacob had seemed to keep watch out the window. His eyes never stopped searching into the darkness. It wasn't until we left the boundary of a neighboring tribe's reservation— the Quinault people— that Jake sat back in his seat, his head falling wearily on the headrest.

"You want me to drive for a bit?" he asked as we crossed over a boundary river of some one-horse town. The metronomic da-dunk, da-dunk, of the tires against the wooden bridge was lulling me and my tired eyes into rest.

It was an ungodly hour of the night and my recent poor sleeping habits from nightmares and general self-wallowing was taking its toll. I'd been running on adrenaline initially. But I was finding it harder and harder to stay awake in the warm, quiet cabin once things had calmed, and once Jake seemed to be less worried from whoever he thought might have been following us.

I pulled into a deserted rest spot, killing the engine and letting the absolute quiet wash over me. I hunched back in my seat, my head low, and my hands heavy in my lap. I looked up at Jake, my eyes meeting his in the moonlit darkness. "Did we just run away from home?" I asked, the outrageous question on my lips.

"Yeah Bells," he grinded. His smile reminded me of an innocent prisoner who, falsely charged and interned, had finally been released from his bounds. "We did."

…

* * *

I woke some time later, a crick in my neck from where I'd been leaning on Jake's shoulder, and with sunlight beaming through the windshield.

"Morning," he smiled, looking down at me over his broad shoulder.

I sat up, looking around, my eyes squinting as the morning sun glinted off water of some kind. "What time is it?"

"Seven," he answered as he indicated and pulled off the road and into a gas station. "We're just about on E and I'm starving." He wrenched on the park break and jumped out of the truck. "I hope you've got some money in that duffle or we're fucked."

"Where are we?" I asked, ignoring his potty mouth and opening my door.

"Long beach," he answered, as he fetched the duffle from the back for me. "I saw a sign, the bridge over to Colorado is only another twenty minutes."

A gruff voice yelled from the garage shop. "Hey!"

I looked up to see an older man in the doorway to the shop. He stood with his white beard and un-pressed polo shirt, the corners of the collar curling up at an ugly, slovenly angle. He pointed to Jake. "No pumping without shoes!"

Jake looked over his naked shoulder at the man, before turning back to me and rolling his eyes. "You wanna do this?" he asked, holding the nozzle out.

I looked at the old, grumpy man, then over to Jake… who was bare foot and shirtless still. Then I looked down at myself… at least I had shoes on. They went well with my polka dot pajama pants.

Rubbing a little sleep from my eye I took the nozzle, and waited for the pump to start.

"Seriously though," Jake asked, leaning against the side of my truck— I really didn't see how him standing two feet from the pump barefoot was any different to pumping— "Have you got any money? "I'll pay you back. I just really have to go get some breakfast, and there's no way in shit I'm buying anything more than fuel from this asshole," he said, flicking his head back to the spot where the man was standing, still watching us like the pair of no-good runaways we were.

"In the side zip," I said, nodding to the duffle. "I've got a few hundred, but we're gunna need to get to a machine sooner than later, I wonder if there's one inside." The combination of birthday money from my mom and the stash of dad's emergency cash I'd taken from the empty Nesquik tin in the pantry before we'd left wasn't going to last us long. "And I've got to call Charlie." I tapped the pump handle a few times, still waiting.

I looked over to the attendant, wondering if he needed to flick some kind of switch or something. "Excuse me!" I called. "It's not working."

"Ya gotta pay first," he clipped back, pointing a grubby, stubby thumb over his shoulder.

I sighed, shoving the pump back in the saddle. "Sheesh, you think he could have said something earlier."

Jake had the little fold of cash, his fingers skimming through the shambolic assortment of fifties and twenties, a few too many tens in the mix for my liking. "Can I have ten, maybe twenty?" he asked, holding out a Jackson.

"What?" I asked as I took the rest of the cash as he handed it to me. "Of course you can, Jake. You don't have to ask. You've literally got nothing to your name right now, not even the shirt on your back. Take whatever you need, Jacob," I said taking a fifty from the wad, and pressing the rest back into his hands.

I looked up into his soulful, deep eyes. "We're in this together, Jake; you realize that? Don't you? What's mine is yours. And what's yours in mine, including the money we have, including this mess you're in at home, including breakfast. We'll figure all this out together."

He looked down at me, his eyes were glassy as he seemed to think something over. "I love you Bells," he whispered, "thank you for doing this for me."

"What are best friends for?" I smiled, grabbing his warm dry hand and giving it a light squeeze.

We stood for a moment, in the middle of the Texaco by pump number two and reaffirmed all that we'd silently declared last night. That we were there for the other, that whatever was happening to him with Sam's gang was massive and that I still needed to figure what exactly this _thing_ was. And that the hole in my chest, that Edward's absence left, was just that little less raw every moment I spent with Jake—my own personal sun.

"I think there's an IGA down the road, I'm gunna just run up there and see if they're open yet. You want me to get you something?" he asked, backing away.

"I'm easy," I shrugged, "see what you can find."

He raised an eyebrow at me, a cheeky smirk lifting on one side.

"Shut it, I'm not the one running around a strange town, half naked."

He slipped another ten from the wad, handing it back. "I like the shirtless look," he smirked, tensing a little for my benefit. "But I am gunna get a pair of flip flops, if they have 'em in my size, in case the fucker tries to stop me from checking the oil and water when I get back." He winked at me before he turned and set off at a fast jog up the deserted beach-side street.

* * *

…

"Left or Right," I said as we approached the Portland turnoff. We'd been traveling south from the better part of the morning. The old truck was still our trusty steed. Jake had offered to drive again and not long after we'd gotten back on the road, I decided I'd better send Charlie a text.

 _*Hey dad, Jake and I have gone on a little trip. Don't worry, we'll be back, I'm just not sure when. Can you let Billy know that Jake's okay. He just needs some time away from the res and some of the guys down there. I think we both needed to get away. Maybe don't tell mom, she'll freak out._

 _I really am okay, we both are. Or at least Jake will be with some distance from La Push._

 _Love you, B*_

 _._

It had taken Charlie approximately ninety seconds to respond to the text message with a screaming phone call demanding we come home and telling us Billy had already called him to say Jake was AWOL. There were threats of FBI scale searches, life time groundings, and castrations.

Until, in the end, dad gave a long, exhausted sigh. "Is this what you need Bells? To get out of here, away from the memories? Is this what you need to really get over him and be the old you again?"

I'd thought about that for a moment. The clarity of another's observations of myself hit me like a sucker punch. It was. I'd realized that, like a free-diver breaking the surface after a lifetime underwater, that I'd hardly had a thought of Edward in the past twelve or so hours. Every corner didn't hold a memory of him for me. The hole was still there, less jagged and less sore, but at least now I could breathe.

I could breathe again.

"Yeah dad. I think it is."

* * *

Jake reached forward, his hand diving into the chip bag we had wedged up on the dash. He handed me a few, then threw another handful into his mouth lifting his flip flop clad feet onto the quarter glass. Man, could the boy eat. And man, did he have huge feet.

"Keep right," he said around a mouthful of chips, "I like following the coast line. It reminds me of home."

I signaled, keeping us on the one-oh-one, the soft click, click, click, was loud in the otherwise quiet car. "You gunna tell me about it now?" I asked, flicking an eye to Jake, then back to the road.

He looked at me. " _You_ gotta think about it Bells, I really can't tell you. You've got to guess. Think back to that day you came to the beach," he prompted, "and I —" he stopped mid-sentence, again choking on this words. "Shit!" he barked, sitting up and slamming his palm on the dash causing the glove compartment latch to open. I watched as the tiny first-aid kit and a few loose tools spilled out. He threw the tools back in the box, pressing it shut. "You already know it, Bella! You just got to think." He tapped two fingers to the side of his head in frustration.

I thought about that cold, dreary day on the shores of La Push and I had a little twinge of guilt for leading Jake on so blatantly. I knew he'd had a crush on me back then... I supposed he still did. "We went for a walk," I said, not incriminating myself on my sneaky tactics. I was embarrassed about it now, if I was being honest with myself. Jake deserved better than that. I pushed the feelings down, remembering the day. "It was cold and raining a little, I couldn't believe how Jess and some of the guys were game enough to swim in the cold water," I said, to his nodding head.

"And…" he urged, his hand rolling in a fast flick, urging my brain to recall more of that day. I was trying, but all I could think about was how much'd I wanted to unravel the mystery of Edward Cullen. How that old legend, the one about the cold ones, had been the final piece of the puzzle I'd needed.

"You told me old ghost stories."

"Yes!" he jumped in his seat, "them… try and remember exactly what I said that day… remember Bells. Remember." He bounced in his seat again, reminding me of the boy that I'd flirted shamelessly with on the beach that day. His enthusiasm reminded me of that same boy, who had needed me to take him around dumps and auto parts stores when we did up the bikes. This guy sitting next to me urging me to remember, he was the boy who had turned into a man overnight and then disappeared. But he was in there still. And unlike Edward, he'd comeback for me.

"The cold ones," I whispered, one hand on the wheel, the other winding, involuntarily around my middle.

"And…"

"I don't know. Just, I just remember the legend of the cold ones."

He let out an irritated sigh as he slumped back in his seat. "Typical," he spat. Jacob looked over to me. His eyes cold and assessing. "You know what they are, and you still let him touch you?"

"What?" I asked, my shoulder coming up between us, "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Don't you?" he asked, knowing full well I did; I knew too well.

We were quiet for a while, the tensions rolling off us both.

"How—" I started after a few more miles of wondering what he'd meant, knowing exactly what he'd meant. Then wondering how he'd known exactly what he'd meant. "—How, Jake?"

"It's all part of the same thing Bella," he said back, his voice a tired monotone drawl. "If you remember all of that day, you'll understand."

I was trying, but the road was long, and the sun was hot, and I was tired—bone tired. I let out an exhausted sigh, the air rushing from my teeth in a hot, tense rush. "We need to stop," I said, leaving so much of our conversation unfinished as I pulled into a tourist stop just outside of Cannon Beach.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Both of us are exhausted and grumpy, and we're gunna end up saying something we're gunna regret."

I backed us into a shaded, out-of-the-way spot that overlooked the cliffy bay beneath us.

"Let's get out those bed rolls," I suggested, "see how we're gunna fit in the back tonight— seeing as we don't have a tent."

.

Jake and I didn't really fit. The cut in wheel arches in the bed of the truck stopped us from fitting side by side. We managed an awkward head to toe arrangement. And like that, with the sound of the waves crashing in to the rocks below us and the soft call off the nesting seaside birds, we lay curled up, head to toe, under the dappled shade of a shore pine.

I lay on the thin leather roll, my hoddie acting as a pillow, Jake's knees somewhere near my face and I closed my eyes.

Exhaustion, despondency and bewilderment finally overcame me.

* * *

…

* * *

 _We were in the forest, Jacob and I. We were searching for the meadow. Jake had his compass and map and was directing and leading the way. He pointed upwards, letting me go ahead. I walked until we reached a fork in the natural path. I turned to ask which way next, only to find Jacob was gone._

 _I was alone in the dark forest. The noise and the silence were penning me in._

 _I ran, calling his name, screaming that he couldn't leave me too. I ran, tripping over exposed roots and rocks. I pressed through the thick growth. The branches and leaves whipped across my palms, hot and sharp. Then I broke through, straight on the shores of First beach. The waves were crashing over the rocky beach. Drift wood logs were scattered over the shore._

" _Think Bella," Jake's voice urged from somewhere behind me. "Remember the legends"._

 _I looked around, trying to find him._

 _And then I saw him, the wolf, standing at the forests edge. It was a giant russet wolf. Its deep, soulful eyes were looking at me, silent pleading with me._

 _An eagle called from above and I looked up. It was a kite. It was flying on a string in the shape of a dream catcher. I followed the string with my eyes. From its sky born heights, to the ground. Jake's friend Embry was standing far off in the distance, holding the string._

 _He let it go and the dream catcher kite floated up and away over the ocean. I looked back to Embry and he was gone._

 _In the woods a wolf howled, and then, next to me, another howl. The deep tenor reverberated through my chest. I looked down and instead of the wolf, Jacob was there, lying on his side in the sand, bare foot and bare chested. Mud and leaves caked to his body._

 _I screamed as the realization flooded over me._

"Jake!"

* * *

 **A/N: Dream sequence, I know. But that's how Canon Bella figured it all out and I wanted the same for mine. Aren't you glad I didn't drag out her not knowing? I was when I wrote it.**

 **This chapter's only a short one folks, but if I get a chance, I'll update mid-week for the next one.**

 **I wanna say thanks to my Beta, Aretee for her work on this chapter. Your comments always make my day.**

 **This story has almost completely been written and it will be about 20 chapters long in total , if anyone want's to know what they're committing themselves to. I'll be updating every weekend, and occasionally with an extra chapter mid-week if I can find the time.**

 **Thanks to every one who took the time to comment and review. It's good to know you've enjoyed it so far.**

 **Happy weekend; MarinaNamaste.**


	3. Chapter 3 - The Truth

**Another short one for you.**

 **Thank you Egratia for the Beta. She has picked her latest story, "Just the way you are," back-up if anyone is after a good 'will they won't they?' Jake/Bella story.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3 - The truth.**

"Bells!" he yelled as two massive and hot hands shook me awake by my shoulders. "Wake up honey."

I opened my eyes, staring up to his dark worried eyes. He crouched over me, his short, clipped hair sticking up to one side. I blinked at the bright light coming through the branches of the tree above us. "Jake?" I asked, my palm resting flat against his bare chest. He was warm, hot actually— unnaturally so.

"Yeah, it's me," he chuckled, pressing the mess of sleep tangled hair off my face. His thumb traced over the line of crumpled sleep marks I could feel on my cheek. "You okay? I think you were having a nightmare or something— at one in the afternoon."

I sat up, pressing on his chest as I moved. Jake sat back with me, sitting back on his heels and looking attentively down at me. My hand slid down his chest, pausing at the slabs of muscle that he had on his stomach, eight well defined squares stacked in two's. I stared at his six—eight— pack and chest, the dark, tanned skin was smooth and warm. I let my fingers trace down one square, then two. The tips of my fingers tingled and sparked.

"What'cha doin Bella?" Jake croaked, his voice dry and catching in his throat.

I looked up to Jacob, trying to see something of my dreams in the man kneeling before me. I searched over his face: over his hair, black and glossy, now cut haphazardly short; his brows, dark and angled as they pulled down, looking at me in confusion; his cheeks, high and chiseled, indicative if his heritage; and lips, soft and full, and slightly open as he waited for me. Then I circled back to his eyes, stopping and starting into their soulful depths. That was the key; his eyes. They were the same in my dream and the same as the wolf's who paused by me that day in the meadow with Laurent.

They were one and the same.

I'd figured it out.

"You're far less hairy than I'd expect a werewolf to be."

* * *

There was a pause as he processed what I'd said. Then Jake let out a sudden, whooshing breath and his face broke into a grin, his straight white teeth shining and lighting up both him and me in response.

He leaned forward, pulling me into a giant hug. "You did it, Bells. You figured it out." There was a freedom in Jake in that moment that I'd not seen in him in a while. He squeezed me tighter, lifting me a little in our crowded, open-air bed area.

"Jake," I wheezed, "can't breathe."

He put me back on my butt, releasing his hold and sitting back. "Sorry," he puffed, "I forget how strong I am some days."

"S'okay."

"So…" he mused, "you're not freaked out?"

I shook my head. I wasn't.

"And it seems I can talk about it all of a sudden," he smiled. He cleared his throat, settling himself in a soft kneel, "I…" he enunciated, placing a soft palm on his chest, "am also, sometimes, a wolf." He beamed, the freedom of simply sharing the liberating secret.

It all made better sense now. The sightings, his sudden and protracted 'mono', his secret, the cult, the hikers. The hikers.

"Oh god," I whispered to myself.

Jake heard me nonetheless. "What?"

"Why Jake? How could you?" I gasped, my hand covering my mouth.

"What? What's wrong," he asked, his sunny smile morphing into one of concern.

Then another thought accrued to me. He was running, running from his gang, his _pack_ as it turns out. "Is that what you're running from? Is Sam making you _kill_ people? All those hikers?"

Jake looked at me, his face forming a nasty snarl as he cocked his head. "What!" he snapped. "Is that what you think? That I'm a killer?"

"Well how else are all those innocent people getting killed?" I said back, shifting to move my stuff.

"Think about it," he spat, his face moving to within in a few inches of mine. "I thought you, of all people, would have figured it out, Bella. We're not the ones killing people, we're the ones trying to protect people from them."

"From who?"

He sat back, staring coldly at me for a beat, his form shivering and blurred. "From your boyfriend's buddies," he said quietly, the hurt apparent in his eyes.

Vampires.

* * *

His words knocked all the breath out of me, too much information and too many painful memories flooding through me like a tsunami. My boyfriend. I no longer thought of Edward as my boyfriend. My soul mate, my unrequited lover, maybe; but not my boyfriend. He'd taken that title with him the day he took my heart and left me for dead in the forest.

It had been Sam Uley who had found me that night. Somehow, bare chested and barefoot, he'd carried me all those miles out of the pitch back forest. Bare chested and barefoot, his hands and feet dirty and caked with mud. Like dominos tumbling, all the pieces were falling in to place. "So Sam?"

Jake nodded, "and Embry, and a few other guys from school, Paul and Jared."

"Huh," I breathed, slouching back on top of my bedroll.

There were a pack of werewolves running around the greater Forks area protecting the unsuspecting humans from vampires with a traditional diet.

I'd been way off. It wasn't bears and it wasn't wolves. It was vampires killing people in the area. My mind went to Laurent, to his rich, red eyes, in the meadow that day. "Laurent!" I gasped, "He's going to come back, he's going to keep looking for me. So is Victoria."

"Who?"

"Laurent, in the meadow that day." I felt frozen simply thinking about that moment, the fear immobilizing me once again as I thought about how vulnerable I still was. "He… he..."

"He's dead," Jake finished for me.

"What? How?"

"That's what we do Bella, we hunt the cold ones."

"But you can't, they're so fast, Jake, so strong."

"Yeah, but we're faster," he smirked, pointing to his bare chest, "and we're stronger."

"You… you killed Laurent?"

"If you're talking about the leech with the long dreads, if that's his name, then yeah, we killed him alright. Ran him down and tore him to shreds. Burnt pieces of him in bonfires all the way up the coast."

I let out a little shiver, the thought of Jake doing that to someone, anyone, a little disturbing.

"But his mate, we can't get her," he kept on speaking, as if now that he could, he needed to explain it all, "and Sam was putting down all these orders and my life just went up in smoke. All my hopes, all my plans, all my choices, taken away because of some redhead with a death wish."

I felt myself go cold, a solid ringing buzzing in my ears as Jake's face went out of focus. "Did you say redhead?" I whispered, licking my suddenly dry lips.

Victoria.

"Yeah she's been around almost every night, skirting our boundaries, using the trees as her getaway. But don't worry, we'll get her, or at least the other guys will. We just don't get why she keeps coming back. It's like she's playing games with us."

"It's not a game, not to her," I sneered, my lips white and cold. "It's a vendetta. I know what she wants." I could feel a new pit opening up in my gut. An icy, empty pit of cold terror. "She wants me."

"What?" he screeched. Grabbing me tight by both arms. "What do you mean she wants _you_?"

My eyes focused back on to Jake's. His worry and protective instincts written across his face as he scanned the area.

"I mean, she wants me… dead. And if what Laurent said was true, a slow and painful death too." I could feel myself falling; falling into the pit. The hopelessness was engulfing me.

"Ba—" he breathed. "Why?" he asked, moving to roll up his bed. The area suddenly seeming not so safe and out of the way.

"Laurent wasn't her mate, they were only friends— friends of convenience," I added. "Ed… Edward killed her mate, James, last year." I explained, rubbing the crescent scar on my wrist. I looked up at Jake, mid roll, his hands cupping the soft cylinder, his eyes boring into the scar on my wrist. "That's why she wants me. Vengeance. Eye for an eye. Mate for a mate." I shrunk down, wrapping my hands around my chest and I waited for the bloodied hole to open back up. "I guess she never got the break up memo."

* * *

Jake crawled forward, reaching out and taking my hand from where it was wrapped around me. Gently, he turned my hand, his warm fingers opening my palm. With one finger, he stroked over the cool mark. His heat biting against the sensitive flesh.

"Who did this to you?" he asked. The call for blood pulsed in his words. "Was it Edward?" he asked, looking up at me. I met his eye. "Because if it was, Bella, so help me god, I'll kill the dead fucker. I thought I wanted to kill him already, but if he hurt you physically too, his dead ass is gunna be so re-dead."

My heart jerked a little, but not at the mention of Edward, rather at the fierce, hot protectiveness coming off Jake. My sun.

"No Jake, it was wasn't Edward. It was James, it was all James." I shuddered, the memory of the torture he inflicted on me. "My leg, the blood loss, the bite," I whimpered.

Jake pulled me into him, his hard heat comforting and so familiar. It encouraged me to keep telling the story. To finally tell _someone_ what had been done to me. "James snapped my leg, and he threw me against a few walls, through a mirror, it cut an artery in my leg. And then he bit me," I said, pressing my cheek against the smooth skin of Jacobs pec. Letting his warmth seep into my bones. His masculine scent settled over me. Warm spice and earth. "He didn't drink, he just bit."

I could feel the rumble of a growl resonating through his chest and against my face. "Edward found me then," I continued, "and he fought with James. His brother's and Alice helped kill him. Carlisle was barely able to stop the bleeding in my leg, and then the venom started to burn up my arm. It hurt so much Jacob, I was screaming for him to help me." I looked up at him as involuntary tears brimmed at my eye. I blinked, remembering the carnage in that ballet studio. I closed my eyes again as I wrapped my arms around Jake's broad back, squeezing him and letting his brute strength bolster me up.

"Edward sucked it out," I said, gently shaking my head in incredulity. "I don't know how he found so much control—my blood is especially appealing to him. But he did. And he stopped before I lost too much, but I passed out. And the next thing I remember is waking up in the Phoenix hospital with my mom by my side. The story of me falling down the stairs and through the window was the cover."

I held Jake tight, letting the wide protective shelter of his shoulders cage me in and safeguard me from my own memories. I had a sudden release of all the holes and pits in my chest, all at once, it seemed they weren't quite so dark and deep. It was therapeutic to finally be able to share that story with someone. I'd been tortured and almost murdered, and I'd not been able to tell a soul. It felt good to share the burden with Jake. I understood then why he was so happy I'd guessed his wolfie secret.

Slowly his hands wound all the way around me, his broad hands pressing gently into my back, rubbing soft circles of comfort. "Oh Bells, how'd we get so tangled up in all this supernatural bullshit?"

And then I broke.

* * *

A pained moan escaped my throat in a quick breath. Jake held me to his chest and I cried over it all. The terror, the pain, the loss, the abandonment. And now, the new fear of my would-be, scarlet-haired assassin searching for me too.

Jacob held me against his warm chest as I sobbed. Finally after all these months, finally, I was showing the healthier outlet of my grief. I was crying.

"Sssh," he soothed after the worst of my release was out, rubbing his face against the top of my hair. "I'm here Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'll protect you, and I'll never leave. I promise. We're in this together."

.

I sniffled, wiping the snot from my nose and the tears that had wet his chest. "Sorry," I mumbled, sitting up and using my hoodie to wipe over his ribs.

"It's cool, Bells," he chuckled. "I kind of like it."

I snorted as he gave his chest a pec bounce, the definition in his chest standing out and drawing my eyes in. "We really need to get you some clothes."

"But first," he said, reaching out his hand, "can I use you phone?" He took a big breath, giving me an apologetic look. "I got'a call Sam."

"What! No!" I said. "That's the whole reason we're here. Why I'm still in my pajamas and you're here with nothing."

"I know. But it's different now. It's all changed. Now we know what the redhead wants— _who_ she wants."

"Me," I croaked, carefully wiping my wet eyes with my knuckles.

"Yeah, you. So there's no way we're going back to Forks while she's still there. And we'll stay gone until she's dead and ash. But this has changed things, Bella. Sam doesn't need to know where we are, but he does need to know this. I owe the pack that much."

"But what if he comes looking for us?" I had images of the hulking leader and the wolves I'd seen in the meadow that day seizing Jacob and hauling him away as he tried to fight them off. I didn't want him forced into anything. Noble intentions or not.

"He won't. They're too busy with the leech. And anyway, he won't find us. If we're going to be hiding from the redhead, then we're going to be just as hard for a wolf to find."

* * *

"How? How do we hide from the supernatural?" I felt the hopeless enormity of what I was about to attempt weigh down on me.

"By being as ordinary as we can," he smiled, standing and jumping down from the bed of the truck. A couple of girls parked in a convertible a few spots down turned and stared as he did. "And the first thing," he said, tapping the side of my truck, "is to get us something a little more _pedestrian_ to travel in."

"Um, have you seen yourself?" I said, standing and gesturing to his muscular, bare chested, tanned, Adonis torso. "I think the first thing we have to do is get you clothes so you don't turn heads everywhere we go."

"Not gunna be able to help that, Bells," he smirked, looking me over in my baggy pants and navy tank. My hair was a bird's nest, and I'm sure I was now sporting red blotches from my messy tears. But no matter how I was dressed or how I must have looked just then, Jake was eyeing me like I was the most beautiful thing on earth. He smiled, holding out his hand to help me down. "We're gunna turn heads where ever we go," he grinned, holding me as I jumped—fell— from the tailgate, an _oof_ rush of air escaping as I hit against his solid chest.

"Because, Bella, I'm with you."

* * *

 **.**

 **Swoon. I love this Jake.**

 **NB: Some beautiful reader has nominated one of my other Human, Ness/Jake stories 'Pineapples and Cherries' for best cannon story over at "The non-cannon awards". Thank you, whoever you are. (That's me assuming your're reading this current story too.)**

 **I write for my own pleasure, but the praise of the reader is something that only another writer can understand, and it makes it the process of writing all the more enjoyable and rewarding. So thank you for all the readers who take the time to review. You do more to another persons self-esteem than you realize. As I say to my kids... "Have you filled up a bucket today?"**

 **Namaste, Marina.**


	4. Chapter 4- The garden in my Heart

**Thank you Egratia for all your awesome Beta skills. There might me a few errors in this chapter though because I've done a bit of cut and pasting and a lot of re-writing from how I'd originally written this chapter and when it was Beta'ed. I hope it all gels together still.**

 **Thank you so much for all the kind reviews last chapter. I generally write back to everyone, but life got too hectic this week and getting the chapter out became the priority. I'm sure you all don't mind ;-)**

 **Let's get back to our couple, figuring out what the hell's going on between them and where they're headed.**

 **Chapter 4 – The garden in my heart**

"That'll be forty-five dollars."

The elderly lady with her purple rinse perm smiled at Jake as I handed him a fifty. He was now sporting a new—kind of new— t-shirt as he then handed over the cash to the thrift store volunteer. We'd spent almost an hour there and had managed to pretty much empty out all the extra-large sized t-shirts in the little Portland thrift shop. Jake now had a dozen pairs of shorts and a pair of sneakers that actually fit Jake's giant feet-they'd been the find of the day.

We'd dumped the loot in the back of the truck and walked, now newly fitted out, side by side in search for a cheap lunch.

A small Wendy's on the fringes of Downtown was now in significantly shorter supply of their hot 'n juicy's thanks to the werewolf passing through.

We sat outside the store people watching as Jake finished off his second shake and my left over fries. Feeding the giant was an expensive undertaking.

I popped another cold fry in my mouth, chewing. They really weren't good cold. "I want to find somewhere to get some portable kitchen supplies so I can cook at least _some_ of our meals."

He nodded as he slurped on his straw. "I think I saw an army surplus store on our way in. We can go there."

"Yeah, that should do it."

He took the oil soaked bag of fries and tipped it back, emptying it. He tapped it twice, letting the salty crumbs fall before scrunching it up and three-point tossing into a trash can with the accuracy of Reggie Miller.

Taking another sip of his Frosty, he licked his lips before leaning into me. I felt the heat of his arm as he shifted on his hip to pull the phone out of his pocket. He held the little white rectangle in his hand, looking up at me. "I just got to give Sam a call first."

After a few moments of tense silence and then a good minute or two of Sam attempting to obtain Jake's submission telephonically, something had seemed to click in Jake.

All of a sudden Jake was taller in his flip-flops and Yaquina Bay Yacht Club shirt. His shoulders squared and he somehow stopped the one-sided conversation dead in its tracks.

"The vampire's name is Victoria, Sam". There was a brief pause, I could hear Sam's tone but not what he was saying as he yelled at Jake through the cell phone.

"Just shut up for a second and listen would 'ya. This isn't about me doing a runner. It's important."

I watched Jake as he didn't just _re-direct_ the one sided conversation, he turned the phone call on its head. Jacob began to _tell_ Sam what we were planning on doing. He didn't ask permission. He didn't request absolution. He just started to apprise Sam of the situation.

As I listened in, it seemed to me that Jake wasn't talking to Sam as his leader or due to the alpha wolf compelling him to talk, rather more as a courtesy to an ally.

Jacob paused until he was happy he had the full attention of the wolf back home. "Bella knows who the redhead is, Sam. Her mate was killed by a few of the Cullen's but she blames Edward for it."

Another pause. "The cold bitch wants retribution. She wants _Bella_ …. _My_ Bella."

I could hear my name being called out as Sam repeated what Jake was saying.

"Yeah," Jake said. "The parasite wants her dead, and not in a _quick_ , thirsty way either."

I felt my heart quicken as I remembered what Laurent had told me about Victoria's plans for me. I leaned minutely closer to Jake. My shoulder pressed in to his arm. His nearness and the protective feeling that he brought was the only thing keeping my lunch from coming pack up in dread.

I felt my arm start to shake. The arm that was pressed up against Jacob's. It wasn't me shaking though, it was Jake. His whole body was tremoring.

He looked at me with a worried and almost _broken_ torment in his eyes. I could see the conviction of his need to protect me as it radiated from him. It was _literally_ pulsating from him as his body shook.

"It's okay," I said quietly. I lay my hand softly on his. "I'm okay Jake. She's not going to find us. And if she does, I know you'll protect me."

We continued to sit on the bench outside the Wendy's we'd had lunch at. It seems such a normal thing to do for such an extraordinarily abnormal conversation. Occasionally a person or two walked past. Traffic flowed by. The world kept spinning around us. Time didn't stop just because I had a homicidal vampire searching for me.

My pulse throbbed in my ears and the outside world suddenly shrunk to just Jake and me as we sat on that bench. I couldn't tear my gaze from the desperate need to protect that was emanating in hot shudders from Jacob Black's, café-noir eyes. Jake stared into my soul as his hand squeezed around his almost empty frosty cup. _Almost_ empty.

His arm continued to shake and then suddenly bubbles of white froth from his vanilla shake gurgled out the lid. The moment— whatever it had been— was broken as milk sprayed over his tanned knuckles as he unintentionally squeezed the yellow paper cup. He looked down as the cool liquid hit his heated skin.

"Fuck!" He shook his fingers, flicking the sticky liquid onto the pavement. "No, not you Sam, I… I just… don't worry. "

This time, he looked back at me with an apologetic frustrated frown.

"It's okay," I whispered as I ran inside and grabbed a pile of paper napkins to help clean up the mess.

I came back and held out my hand for Jake to let me clean him up.

He snatched the napkins and silently insisted on cleaning his own hands. He held the phone with his shoulder as he attempted to wipe his fingers. With each hurried wipe he got more wet and shredded tissues stuck to the tacky mess.

I watched as more and more little pieces of tissue got stuck to his sticky knuckles.

"Would you just let me," I insisted, shaking my head.

I pulled his hand out and poured a little of my water over his hand and wiped them clean with more care and patience than he'd shown himself.

I could feel Jake's eyes on me as I slowly wiped each of his fingers, smoothing the dampened napkin over his palm.

"I don't know, Sam," he continued, his focus still on me.

The hairs on the back of my neck raised in gooseflesh as I felt his eyes still on me. "We're going to be gone for a while. At least until this threat against Bells is neutralized."

I tried to block out the prickle of heat washing over me as I held his hand and wiped it clean. I focused on the task at hand, _literally_.

His hand was warm and rough. He had callouses on his palm. I turned his wrist over and wiped along each of his long and dexterous, but somehow still _powerful_ , fingers. I wiped gently over oily nails that were cut down to the quick. They were the hands of a man who knew hard work but also how to handle the delicacy of fine and sensitive mechanisms.

I followed Jake's eyes as they flicked over to our truck parked up the street. "No Sam, I'm not doing that." Another pause. "I'm not."

He pulled his hand out of mine, mouthing, "Thanks," as he stood up and paced a few feet back and forth. I watched as he made room for a mother pushing a stroller along the footpath before turning and pacing back towards me once more.

"We'll be in contact, but on _our_ terms. You hear me?" Jake paused, waiting for conformation. He's brow smoothed infinitesimally and his head dipped once in approval before he continued.

"I want you to let us know if the cold one is either killed or stops hanging around Forks. Because if she comes looking for us outside of the northwest then we're going to have to ramp-up the obscurity effort. Big-time."

Jake looked over at me as he paced. I met his eye for a split second before lowering them to the crumpled napkins in my fist.

I didn't want to think too much about _that_ … About what we really were going to do if Victoria showed up. I wanted to believe that Jake could fight her… and win. He seemed to think he could. But I'd seen the ferocity of a vampire attack. I'd barely lived to tell the tale… twice. I wasn't convinced either Jake or I would come out of the onslaught alive. So I pretended the perpetual threat wasn't there and I folded the crumpled, unused napkins.

When I had a neat little pile of three white rectangles, I slid them into my purse, next to the three fifty dollar bills I had left in there.

I didn't have to force the constant but silent threat out of my mind for long. Seeing the meagre amount of cash in my purse took my mind to the more immediate issue.

Money was a big enough concern to distract me from the real threat.

The one-fifty I'd managed to grab from home was gone. And the last two hundred I'd withdrawn from the ATM at that grubby _no shoe, no pump_ policy shop was already about to be half spent now too.

Jake must have seen a change in me as I thought about how we were going to survive any of this. Physically or fiscally.

Or maybe as I'd opened my wallet, he'd seen all we had left to live on for the indefinite future.

He stepped back over to me on the bench, puling me up standing and tucking me under his arm in a one-armed embrace. I leaned into his side. I knew we'd figure something out eventually, even If I ended up asking Charlie for help.

Together, in step with the other, we crossed the street, back up to the truck as Jacob keep talking. "Okay Sam, we'd better go."

Jake handed me the keys, it was my turn to drive.

"Just one more thing, Sam."

I could see something in his face; A resigned pain. A loss of… something… something he loathed to loose. But behind the superficial sadness, I could see the hurt of a loss of something less tangible, but somehow immeasurably more valuable.

"I want you to sell something for me." Jake paused as Sam answered. "Just… just listen." Jake licked his lips and looked over at me with sad eyes.

Then it clicked. "No."

I felt my heart break for him as I realized what he was about to do.

I shook my head. "You don't have to do that Jake."

He put his hand over the mouth piece. "Yes I do, Bells. We'll be broke in a few days otherwise."

"We'll figure something out, Jacob."

"Bella, this _is_ figuring it out." He gave my hand a tight squeeze before dropping it and walking around to the passenger side of the truck.

Our eyes met across the hood of the car.

Then he shut his eyes and sucked in a slow breath. "In the big shed of my dad's house, under some old tarps are two bikes, Sam. There's a Honda XL and a Harley sprinter."

I could see the muscles in his jaw work as he pressed his teeth together. He loved that bike. I loved mine too. But I knew that the Harley that I'd gifted Jake was more than just a fixer-upper to him. More than just a way to have some thrilling and fun to do.

Fixing that pile of old parts and rust into a shining, unfettered classic had been a symbol of his ability to make something of himself.

Turing that bike into something noteworthy and outstanding, something that took him outside the boundary lines of the reservation had been a parallel of what he'd wanted for himself.

It was the validation that Jake had needed. He'd given himself proof that he had what it took to get himself up and out. Those two wheels had been the first step to Jake making his own way in this world…

Before his genetics had tied him to his heritage. And before his foolhardy and myopic love for me had left him no choice but to sell them.

His jaw tensed again, then he licked his lips. "I need you to get what you can for them. Get Embry to do it if it's easier."

Jake was silent as he listened. With his eyes still closed, he nodded to whatever Sam was saying on the other line. "Yeah."

His eyes opened, and instantly drew a line straight to mine. He looked over at the miserable assortment of second hand possessions loaded in the back of the truck and then back to me. "We need the cash more then we need the nostalgia."

With that last request and a simple goodbye, Jake hung up.

He sighed, tossing the phone on the seat through the open window and leaning his huge frame against the door. "Well that's done."

We were silent for a moment or two as I watched him use the truck as a prop from across the hood. His shoulders were slouching a little, yet, somehow, they were more square and self-assured than I'd ever seen him. I couldn't understand how, but he almost seemed _bigger_ after his conversation with Sam.

I walked around the truck, up to him and wrapped my arms around his side and squeezed.

I understood the emotional attachment he had to those bikes and all that they represented to him. But, as the heat of his skin soaked into my bones, I wondered if it was more than just what it represented to him personally. To Jake, with the special and bonding time we'd shared together as he'd meticulously restored them, where the motorbikes also a symbol of _us_.

I was terrified to let that idea take root.

"S'okay Jake. They were death traps anyway," I mumbled against the massive valley of muscle between his shoulders in a futile attempt to distract.

His hand reached down smoothing softly over mine. "Yeah, but they were _our_ death traps, ya know?"

I felt the roots of _something more_ for Jake and I stretch out under the surface of my skin, growing and holding me together.

They felt like the roots of a giant cedar, one that would send down shoots to make the foundations of a sturdy and enduring tree. One that gave back to its surroundings; that added to the splendor of the landscape but was understated in its gargantuan beauty. A tree that provided shelter and food and the very air that I breathed.

As remarkable as that tree might have been, it wasn't the magnificent bloom of jeweled color of the annual flower in my wild meadow though. That unique flower had bloomed brilliantly and perfectly. Like a flawless work of art.

The flower was gone now, left cold and frozen in the barren winter. But there was still a part of me that was hopeful that it would bloom again… one day.

I knew there would be no room for the resplendent flower in the clearing if I allowed the giant tree to grow.

I was scared to let anything grow in that turned soil in my heart. It had been left to fell for months now. But I was scared what might happen if I didn't keep the space clear.

I really did like the sun on my face while I waited at least. Surly a seedling wouldn't take up too much room.

I broke away from his embrace, releasing my hand as I stepped back and moved to get in the truck.

"Yeah, I know." I forced a smile, ignoring the feelings that were coursing through me. "But we can make plenty more memories on _this_ suicide run."

"Speaking of death traps and suicide runs, it's time we got us a new truck," he added, grabbing my phone and starting to look for second-hand vehicles for sale in the area. "We got to make us some _obscure_ memories."

.

There were a few trucks for sale in our price range in the county of Multnomah, and even fewer in Hood River County, where we were headed.

"Here," Jake said, holding my phone out so I could have a quick look at the photos as I drove along the twenty.

My screen showed a white minivan with a wood-grain appliqué running along its sides.

I turned to look at Jake. "Are you kidding me?" I could feel the sides of my face contorting in revulsion. "That car is hideous!"

"No it's not, it's boring. It's so, soooo boring." He pulled the phone back, scrolling though the page. "And more importantly, it's common. Or at least common enough to buy us some obscurity."

I couldn't argue with his logic. I wanted to— the car really was ugly— but I couldn't. It was practical, and economical and most of all… boring.

"It's got those fold down seats, and AC, and a stereo, Bells, a stereo! I know you don't like music anymore and stuff, but we can't go on a perpetual road trip without a stereo. It's killing me." He gestured to the hole filled with gouged plastic and torn wires. "You can't shut music out of your life because your heart's broken, Bella. It's _music_. It's the oldest art form that there is. Christ, even animals make music."

I bristled. A part of he hated that _he'd_ taken such a simple joy from my life when he'd left. And the other part of me didn't like that Jake new me so well. "I never said I didn't like music anymore."

"Yes you did, when we were fixing the bikes, you turned off the radio, and it was a good song too."

That day flashed into my mind. We were in Jake's garage pulling the first bike apart, just before his friends Embry and Quil and arrived. I _had_ turned off the song. All music had reminded me of _him_. I'd felt that the notes were pulling the hole inside my chest wider.

But that had been months ago: before the bikes were finished, before the movies, before Jake's fever, before he'd disappeared without word, before the meadow where the wolves arrived just in time to save me.

That girl who couldn't stand the sound of music for fear that she'd fall apart, that was who I'd been _before_ I'd run away from home with Jake. We were certainly miles away from that world of heartbreak now. At least physically, and the hole in my chest was starting to crust over too. The seedling had broken the surface overnight when I wasn't looking.

I gripped the steering wheel tight, my fingers curling around the Bakelite as I held the truck straight. I was taking my joy back… one note at a time. "It was a good song, I suppose."

"It was."

He shifted, moving closer and lightly elbowing me in the side. "They were good times." There was a sincerity in his voice, a pleading for me to let my own logic rule, instead of my pulverized, minced-up heart.

His fingers brushed under my arms, grazing against the corner of my elbow where it reached up to the steering wheel I was still gripping tight.

He leaned into my side, his warm breath tickling down my neck as he whispered, "These are still good times, Bella. It's just up to you what you make of it, of our time here together on this road."

I hazarded a glance over to Jake. He was looking at me funny. His jaw was clenched, waiting. His eyes, for a moment, were boring into mine, silently pleading with me for something I didn't know. It was different to how he'd been when he wanted me to guess the wolf thing. This was _my_ Jacob, not Sam's, and he was asking something of me I didn't understand. Or at least something that I wasn't prepared to acknowledge yet. The roots were strong.

Then, mercifully, his eyes softened back to the Jake who'd brought me warm sodas and conversation hearts. Back to the boy who didn't make my skin prickle with his heat.

He laughed, leaning his enormous arm on my shoulder. "You know, one day, when we're old and gray, we're gunna reminisce about this. About us running away and sleeping in the back of an Aerostar."

"I never said we were getting that hideous van."

I paused, my eyes flicking over to Jake and back to the road as, once again, my old truck got passed by a newer, faster version of herself.

After a few miles of stand-off silence only broken by the crunch of corn chips every ten seconds or so, and the constant hum of the motor, I sighed. "How much is it?"

Jake smirked, knowing he'd won. "Three and a half."

"And where in Oregon is this feat of motoring design located?"

"It's not in Oregon, it's in Boise."

"Idaho?"

"The one and only. If we keep following the eighty-four tomorrow, we can make it there in a day, easy. And if we keep going west," he smiled, reaching for the big bag of Doritos he'd all but devoured in the last ten minutes and stuffing a huge handful in his mouth, "then we're definitely going all the way to Yellowstone. I wanna see the wolves they reintroduced there."

"The wolves?"

He chewed, swallowing, "Yes Bells, my cousins in the supernatural world." His lips turned up into a smirk.

He knew as well as I did, that we hadn't had _that_ conversation yet. That conversation where I ask _all_ the weird questions and he gives me _all_ the weird answers.

I supposed that time had finally come. "So you can run with your cousins? Is that why you wanna go to Yellowstone? Won't they treat just you as a lone wolf, like a threat? Or are you so huge that they're scared of you?"

"I wanna go look at them as a human, Bells."

"Oh."

"I don't know about these ones, but the ones back home take off as soon as they hear us coming," he said, chewing still.

I glanced over to see his muscle in his arms bunch as his hand dived in to the bag. His hand made the big share bag look like a snack size.

"Because you're so huge?" I remembered that wolf who'd stalked by me, the familiarity in his eyes—Jake's eyes. That light brown, reddish wolf had been enormous. He was like a horse, only stockier— and far more lethal.

"Maybe," he shrugged, offering me the bag of chips before reaching in for another handful, "but I think it's the sent. I think we'd smell human to real wolves. A wild human, but human nonetheless."

We drove on for a few minutes. I watched as Jake proceed to single-handedly devour a sixteen ounce bag of corn chips. Then, in a matter of five bites each, I listened as Jake inhaled three of the four huge apples we'd bought on the side of the road somewhere near Corbett.

I nibbled at mine, unhurried, enjoying the warmth of the juice as I bit into the crisp, white flesh. "Why do you eat so much now? Is it the wolf?"

"Uh huh," he nodded through a mouthful. He wound his window down further, pegging the thin core out into the pine forest surrounding us. "It crazy Bells, I'm so hungry, like, all the time. Dad says it's because of the energy it takes to phase."

"Phase?"

"Morph, transform, change, shift; whatever you want to call it, I don't know why, but us guys morphing into giant wolves has, for some reason, been given the very scientific name of _phasing_." He shook his head, chuckling to himself, "As if it's a phase and I'm gunna grow out of it."

I hazarded a glance at him, the way his lips thinned as the spoke about his lack of choice on becoming a wolf. I could see the muscles of his jaw working, his jaw was angular and sharp now. No sign of the boy with the long black hair. I missed his long hair, but I liked the short on him too.

"Is that why you're so hot? It's like you've got a fever of a hundred and four."

He smirked at me, "I've always been hot Bells, it just took turning into a giant hairy monster to get you to notice."

Then he winked at me, clicking his tongue in the back of his teeth. Typical guy. I just chuckled at him. I liked the freedom I could see in his eyes. The old Jake was there.

"You know I meant your temperature, smart ass."

"I know, I know," he chuckled, settling back in his seat. "Actually, Sam's girlfriend, Emily, measured him and Paul, we're closer to one-oh-eight."

I looked over at him, his dark tanned skin was smooth and absent of any kind of feverish flush, "Whoa, Jake, that's dangerously high! You're gunna cook your brain."

"I don't think so, again, dad recons we have the heat as a by-product of our increased metabolism, everything is higher, bigger, faster… enhanced, Bells. Everything."

"Tell me, Jake. Tell me what it's like."

…

 **So there. They're still Best friends. Bella's still in denial about what's going on her garden of hearts. And Jake eats a lot.**

 **It's a slow and steady climb up that tree of love. But the sapling** _ **will**_ **grow. It's got all of Jake's sunshine after all.**

 **Tell me your thoughts.**


	5. Chapter 5 - The new us

**Chapter 5 - The new us**

It was quiet, with just the background hum of the highway a mile or so back as we walked, side by side, down a dark and peaceful street of the university town of La Grande.

Jake was pacing a little ahead, then pausing and moving off to the side of the road. Then he would pause again so he could fall into step with me once more, only to repeat this maneuver all over again.

He was stepping back to my side for the third time in almost as many minutes when I finally said something. "What is wrong with you? You're making me nervous, Jake, with all this pacing like a man possessed."

"Sorry Bells, I just… my skin… it's like it's crawling with ants." He scratched at his arms, rolling his neck and shoulders as if he was uncomfortable in his own skin.

He was jittery. If I thought about it, he'd been jittery all through dinner and even before we got here, too. We'd stopped in this little town, an hour out of Pendleton just at twilight. We'd pulled out our bed rolls and found ourselves a little pizzeria to eat at before the last of the light was lost. It was a quaint, family owned restaurant, the food was great and the pretty view of the sunset over the mountains had the potential make the evening quite a pleasant once. But Jake had been weird the whole time.

His legs bounced as he sat, fidgeting like a four year old. He was snappy at the wait staff, and the way he'd decimated two of the pizzas and a coke in less than two minutes… it was a little embarrassing.

"Maybe you just need a long hot shower, scrub all the road grime off. I know I do." It had been a long afternoon of driving. Jake and I had swapped over as we'd started through the long straight roads of the flat plains of the Umatilla Reservation. And we'd talked.

Really, Jake had talked, telling me all he could of his new life and inner creature. My mind was still reeling at how changed my best friend's life now was. His pure blood lines and the pressures to rise to leadership. We both needed this escape from home as much as the other.

He nodded absently, still inwardly focused as he clenched his fists with his eyes tight shut. "It's more. It's the wolf… he needs… I think he needs to run or something."

Jake opened his eyes, keeping pace with my steps but angling away from me. Closer instead, to the ditch on the side of the road.

"I can see the light of the camp grounds," he said looking the two hundred yards up ahead. He turned to me, steeping backwards. "Will you be all right if I just…?" He motioned ambiguously to the trees behind him. "I think I have to phase. It's been too long."

"Um… sure," I said, hesitantly. As if my only protection against a homicidal vampire going for an undefined _jog_ was perfectly okay. "I'll just go back and see about taking a shower." I smiled, trying to be totally okay with Jake taking off on me. "You go do… what you do… with the wolf juju." I waved my hand in the general area of Jake and his jittery eyes.

Jake looked at me, pausing for a moment before stepping back to my side. He placed two hot hands on my shoulders, ducking down so he could look straight into my eyes. "It's okay Bells, its safe here. I'd smell it if there was a bloodsucker around. Right now, I think I'm more of a danger to you than anything else."

"No Jake," I argued, "you'd never hurt me."

"Not on purpose Bella, but my wolf is clawing at me to get out right now. I just have to go. I can't explain it any better than that."

"Okay," I said, brushing a soft finger over his cheek. "Go. I'll be at the camp when you get back. Just don't go forever. I'd never survive losing you too."

Jake looked at me for a beat or two, watching the inner anxiety I was trying to fight as it swarmed in my eyes. He bit his lips between his teeth, "I'll never leave you Bells. I told you, I'd never do that to you. I'm not like him. You and me, we're in this together."

He raised a brow at me, a sparkle in his eye that had been missing all afternoon. "Even if I have to go give the ancient beast that lives inside me his daily walk, I'll be back." His face broke into one of his trade mark grins as he chuckled, "I'm only going for an hour, two tops."

"Oh." I felt my teeth pressing to my lower lip as I nodded. I could live with an hour or two. I gave him a single handed wave, before stuffing my fists into the pockets of my hoddie. "Go… stretch your paws, or whatever the ancient inner-beast needs."

"Thanks Bells," he smiled, stepping close. His heat was radiating of him like a furnace. His arms wound around my shoulders as he pulled me close and pressed a kiss to the side of my head.

* * *

I could still feel the heat long after he'd gone. I stood and watched as he jogged along the bank of the little river that ran past the RV Park.

I watched until the man had disappeared into the undergrowth of the forest beyond.

There were crickets chirping in the long grass, the quiet of this small country town was relaxing.

I closed my eyes as a cool March breeze rushed over my face. It reminded me of another cool hand that had once brunched my cheek. The memory didn't open out the healing hole in my chest like I expected it too instead….it worried me.

How had I felt such comfort from that cold, hard hand? I suddenly couldn't remember what was so soothing about it. Now the memory of that chill simply sent a shiver over my skin.

I stood for a few minutes, my arms wrapped around myself. I rubbed a chafing palm over my arms until a howl woke me from my cold memories. My eyes snapped open, searching out towards the shadows of the forest beyond. There was another howl closer by and I narrowed my eyes, my heart beating hard and fast in my chest as in the shadows, I saw the retreating figure of a creature as it backed in to the undergrowth.

I hoped it was Jake. But I wasn't sure. There were too many things in the shadow of my past to be sure. I didn't know who or _what_ could be out there. The monsters in the dark frightened me. I suddenly felt more vulnerable with Jake gone from my side than I ever had before.

I turned on my heels, walking back towards the camp grounds.

Twenty yards down the road I stepped into a coordinated jog.

Fifty yards further down, I started to sprint.

I raced, willing my clumsy legs to stay upright until I reached the false safety of the campgrounds and my pick-up.

If there was a monster in the dark, a little camping light and a sleeping bag wasn't going to stop her.

* * *

.

I thought a shower would have been exactly what I had needed. I was clean and fresh after a long day of driving and an even longer and stressful night of running away. I was clean, but I wasn't any calmer.

I was still edgy about Victoria. Even though I had Jake's assurances and I knew she was hundreds of miles away in Forks, I was still uneasy. Every little rustle in the trees behind me had me on edge. I rushed though the shower, running, and tripping back to the truck. As if the metallic sides of the box could somehow protect me from the supernatural strength of a vampire out for my blood.

* * *

I was crammed up against the back window of the truck, my legs crossed and tucked up to my chest as I ran a trembling comb through the knots in my wet hair when Jake finally came back. I felt the tense lump in my chest unknot as he came into the light of the camp. I let out a silent sigh.

"Hey," I said quietly as he trotted up the dirt path. His protective form was a welcome site to my over active imagination. "Feel better?"

"Heaps," he sighed, the relief his voice was obvious.

He looked at me, his brown pinching together. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, looking up at my drying fringe to avoid eye contact. I knew what a shitty liar I was. So did Jake.

"Don't _nothing_ me. You're shaking like a leaf Bella. What happened? I was gone for barely an hour."

He stepped closer to the truck, the lines of his muscled chest, and to smooth rolling curve of his collarbones poked above the side of the bed. He'd still not put his shirt back on.

"It's nothing Jake. I was just being a scaredy-cat. I'm good now you're back."

"I know what this is, I've heard of it," he said calmly as he reached through the truck window next to me grabbing the half full water bottle still on the dash. His smile wound around the mouth of the bottle as he tipped it back, emptying the last of the drink.

His throat bobbed as he gulped. The simple and mundane task of having a drink had, for some reason, mesmerized me. The relaxed and confidant way Jake went about doing even the most routine of things soothed me somewhat. His confidence in himself gave me confidence too.

* * *

With the bottle now empty, he lowered his head. He stood tall against the side of the truck and wiped his mouth with his giant hand. Then he paused, pointing the bottle at me, "What you've got Bells, is a good old case of _leechophobia_."

He smiled, understanding everything I couldn't say out loud without any more explanation. His sure smile and confident teasing was just the balm I needed.

I ducked, cowering with my hands on my head as the empty bottle suddenly whizzed past my head. I squealed a little as it whistled, like a missile, past my ear. It made a hollow plastic 'donk' as the bottle landed behind me, perfectly in the corner of the box. He snicked to himself as I sat up higher, still rattled but something innocuous as an empty bottle of water. _"Leechophobia_ and _waterbottle-itis_." He was such a kid sometimes... An ass-hat kid.

Looking at him though, there was no trace of the boy left. He was all muscle and sinew. All six foot seven of him. But then I'd see glimpse of the kid he used to be, times like this, when he threw an empty water bottle at my head like the boys at school used to do to the girls in the cafeteria.

I giggled lightly as I wiped away the little spray of water that had splashed on my arm as the missile had sailed through the air. It felt good to goof off for a moment and forget about the creature's waiting in the night. The cool of the liquid was like a cleansing of my fears. As I wiped the few drops off my arm, some of the terror was also washed from my veins as I did.

"Something like that. It seems to be a perpetual state for me these days," I agreed.

Jake placed booth hands on the side of the bed, making a show of inhaling. His broad shoulders and chest raised, expanding as he sucked in a deep breath though his nose as he scented the air around up. "Nothing."

He tapped the side of his nose, "this snout can smell a leach in a ten mile radius, and all I can smell is the beans cooking over there," he pointed to the tent across from them, "the family of squirrels in this tree and…" he looked at me again, his eyes roving over my face with an intensity that made me heart race and my skin prickle, "…your shampoo. It's nice."

My shampoo… Jake could smell it. And he liked it. The conflict in me rose again, and before it could go any further, I diverted the focus away from me and things Jake may or may not like about me.

"You can smell the squirrels in the trees?" I asked, looking up at the canopy of green a few yards behind us.

I guessed Jake sensed my discomfort, and let me divert the conversation. "The squirrels, and the birds. There's even a spider making her web in that bush over there. Oh, and guess what?"

My eyes flicked over to him, to the way the muscles if his arm bunched as he rested against the side of the truck.

"What?"

"It turns out I _can_ still hear the rest of the pack."

"Really?" I asked, uncrossing my legs and kneeling up on top of my bedroll. He'd said he wanted to test the limits of the packs telepathy. "It should be an interesting experiment to see how far away it'll work."

Jake nodded, avoiding my eye as he leaned over the back of the truck and searched through the bag of clothes we'd bought for him.

My eyes trailed over his shoulders. They started wide, broad with strength, then they trailed along the long line of thick muscle that ran down his tapering back. It reminded me of the trunk of a sturdy tree; brown and straight, branching out with arms that were thick and wide and protective. I swallowed, my saliva getting suck in my throat. I doubted my heart was ready to climb that tree. But I part of me wanted to. Immediately.

I shook myself, clearing my head and remembering who it was that I loved the most. Who it was that I'd promised eternity and my very life too. Before he'd left me.

"If you're gunna take a shower you'll need quarters for the hot water." I crawled over to my bag, searching for my purse.

"Sure," Jake said quietly, his tone tight all of a sudden.

I looked up at him, wondering what had brought on the sudden change in his tone. Had he felt my confused tension? Had he heard my heart skipping a beat as I'd ogled? He was a beautiful man. I couldn't deny that. But he wasn't the one I'd committed my heart to. I loved Jake, but not like _that_ … he was like my brother.

...Surely.

* * *

Our eyes met in the darkened air. That intensity I'd noted earlier was once again there and my skin prickled. It was as if a warm breeze had blown over me. My arms, bare in the tank top I had on, broke out in goose bumps. I felt the tightening of my skin everywhere, over my scalp and down my back.

His eyes held mine for a moment before they slowly raked down to my chest, pausing as my breath began to catch in in my throat, and then back up to my face again.

Oh lord. It hit me with the clarity of a flawless diamond. I was wearing a tank top. White one. With the dampness of my hair on my shoulders and the freshness in the air, my skin was a little cool.

My nipples were beaming through like two little cherries, ripe for picking.

I felt my face burst into a blush as I reached over to a flannel shirt I'd brought along. I stuffed it against my chest and silently handed Jake a dollar's worth of quarters.

He cleared his throat, his large, warm fingers scooping the coins from mine. "Thanks Bells," he whispered. His hand paused on mine. An electricity seemed to flow though us, like his very life-force was energizing mine. He radiated his warmth.

Then, like the circuit had been interrupted, he snapped his fingers back, turning and setting off at a jerky, uneven run towards the shower house. The coolness of the evening crept back over me as I watched his shadow go down the path.

* * *

I scrambled to get the flannel shirt on as I contemplated this new emotion I'd began to feel. It was so conflicting. My heart wasn't at odds, it was sure where it belonged—in Edward's perfect hands. But my body, it seemed, had begun to betray me. My skin seemed to crave the warmth of Jake's presence. I'd been overcome but the intensity of his eyes as he'd looked at me, not only just now but, if I was being honest with myself, over the past few weeks as well.

I'd known, I suppose, that Jake had a crush on me. I'd used that knowledge that day on First Beach by unscrupulously flirting with him to get information about the Cullen's. But I'd always dismissed it as a school boy, cafeteria crush. Nothing like the true love Edward and I had shared.

Maybe I needed to reevaluate that assumption.

How true had that love been if Edward could have so easily thrown it away? He'd left me. He'd broken my heart.

But Jake had stayed. He was the very antithesis of Edward.

Jacob had put me back together with patience and kindness and his own special "Jake" brand of friendship and love. And now he'd started looking at me with the intensity and devotion of a man held spellbound.

As much as I wanted to deny it, my traitorous body had relished the way his eyes had brazenly raked over me.

I felt my heart splutter at the memory.

It felt unfaithful.

I needed a distraction from my confused thoughts. I threw on my boots and climbed down from the truck. I wasn't ready to face what all this might meant. As my mother always said— or started to say when she started another one of her phases, namely tealeaf reading— the truth lies in a cup of tea.

The tick, tick, tick of the gas pilot brought me back to the space I was in. The gas of the burner hissed as its blue-yellow flame lit up the darkness.

* * *

…

* * *

I had my arms wrapped around the sides of one of the enamel mugs we'd got for twenty-five cents a pair in Portland when Jake came back to the little plot of dirt we were calling home for the night and apparently sharing with a family of squirrels, some birds and a spider, but no vampire— thankfully.

"I made you a cup," I said, holding out the now tepid mug.

We'd parked the truck next to a picnic table pavilion. It was a long wooden table with two bench seats either side. Jake shuffled in his flip flops coming to sit opposite me.

"Thanks," he said, still somewhat subdued.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence while Jake drank his tea. I stared at the small dregs of leaf in the bottom of my empty mug.

The crickets made a soundtrack to our awkwardness.

I didn't know what had brought on this weirdness between us. We'd always shared such a natural friendship. Two peas in a pod. Jake n' Bells. From what I could remember of our childhood, it had always been this way. But tonight something had shifted. There was a new tension in the air. It was different to the previous strain when he'd been bound by and ordered into silence.

I didn't know if it was just that he was weirded out from seeing my _high beams_ through my thin, white tank. I know I was. Or if there were still left over nerves from the confined wolf before he'd gone for his run. Maybe it was something else altogether.

I didn't know the reason, but what I did know was that we couldn't spend potentially weeks in other's back pockets like this; not meeting the others eyes, single word answers, and a physical distance of mere acquaintances.

"So," I said, finally deciding to break the ice, "you think that van will still be for sale?"

He looked up from his mug, distracted from what ever he'd been mulling over in his head. "I'd say so. I can't imagine there's a huge demand for dorky, nineties min-vans in Boise, Idaho." He smiled at me then, the sarcasm being the first step towards getting back to the old us.

I raised a single brow. "As opposed to Boulder, Colorado, where I've heard they're all the rage."

Jake chuckled. "We'll make sure to eventually head that way then. That way we'll easily go unnoticed."

I smiled up at him and watched as the warmth returned to his eyes. He smiled back, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

"You know there's no way we're going unnoticed anywhere we go, Jake, you're a giant now." My eyes roved over the square, broad line of his shoulder and then down this arms. My eyes puled towards the thick bunches of muscle stretched at the sleeve of his t-shirt. He really was built.

The corded muscle of his forearms pulled and shifted as he brought the cup to his lips and tipped back the last of his tea. His hands dwarfed the mug.

I suddenly felt the urge to know how small I'd look with those hand on me. How his supernatural strength could hold me. What his heat would feel like against my bare skin. I wanted Jacobs touch.

The though terrified me. How could I think about Jake like that when my heart still belonged to Edward? Even if he'd thrown my heart out like yesterday's garbage.

* * *

I blinked back my impulsive fantasy, finding myself back on the bench seat of the RV Park.

"I don't know," he smirked, standing and moving his empty cup to the tea-towel I'd laid out. "I think we'd have our best chance in an outdoorsy collage town. You can be the book-smart, collage nerd and I can be the—"

"—the outdoorsy athletic type?" I offered, standing and moving to hop up to the back of the truck, toeing my heels out of my boots.

Maybe if I didn't look at him I could remember how much I loved Edward still.

"No Bells," Jacob quipped, coming to stand behind me. "I was thinking I could be the one who everyone assumes I'm only at collage because of some athletic scholarship and I'm using you for your book smarts. When really, _I'm_ the one with _all_ the general know-how. My lack of paleness will mislead everyone but really _you're_ the one relying on me for protection with my superior native genes," he chuckled, wrapping two hands around my waist and lifting me over the tail gate with no effort. His hands nearly fit the whole way around my waist.

"Smart ass," I fake grumbled, scooting out of the way as he pulled himself up in one fluid motion.

The heat of his fingers lingered long after his hands had left my body.

* * *

The pickup swayed as we both settled on our respective sides in the bed of the truck.

I suppose on reflex, we'd both rolled out our beds to the same direction. Not like the head to toe fashion we'd coordinated earlier this morning, but side by side. Like a couple.

* * *

I didn't want to risk any more awkwardness, so I bunched my roll up, trying to spin the cumbersome thing around.

Jake was reclining back on his already, looking at me with his brow lifted high and a smirk on his lips. "What in the hell are you trying to do?"

I grunted, shoving half the roll over Jake's knees. We really were too cramped in the back of this truck. "Swapping directions."

He sat up, his warm hand stilling my arm as it reached for a corner of bedding. "You don't have to, Bella. Just keep it like this," he said, a quiet order in his voice as he straightened my roll back to where it had been.

We were silent for a beat, that same tension returning between us again. I swallowed, licking my lips that were suddenly dry. I felt myself drawn in by the wildness I could see in his eyes. I wasn't ready for this. No. I couldn't do this to Edward.

* * *

I closed my eyes, scrunching them as, I shook my head, "Jake… I… it's just…"

He coughed. "I mean, come on Bells, are you telling me you actually _want_ to smell my feet?" My eyes popped open to Jake and his sunny smile. His eyes, they were _my_ Jake's, that wild, hunger was gone, but still… there was a hit of longing in them that I wasn't prepared to grant… or even consider right now.

He kneeled up, sliding his bare feet under his sleeping bag, and lay down, patting the spot where my pillow should be. "Come on Bells, we can look up at the stars like this."

He lay back, tucking one arm behind his head as he looked up at the cloudless sky, waiting for me.

I looked over at my friend, my brother in so many ways, except for blood. I could see the apprehension in his eyes. In _my_ Jake's eyes. He was trying to hide it, but I could see it.

I trailed over his form, up the outline of his hips and stomach as they lay under the covers, to his arm, folded up. The bulk of his bicep was tense and puling tight again on the sleeve of the fresh t-shirt he'd changed in to. I pulled my pillow into my chest. The comfort of the soft down lulled me.

Side by side didn't mean anything. Besides, there'd be two sleeping bags between us.

* * *

I wet my lips, coaxing the little moisture there to wet the parched edges. I didn't have to make this into something it wasn't. This was two friends, sleeping in the back of an old dodge truck. Friends, stargazing at the Oregon sky. Friends. That's all it was for me at least.

With a resigned sigh, I flung my pillow to my spot and crawled up towards Jake. Silently, I slid into my sleeping bag, the warmth and comfort after such a long twenty-four hours was welcoming.

I sighed again, trying to expel all the nervousness out with my breath. I looked over to Jake, he was staring intently up into the sky. "Thank you, Jake."

His eyes flicked to me, the whites shining against the deep, dark brown. "No worries Bells. Together, remember? Besides, this is what I was born to do, to protect. It's kind of like my life's calling."

I looked up at him from my pillow. "Well, thanks anyway. I don't think I could have made it through this… through any of this without you. You take care of me when I can't do it myself."

I moved to wrap my arm around my middle, the memories of Edward's last words echoing though me. _Take care of yourself._ It seemed so trivial, so flippant now. His words suddenly seemed as inconsequential as my love had apparently been to him.

Jake untucked his arm from behind his head, lowering it until it was next to mine, stopping me form curling inwards. "Don't Bells. Forget him." Jake always knew. "Just look up, to the infinite stars with infinite possibilities and let the spirits up there guide you instead."

* * *

His hand was warm and dry as he took mine.

There was no prickles of heat as our skin touched. Just the gentle warmth and comfort of my best friend. I let his care and patience cover over the raw wound in my chest.

The stars were twinkling, shimmering in the still night air as I searched out the patterns. I felt a blanket of security drape over me as I imagined Jake's spirit warriors up there in the great expanse watching out for me too.

I sighed for the third time that night, this time in relaxation. I let myself take satisfaction in the way just his hand in mine could bring me such simple peace.

"Night Jake."

He paused, giving my hand a soft squeeze. "Goodnight Bells."

* * *

.

We lay like that, side by side, hand in hand, staring up at the stars until I heard his breath's deepen. He let out a slow exhale and his grip on my fingers relaxed.

I turned, looking at his sleeping face in the darkness. The lines of his thick, dark brows were soft. Gone were the few little lines of burden that had developed since he'd joined the pack. His eyelashes lay against his tanned skin, I'd never realized how long they were before. But it wasn't feminine. Jake could never look feminine. His jaw was too square and strong. He was beautiful. It was a different beauty to Edward's. Edward's beauty was otherworldly. Unreal. Jake's beauty was natural, it was wholesome and earthy. He was real.

I fell asleep to the rhythm to Jake's steady breaths, his warmth radiating down the length of my body.

* * *

...

* * *

The morning brought a gray muted dawn, the dampened rays of sunlight forcing their way through the threatening clouds. I could feel the wind blowing around us but somehow I was still warm. I was tucked up against Jake. He had me pulled into his arms.

I was resting my head on his bicep and his clean, soapy, scent filled my head. His body was pressed against my back and it was then that I realized that his other hand… well, it was cupping my right breast. His hand wasn't moving, he wasn't groping or fondling me. His hand had just found it's way there in his sleep.

It was warm and heavy.

And nice.

No one had ever touched me _there_. Either awake or asleep. Not even Edward— at least I hoped he'd never touched me in my sleep as he'd sat and watch me night after night.

But Jake was. He was touching me. His entire arm was draped over me. His elbow was by my bellybutton as his hand stretched up my middle. His arm was the perfect length so that his hand lined up with my small swelling.

His fingers were curved in a perfect cup over my tank top. His hand was relaxed and still, but I knew if he moved even an inch, his thumb and finger would pinch around my nipple. The idea had my heart thudding out a little harder. A sensation of hopeful expectation flooded through me. I pressed myself back into him, his heat and hardness permeated though me.

Jake made a deep, sighing breath. His warm breath blew over the side of my hairline, the little, stray hairs tickled my cheek as they fluttered. I wondered for a moment what his breath would feel like over other parts of my skin. Over my lips. Trailing down my throat. I guessed it would be much warmer than Edward's breath had been. Edward.

Guilt and confusion flooded through me as I realized how traitorous I was being.

I had let my imagination take me way over the line I had placed between Jake and me.

I loved Edward. He was my everything and my eternity. Even dumped and abandoned, I still loved him… Didn't I?

I shut my eyes tight, willing the tears back.

I didn't know anything anymore.

* * *

That wasn't strictly true. I _did_ know, at least, that I didn't want Jake waking up with his hand on my boob. _That_ , I was sure of. I didn't want to start the day by opening another can of awkward, sexually tense worms. At least not today.

I stilled, holding my breath so as to not wake him. I rolled as gently as I could on to my stomach. My face pressed into the softness of my pillow, my chest and stomach were now squished between my bed roll and Jake's heavy arm which was now draped diagonally across my back. His warm palm pressed between my shoulder blades.

I lay there, feeling the comforting warm weight of his arm.

With my cheek pressed to the pillow, I stared at the side of the truck, to the empty water bottle still sitting in the corner from where Jake has so skillful tossed it last night trying to calm me down and cheer me up.

He'd drunk from that water bottle because he was thirsty. Jake drank water to quench his thirst. Edward drank blood. Edward had wanted to drink… me.

I listened to his rhythmic breath. To the passive inhale, the pause and the long, relaxed exhale. Edward's breathing was never that natural. It had been unnecessary. A facade to his humanity. So much had been a facade to trick the stupid human girl. And I'd fallen for the trick; hook, line and sinker.

The water bottle was blurring with unshed tears as Jake's earthy scent permeated my mind. The memory of Edward's sweet, floral scent was obscured and overridden by the forest and by the wolf holding me in his sleep.

I'd woken up in Jacob's arms and I liked it. I wanted it to happen again. I wanted to redefine was we were.

I wanted a new 'us'.

And it scared the hell out of me.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you Egratia, for your awesome Beta skills. Thank you readers for reading my story. Thank you reviewer for reviewing. I've chosen not to respond to the Guest reviewer who hurt my feelings with their callous remarks. All I will say (if you're still reading even) that you didn't offend me, but you did empty my bucket.**

 **Happy Easter. Hope you all have a safe and happy weekend.**

 **I hope you've enjoyed reading what I've got to offer. Thank you for reading.**

 **Marina.**


	6. Chapter 6 - Friends Without Benifits

**AN: Lucky girls and boys, you get an early chapter this week. And I'll post another before the weekend's up too.**

* * *

 _ **Previously...** I was resting my head on his bicep and his clean, soapy, scent filled my head. His body was pressed against my back and it was then that I realized that his other hand… well, it was cupping my right breast..._

 **Chapter 6 – Friends without benefits.**

It had been a weird morning for me. I mean, his hand on my boob had started it all. The Lovely Asleep Mammary Explorations, or LAME as I had decided to code name it to myself, had started the weirdness. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do about it… me actually liking his warm hand there, that is. I couldn't make heads or tails of my thoughts, my nerves were a mess. When I added the residual depression of being abandoned by Edward to the looming threat of Victoria, coupled with my new found pricking skin was now being from Jake's wild eyes, I was a mess. It was all of it, but mostly, I kept replaying the feeling of Jacob's hands on me. Even if it had been in our sleep.

I don't know why I'd been so careful rolling my boobs out of his hot, huge hands. It turns out that Jake is an extremely sound sleeper. After I'd come to the conclusion that I did, in fact… kind of… a little bit… _like_ Jake's hands on me, I'd lay awake for a good ten minutes panicking over what the heck I was going to do about it. Even after the confession to myself, I was still battling with my inner conflicts.

There was still so much of myself that I still had bequeathed to Edward. It was almost second nature to thinking of him when thinking about hands and lips and bodies. Almost. It was strange even contemplating a relationship with someone other than Edward. Not that that was what I was doing. I was only admitting to liking the physicality of Jacobs's hands, his warmth, and all-round masculinity. That was all it was, physical attrition. No thought of the L word. Just the enjoyment of the LAME.

I was refusing to admit to myself that if you add, physical attraction, to _male_ best friend then that _male_ becomes a _boy_ and it equals _boyfriend_ , which generally leads to the L word.

I loved Edward. There wasn't any room in my tattered heart for anyone else. Even if Jake's hand _did_ feel exceptionally warm and secure across my back and my skin was covered in a fine prickle of goose bumps… the good kind.

* * *

Eventually, with the call of my bladder forcing my hand, I slid out of my bed and off the truck. I'd managed to bang my knee on the tailgate, walk all the way to the bathroom and back, eat a cold pop-tart, and boil the water for a coffee. All the while Jake was still lightly snoring under the covers. It wasn't until I opened the second-hand cooler we'd scored in Corvallis and let the scent of the half eaten rotisserie chicken from yesterday escape that the beast awoke.

I did my best all morning to avoid any real conversation. I wanted to know if he was aware of the second base he'd stolen last night, but I was too chicken to ask. A part of me had started to wonder if he'd did it on purpose in the middle of the night when he'd been woken up or something, and then just fallen asleep in that position. But I didn't think that seemed like Jake's MO. I figured he'd be the kind of guy who'd ask first. Or at least have the confidence to try second base when the girl was at least awake.

I still didn't want to admit what a physical attraction to my best friend meant, but what I did know was that suddenly, like a crazy person, I was mesmerized by his hands. I couldn't stop watching as he did things. The way he gripped his spoon as he shoveled Fruit Loops down his throat. The way he combed his fingers though his short, glossy hair. The way his hands ran lovingly over the hood of my truck after he'd checked the oil for the last time.

I found myself following him like a little puppy all morning too. He just assumed I was still scared, which I was—I was terrified still of Victoria finding us, but that wasn't why I was following him around the camp site. I realized after the third time I caught myself staring at the way the muscles in his back moved as he leaned under the hood, that I was following him so that I could look at him. I was staring after one LAME which, for the record, I was still too chicken to explore any further. And Jake, apart from noticing my weird stalkerish behavior, was acting completely normal. Yeah, I was pretty sure he was totally unaware he'd felt me up.

But I wasn't. I was acutely aware. I don't think I'd been this aware of _anything_ in months. I don't think I even used to watch Edward this much. It was always him who had watched me.

It was like I'd been living under an oppressive, looming cloud for months and finally, now that the fog had lifted, it was all hitting me at once. I suppose that I had been living under a cloud.

A giant, stormy, cumulonimbus kind of cloud. One that was dark and menacing. One so powerful you couldn't see the beauty of the blue sky beyond.

Now, away for the stormy clouds and bitter memories of Forks, I _could_ see the blue sky. The gray cloud and the cold-front that it had created were still over there on the horizon, but when I looked up, I could finally see blue skies. And the fresh, fluffy, white clouds kept taking the shape of a wolf. I kept trying to convince myself to see the diamond shimmering in the sunshine. But my eyes keeps roving back to the warmth of my own person sun.

That sunshine gave the tree the kick it needed to shoot our new roots; strong and steadfast.

The tree was beginning to thrive.

* * *

.

* * *

We packed up camp early and drove straight through the meat of Oregon, only stopping for food and gas. In that order of priority.

Sometime just before lunch, we got a text message from Jake's friend Embry.

*WU (_o_)? YR HS's worth a mint- 3G. JC and me are taking thm to a anon in Seat. We'r rng bak to LP 2 see if the V's are NE 2. W B acct#? NE I&I yet? It's a HPOA. ^5 IUH*

"What the hell is this crap?" I said, staring at my screen.

It occurred to me that maybe I should, as an eighteen year old in the twenty-first century, understand text-speak. But I didn't. LOL's and CUL8R's weren't big on Edward or Alice's modes of communication.

I'd let a lot of their way of doing things dictate how I lived my life, including how I communicated. Which was with hand written letters, like an eighty year old. They were frozen in time, merely mimicking the way modern humans interacted and I had let myself become frozen too. I'd become paralyzed in the state I'd been in the moment he left me.

That needed to change. I needed to plug back in. Shame I worked this out the same week we decided to go off the grid.

"What's a HPOA?"

Jake took the phone. I swear I could see his cheeks coloring under his tan.

"Um... Ahh…. It's just Emb being a dork." But his stammering and general lack of eye contact, I somehow doubted that was all it was, and I was ninety-nine percent sure he wasn't going to translate the message in its uncensored version for me. I forgot sometimes that Jake was just a normal teenage guy. And guys talk to their buddies about _guy_ things. I know I didn't have any brothers, but I'd hung around guys at school, I wasn't naive enough to no be able to guess what topics they might be talking about. Did _I_ feature in their guy-chats? I wasn't sure if I wanted them to talk about me or not. Depended on what a _HPOA_ was I suppose. Even then…

Jake pulled to the side of the road. Killing the engine as he scrolled through the message. He took a few seconds to read the jumble of alphabet and numbers.

He chuckled a little to himself, clearing his throat before translating for me.

"He says he's managed to find a buyer for our bikes. Three thousand. Jarred and him are going to deliver them to an anonymous buyer in Seattle then run home as wolves. They want to scent out the more north-eastern area of our little pocket of supernatural land on the way. Oh," he added, locking the screen, "and they needed your account details to transfer the money."

Then without further discussion, he started the car back up and nailed it back on to the highway. His hands were gripping the wheel as his fists pulsed around the ring. I decided I probably should be glad I was getting the censored version. I'd google it later.

I didn't have the time to dwell on it though… we now had another three grand to play with.

* * *

We were stopped at a rest stop on the outskirts of a little town called Benson. It was dry, sparse and a little desolate. Such a far cry from the winding cutouts of mountains we'd driven through for half the morning.

Jake was on to his third chicken and salad roll, I was barely though my one when I broke our consuming silence. "I was thinking we could get a normal car and just stay in cheap hotels now that we have this extra money coming in."

Jake eyed me, taking a long swig of his soda. "I don't think that a great idea Bells. As great as three grand is, it's not going to get us far in hotels, even cheap ones. A week or two, tops."

He put down his can, his fingers playing with the tab, flipping it back and forth until it came off in his fingers. He looked up at me, shame shadowing his eyes, "besides, I don't want you staying in those kind of dives. You deserve the Plaza or The Four Seasons, Bella. Not some seedy and sleazy hole because it's cheap and I can't afford to get us somewhere good." I could hear the self-loathing in his voice. I hated hearing that tone in him. "I really think we should just stick with this original plan and keep the money for other stuff like food and gas."

I was quiet for a bit. I hadn't considered how demoralizing it might be for him to not being able to help pay for anything. At least now, with the sale of the bikes he fixed, we were just about even fiscally. I wanted to make a point of giving him some power in our choices. God knows he'd had enough choices taken away from him lately. I wasn't about to be another person on that list; even if it meant trading in my classic old girl for an ugly, brown mini-van.

"Okay Jake. We'll keep camping, but the only thing I'm insisting on is a thicker mattress." I stood, pressing my hand into my hip as I arched my back, stretching and twisting. "Those bed rolls just aren't gunna cut it."

* * *

…

* * *

"Left or right Bella? Quick!" He was shouting, panicking me as we hurtled down the off ramp towards Boise. We'd crossed over into Idaho a little under an hour ago and it's wasn't until _now_ that he tells me he's not sure where the car dealership is.

"I don't know!"

"Can you at least tell me which way the university is? I the lady on the phone said it's near there."

"I can't. I swear, Jake." I gave my phone a little shake. As if jiggling technology somehow makes it work faster. "The stupid circle is still going around."

"Well then just tell me," he said, a little more softly and without the stress in his voice. "Left or right? Your car. Your choice."

He moved into the middle lane, stopping at the red light he looked over at me, his eyes gentler still as he looked at me. "It's your choice."

I refused to acknowledge the potential double meaning in his statement.

I sucked in a deep breath, looking up and down the innocuous service road, neither directions offered any kind of clue as to which way to go. "Left."

* * *

Of course right had been to way to the dealership. We'd found it though… eventually.

I had been thoroughly impressed with Jake's negotiating skills. I don't know if it's the confidence of the wolf, or just how he is, but he managed to barter the salesman down to a straight swap. My Chevy for the Aerostar.

And that is how we found ourselves on a Monday afternoon, parked in the back corner of a Boise Walmart, stuffing the mattress we'd just bought in to the rear of our new ugly van. Yes. Jake and I had bought a bed together. And a whole lot more.

With the cash we'd saved on the car and the money coming in from the bikes, I finally felt confident enough to start buying a few more things to make life a little more comfortable. Like a table. And some chairs. And a really good cooler, one that would actually keep our food cold for more than a few hours and fit everything thing we'd bought. I felt like we'd bought enough food to feed a family of six for a week. But after watching Jake's eating habits over the last few days, I knew we'd be grocery shopping again by Wednesday.

It was only early afternoon, but I could already see Jake starting to show some of the antsy signs he'd shown yesterday. The wolf wanted out.

"Let's go find somewhere to camp tonight Jake, and you can go for a run while I fix dinner."

Jake looked up from the family size box of cheez-it's he was inhaling. "Is it that obvious, huh?"

I nodded, letting out a chucked breath, "I think the lady at the checkout thought you were on meth or something, the way you're twitching and scratching."

He chucked, licking the cheesy salt off his fingers. It was distracting. "Meth," he scoffed. "If only, hey?"

I didn't answer him. My eyes were glued to his fingers as they held the cardboard box… And as he licked each one clean… They were strong and sure… and big. Jake really did have _huge_ hands. He made the box look like the miniature play ones I remember having a kid when I played shop. Everything about Jake was huge now, he dwarfed everything. I imagined his hands could wrap around my waist easily. A girl would feel really safe and petite in those strong arms and huge hands.

I realized then that I was staring… again. I cleared my throat, blinking away the mental images forming in my mind. "Yeah, if only she knew."

Jake narrowed his eyes at me, cocking his head as he looked me over. I think he was trying to decide of I was crazy or maybe if I was about to pass out or something. I saw the moment his eyes zeroed in on the way I was staring at his hands. I jerked my eyes away, over to a car reversing out a spot a little over from us, but it was too late. He'd seen.

I felt the flush begin to burn at my cheeks. How humiliating to be caught staring like a tween at the hot man with the huge hands.

"Sorry Bells, you want some?" His arm offered out the almost empty box of Cheez-its. Maybe he hadn't caught me.

Thankful for small mercies and his assumption, I took the box and picked a small handful of the dregs of crackers. "You're a pig, you know that?" I laughed, showing him the small palm-full of broken and crushed crackers I'd managed to scoop off the bottom. My laugh was forced and sounded completely fake to my ears, but Jake was happy to take it at its face value. He laughed, snatching the box back before tipping the last of the crumbs and salt into this mouth.

"Wrong animal family Bells, I run with the tribe _Canine_." He smirked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Okay, okay, so I'll make sure to compare you with a poodle next time."

"I think I'd rather it be an Alaskan malamute."

I smiled, forgetting my weirdness for the moment. "Alright, for now on, you're a Labrador."

I loved this. Just us, being us, forgetting all the crap. We laughed together for a minute before piling into the van, and heading to a local campground that backed up to the river.

We managed to get another good, secluded spot at the RV Park. Jake helped me to set up a few things before the call of the wild got too much for him.

"Just go," I said pushing him towards the cover of the river. He stepped back, letting me push him. I knew that if he hadn't want to be shifted I would have had more luck pushing a brick wall.

My fingers lingered on his muscles as my palm pressed flush against his pecs. His chest was as hard as a concrete. Molded and compact. Hot. Oh god.

"Okay, okay, I'm going," he placated with a smile. Then he stopped and I suddenly _was_ pushing an unmoving brick wall. He wrapped me briefly into a hug. "I won't be gone long. You sure you'll be all right?" his voice mumbled into my hair.

I nodded, my forehead pressed against his bicep. His massive bicep. I felt my heart accelerate as I inhaled the musky scent of him.

His arms let me go and he held me by the shoulders at arms lengths. He lowered his head, making sure to look me clear in the eye. "You sure you'll be okay? No freaking out? Trust me, I'd have smelt a vamp. And there's none around here."

He really had no clue the effect he was having on me. I was grateful for that, but I was in so much trouble.

I nodded again. "Yeah, I know. I trust you Jake. Just go," I said, pressing, again, my hand against his chest. His hot, hard chest. _So_ much trouble. "Then you can come back."

* * *

My fingers were still tinging long after he'd turned and run off. My mind was playing, over and over again, the sight of his muscular back as he took off his shirt while running toward to river at a fast trot. I saw, just before he disappeared through the trees, the way the afternoon sun had shadowed his shoulders, highlighting the thick valley of muscle running along his spine.

I was still refusing to admit to myself that when I added this newly recognized physical attraction, to Jake— who was without doubt my best friend and soul mate of sorts, then that new combination might start to less resemble _best_ friend and look a lot more like _boy_ friend. Or at least lead to things girls do with their boyfriends. I felt a little shiver run over my skin at the thought.

Jake and I weren't there yet. I still wasn't sure if I was ever really going to be ready to be there... doing those kinds of things... with Jake. Every time I started to appreciate the closeness of Jacob's warm skin next to mine, his heat instead would remind me of Edward's burning cold touch. I hated that I still felt some kind of sick sense of loyalty to Edward. Maybe _I_ was sick. I was troubled… That much I knew.

I slumped back on the edge of the tailgate ready to wait out Jake's routine evening absence. I threw myself back, using the duffle bag that was tossed in the corner as a pillow. I dug my hand in from behind, pulling out the sharp corner digging into my neck. I needed something to take my mind off all my mixed emotions.

I pulled out the old paperback copy of _The Story of a County Town_ , that my Lit class teacher, Mrs. Richey, had had lent me for spring break. Until now, I'd forgotten I'd thrown it in the bag as I'd rushed to pack that night Jake and I had fled on our little impromptu road trip. I held it to my face, it smelt like a library— musty and grassy— the corners of the book were smooth and dog-eared, the spine was creased from being read, over and over, again. It was perfect in its imperfections. It had lived a life in the hands of its readers.

I flicked to the back, reading the biography on the author. E.W. Howe, for the most part, was a long forgotten author. He was older than Edward. He was only a few years younger than Jasper. But his works were still good, and many of his ideas were still valid. I skimmed through the bio, resting the book on my lap as I rubbed my hands together. I could still feel the warmth that touching Jake left behind on my fingers. I smiled to myself as I read one of Howe's quotes. Written in the classic serif typeface of yesteryear, it was still ringing true with how I was feeling now.

"The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship."

No, shit, Edgar Watson Howe. Love and friendship… I had both.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**

 **If anyone really cares... and can't speak "txt talk", Embry's message:**

WU (_o_)? YR HS's worth a mint- 3G. JC and me are taking thm to a anon in Seat. We'r rng bak to LP 2 see if the V's are NE 2. W B acct#? NE I&I yet? It's a HPOA. ^5 IUH

 **Translates to...**

"What's up asshole. Your Harley sprinter's worth a mint. $3000. Jarred Cameron and me are taking them to an anonymous person in Seattle. We're running back to La Push to see if there are any vampires Northeast too. What's Bella's account number? Any inebriation and intercourse yet? It's a hot piece of ass. High five if you have."

 **... I've made our unassuming, quiet Embry a dirty SoB :-D**

 **Let me know your thoughts.**


	7. Chapter 7- Warm Nights in Yellowstone

**Chapter 7- Warm nights in Yellowstone**.

Over three days, we drove across Idaho with the plan to travel right up through the middle of Yellow Stone.

Jake had called his father while we'd been stopped for lunch in Idaho Falls.

Billy was as well as could be. There was no news from the pack that Jake hadn't already heard each night that he phased to go on his _doggy walk_. Victoria was still playing the cat and mouse game with the pack. They were all pretty sure she'd figured that I was no longer staying in my house in Forks. Now she was trying to get into the scented boundary line of La Push, convinced I was hiding there. It agitated Jake to be away from the fray, but it would have _killed_ him to have me in harm's way, or worse.

I could see that now.

He loved me.

Billy had mentioned that Rachel was apparently coming home after she graduated in a few months. That was new. I'd seen the happiness and hopefulness in Jake's eyes as we'd both listened in on speaker phone. He didn't say it, but Jake worried about his absence from his father's life as we'd traveled... fled… hid.

"Oh goodness, son. I'm not a cripple," he'd laughed.

"Dad."

"Okay, so maybe technically I am. But I'm not useless. And anyway, that's what Charlie's for. He's my slave."

We'd heard the laughter from my dad in the background as he had entered the room to the tail end of Billy and Jake's conversation.

I'd spoken to my father then. It was the same kind of short, slightly awkward conversation we were used to. He was well. I was well. That made him happy. I promised to email Renee. He wasn't too happy about us still being AWOL, but he was accepting enough. I was eighteen, after all.

I was glad dad could share his time with Billy, though. The two men could seek the companionship of a timeworn friendship while their children were away… had abandoned them.

Sometimes it felt like that… that I'd abandoned my responsibilities. I felt a little pinch of guilt. I'd left my father, and Jake had left his. He'd left his brothers to fight a battle that was essentially mine. But we were doing the best we could, and so far, it was working.

Charlie had taken it upon himself to step up to help Billy in Jake's absence. He was taking little things like fresh food, and good company to the Black's little red cottage every other day. And, from the sound of the raucous laughter coming down the line, Charlie was also the fine purveyor of crafted beer, lots of it.

After a little more light-hearted chatter and the feeling of family and comfort puling us back to the kitchen of the little red cottage, we all said good bye. They still had no idea where we were. They didn't ask and we didn't offer. After all that I'd done to him, Charlie still trusted me to know my own self and my own heart. He knew, just from the smile in my voice, that this impromptu trip Jake and I had embarked on was good for me.

Regardless of just how healing our getaway has proving, I still felt a weight press down on me. as I listened to his voice across the line, I realised just how much I'd missed my father. I hoped I wasn't leaving him vulnerable against the slaughterer hell bent on revenge- in _any_ fashion.

After another good bye and a promise to be safe, I pressed the little red button, hanging up on our dad's.

It was just the two of us again.

Jake and Bells...

...Sitting on the banks of the Snake River, watching the rapids as the water cascaded over the rocks.

I stuffed the cell in my jacket pocket and scooted off the park bench. Carefully, I picked my way down onto the rocks lining the river edge.

The water drowned out all the surrounding noise. The city and all its distractions were muted for the moment. I felt the occasional droplet of water as it splashed up from beneath, it hit my ankle where my pants had ridden up, and another on my knuckle as i pressed it to the solid ground. the water was chilly and contrasting to the heat I could feel blistering off the man who'd come to sit next to me, his hand only half an inch from the one cooled by the spray.

With legs dangling over the side of the embankment, I stared into the frothing turbulence. The water crashed down like a flat, wet curtain until it hit the rocks beneath and foamed up in maelstrom of bubbles and waves.

It felt a little like my life.

Would I ever be through the rapids?

I just wanted, warm, calm water for once. I wanted _safe_.

I sucked in a breath as all the collection of worry slithered up my spine and ate at my soul. A tear glistened at the corner of my eye. I wiped at it discreetly with a single, cool finger.

Jake saw anyway.

He leaned over puling me into his side. I let him hold me. The heat radiating off him warmed my body and soul.

"S'okay, Bells. We'll get through this together. I'm never gunna leave you. Remember that."

I nodded, tucking my face into his chest. Jacob had a way of making me feel everything was going to be okay, just from his touch and his kind heart.

After a while he stood up and held out his hand to hoist me to my feet. "Come on. Let's get going. I want to get to Yellow stone before night fall."

* * *

-oO*Oo-

* * *

We woke the next morning, bright and early, to a light dusting of snow on the ground outside. Jake was already packed, eager to get out on our hike in search for the native Yellowstone wolf packs as I'd cooked us a big breakfast of ham and eggs to sustain us for the day.

"I'm loving this new frying pan Jake, the non-stick is so good!"

He chuckled, looking up from the dinner plate he was drying, "Do you have any idea how lame you sound being so excited about Teflon?"

I put the pan on the table as I shrugged. "What? Normally eggs stick really badly to the pan."

The old frying pan I'd brought from my dad's camping stash from home was old and scratched and everything we cooked had stuck to it. I'd threatened to just throw it in the trash a few times, burnt food and all. I'd even succumbed to hacking at it with a fork a few nights back as I'd tried to scrub the honey-soy marinade off. Jake had had to pry my hands off the handle, telling me to 'step away from the pan', like a hostage negotiator would. He'd surprised me yesterday, after we'd stopped in Idaho Falls, with a new sparkling, very _non_ -stick pan. It was both a completely weird, and yet, somehow, a completely sweet gesture.

Jacob picked up the wet pan, wiping the dish towel over the base. "Well, I'm glad you like it," he said as his lips curled up in to a soft grin. "I wanted to get you something nicer." Our eyes met over the little card table I'd started to use as a wash stand.

He shrugged, his shoulder raising up to his ear. "I was gunna get you flowers or something, but then I thought, we don't have a vase, and they'd be no use. We don't have many luxuries out here," he said, his eyes scanning over the wilderness just yards from the campgrounds. The scenery was beautiful, but it was a cold morning outdoors and without any kind of heating, apart from the supernatural kind.

My hands were freezing after being wet from the washing water. I rubbed them together, blowing a warm breath on my skin.

"But the least you deserve is a fry pan that works properly. Here," he said, putting the now dry pan down and stepping closer to me. He wrapped both his huge hands around my fists. The heat of his skin immediately warmed my fingers. I felt the small prickle of blood in my hands as the circulation seeped back into my peripheries. And the small prickle of heat as our skin touched.

Just standing close to Jake I could feel his warmth radiating off him. I lent my head down, leaning my forehead against his chest. He smelt like me— like the body wash we shared. I'd bought a more gender neutral wash last time we'd been to the store, it was citrusy. But underneath the soap was him; his natural, earthy musk.

I let myself lean into him, my shoulders melting against his solid chest, our hands— mine wrapped tightly in his— between us.

We'd slept close to each other last than ever before. The temperature had dropped below freezing overnight in this pocket by the gully creek. I'd needed Jake's warmth to keep the shivering at bay. I'd enjoyed sleeping in his arms a little more than I thought I should.

"You're freezing again Bells," he worried, releasing my hands and wrapping his arms around me.

We were quiet for a few moments. His hands wound slow soft circles around my back as I pressed my hands into his chest. The steady thump of his heart under my palm was soothing.

"Bells," he whispered, pressing his cheek to the top of my head.

"Mmh?" I answered absently, still enjoying the heat surrounding me.

"I want to ask you something." He paused for a moment, the sound of his lips as he licked them cut thought the silent and frosty morning. "How long are you gunna wait for him?"

That got my attention. I lifted my head, pulling out of his embrace.

He continued before I had a chance to respond. "Don't go caving in on yourself," he said. His hand gripped my wrist where it was starting to automatically wind against the whole in my middle. "It's just… last night," his eyes held a concern for me that I hadn't seen in him for weeks.

"What last night?" I asked, pulling my arm from his grip.

"You were talking… a lot."

I felt my cheeks blaze. "What did I talk about?"

"Your dad. Victoria. Edward. Me," he listed, "and that you'll wait a lifetime." He took my wrists again, this time much gentler. "A lifetime Bells. I don't want you to waste your life waiting. There's a life to be lived here, right now. You know?"

"Yeah," I whispered, "I know. It's just,.. it's hard."

He let go of my wrist, lifting his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "He really did a number on you, didn't he?"

I don't answer him. For some sick reason, I still felt like it would be a betrayal to talk about Edward in a negative way. Especially to Jacob.

"And yet you still love him," he said. There was a resigned sadness to his tone.

I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. "I don't know any more Jake. I don't know if I still love him and miss him. Or if I just miss the _memory_ of him, and the way he used to make me feel. It's a heady feeling to have someone so perfect and beautiful love you."

"Explain it to me Bella," he said, stepping back to give me some space. "I don't understand how you could, having known what he was… you knew exactly what he craved from you and yet you still fell into his arms?" He turned, stuffing a water bottle and a hand full of snacks in our back pack and zipped it up roughly.

"I didn't care, Jake. I wasn't afraid of him. And I suppose I was too dazzled by his perfection to realize that I should have been. My instincts never once told me to run."

He sighed, his shoulders dropped for a moment before he squared them and threw the backpack on.

"That's the second time you've said that."

"What?"

"That he was perfect."

"He was."

"No one's perfect Bells."

"He was to me."

"Tell me then," he said as he tossed my woolen hat at me and held his hand out. I pulled my hat on, and placed my hand in his as he led us towards the walking trail. "Tell me why. Help me understand why you can't let him go."

* * *

For the better part of five hours I talked about Edward. About the Cullen's. Each one of them and the friendships and family-like ties I'd made with them all. And how they'd all left, without so much as a good bye or a slap in the face. Nothing.

I shared with Jake the overwhelming and unstoppable feelings I'd had for Edward right from the beginning.

He'd admitted that even before he'd phased, Edward had looked 'not-quite-right' to Jake. Too perfect, too angular… not human.

He shared with me Sam's memories of that night he found me in the forest.

I shared with him my memories of how I'd ended up there. The heart break, the inadequacy, the helplessness and the despair.

He told me what he thought about that. It wasn't pretty. And a part of me was beginning to realize just how callous Edward's break up had been. After all, he knew he wasn't the most dangerous thing in the forest. He'd told me as much himself.

I realized that morning, as we slowly made our way though the hills of Yellowstone, that I'd spent the better half of my junior year felling guilty for having pulse and blood through my veins. I'd felt apologetic for having a sense of independence and a mind of my own. I'd lost a part of myself in Edwards's love—if he'd even loved me at all.

As we hiked, Jake encouraged me through the mountain trails in search of the wolf packs. I lost track of the amount of times I tripped, but each time, he was there, a soft warm hand at my arm helping and supporting, encouraging me to get back up—to dust myself off and keep on trekking. Figuratively and literally. The contrast between hiking with Jake and simply walking with Edward was becoming more and more evident. But I still wasn't ready to let go of Edward.

There were moments when as we hiked, Jake'd catch me as I fell and I'd find myself letting my hand linger a little longer than I should on his chest. Sometimes I'd be surprised by the heat, I expected cold hands to lift me up. Yet other times, his heat would surround me and my fingers would gently press into the softness and find the resistance in his solid muscle beneath. His hands could wrap a little more around my hip. Then as fast as I'd tripped, I'd remember… Edward... and I'd pull back.

A few times I saw Jacob eyeing me with the wildness I'd come to secretly relish. And there were other times that he's just chuckle at my clumsiness like a little brother, seemingly unaffected by my lingering hand and press-on in front, knowing that I'd catch-up to him eventually.

It was mid-afternoon before we made it back to camp. I was exhausted and my feet were killing me. And to top it off, we'd never caught sight of any wolves.

Jacob decided later that evening, after dinner, to go out on four paws to search out the introduced packs by the light of the moon.

"You do see the cliché absurdity of searching for wolves while in werewolf form, while there is a full moon out?"

"There is nothing cliché about it, I can phase whenever I want, it has nothing to do with the moon. And we prefer the term shapeshifter, thank you very much." He smiled, crawling up the back of the van as snatching the bag of Doritos I was munching on.

I was picking up his bad habits.

* * *

"I shouldn't be more than an hour or two," he said as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, the lines of muscle between his ribs shifted and bunched. I felt my heart thud as I thought about what it might be like to touch all the little muscles that played along his torso.

"I'll be fine."

I knew Jake would scent and hear the footfalls of anything coming for me. My heart still accelerated a little as I contemplated being out here in the wilderness alone with bears, and wolves and Victoria's on the loose.

I felt my mouth dry as he leaned into me, brushing his lips against my cheek before pressing a kiss to my temple.

"You better be."

I closed my eyes as his warm breath skirted over my hairline. His heat surrounded the small cabin on four wheels that we shared each night.

When I opened my eyes, Jake was gone. But his warmth, his scent, and the memory of his touch still lingered.

* * *

.

It was a bag of corn chips and an hour of indecision before Jake came back. I was curled up in my sleeping bag, staring out the side window at the moon when the rear doors opened and Jake jumped up.

"It was so great Bells!" he said, the cool of the outside air blowing in before the radiating heat of Jake warmed the van back up.

"You found a pack?" I asked, sitting up.

He nodded. "A pack of seven. There was a female, and I think some of her grown cubs, I don't know. But she looked at me, and she just stood there and she just tilted her head—you know how dogs do— and then she turned and just trotted off as if she didn't care that I was in her territory. And all the others followed. I followed them for about fifteen miles, just watching from a distance, but then I was getting too far away from you and I decided to come back," he said, panting from his animated speech.

His eyes were glowing with his excitement. It occurred to me then, that wolves were a pack animal. And Jake was alone. He had me. But I wasn't a wolf. It must have been a relief to feel the connection to the animals in the park.

"So, she was friendlier than the wild pack back home?"

He shuffled up the bed, sliding into his sleeping bag. It was mostly unzipped and the hem was folded down. I lay on my side, leaning on my arm as I looked Jake over. He was lying on his back, his arms under his head as he smiled to himself and starring at the ceiling as he relived his adventures. "I wouldn't say they were friendlier, just more tolerant."

The sleeping bag came to just under his chest. I couldn't help but stare at the way the musculature of his chest and arms were sculpted as they curved under his brown skin.

I threw myself back onto my pillow with a thud and untucked my arms out of my sleeping bag and straight by my side. Jake mirrored me, lowing an arm until his hand found mine. "Wish you could have been there too Bells."

"It's okay Jake. Knowing my luck, they would have tried to eat me."

He chuckled, giving my hand a squeeze. "I won't let anything hurt you Bells. Wolf or leech."

He shifted his hand then, sliding it down my palm, separating my fingers until each one of his was intertwined through each one of mine. We fitted easily together like that. "I mean it Bella. I'm never gunna let anyone hurt you. Ever. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, you know."

I could hear the burn in his voice. He didn't mean that as a platonic thing. We weren't talking about physical pain anymore. And I knew which "leech" he was talking about.

But instead of using that moment to admit how I was feeling too, I just whispered, "I know, I'm counting on it."

Side by side we lay in our Aerostar, the declaration of his feelings hanging heavily in the air.

I broke the tension with small talk. "I was thinking we'd head across Wyoming tomorrow, then south to Colorado."

I felt his eyes on me as I ignored his confession. I was suddenly angry at Edward for ruining me and any chance I had a happiness again. Why couldn't I tell Jake how I was feeling? I shut my eyes tight, pressing a single tear away.

Jacob turned. "Hey," he whispered, wiping the moisture off my cheek. "It's okay Bells. I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm gunna be right here," he said his warm fingers traced a soft line down my arm. "By your side."

Jake pulled me into his chest. His arms wrapping around me. I couldn't say the words, but my body could. I melted into him. I felt warm and secure and loved. "I'm just gunna wait for you Bells. I'll wait for you for a lifetime."

"Thank you Jake."

"It's my pleasure sweetheart. Anyway, I like being here; there's no way we'd be doing this" he said, tensing the naked bicep I was using as a pillow, "in La Push."

I giggled against his bare skin, nodding. "Night Jake." I pressed my lips to the underside of his shoulder, just shy of a kiss to his caramel skin.

"Night Bells," he answered, placing a less inhibited kiss to the top of my hair and inhaling.

I listened to his steady relaxed breath and secretly enjoyed the radiating warmth of his skin as we both fell asleep.

The van was growing on me. The pain was fading.

And I was in love with him.

* * *

 **You've** **all been so, _so_ patient for Bella to admit to herself what her true feelings are. Thank you for sticking with me.**

 **I hope this chapter is a clear indicator of where she's headed... Straight into our Jacobs arms. ~Sigh~**

 **I promise, promise, promise that next chapter will finally have some citric action. Even if it is only the lip kind. But it'll escalate _pretty quickly_ in following chaps, let-me-tell-you.**

 **Thank you Egratia, my beta, for fixing all my mistakes. I'm looking forward to hearing about your Yellowstone experience soon ;-D Egratia's got two good human Bella stories on the go right now. One's a Bella/Jake, the other... well, there's been some controversy about who will end up with who. But they're both nearly complete and you should go check them out if you want a good read. "Theory of a wolf man" and "Just the way you are."**

 **But review here first...** **I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.**

 **Namaste. Marina**


	8. Chapter 8 - Slip of the Tongue

**Chapter 8 – Slip of the Tongue**

After Yellowstone yesterday, we traveled north and then east through Wyoming. I'd spoken again with Charlie earlier today, letting him know we were still okay. He was understanding, to a point. I only had three more days left of Spring break and there was no chance we'd be back in Forks for school by Monday. My last term of school was gunna be a write off. Charlie was not happy about it. But he was understanding by the end of our phone call. He understood the danger I was in. and he agreed with us being away from it. But really, I think it was because he could hear the life back in my voice that he was the most understanding. Even without the threat of death, what use was school if I was a zombie still?

Being with Jake had brought me back to life. I _felt_ alive again. I felt a sense of direction— even if we were traveling aimlessly. I felt on-track with Jacob as my traveling companion. Maybe he'd be more than that one day… if I ever worked up the nerve.

Today we stopped in the town of Casper. It was late when we'd arrived, just at twilight. We found campgrounds just in time for Jake's nightly crawling skin and jittering to get too bad. He left the camp site with little more than a "See ya in a bit, Bells," a quick hug—that I enjoyed more than I should— and a "Can you make potatoes… please?"

We'd fallen into a comfortable pattern, Jacob and I. He was a good navigator. He was a good friend. It was easy being with Jake. Our moods seemed to match; we laughed at the same things, we both got irate with stupid drivers, and we liked the same music –now that I was listing to it again in the new van. I didn't mind making dinner every night, just like Jake didn't seem to mind helping me wash up afterwards. The familiarity and normalcy of the two of us falling into a routine was helping me forget.

The routine of traveling with Jake helped me forget, for a good few hours at a time, about Victoria and the threat she posed. His natural protectiveness made me feel secure. I knew, in the very depths of my soul, that Jake would move mountains to protect me. I'd honestly never felt safer then wrapped chastely in his arms each night as we fell asleep; even more than in Edward's arms. There was also a part of me that always knew Jake didn't constantly have to fight his own nature to _drink_ me every time we embraced.

I'd admitted to myself that my feelings for Jake ran deeper than just friends. I loved him. But, irrationally, I still loved Edward too. Could someone love two people at the same time? Because _I_ did. I didn't want to. I was angry at Edward for leaving me, I could admit that now. But it didn't stop me from loving him. And that was so unfair to Jake. I didn't think I could let us move forward from our friendship until I was sure that my feelings for Edward were less than my feelings for Jake. I couldn't let Jacob be second best. Because he wasn't. He was the best. He as the best person for me. I knew that; academically.

Each day, by Jacob's side, I _was_ forgetting Edward. Maybe not Edward, per say, but the jagged and torn hole his absence had left in my chest. That hole was healing. I was beginning to forget all the reasons I had allowed myself to become so broken after Edward had abandoned me.

Jake, with his protective arms and unconscious beauty, was mending me.

Jake loved me, I was certain of that. And I was falling in love with him, I was certain of that now, too. Maybe I'd already fallen. But there's more to love than the heart. So much more. And the rest of me still wasn't sure which way to run.

What I wasn't certain of was if I had forgotten Edward enough to truly give Jake and me a running chance.

The road that I knew, the one that keep me true to Edwards's memory was safe, it was _easy_. I'd been down it before. But unlike last year when I'd lay in a meadow of wildflowers, the road was now just to a cold dead heart. It was never going to lead anywhere. It was a dead end to a dead life. It was downhill into the darkness.

The path to my sun though, to Jake, it was up. It was rocky and marred with pot holes that I'd dug myself but it lead to that sunny place with the giant cedar that gave shelter and life and the very air that I breathed. I wanted to go there, I really did. But it was across a stream, bubbling and flowing rapidly, ready to sweep me of my feet. I wanted what was at the end of that path.

What I didn't know was if I had it in me to take the leap.

* * *

-oOo-

I was lost in thought, grilling some of the f resh trout we'd bought earlier at a roadside stand as we'd driven through the Wind River reservation. I knew Jake missed the fresh catches from our dads' long days on the lakes. I liked making him food that he enjoyed.

And just as he'd asked, I'd decided on boiled potatoes too. The soft bubble of water and the sizzle of the oil were somehow merging peacefully with the rustle of the trees and the song birds above as I nudged the fish around my new non-stick pan. The one Jake so thoughtfully bought me.

And then, suddenly, they weren't. The birds had stopped.

There was silence above.

The sizzle seemed louder, highlighted by the sudden quiet. I felt a coolness seep through me. My skin bubbled up with nervous goosebumps as I looked up into the twilight darkened canopy, scanning around the RV Park. I felt my senses sharpen and my heart thumped in my chest as I found myself suddenly on alert.

I felt so human all of a sudden. I couldn't see anything unusual, I couldn't hear anything unusual. I couldn't smell anything either. But the birds knew, and _I_ knew. I _knew_ I was being watched. I felt the bile rise up in my stomach.

She was watching me.

She was waiting.

And my protector, Jake, wasn't here.

I tried to keep concentrating on the frying fish, making sure it didn't start to burn as my hands started to shake. I didn't know what she was waiting for? If she'd found me, just kill me. If she didn't act soon, the terror building me was going to give me a heart attack anyway.

Trying to act casually and like I'd hadn't suspected I had a watcher. I checked my watch; Jake had only been gone fifteen minutes. I mentally sent him a silent plea to come back early. I don't know if he'd developed a sixth sense like the animals around me had when he'd started phasing, but I hoped he'd get a tingle in his spine and come back to the camp on a hunch. I hoped he'd hear my silent call.

Minutes ticked by, the skin of the trout was golden and crispy. I scooped it out on to kitchen towel and covered it with foil.

I turned the burners off, and gently placed the flipper on the table. I closed my eyes and quietly sucked in a long, slow, shuddering breath. I lifted my shoulders, hoping it would give me to courage to face the demon and I pressed my feet firmly to the ground.

"I know you're there," I said quietly, opening my eyes and looking out to the grey darkness. The area was deserted, to anyone walking past I would have looked alone, talking to myself, but I knew I wasn't. I knew she was there somewhere. I knew she'd hear me, I didn't need to yell. I wanted her to show herself so the massacre could just begin. It was worse torture to keep waiting.

Then suddenly, highlighting the darkening sky, I really wasn't alone anymore. There was a flash of white in my periphery as a body fell or maybe it jumped from the thick spread of trees to the north. I screamed, spinning around to properly see my attacker, only to have a second cool body come up behind me. A cold, hard hand covered across my mouth, silencing my cry.

"Come on Bella," he said, his hand loosening over my mouth, "I really thought you would have had a much better scream than that. But it wasn't _too_ bad; I'd suppose I'd give it seven out of ten."

He leaned down, over my shoulder. His cold breath blew against my cheek. "You're not gunna scream if I move my hands, are you?"

I silently shook my head.

My eyes focused then on the beautiful woman walking towards me.

"Please don't faint," she said as the hand around my mouth fell away.

"I won't," I whispered, as intimidated by her statuesque beauty as I had been the first time I'd seen her.

I turned, looking over my shoulder at the burly man behind me. I felt the wave of relief finally wash over me and then I flung my arms around him. "Emmett, oh, Emmett!" I cried as I buried my face against his side. "It's just you guys."

"Hey," he crooned, his hand cautiously patting my back. It was hard and cold like I remembered. It reminded me of Edward, but the hole in my chest didn't open back up at the reminder. It just felt too good to see any one of the Cullen family again. They'd all left me that day Edward had told me I wasn't enough. I missed them all, even Rose.

"Who'd you think it would be?" she asked, her normal frostiness a little warmer than the last time I'd seen her.

I looked at her, cocking my head, confused. "Who else? Um… the homicidal vampire who wants to _eat_ me," I replied, shaking my head. "Didn't Alice send you?"

"Yes, but only to see how you were. She can't see you properly anymore. Her visions of you have been erratic for the past week or so. She went to see Charlie and he said you ran away with your boyfriend in the middle of the night," she replied distractedly. "What do you mean _homicidal_ vampire?"

They were both looking at me expectantly. Concern for my wellbeing was etched across their perfect faces. Where was that concern back in October? And Jake wasn't my boyfriend. He was a just boy… who was my friend.

"I mean Victoria, James' mate. She's been after me for weeks now. But the pack has been holding her off."

"Pack?" Emmett interrupted, looking from me then to Rosalie, "what do you mean by _pack?_ "

I paused, looking back and forth between them. I had forgotten just how beautiful they were. Their features were chiseled to perfection. Their eyes were golden; aurulent and shining in the small lamp I had hanging off the back of the van. Their skin was cold and hard, yet smooth and flawless; like the gods of mythology. Their perfection was both a lure and a warning; nothing natural on this earth was that perfect. That perfection should have been my reason for alarm back when I'd first seen them that day at school. But it hadn't been. I still felt the awe like magnetism of their beauty. I still felt the pull. I still trusted them.

But I knew Jake wouldn't. He wouldn't want the secret of the pack told, especially not to an actual Cold One— _vegetarian_ or not.

"I… it's…" I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I was sure they'd be able to hear my heart as it speed up. I was a terrible liar. I didn't even know how to change the subject to avoid answering him.

Rose let out a whooshing breath, a scoffing, "huh," as her lips lifted into an incredulous smile. "That's it Em, that's the smell. I _knew_ it was the same as the wolves we made the treaty with."

Emmett was nodding; his eyes thinning as he suddenly looked around the campsite on alert. "So the wolf protectors are still protecting. They're a long way from the reservation."

"The pack's not here. Only Jacob is." I gave up on secrecy. It seemed the old legends were true, the family I knew _were_ the same vampires Jacob's ancestors had made the treaty with. It was a startling reminder of just how _old_ the young couple in front of me were. And that they were the good guys, I could trust them, and so should Jake. "The rest of the pack is protecting the tribe while we try and disappear in to obscurity until they catch her."

Emmett laughed at me. "Obscurity? Bella, your scent couldn't be more obvious if you actually left a trail of blood drops every few miles as you drove along."

Rosalie folded her arms, shifting her weight. "Which you kind of did, by the way; on a hiking trail in the Lamar Valley, in Yellowstone." I rubbed the healing graze on my palm as I silently cursed Jake and his fixation with finding the wild wolves. "Bella, I don't think you appreciate just how distinctive and overpowering you scent is. I know you know that to Edward there will never be a more temping scent but to the rest of us you're still pretty good. It's easy for us to hone in on you."

For the first time ever, I felt a surge of caution creak through me at Rose's blatant explanation of how nice I might me to _drink._ Goosebumps pricked across my arms.

.

There was a crazed howl not far from the camp site. It was deeper and more emotive than the alto, wild howls I'd heard at other times. This wasn't a grey wolf of the Wyoming wilderness, this was Jacob.

I didn't know all the different sound's his wolf made, but my instincts told me he was upset; angry or worried. Probably both. Judging on the suddenly alarmed faces of both Emmett and Rosalie, I guessed my instincts were right—for once.

"I think we'd better take off for a minute," Emmet said, taking Rosalie by the hand and backing towards the trees. "It sounds like your mate is out for blood. I'm gunna guess he's in the 'rip the vampire's face off, _then_ ask questions,' kind of mood."

I felt my own blood rise to my cheeks at his assumption. "He's not my _mate._ "

We'd runaway together, we slept side my side in the back of a mini-van, and we knew each other's darkest secrets. I could see how it looked to them; that I'd forgotten about their brother. But I hadn't... not completely. I'd just come to appreciate Jake's beauty, inside and out. I'd started to let myself start to live my life again. I been hauled out of my grief by Jake. "He's just my friend."

Rose arched a perfectly angled brown, looking back her shoulder at me before they both disappeared in a supernatural flash. "You sure about that?"

Jake, my friend who was also a boy. He wasn't my boyfriend, at least not yet. And he certainly wasn't my mate. Was he?

No… I thought to myself in silent answer to Rose's questioning. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure at all. I didn't know what Jake was to me. I didn't even know what he had the potential to be. Not that I was ever going to work up the nerve to find out.

I was so good a lying to myself. In _so_ many ways.

.

As I stood in the campsite, alone once again, I heard a much closer howl followed by a roaring snarl. It was so loud it vibrated my teeth as it echoed off the river. I heard a hurried splash in the water followed immediately by a rustle in the bushes on the bank.

Jake's hard, shaking body, scooped me up. I suddenly found myself carried up, and inside the cabin of our van.

He held me against his chest, his ribs were pulling with each of his heaving breaths. Each of his muscles were taught and tremoring with his tightly bound rage. "Bella," he puffed, looking out the rear window, scanning the area for the vampires that he'd sensed. "I need you to stay in here. There's a vampire out there, I think two." He shifted me on to his lap, holding me like a little child as he leaned forward, narrowing his eyes into the darkness beyond.

I looked up at him, along the thick corded line of his neck. I could see the pulse in his carotid throbbing in tension as he looked out in search for where his natural enemy was hiding. I looked up at the underside of his jaw; it was strong and square. I could see the muscles in his jaw working. His teeth were grinding together as he continued to search. He seemed conflicted. Conflicted between staying with me to keep me safe and the urge to hunt down his perceived enemy.

I leaned into him, my cheek and nose pressed against his bare chest. He smelt good. The loamy muskiness of his wolfy scent was still floating off him so soon after a phase. In the quiet of the intermountain west evening all I could hear was his heart beating under my cheek and his forced, panting breaths; the soft quaver of inhale between his teeth and the husky, more controlled exhale before he paused. Between each breath his diaphragm would still for a moment against my arm.

It was the hottest thing I'd ever heard, smelled, felt, or seen.

I pushed my burgeoning attraction down. This was most defiantly not the time to be side tracked. Jake looked like he was out for blood. He was honing in on the wrong scent.

"It's okay Jake." I lifted my hand, softly brushing my fingers over the line of his jaw. "It's the Cullen's."

His face shot down to me, his grip around my shoulders and waist loosened slightly. Then I saw the connection he made to that surname— his competition. His palm slid from my waist, down to my hip as his fingers made a desperate clasp for me. I could see it in his eyes. He thought he was about to lose me; not to Victoria—but to Edward.

But Edward wasn't the one who'd cared enough to come looking for me.

"Rosalie and Emmett," I explained. His grip loosened a little more again.

"Just them?" he asked, the rest of the question left unsaid.

I nodded.

"Why are they here? How the hell did they find us?" His brow tightened as he shifted me off his lap. His very _naked_ lap, I'd just realized.

With two strong hands he placed me gently on the unrolled sleeping bags. I tried my best to not look. My eyes flicked down and then back up quickly. _Oh my_.

Jake didn't seem to notice my ogling or the fact that he was naked as the day he was born. I supposed it was all part of being a wolf. No clothes.

Then without further word, he rushed out of the van at an unnatural speed.

I shifted to scramble out behind him but his large tanned arm swung back and shut the read doors of the van, shutting me in. "Can you just stay there Bells?" he asked, turning back to me, his deep brown eyes pleading with me. "Just for a minute? Just in until I know your safe and I'm sure I'm in control of my wolf around them."

I nodded, mouthing, "Okay." I could do that for him. He'd kind-of asked nicely. Nicer than Edward had ever asked.

Edward had never asked.

Jake gave me a little smile, winking before he turned around. "Yo, vamps!" he called out to the trees in the distance. He lent down then, taking his shorts out from where he had them tied around his ankle. I couldn't help but stare at his butt as he bent over and slid the basketball shorts on. He righted himself, standing tall and pulsing with the natural strength he exuded. "Stop lurking in the shadows and show yourself. You're stinking up the forest."

In a heartbeat, the two images of perfection were once again in our camp. Though they had a more defensive mien now.

"We weren't lurking," Rose quipped, standing upright, "we were just making sure you didn't go gun for leather chasing us, leaving Bella unguarded… again."

"I've never left her unguarded. I was patrolling the whole time" Jake frowned, his chin lifting.

"Then how do you explain this?" Emmett countered, guesting to himself and his vampire wife, standing in the middle of our camp site.

There was a moment of silence as Jake quietly assessed the scene. I could see the battle raging inside him as he fought his instincts. The wolf in him wanted to shred and tear at he sickly sweet beings standing before him, and the human diplomat he was raised to be, understood the value of such powerful allies and was willing to at least listen to what they had to offer.

.

Jake sighed, his shoulders dropping in resignation. "No one's even supposed to find us. We been trying to be hard to find… spontaneous," he said as he combed both hands through his hair.

Emmett laughed. "Hard to find? You kids have been following the Oregon trail, only backwards!"

My memory caught on an old computer game we used to play in elementary school. I closed my eyes, picturing the map on the screen.

"Fuck!" Jake yelled, punching the poor cottonwood tree growing nearby. The wood moaned in protest to the attack. I guessed he'd played that game too.

Jake threw himself into the camp chair, his head hanging, his elbows on his knees and his fingers pulling at his hair. He looked up at the vampires, "How am I going to protect her?"

I took that as a signal that he had control of his wolf. Or at least that, if he was asking for their advice, he no longer thought Rosalie and Emmett were an imminent threat.

I wasn't going to let him shoulder all the burden of keeping us hidden. I'd chosen just as many roads as he had. We'd figure this out together.

My fingers curled around the inside latch on the back doors of the van, they swung open easily... A little too easily. I fell out of the van in a roll of sleeping bag and dirty clothes, landing on the sandy grit on my hands and knees.

"Jesus Bella," Emmett said, as all three of my supernatural friends looked over at me. "I think trying to protect you is a lost cause; you're determined to leave a blood trail," he chuckled, ducking as Rose swung a back hand towards him.

Jake stood up and in two paces was leaning over me, helping me to my feet and inspecting the small abrasions on my palms, flicking the small pebbles away. "You okay?" His voice was a soft rasp, full of concern.

"Yeah," I said, licking my finger and wiping at little blood that was welling to the surface. "Sorry."

" _Never_ apologize to me for bleeding, Bells." There was an earnest depth in his eyes. "The fact that you can bleed means you're alive, and that you're human." His lips lifted in a smirk. "They're the two most attractive traits you have."

I chuckled, giving his hands a squeeze. Jake always had a smart ass thing to say to lighten the mood. It was one of his more attractive traits by far, but most certainly wasn't his greatest.

I shifted, pulling my hands from his as I turned towards the two Cullen's standing and watching the silent play between Jake and me. I wondered what they thought of us. What they thought of me. Did they hate me for not staying true to their brother? Not that Jake and I had actually done anything but sideways glances and lingering hands. But still. It must have been obvious that we were more than simply friends. We _were_ , I finally decided. I needed to stop lying to myself and to everyone around me. What Jake and I had now was deeper. Kindred soul kind of level. I _had_ fallen in love with him. I'd already jumped over that bubbling, _sweep me away_ stream, I'd driven straight over it at seventy miles an hour the day we'd crossed the Bogachiel River out of Forks and we'd fled from the frantic howls in the night. I just hadn't admitted it to myself. I was admitting it now.

"Were we really that easy to find?" I asked, forcing myself to focus on the crisis at hand.

"I suppose we know your scent better than most," Rosalie said, "but then, I'd say so would Victoria. Your trail's lit up like a beacon."

"Well that's not acceptable," Jake said, locking his jaw. "How are we gunna fix this so she can't find her."

"I don't think you can," Emmett said, shifting to hold Rose's hand. "I don't think you can hide from her forever Bella. I think you're going to have to fight her."

Jake growled at that. He actually growled, like a dog— wolf. "Are you out of your dead mind, leech?"

"Jake!" I scolded.

He looked at me. "What?"

"Don't call them that. He didn't mean me," I said, looking over to Emmett, "did you?"

"No! I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed," he smiled, "but I'm no chump. I meant you, Jake… and your pack. And us. And Alice and Jasper. I'm sure Carlisle and Esme would come help too."

Everyone, except one. The omission of his name rang throughout the camp site.

Rosalie looked at me, her eyes boring into me. "He'd come too, if we asked him too. If we could get a hold of him, he's been out of contact for a while."

I felt Jake move that little bit closer to me, close enough that I could feel his heat across the inch of space between us. Close enough that I didn't collapse in on myself at _his_ mention. He didn't have to worry, I wasn't going to.

"He's not welcome here," Jake said, lifting and speaking as a leader of his tribe. "He's already hurt her enough, and he's the reason Victoria's after her in the first place. I won't have him sailing back in and doing it all over again. It's taken months to see this girl back again. You guys have no idea what he did to her when he left—when you all left."

Both Emmett and Rosalie stood, looking at me with contrite faces.

"He just wanted a human life for you," Rose said, stepping forward.

Jake pulled me behind him. "You think she can have a human life with a crazed vamp stalking her every move?"

"He didn't know about Victoria's plans. None of us did. I don't understand why Alice didn't see it?" Rose pleaded. "Please Bella, we did what we thought was best. Granted we didn't all agree with Edward's methods, but none of us wanted this life for you."

"We love you like a sister," Emmett said.

"But none of us wanted to see you relinquish your humanity. You can still live a normal life. Fall in love—"

"I already did that," I interrupted. Bitterness laced my tone. I was a new emotion, this anger. I wasn't sure how healthy it was, but I knew it felt healthier than the wallowing and self-pity had ever been.

"—have babies," she continued, unperturbed, "sleep, dream, grow old… die. These are all things that we can't do Bella. Edward loves you enough to give you that."

Loves. Present tense. I chose to ignore her slip of the tongue.

"What if that's not what I wanted? What say in my own life did I have?" I cried, still angry.

Emmett sighed. "We're vampires Bella. No matter our diet, or how much we try to fight our nature, we're inherently selfish beings. We get the things we want. Even if it means denying us the thing we want the most."

I stared in to his golden eyes, they had a dark ring around the edges. He'd fed not long ago, but not very recently either.

He'd said _want_. Present tense.

Another slip of the tongue.

But vampires didn't make such simple human errors.

I could see it in their eyes. I could see all they were saying with just their golden eyes. Edward still loved me. He loved me so much, he gave me up.

A part of me mended and healed with that realization. It cauterized the last of the bloodied hole that had held me hostage to my sorrow for so many weeks. Edward still loved me. But it hadn't been enough. He'd still found the strength to leave me.

I scoffed as I finally understood. He'd made the greatest decision of my entire life on my behalf. No consultation. No discussion. No explanations. He'd just decided what was best for _me_. And then he left.

He'd left me a broken shell. And, oh, how I'd fallen to pieces. He'd given me a chance at life and I'd clung to his dead memory, wishing for nothing more than death.

But I'd had a soldier, a protector, who'd put me back together again. Patiently, piece by piece, day by day. With warm sodas and greasy bike parts, Jake had mended me as much as he could. The rest had to be up to me.

I realized with the clarity of waking from a dream— or maybe a nightmare, I needed to _want_ to live again and to _want_ to move forward to truly get over Edward. Jake could only do so much; _I_ had to be the one who was needed for the rest of the recovery. Me.

I had to allow myself the freedom of not loving Edward anymore. I don't know when it happened—maybe somewhere in Oregon— but I didn't. I didn't love Edward any more—not in the all-consuming, irrevocably unhealthy way I had at least.

I still loved him in my own way. He was my first love. Nothing could ever remove that piece of him from my heart. But I wasn't _in_ love with him. Not anymore. I was too angry.

At least I didn't think I was. There was a little part of me, deep down and hidden in that part that we keep from all others, that wondered what I would have done if Edward had appeared right then, declaring his love and asking for me back. Would I have ripped myself from Jake's warm, protective side to fall into Edwards cold and frozen in time arms?

I hoped I was better than that. I fervently hoped. But that deep-down-hidden-part of me doubted it. I hated that part of me. I was ashamed of it too. I didn't want it to rule my life any more. The anger at Edward for his behavior was getting stronger by the second.

I reached my hand out, taking Jake's and winding my fingers through his. The heat and electricity of his touch settle thought me. I let the love wash over the anger like a warm sunny day after a blizzard.

It felt like a fated sign of a decision well made.

Life.

Emmett smiled at me, his eyes crinkling as he nodded almost imperceptibly.

He loved his brother. And I could see the hurt it caused him to witness the suffering between Edward and me. But he was a good man. And he believed what they'd said. They never wanted that life for me. Neither did I anymore.

* * *

…ooOO*OOoo…

* * *

"We'll be in contact," Rosalie said, standing from the seat we'd offered her hours earlier.

Emmett shook Jacob's hand and then took me in for one of his giant bear hugs. "We'll get her Bella, then you get to live the life we all used to dream of," he said.

He pulled away, taking Rosalie by the hand as she smiled at me over her shoulder, her long blond hair bobbing as she walked. And then they were gone.

In a blink of an eye they were gone from my life again.

Only this time _I_ was in on the decision.

* * *

It had been hours of back and forth. Tensions had been high at times, but with new friendships burgeoning and old ones rekindling, we'd all sat down to hash out an effective plan to keep me safe.

Jake had left the campsite sometime around one in the morning to speak with Sam in wolf form. Within thirty minutes he'd been back, his hand back in mine, his chair pushed just that little bit closer. The warmth was welcoming. I'd missed him the half hour he'd been gone.

On behalf of the pack, Jake had come to an agreement with the Cullen family. They were all going to cooperate to protect me. Either on Reservations lands or the other side of the country. It went against the wolf's nature to sit down at the table with cold ones. But it was more abhorrent to allow me to be captured my Victoria. So a revision of the decades old treaty was made.

The pack would keep the Cullen's informed of the situation at home and the Cullen's would keep a watch on Jake and me, at a healthy distance.

I had many protectors.

But there was only one I wanted near me.

* * *

.

Jake and I stood alone in our camp ground as the cool, early morning breeze wound around us.

"Whoa," he breathed, staring out into the dawning silhouette of the forest beyond. "Did I just amend the treaty that my Great Grandfather, Ephraim Back, made seventy-five years ago?

I leaned into him, shifting my hip against him. "Yeah."

He turned me, placing both is two hands on my shoulders. He sucked in a long, drawn out breath through his nose, then out again in a puff though pursed lips, his whole body relaxing as he did.

"I was so terrified of losing you Bells. I… I smelled that fresh, sick sweet stench of leech… and then it circled back here." He closed his eyes, the worry creasing his brow as he shook his head back and forth remembering his panic.

My hand lifted, sliding up his arms, and wrapping under the back of his shoulder. "Sssh. It's okay, they're the good sort, remember?" I smiled my body pressing closer to his than it ever had before.

His eyes opened, searching into mine as he continued, "And then when I realized it wasn't a normal bloodsucker and it was just the big one and blondie."

"They have names, you know."

"When I realized who it was… I got a totally new kind of terror." His hand lifted off my arms and scooped under my jaw.

His hand was warm and the calluses on his palm were rough and scratchy. It was loving and protective and humanly masculine, all rolled into one. I bit my bottom lip between my teeth.

His palm cupped my face as he looked back and forth, between my eyes. His thumb traced over the smoothness of my cheek, across my lips, playing with the small bruise my teeth had left. My lips crinkled as he played with them. A soft, fleshy pop that reminded me of kissing sounded between us as his thumb dragged down the center of my lip.

"I barely even have you… I don't really have you at all… and I was terrified I was going to lose you to him." He traced his thumb against my lips again, his touch was soft and gentle. It sent a shiver over my shoulders. "I still am terrified."

"Don't be," I whispered, holding my hand over his and leaning my cheek in to his palm. The warmth seeped through my jaw and down my throat until it reached my chest and then bloomed through my entirety. "This is the first time in a long time that I'm not terrified of my own feelings. I'm not chasing the shadow of a ghost. I'm here. With you, Jacob. And its' right where I want to be."

He let out a little guffaw, smiling as leaned down. "You know how much I've wanted to hear you say that?"

"I don't know." I said, waiting for him to spell it out for me.

"This much," he said as he stooped down further, pulling my mouth to his.

His lips pressed to mine, warm and soft and igniting the butterflies in my stomach.

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him and I lifted mine, winding them around his neck and pulling his lips harder to me. My tongue traced lines along his lips, teasing and prodding until his lips parted and my tongue traced the contours of his teeth. Deeper and deeper we kissed, standing chest to chest in the middle of the Casper camp ground.

In a matter of seconds, weeks of pent up tension flooded out of me. I twisted my fingers through his hair and Jacob did the same. My leg curled up, wrapping around his as I pushed as much of myself as I could into his muscled frame.

We pulled apart as the lack of air become too much for me. He leaned in, kissing me briefly one more time. "I love you, you know," he whispered, his forehead pressing into mine as we breathed heavily.

"I know," I whispered back. I paused and licked my lips as I struggled to catch breath.

Then I lifted up on to my tippy toes to press one more slow and tender kiss to his lips. "I know," I said, smiling, "I love you, too."

* * *

 **Sorry this update was a little later than usual. It's the last weekend of the school break here in Queensland and we had family fun times and little to no device time.**

 **And Harbour town was also calling. (hey Pidge!)**

 **Thank you Aretee for your betaship on this one. I hope the changes are what you had in mind.**

 **I was a little slack writing back to some folks last week. Thank you so very much for all your kind comments.**

 **I'm off from work for 2 weeks as of now, so I promise that if you review this week that I'll write you back.**

 **So go on, let me know how you feel about our Bella finally admitting to herself that she's madly in love with the boy... and then him kissing her and her kissing him back.**

 **More of that good stuff to come.**

 **Namaste, Marina.**


	9. Chapter 9 - My Boyfriend is a Dog

**Thanks you Egratia for Beta-ing this chapter. I locked the van. Is your anxiety happy now! :-D**

* * *

 **Chapter 9 My Boyfriend is a Dog.**

I'd never had a night like that. Edward and I had stayed up all night… but there'd always been a thick, thwarting blanket between us, and we'd mostly just talked… or he'd watch me sleep. Jake and I hadn't done much talking since Rose and Emmett left. Definitely no sleeping. And there was nothing but his cut-offs and my sweater between us.

He was everywhere; His heat. His sweet breath. His strength. It was consuming and breathtaking... and I have no idea why I'd taken so long to let him in. I'd never felt so cherished and desired in all my life. Edward had _said_ he'd desired me. But Jake had _shown_ me. The old adage was true. Actions _did_ speak louder than words.

* * *

We'd somehow ended up tangled-up in the back of the van. My lips were sore and swollen and probably bruised. I'd never seen Jake quite so crazed yet so completely in control. His lips were soft and full and hot. So hot. He'd kissed every inch of my face and throat. He'd kissed my hands. He'd kissed his way up my arms, pushing the sleeve of my sweater up with his teeth. His breath had this way of tickling any patch of bare skin it found.

"I hate that this is here," he said suddenly.

My eyes opened as I lifted my head up to look down at him. He was focused on my wrist, staring at the crescent moon shaped scar. The bite of his enemy. He lowered his face, pressing his nose to my skin and inhaling.

He sat up, swiping at his face, snuffling as if to clear the bad smell. "It's not right, Bells. It smells like leech. Like bleached flowers or something. And it's cold."

I sat up, straightening my sweater and wrapping my hand around the scar. "I know," I said quietly. "It's always cold. And it still burns sometimes."

His large hand took mine and unwound my fingers from around my wrist. He brought my arm to his lips and softly pressed his lips to the traumatic scar. Gently he kissed the silvering skin there. His touch sent a warm, melted trickle through my veins. My whole hand felt swathed in his melted caramel touch.

"There," he smiled, sitting back and brushing the back of his hand over my cheek. "I'll keep it warm from now on."

We were silent for a moment. Both of us sitting, stretched out on the bed covers, staring into each other's eyes. Jake's eyes were so very dark, and deep, and ancient. The ancient spirit of his wolf inhabiting and coinciding with the boy who shared his sodas with me. Both loved me. Both wanted to protect me. Both would keep me warm.

"I really do love you, you know," I said, breaking the silence. I was still realizing just how deeply my feelings had grown. My heart hurt a little at just the thought. That hole in my chest that Edward had made when he'd left; it was my broken heart. And silently, bit by bit, Jake had lovingly put each shattered piece back together. Each edge of a piece was glued in with his patience and fidelity. WIth his love he'd heated and cured to be stronger and tougher than before. I felt the tug in my chest as my heart, now larger and mended, filled and overflowed with Jacob's love. And with that, the realization of my love for him. "I love you."

"Back at ya, Bells," he smiled, his lips pulling across his straight white teeth. I felt myself falling even deeper. He keept it light for me, smiling and giving me the moment I need to process this revelation. I really do love him. Truly, deeply, effortlessly.

Our natural path.

We were lying side by side with our faces only inches apart. The sun had risen and in the early morning light I could see the silent, dark circles of his pupils as he watched me. I could see the love, but still the uncertainty in them too.

"I mean it Jake. I do. I really love you." I press my palm over my heart, tapping it gently, "I mean, _really._ " I didn't want him to think he was the runner up, or the best choice for whoever was at hand at the time.

He just smiled at me some more. Like he already understood. My eyes traveled over his face, taking in each of his masculine features. He's was so beautiful. There was a mix of young and old, in Jacob; innocence and wisdom. The soft cheer of his adolescence morphed into the hard surety of his manhood, his birthright. "I know Bella. I can hear it in your heartbeat. I can smell it in your scent. I can see it in your eyes. You just needed to feel it in your soul." He did understand.

He'd known it all along. He'd just been waiting; tortuously waiting for me to realize it. It must have been painful hoping that I'd realize my own feelings before they could be turned. Praying that I would choose the sun. My sun. Him.

Slowly his hands reached up, cupping my cheeks as we kept looking in to each other's eyes. The coppery morning sunlight was streaming through the front windshield and casting an otherworldly light across his features. "You're so beautiful," I whispered.

He shook his head, "Not even half of what I see and what I'm holding in my hands," he said back, leaning in and gently pressing his lips to mine. Softly, lovingly, his caress filled my mended, scarred heart to overflowing again.

It felt so good to feel his hands on my skin, so warm and comforting. I hadn't felt that safe in a long time. The comfort of fatigue suddenly over came me. The lack of sleep and strains of the evening finally catching up with me.

My eyes were still closed when he pulled back from our kiss. I let the strength in his hands hold me up and bolster me. His thumbs brushed over my closed lids. "You're tired."

I slowly breathed in, nodding and forcing my eyes open. "It's been a long night. A good one. But a long one."

"You want to sleep now for a bit?" His tone was quiet and caring. "We can flip down the middle seat and you can rest against me while I drive. I want to put some distance between this place and us."

I nod, leaning in and pressing my forehead to his. "I think I'd like that very much."

"What?"

"Sleeping in your arms."

* * *

~oO*Oo~

* * *

The mid-day sun was beaming into the cabin as I woke. It was bright, even behind my closed lids. As I came to I realized I was shaking, my whole body was tremoring. I felt the humming warmth of Jacob's arm against my cheek. As I woke further, I realized that I wasn't the one who was shaking, I was _being_ shaken. Jake's arm was vibrating, in fact the entire van felt like it was going to vibrate off the road.

I fell his tremors though my entire body.

I sat up straighter, rubbing my eyes as I looked out the windshield. We were traveling along a deserted stretch of back road, a straight long line of dry, brown, grass prairie as far as the eyes could see. Through the vibrating window the horizon stretched on forever, never getting any closer. It seemed that we were starting to travel faster and faster. I sat up all the way, turning to look up at his face.

His eyes were fixed on the road. His arms were locked straight as his hands gripped tight on the starting wheel.

"Jake?"

He didn't answer me.

"Jake, slow down," I said again, planting my are feet on the floor and fixing the seat belt that had slipped off my shoulder as I'd slept.

The whole cabin was still shaking. We kept on traveling, passing a seventy-five speed sign. I looked across to the dash to see the speedometer reading ninety. "Seriously Jake. You've got to slow down."

"I can't," he wheezed out. His jaw was tense and tight as he continued to vibrate. This was his normal afternoon skin crawling behavior. Only worse. Much much worse. it was less controlled, and more intense. And about five hours too early.

It was like he was locked inside himself. A protective mechanism as internally he was fighting the wolf, pulling him back from the phase. It seemed that all he could do to protect me from the damages of him phasing inside the cabin of a moving vehicle was to not move an inch himself. He was fighting his very nature. His muscles were taught, the veins on his arms were bulging and raised as he fought his own body. His eyes, while focused on the road, looked wild and frantic. Desperate for help. I'd wish he'd woken me earlier.

"If I move I'm gunna explode into fur."

I unwound my fingers from their tight grip on my seat belt and reached a soft, calming hand on his arm. "No you won't. Just take your foot of the gas. Break. Pull over, Jake." My voice had faded off as I spoke, the speedometer still creeping up, faster and faster. "You're really scaring me, Jake."

"Oh god, Bella," he wheezed as his eyes flicked to mine for a second. The pain and apology were bleeding out of him. "I've got to phase; got to find somewhere private."

"I know." My hand squeezed the tremoring bulk of his forearm. "But just this once why don't we not worry about hiding? There's no one around. Just pull over here."

"Can't." His hands tightened around the steering wheel, the thick plastic creaking under the strain. "Alpha's orders."

I felt my heart sink. Of course, Sam would have ordered all the wolves, from their very first day, to never reveal themselves in wolf form. To never phase in the open. But none of that mattered any more for Jake. For all intents and purposes, Jacob Black was a lone wolf; living on the fly, struggling though this on his own. The last thing he needed was to be shackled by orders that no longer applied to him or to this situation we'd found ourselves in.

I pulled out my phone, scrolling through to find Sam's number and get him to undo whatever order he'd previously placed on Jake. _Never phase out in the open_ or whatever the actual order was. It didn't apply to a lone wolf on the Great Plains of Colorado. I hoped orders worked or could _stop_ working over the phone. I hoped I had reception. I hoped Sam was near his cell.

I'd only just unlocked my phone with shaking fingers when the car swung fast around a sharp bend. The water bottle on the dash slid across to my side. I reached out, catching it before it fell. Looking out the windshield I saw the answer to Jake's problem… _our_ problem.

About a half mile up, at the bottom of the small incline we were descending, was a small thicket of shrubs alongside a creek.

"There Jake!" I pointed, my finger flicking madly against the inside of the glass. "Trees!"

"It's not enough," he choked, one arm releasing his death grip on the wheel only to scratch long gouges over his arm, back and forth his fingers scratched as his skin crawled and his desperation began to take over. Each swipe of his nails dug four long groves down his tanned arm. Slowly the blood would start to well in the valleys, congealing and mending before his hand could lift up and start the process all over again, this time scratching not though skin, but though crusty scabs.

"Well, that's just gunna have to be enough of a screen." I reached a hand out, stilling his clawed fingers from making any more marks. "I need you to be my protector, Jake. But I need you to be well enough to do it in human form. I need the man I love."

His tremors quieted for a moment as he sucked in several heavy breaths and his gashes healed to a pink granulated scars. Thy'ed be gone by tomorrow. He unwound his fingers from the steering wheel while the other controlled our decent. His hand lowered, an open palm searching out to me. "Love you," he croaked as his shuddering hand found me and his fingers wound between mine.

It seemed like minutes of nervous torture before we got to the tree line at the bottom of the valley. There was a small dirt patch to pull over before a single lane bridge we were headed towards. I din't have a chance to talk about an exit plan. Jake simply pull up wolf style. Still traveling upwards of forty miles an hour, Jake veered the van off the road. His hand left mine as he pulled hard on the hand break. The car spun on the gravel, skidding sideways towards the thicket of trunks. I screamed, shutting my eyes waiting for the impact that would never come. The Aerostar shuddered to a stop, the seat belt pulling tight across my chest as all of stuff in the back of the van flung about. I blinked my eyes open, to the empty driver's seat and the hastily flung door facing the woods.

He was gone.

The engine was still idling low, the keys softly jingled still in the ignition with a metallic clink, clink. I reached over, leaning my elbow on the seat, turning off the engine. The quiet sound of the flowing water outside and the sound of the wind through the leaves relieving the tension of the past few minutes.

I let out a long, tense sigh, flopping my chest across the carpeted seat that was still warm from Jake's heat.

He was gone, but he'd come back. I simply had to be patient.

* * *

I didn't have long too wait. I had just sat up, fixing the few bits of trash and paper that had flown across the front of the van when I heard the rough, _au au_ bark from the water line. I looked up, out the still open driver's door to see the wolf standing just out of the bushes. The fur of his legs was wet and flattened in contrast to the thick, flowing pelt around his body. The wind blew through the trees and through his coat as he stood still in the shadows. He stared intently at me, camouflaged in the dappled light that was scattering though the canopy, but I could still see his eyes. They pulled me in. The dark, deep eyes of the animal that were staring were the same eyes of the man who had also gazed so lovingly at me last night… and this morning.

"Jake?" I asked, crawling over the seat and stepping out of the van.

The wolf barked at me again, a playful _yip_ as he shifted his head, almost like he was nodding at me. Then he lent forwards on his font legs the way dogs sometimes do, and he feigned a left turn before making a sharp right turn. He spun in a short circuit around a few shaded bushes before coming back to his semi secluded spot. His tongue lolled out to the side in a contented pant. His long canines and the line of shearing, sharp molars were visible from the side. I didn't feel any fear in the show of those deadly teeth though, only a sense of security at the implied knowledge of how well protected I was by such a set of fangs. I couldn't help but note that they were as white as my Jake's teeth were too.

I'd seen Jacobs wolf before in the meadow with Laurent, but I'd not seen him since I actually knew it was _him._

"You better now?" I smiled at how the tense, pained skin crawling had so quickly morphed into such exuberance.

He yipped again— a rough, deep, guttural bark— this time undeniably nodding in answer to my question. His huge paw dragged at the ground, lifting up and scooping air in a beckoning manner.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

He yipped again, jumping up and turning towards the shadows of the woods. My fingers were tingling at the thought of running them thought the wolf's fur. The softness and warmth of the deep red-brown fur looked inviting and appealing. I felt a magnetic pull towards him. A sense of safety. Of acceptance. Of belonging. I wanted to touch and explore Jacob; in every form he took. He loved me. And I loved him. Claws and all.

Slipping my sneakers on, I pushed the door of the van shut, and made my way over to my spirit warrior.

I walked slowly and cautiously down the quiet embankment. I don't know why I was being so cautious. I supposed it was because it was drilled into me from an early age to never approach a wild animal, like a bear or a coyote… or a wolf. But I knew this was no wild animal. This was my best friend. Inside this giant beast was the man who'd I'd declared my love for less than twenty four hours ago. This was my Jake.

I stood up straighter, my stride lighter and quicker, increasing almost into a trot until I reached the edge of the little coppice and until I reached Jacob.

And then I stopped. Half a foot away from the wolf, face to face, his hunches towering over the top of my head. He was massive. He was solid. He was beautiful.

My hand gingerly reached up. My fingertips reached forward towards his face, his muzzle, hovering just above the side of his jaw until he shifted. Turning his head a fraction he pressed his wolfie cheek into my palm.

Instantly my hand smoothed over the fur. Long, soft strokes caressed over his head and down his neck. He was warm in this form too. The long strands of fur weaved through my fingers. He shifted lowering himself to then ground so I could stroke all the way along his back.

* * *

After a few minutes of stroking and petting, Jake turned his head to me and gently took a hold of my shorts, shaking me by my pants a little. He let go, and crawled forward a little, pawing the tattered, shreds of his clothes that they strewn on the ground.

"You want me to get you a pair of pants?"

He nodded and his tongue lolled out of his grin.

A part of me was curious, what did it look like to see a man change his skin? Another part was curious to see what _Jake_ looked like again after he phased. Without his shorts.

I looked into the wolf's eyes, my teeth gnawing on my bottom lip as I remembered the quick glimpse I'd got last night. The wolf let out a wheezing snicker. The man inside knew me too well. "Wait here." I laughed, pushing against the soft red fur as I turned and headed back to the van.

I grabbed a pair of basketball short we'd picked up for fifty cents in Cannon Beach. This time I locked the van up and hid the keys under a bush in the shadows. Then without any of the caution I'd had the first time, I jogged back down to the tree line.

"Do you want them now?" I asked, holding them out. Was he supposed to carry them with his mouth? "I wonder if maybe you started wearing one of those over-sized, hip hop, bling-bling kind of chains it could be like a collar when you're in wolf. I could just hook stuff in it."

By the look on his face I wished I'd just keep that idea to myself.

"Maybe I'll just hold it then."

He nodded. Then he looked at me, his eyes flicking behind him like a crazy person as his head kept jerking awkwardly to his back.

I guessed he wanted me to go back to scratching him, this time in those hard to reach places.

* * *

I stretched to the top of his shoulder blades, scratching and rubbing. "Here?"

His head flicked again, a frustrated sigh escaping his huge mouth. I lifted on to my tippy toes, reaching to the other shoulder.

A whining sound came from Jacob as he used his wet nose to nudge me closer to him. Still sitting on his hunches like that, he came to mid-thigh. A few more times he pressed his strong snout into my side and then my back until the constant pressure of his prodding had me bracing my arms with locked elbows and supporting myself on his back.

"What?" I laughed, "I don't know what you want, Jake. I've scratched everywhere. Well, not _everywhere,"_ I conceded, "but I got all the good bits, surely." All the bits I was willing to go near while he was phased at least. He poked me with his nose again, his hot wet tongue extending out and lapping a slobbery trail up my arm. "Enough, or I'm gunna end up falling over you!"

I was using his shorts to dry my arm when, with one more frustrated sounding whimper and a prod with his entire muzzle, he pushed me over until I was leaning my chest on him. Then, with lightning speed, he flicked my leg with his snout, pushing me in the butt until I was sitting astride his back.

"Oh," I said, shifting in my seat and bunching his pants up between my legs. "Is this what you wanted?"

He made a gruff snort as he stood up. I squealed, rushing to hold onto something for balance, and finding the fur between his shoulder blades as good as anything.

* * *

I went on a horse riding camp one Spring break in Arizona. I was nine. I remember how shocked I was at how high it felt on top of a horse. I'd been on a Shetland pony named Laura that first time. This was something else altogether. Jake was gigantic.

He tentatively stepped forwards, lifting his head and looking at me over his shoulder to see if I was holding on. Our eyes met and I nodded, pulling a little, but not too hard, on his fur.

Slowly he stared in to the thicker part of the small riverside woodland. A soft lope soon sped up to a trot. I held on, my hands clinging to the thick long fur and my knees squeezing around his ribs. I found myself starting to move subtly with Jake's strides. My hips twisting in time to his jog.

He sped up a little, a small increase in speed that changed the steps of the wolf. The forest was quiet, Jake's pads barely made a sound as he cantered alongside the small waterway. His breath came out in a soft, rested pant. I could tell he could run much, _much,_ faster than this. And I was grateful he'd shown me some restraint.

Instinctively, Jake seemed to know I wouldn't have enjoyed his top speed. Edward had never understood that. He's not shown me that courtesy. Even after I'd made it abundantly clear that I hated being carried at such terrifying speeds, he'd still not shown any restraint.

But I knew too, that this wasn't the same as running in Edward's arms.

Riding atop Jake's wolf didn't seem as unnaturally fast as riding on Edward's back. Each giant step took us easily eleven or twelve foot further along the path. But still, I was only ever swinging back and forth, gently, like a mother rocking a baby. I'd been terrified, and sick, the first time I traveled supernaturally fast. But not with Jake. All I felt was safe, and cared for…at ease, and a little exhilarated.

He barked, alerting me to the change of direction and he headed into the creek, crossing at a shallow, rocky part. My ankles felt a few small splashes of cool water, but for the most part I was dry.

We rounded a sharp bend, stopping buy a large boulder so I could get off.

I threw my leg over, sliding down his flanks until I landed softly on both feet.

Jake shifted, his giant body brushing along me. I followed him up the little embankment. We walked side by side for a few steps, my hand rested in the thick fur on his back. We moved in sync, his front legs in step with mine. It was quiet and peaceful here in this little piece of seclusion. It was dryer and less green than the Olympic forests of home, but I could tell Jake was his most at home here, surrounded by nature.

* * *

We stopped by an old cottonwood tree. I leaned against the deep rough gouges of grey bark as Jake sat back on his hunches, looking at me.

"You're very cute like this," I smiled, reaching out and smoothing my hands over his head, "like a big puppy.

The wolf turned his head to me, a soft, harmless growl rumbling in his throat.

"What? You are. All soft and smooth. It's like you're my own personal teddy bear." I push off the tree, grabbing both sides of his head and smoothing my cheek over his. "You smell better than I thought you would too." I kissed the middle of his forehead, inhaling. "It's natural, like pine sap and sea salt, but still uniquely you."

His tongue lapped out, leaving a long wet kiss on my jaw, before his snout began to scent around me as I stood. Little puffs blew heated breaths over my cheek. His nose was wet but warm as it trailed down the side of my throat. It sent a shiver over my chest, my nipples tightening and contracting at the sensation.

His front paw wrapped around my legs, sweeping me up as his shoulders caught me and slowed my fall to the ground in a soft pile of dried leaves. The giant wolf stood over me, two giant paws either side of my shoulders.

And then he scented some more. Affectionately. Intimately. Erotically.

His warm snout traced its way over my chest. He pressed firmly between my breasts and then lower. My shirt had ridden up a little and the wet of his nose found the pale, soft skin of my stomach. His snout traced the line of bare skin along the top of my Levi's. Back and forth his nose traced, tickling and igniting the little butterflies in my stomach.

His hot, wet tongue poked out, licking my belly button briefly before his snout traced down the line of my zipper. His nose trailed own the fly and settled between my legs. And then he inhaled. His giant wolf lungs filled and a soft, happy, whine escaped. He pressed his nose to the thick seam of denim at the crouch, pressing repeatedly against me. Each little nudge sending a small shot of pleasure though me.

Over and over he did this until I was almost at my whit's end. It was good, really good. But not quite enough to get me 'all the way'; and the tease knew it.

I let out a silent sigh, squirming and pressing my thighs together. "Okay, so maybe not a teddy bear, maybe you're my warm-blood _thoroughbred_.

He huffed, apparently satisfied as he shifted and came to lie by my side. I sat up slightly, leaning on my side and settling against him. The wolf rolled on his side too, a giant paw rested over my ribs and pulled me closer. I nestled into his chest, the warmth of his pelt seeping into my skin. I ran my fingers though the fur on his chest, raking long, straight strokes down his chest and to his stomach, stopping just short of his loins. His masculinity and confidence plainly evident. I wondered if human Jake was as well-proportioned as the wolf was.

* * *

We lay like that for a good twenty minutes. I nestled against the thick fury chest of my protector, as his heavy paw draped over my waist and our breath and our souls pulsed together.

I nuzzled my face into his neck, my hand reaching up and smoothing over his furry jaw. "I love you," I whispered, closing my eyes.

I felt the air ripple, a static charge flowing though me as under my hands, warm fur morphed into smooth, naked, skin. "I love you too, Bells."

He rolled over, pressing his hard body on top of me. I liked the weight of him on me. It was safe and comforting and with the hard heat pressing into my thigh... it was sexy as hell. His elbows rested into the leaves by my head as he looked down at me. Dark, sparking eyes, smiling at me in their comfort. I reached a finger up, sliding a stray piece of hair out of his eye. He leaned down, pressing his lips against mine. Warm and dry, and perfectly divine.

With a smack, he pulled back, his hips pressing harder into mine. My hands wondered down his back, tracing the valley of muscle down his back, until my hands wrapped around the smooth bare skin of his ass. Jake's naked ass. Jake's naked, hard, perfect ass.

He thrust his hips, pressing his hardened need against me again.

"You're naked," I smiled, biting my bottom lip.

"We'll, you've still got my shorts."

He leaned down again, his lips pressing against mine as he rolled us so that he was now beneath me and my legs straddled either side of his chest. I sat back on his stomach, his hardness pressing into the back of my pants. It made my center tingle.

I curved forward to kiss him, pressing my ass back against the tip of his naked shaft. I reached behind me, my hands in search. I grabbed the soft object. Lifting it and holding it out in front of us. "Here you go," I said as I stood.

Finally, I chanced a look down Jacob's body as he lay naked before me.

My eyes raked over his defined muscles, across his broad and defined chest and down to his rippled eight pack. My gaze stopped on the long, thick phallus that was standing at right angles to his body.

Our eyes met at he watched me watching him. My heat was thudding. My breath broken and panting. I looked back down to his body and dropped the scrunch up shorts on his lap. They landed with a soft, woven plop."Not that I think they're going to hide much."

I licked my lips, wondering what he might taste like. Our eyes met again, there was a heat between us. A need and a new found longing that, now that I'd open the gates, flooded though us like a rapid.

"Good, I don't want to hide any part of me from you, Bells."

He sat up, his large hand fanning over my hip. His thumb brushed along the skin across my abdomen. Then a hot, flat palm skimmed over my denim covered lips. "And I don't want you to hide any part of you ether." His finger tapped just on top of the little sensitive bean. My stomach tightened and tingled. "I want nothing between us Bella, but our skin."

* * *

 **Woo-Hoo. I'm stopping that there. But the good new is, I'll update again this weekend.**

 **Put a little love in your heart. And leave me some of it.**

 **Namaste.**


	10. Chapter 10 - Old Scars and New Wounds

**Chapter 10 – Old scars and new wounds that head it all**

"So," I said as I pulled a little on my arm that was wrapped around his waist, "are you and your wolf on the same page now?"

It had taken us almost twenty minutes to walk back to the van, and we still weren't there yet. We were taking our time. His hands hadn't left my butt and mine hadn't stopped touching some part of his warm, dark skin either.

I'd only brought his shorts with us on our little journey into the woods. He'd put them on over the _protuberance_ he'd showed me earlier, but he was still shirtless. Jake looked really good shirtless. He looked really good pant-less too.

Neither of us had wanted to go any further than some heavy petting while rolling around in the dried leaves of some out-of-the-way cottonwood grove in the middle of nowhere. We'd both known instinctively that the timing wasn't right. But I was pretty sure it was going to be soon. It felt pretty close to right. It certainly felt right walking side by side with Jacob as we slowly ambled along the small creek shore. It felt very right. It felt near on perfect.

"My wolf and I have always been on the same page, Bells. We love you." He lent down, kissing the top of my head as he steadied me over a fallen log. "He's wanted to scent you that way for _months._ It's just that up until last night, I wouldn't let him." He chuckled, his ribs vibrating against my shoulder, "and I doubt you'd have let him either."

"No, I probably wouldn't have." I quietly shook my head, looking down so as to hide my smile. We walked some more, the softness of our foot falls blended in with the natural trickle of the water and the chirping birds up above.

"So… do I smell okay?"

"Mmm," he hummed, leaning in and inhaling at a spot just behind my ear. "Better than good." His voice was deep and husky, and his warm breath sent a shiver down the back of my neck and over my shoulders. The prickle of heat converged intensely around the tips of my nipples. "Everything about your sent is sweet and fresh." His hand on my ass fanned further behind and his fingers slid over the middle seam of my jeans and inwards, towards the front. His long, hot fingers pressed against the denim, rubbing between my legs and at my center.

No one had ever really touched me there. My vagina. I'd tried to get Edward to— more than once— but he'd always but the brakes on. But Jake had, he had no brakes. I'd switched the light to green and he'd taken it and run with it, full steam ahead into the tunnel. My tunnel. Which he pressed on again. It felt nice. I closed my eyes, letting the shiver of pleasure wash over me as we walked.

He pressed and rubbed over me again as his lips softly kissed down my throat. "But this here," his other hand came across, pressing his flattened fingers down below my fly. The heat of his palm seeped through the material. It sent a fresh burst of wetness between my legs. "This here smells musky and spicy, and sexy as hell."

I let out a heated moan. It was the second time in less than an hour he'd managed to get me turned-on while still fully dressed.

I reached my hand up, cupping the square of his jaw with my fingers. He turned in, kissing the inside of my arm... And then it all turned to poop.

He grimaced, snuffling. "Sorry Bells, but that scar." He rubbed his nose, gagging a little. "I'm trying to ignore it but it just _reeks_. The rest of you is so sweet and enticing. But this," he grabbed my wrist, gently rubbing his warm thumb across the silvered, raised scar, "it smells like a filthy leech."

I pulled my arm out of his grasp, rubbing the cold mark with my other hand. It hurt to be reminded of Edward. And to be so obviously repulsive to Jake. I was sure of my feelings. I was. Until I was reminded of Edward. And his abandonment. And the hurt. That emotional scar couldn't be seen from the outside. It wasn't smelly. But it was there and it was still raw and red… and angry.

I pulled away and marched ahead. The dried leaves crinkled as my feet stomped. It wasn't my fault James decided to play that brutal and punishing game with me and my life. It wasn't my fault that Edward had needed to suck the venom out, either. I was glad he did though— I wasn't at the time, but I was now. Jake didn't realize how close I'd come to becoming a _filthy leech_. I still couldn't think of the Cullen family like Jake did, though.

I spat to Jacob over my shoulder, "That's because a _leech_ made the bite and another _leech_ sucked the venom out. Of course it's gunna smell like one."

He reached his arm out to me, confusion across his face to my sudden outburst. "Hey?"

I shook him off, fighting the threatening tears. "Sorry if I _reek_." My voice was hoarse and violent.

I didn't know why I was touchy about this. He'd only been stating fact. I couldn't smell it. But the scar _was_ cold like a vampire. It stood to reason that, to a supernatural nose, it might stink like one, too.

But it wasn't _my_ fault the scar stunk to Jake's sensitive nose. He didn't have to keep talking about it. Edward left me. With nothing. Only it turned out that he had left me with something. A smelly scar that my new boyfriend found repulsive.

"Hey!" Jake took a large step towards me and wrapped a hot hand around my waist, pulling and turning me to face him. "I never said _you_ reeked; just this little three inch scar." Again he wrapped his arm around my wrist, his thumb pressing harder against the raised line. "But I know it's a part of you; of the person you are and your story, Bells. Sure, I'll be honest and tell you that I wish it wasn't there. But it is. And I'm sure as shit not gunna go sticking my nose there and sniffing it again.

"But Bella." He leaned down, looking me deeply in the eye. His face was earnest and heartfelt. "It doesn't matter what that little line of red smells like. Or who made it. Or who sucked the venom out. What matters it that he did. That means that you're still here— with me." His hand unwound from my wrist and it rested flatly above my breast, above my heart, "What matters is that you're still warm. That you're still you. That your heart's still beating. And that you're _mine_."

I sniffled, wiping a little traitorous tear that was fighting its way from my eye. Jake was looking at me with such conviction. His eyes were boring into my soul. The intensity, the sincerity, the god honest love. I suddenly felt it too. The love. The surety. The rightness of giving my heart to Jake. It took my breath away.

"I'm yours?"

He bent down, pressing his lips to mine for a warm, dry kiss. Reaffirming his feelings. He knew it all. And he still loved me.

* * *

After a moment or two of just standing at the water's edge, arms wrapped around each other, he pulled back. "Come on Bells," he whispered, pressing a small kiss to my lips. "Let's go back to the van."

He took my hand, it was warm and dry. There was a spark of something special between us now, after last night. After I admitted to him, and to myself just how strong my feelings were. It was something deeper than puppy love running between us. Something _super_ natural and yet so completely honest and _natural_. My natural path.

Jake looked over at me, his eye brow waggling as he winked, his smile spreading up and illuminating his already gorgeous face. "I'm starving."

"Come on then, you big stallion thoroughbred. Let's see if there's any of that chicken left over."

I looked ahead, up the embankment where the light was brighter. Through the trees I could see the retro white and brown van waiting for us. The color was growing on me. It had become our home.

"I'm gunna drive," I said, leading us over to the bush I'd hidden the keys under. "I want you to get some sleep. You've had less than me."

Jake yawned, his powerful arms reaching up over his head, the lines of muscles on his abs and chest elongated as he stretched. "You're on. So long as you sick to the smaller roads." He walked around to the back of the van, talking to me through the inside. "And so long as you wake me if you stop for food." He held up a little drumstick, biting into it. "This aint gunna cut it." With two more bites the bone was bare and he was back ruffling though the box we called a pantry. "Are there any more Doritos?"

I laughed, hopping up into the driver's seat and adjusting the bench forward… _way_ forward. "Depends if you ate them all yesterday."

I could hear the playful guilt in his voice. "Ahh, doesn't matter, I'll just finish off these grapes nuts dry." 

* * *

... . ...

* * *

It was hard to concentrate on the road with Jake and his heated hands next to me. After our little roll in the woods, and my stupid mini freak-out, we got back to our normal way of doing things. Just us; Driving. Eating. Singing. Laughing. Jake eating some more. After the cereal box was empty, he had curled up with his head on my lap, his long giant legs pressed into the far corner of the cab.

I had the music turned low as I just listened to his deep, regular breaths and the steady purr of the engine as we drove down highway 13 and eventually onto I-70. It was nice having his heavy warmth resting on my legs, my hands casually combing through his hair as he napped. It spoke volumes to me about his trust in me. Edward never let me drive. I could feel my own trust in him building, too. Not that I didn't trust Jake. I trusted him with my life. But I could see myself, more and more, being willing to trust him with my body. To open up to him… literally.

With Jake snoring away on my thigh, I made the decision to turn off the interstate and head on over to the winding roads that lead up to the ancient hills of the Grand Mesa. The climb was slow and steep, thick pine forests lined the road. They reminded me a little of home. Not as primordial green, or monolithic as the cedars of the Quileute forest, but still a little sample of the home we'd fled from.

I felt so much at home there, that I made the executive decision to stop up for the night. I was looking forward to seeing Jake enjoy the wilderness up on the mountains after seeing him so carefree today, during our impromptu expedition into the forest—if I dared call the small collection of trees we'd walked through a forest. This here… up in the mountains, _this_ was a forest.

I pulled off the road, onto the gravel road to the camp grounds and Jake woke, sitting up suddenly with the bumps.

"Where are we?" His voice was scratchy with sleep as he looked out the windshield.

"The Grand Mesa's. I like it up here, so I've decided that we're stopping here for the night. It reminds me of home. And I think it's somewhere decent that you can stretch your paws in."

"So long as you come with me." His arm reached up, holding the grab handle as he leaned in. His warm breath floated down my neck as he spoke. "I liked you riding me today." A shiver floated down my arm.

* * *

…

* * *

We were sitting on the edge of a sheer cliff, atop of the layers and layers of sedimentary rock that arose over the millennia. It was a freezing night, probably less than freezing judging from the wind blowing up at us. But it didn't matter to me as I cuddled into the giant wolf curled around me.

Jake had made me dress warm before we'd set off for our sunset hike. We'd reached this outcrop on the western side of the mountain just as the orange ball kissed the tree lined horizon. Together, wrapped around each other, we sat and watched it sink below.

There was still a pink glow to the sky and it lit Jake's fur to a vermillion orange. My hand looked tanned as I ran my fingers through it, over his flanks, scratching and smoothing down his ribs. The muscles lining his ribs were long and linear. They created a natural path for my hand to stroke down. The fur on his stomach was darker, it was black mixed in with the russet, and it was finer. The warm smoothness of his skin underneath showed through.

His eye caught mine as he rolled a little, giving me better access to his under side. My hands ran circled around his chest, my fingers scratched his chest and neck as he flopped his head back and his tongue lolled out. His legs stretched up in the air and his front paws curled against his chest. "You realize you're really acting like a dog now?"

His stomach jerked as he made a wolfy kind of laugh. He looked up at me, his eye sparkling in the buoyant moonlight as his back leg started to twitch, scratching the air in time with my fingers… like a dog. "Hilarious."

And then my hand rubbed a little lower, over his ribs and stomach. His leg stilled, and his laughing stopped. And so did my hand. Just above his dick. My hand was half an inch from Jake's dick. Only it wasn't Jake's. It wasn't the same as the long, thick thing that he'd let me see earlier in the day. That was all man. This... was the wolf.

My hand hovered above him. Volleying inside myself as to whether to touch him or not. It was freaking me out a little. In the end, Jake decided for me as his head reached up and gently grabbed my arm in his jaws.

Lifted his face until it was right next to mine. His giant brown eye looked at me. Jake's eye. It looked at me with the intensity of the seismic activity that created the very mountain we were on. Heavy and solid. He wanted it, too. But not the wolf.

I could see the shift in his eye, it dilated in the fading light. Ancient. Intense. The Wolf's eye. My Jake was pushed back until all i could see was the eye of the protector looking at me—through me. It was unnerving.

I pulled my eyes from the wolf's, looking out over the forest below.

I shifted to stand up, turning on to my knees, only to find my arm still tight in the wolf's teeth. It seemed it was still the wolf looking at me. I searched in the deep drown iris, searching for Jake. in that moment I wasn't sure if her was in there at all. I fought to push down the panic of being trapped in the wolf's mouth. I keep telling myself this was just Jake, not a wild animal.

But this wasn't really my Jake holding my arm; not in that moment as he held my are in his teeth. A small rolling growl came from his throat. This was the ancient protector sworn to destroy the undead. And his teeth were pressing down at my wrist. Directly over my scar. The one that Jake hated. I supposed the wolf abhorred it even more.

Would the wolf be able to differentiate between the sent of the scar and _me– t_ he human attached to it _._

In one quick motion, the wolf sprung to its feet and I was tripped up and pushed to the ground. I landed with a thud on the sandstone. A little whoosh of air escaped my lungs as my back hit the rock.

In a panic, I lifted up onto my free elbow and attempted to sit up so I could scramble backwards. I doubted the wolf knew the difference, all he could smell was a Cold one, and that meant destroy. I felt my heart instantly start to thump harder. My wrist smelt like a vampire to the wolf. The fight or flight adrenalin kicked in. I wanted to flee. I _really_ wanted to flee. I just wanted to get the heck away from the menacing jaws that could rip me to shreds in an instant.

I'd never felt that natural self-preservation with Edward. I didn't have time to consider what that meant about him and me. I should have been petrified the minute Edwards's lips—and razor sharp teeth— had come within inches of my throat. Supernatural or not, I'd been under some kind of spell. Stupid young love? Or something more deceitful?

But I felt that natural sense of self-preservation then. I loved Jacob. But his wolf was scaring the bejeezus out of me.

The wolf turned its head towards me and my arm had no choice but to move with it. The whites of his eyes glowed in the darkness as he stared at me. A soft, barely audible rumble came from the wolf. I felt it through the bones of my arm that was still held within his grasp. It continued to look at me.

It seemed like minutes of frozen silence were echoing around us and down to the valley below until the beast's nose twitched. I saw the look of revulsion as he scented the scar, and then a new look flashed through the animals eyes. He looked contrite... apologetic even. They finally softened until a warm, pleading question of trust then emanated from them. His head lowered until it was inches from mine and the glassy eye blinked.

The rumbling growl rolled into a higher pitched hum. Through the still clamped teeth around my arm I heard a whine. And then whimper.

It was a plea.

I stilled, trying to show my breath and my racing heart.

The beast blinked then, slowly and purposefully. When they opened, the wildness melted from the beasts' giant eye and a more familiar, comforting eye looked back at me. Dark and deep. Home. Jake.

He was still in there.

The forced myself to relax. To trust Jake. He'd promised he'd never hurt me. I believed him.

Softly, the wolf's large paw pressed against my chest, and I allowed myself to be laid back. A sharp rock dug in to my shoulder blade and his claws prickled against my chest; four small, pointed nails awfully close to my breast. It was distracting… unexpectedly, in a good way.

Once he seemed content that I was going to lie still, his paw raised and he shifted across my body.

His jaw opened, and my arm was pressed to the dirt. Slowly he lifted his paw from my chest and pressed it to my arm, pinning it down. The pad was soft and gentle, but still firm. I wasn't going to be able to move unless he let me.

Wolf Jake looked back at me. Softly watching. Waiting for something. He was waiting for me. My breath hitched as I tried to push my panic down further. I truly did want to trust Jacob; the man inside the beast. But the beast was huge and I knew its power and wildness. That wildness had scared me only a minute earlier. After months of never realising the dangers of being so close to vampires, I was instead suddenly acutely aware of the wolves razor sharp teeth. I had less reason to fear the wolf than I had from a vampire– that was _especially_ attracted to my blood– kissing my throat. I had been such a naive fool. But my blinkers were off now and I knew Jake had control of his inner–outer– beast. I just had to have faith in his love and gentleness and let that be my guide. I had to trust him.

I bit down on my lip, mustering the courage to calm myself. I looked back at him, our eyes were trapped in a flowing embrace. Just me and him, up on a mountain side. I let out a calming breath. I nodded, a sharp up and then down. I was giving him permission to do whatever it was he was silently asking permission for.

His tongue lapped out. It was wet, hot and rough as it swiped up the side of my cheek before he let out a soft yip.

Then his eyes hardened and he refocused on my arm, on the scar. He lowered his muzzle, sniffing and then snuffling at the apparent stench he found there. The whites of his eyes shone as he looked sideways to me briefly before lowering his head. He bared his teeth, the sharp dagger like canine tooth was exposed and looming over my arm.

I felt my heart splutter, racing like a galloping horse at the site of the white fang. I knew then what he wanted. He wanted to re-open the scar. Let the wound re-bleed. Purge the olfactory evidence. Create a new scar. One that might heal better.

A bit like my heart.

His jaw lowered, hovering over the raised silver mark. I wanted to look away. I never watched when I had a blood test or when I was being stitched up. But I couldn't bring myself to turn away or shut my eyes in that moment. Maybe I needed to be present and aware during this maiming. I needed to _see_ as he hurt me in order to heal me. I needed to give permission and take back some of the control.

The sharp, dagger like tooth pressed down, piercing the skin at the edge of the scar. It burned hot and cold both at once. It was sharp and relentless as he worked on. I bit my lip, holding in the little whimper pushing to escape. I forced my fingers to unclench from the fist they'd formed.

Carefully, with the accuracy of a fine artist, he sliced across the scar line. He carved his way in a semi-circle before turning and following the second line that made the crescent moon-shape mark. Curiously, it didn't bleed much. Only a small drip that flowed over my skin and dripped off, only to be absorbed into the dry earth beneath.

Jake shifted back, tilting his head so to have a better look at his handy work… his damage. He let it bleed for a few more moments, the dark red, almost purple liquid slowly oozed out of the wound. It was thick and viscid looking. It didn't smell like the metallic, iron scent that I normally associated with my blood. It was sweet and fragrant. I sucked in a shocked breath as it hit me. It was venom.

I had Edwards's venom in my scar.

He _had_ left a part of himself with me. And it was leaching out of me.

I was finally purging myself of him. Literally.

It was about a minute or so before the second smell hit me. Blood. It knew it was blood by the way my stomach turned at the scent. This was _my_ blood trickling out into a small four inch wide pool that the thirsty earth soaked up. It was flowing now; fluid, red… alive. It was blood as it should be… Human.

Jake looked up at me, his large, fury head nodding before his tongue swiped over the wound. Once, twice, thrice. Four long, careful licks over the stinging would. The blood congealed and settled quietly on my skin. It was warm, but not painfully so.

The wolf lifted his paw off my arm, letting me go. He sat back on his hunches and I sat up carefully. Waiting for the dizzy nausea that normally accompanied me and blood outside my body. But I felt okay; comfortable and balanced. Good… _Great_ even.

He tilted his head, assessing me, waiting for me to either faint or to run screaming off into the bushes. But I didn't do either. My head felt clear. And I felt warm— warmer than I'd felt in months.

The wolf stood then, and he bounded off towards the forest. He came back less than a minute later. Bare chested. Bare foot. Smooth, warm skin. Jake.

"You okay?" He leaned down, a soft hand brushing along my cheek.

I was. But there was a part of me still a little shocked over the suddenness and forcefulness of the wolf's actions. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry Bells. The wolf just… he just took over. I was fighting with him. He hated that scar so much. And it _reeked._ Like...that blood, Bella. It wasn't normal blood. You had _venom_ in you. It was _in_ you."

"I know."

"Did you see the color? To the wolf it looked silvery and not at all like human blood." The worry in Jake's voice made my heart hurt. I could see the tears brimming in his eyes at his fear for me. His concern. "I don't know if you could smell it, but god, Bell's. I don't know how much of that shit they need to change you, but the fucker must have left just not enough in there. I reckon it was to keep you compliant. Or needing them, or him."

"Jake, it's okay. I'm... I'm okay," I said softly reaching my hand to his. "Really."

He leaned in, pulling me into his chest and crushing me to him. I let myself melt into this hard muscles. I let the warmth seep through my skin and into the very depths of my bones. Jake radiated warmth and care. He glowed with it on a cellular level.

"No, Bells, it's not. The wolf, he… I'm sorry he pinned you down like that. I wasn't that honest earlier today. I didn't care _that_ much but _he's_ been stewing on it for days." He leaned into my hair, inhaling and pressing his lips to my head. "Oh God." He let out a soft, throaty moan. The air around us settling and charging both at once. "I didn't even realize how much it was affecting your scent." He sniffed my hair again. "Already you smell better."

I huffed a little, feigning insult. 

He hugged me just that little bit harder and lifted me, shifting me onto his lap. "You know what I mean. You smell you like _you_ now. The natural scent of sun ripened strawberries, not just the stuff they use to perfume your shampoo. Now that I smell the difference, I realize there was an artificial sweetness about it." He leaned in, his breath tickling and warm behind my ear as he drew in a breath. "Mmmh. This is all you, Bells. Natural." His hand smoothed over my shoulder and down my arm. His fingers were warm on the skin exposed from my pushed up sleeve. "Are you cold?"

I wiggled a little on his lap, settling in. "No. I feel warm here, with you." I did. I really did. I was warm. It felt so good to be actually _warm._ When I really thought about it, I hadn't felt truly warm since that fateful day in Phoenix.

His strong hand tugged gently on my sweater sleeve, pulling it _almost_ all the way back down. He lifted my wrist, turning it this way and that into the moonlight.

I lent my head against his chest and watching as he moved my arm. It somehow felt like this new scar was Jake's now, it belonged to him. This part of me was also a part of him. We shared something in it.

I settled in against him further, resting in his strength and feeling right at home in his arms.

His thumb brushed over the fresh red and crusted wound. "This feels warmer now." He lifted it up, his nose sniffing before his lips pressed a soft warming kiss over the wound. "And it smells normal. Like you, and a little of your blood… and me."

Finally he let go of my arm, the last of my sleeve covered my wrist and the scar slipped below the fleece. His hand cupped my cheek, tilting my head before he lowered his lips to mine.

"Thank you for letting the wolf do that. It was massive for him"

"You scared me for a minute, I'll be honest. I wish I'd had a little notice. But now that it's done, there's a serenity and quietness in me." I bit my lips between my teeth, considering just how better I felt inside. "I really feel better, but I didn't even realize anything was wrong. Everything's just… it's just warmer. And calmer. And alive… I feel… I feel _alive_." I stretched up, pulling him down into another kiss. The sound of our soft lips pulling apart cut though the cool night air. "Thankyou."

His eyes jumped between mine, back and forth, soaking in whatever it was he saw in me. "I really love you, Bells."

I shifted, kneeling up as I flung one leg around his waist so that I was straddling his lap. His hands settled around my waist as mine hooked around his neck. I slowly lowered down. The swell of my breast sliding from nearly his eye height until my butt settled on his crossed legs. My pubic bone pressed into the bulge at his crotch. "I love you too."

All at once, our lips met. Hard and wet, and passionate. The control of the last half hour and the unsaid promise from the woods earlier that day all exploded in a heated jumble of need. His tongue nipped at my lips, asking entry into my mouth. His hands weaved all over my back, cupping my ass and tangling through my hair. My hips took on a mind of their own, rocking back and forth into his denim covered erection. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't want to stop for air.

Eventually our lips parted. Both of us were gasping for breath. Our hips were still rocking gently into one another in time to each labored breath. Jake pressed his forehead to mine, the back of his hand softly swept down my cheek, down further along my throat and then over my jacket. His large hand covered the fullness of one breast as he rubbed and massaged. His heat burned though the material. It set me alight. "How would you feel about a really fast wolf ride back to the van?"

I lifted my legs, hooking them around his waist, pressing my hips to his. "Let's see what this thoroughbred can do."

* * *

 **A/N: I've always wanted to do a 'venom left in the scar' sub-plot. and I'm glad I found a way to get it into my first Bella story.**

 **Thank you all so very, very much for you wonderful reviews this week. It seems you all were so happy to see our love** **birds finally moving forward.**

 **The site wasn't letting me reply to reviews over the past few days. It's just come back online today, but I thought I'd spend my time posting this chapter instead of writing back.**

 **But thank you any way. I read and cherish each one.**

 **As always. Thank you Aretee for being such an _Avid_ Beta. (see what I did there!)**

 **I know I promised more citrus, but I forgot about his chapter. There was love and trust in there instead. There's a whole bunch of lemons coming up in the next few chapters instead.**

 **Have great weekend.**

 **Cheerio. MarinaNamaste.**


	11. Chapter 11- He gives me Goosebumps

**Here is my latest chapter a day early, you know what that means...? I might just give you an extra chapter this weekend before I have to go back to work.**

 **For all you you girls out there that wanted a little more loving between our hero's, here it is.**

 **Forewarning, if you're not a fan of the really sour lemons, you'll probably want to skip over the second half of the chapter- I don't tend to to them by half's. If you ARE a fan of hot, hot, lemon pie however, then please, read it twice ;-D**

 **Thank you Egratia for Beta-ing for me. You like our boy in the shimmering moonlight?**

 **Enjoy folks.**

* * *

 **Chapter 11- He gives me Goosebumps.**

I was lying in nothing but my jeans and a tank as Jake's lips explored the newly exposed skin of my collarbones. The hardened bar of his erection was trapped behind the fly of his cut offs as he pressed it into the top of my leg. He rocked it back and forth against me, building and prodding. I'd never felt Edward like that. Hard. He'd always left a polite amount of space between us. Edward would have thought the way Jake had pressed his need in to me, shifting and grinding, far from polite. He would have said it was vulgar.

I didn't think it was. I thought it was natural and honest. Jake wanted me, and he wasn't afraid to show it. I really liked it. Actually, I liked it a lot. I liked the feel of it pressing against my leg, I'd liked to look of it earlier today in the woods, and I was pretty sure I was gunna like the feel of it inside me if we ended up naked. It was hot and hard and a symbol of Jake's brute masculinity. I shifted and pressed my leg firmly against his bulkiness.

His lips left a wet line over my skin, trailing down until his face nuzzled between my breasts. His hand slipped up my side, rippling over my ribs and causing a tightening in my stomach. He looked up at me, his dark, dark eyes careful and hopeful as he searched mine though his lashes. "Can I touch you Bella?"

My lip slid between my teeth. I licked them slowly, patiently. He was so beautiful; truly, ruggedly handsome. My hands smoothed across the mass of muscle over his shoulder and arm. How was it that I had, at some point in my small, human life, the privilege of being loved by two such perfect beings? Edward had loved me, but he'd never touched me… not really, not like this. Jake loved me, he'd told me so many times, and he couldn't stop touching me. It felt amazing. I felt very desired.

.

* * *

It hadn't taken us long to get back to the van after his wolf and then the man had cleaned up the fresh scar on my wrist. I'd climbed aboard Wolf-Jake and he'd set off through the dense forest at a blistering pace. I'd leaned forward, wrapping my arms and legs around him and stared at the dark forest floor as it whizzed by. It was fast— I'm guessing as fast as any vampire, but again, I couldn't help but notice how much more natural and fluid it felt to be on Jake's back. My body rocked and swayed organically against his, the warmth and softness of his fur comforted me, so too did his quiet, rhythmic breath. I felt at home with the wolf. Safe.

He'd stopped at a small brook off the lake where we'd camped at and crouched down, indicating for me to hop off. It was a beautiful little spot. The moonlight was reflecting off the water, and there was pockets of mist rising up from the shallower, sun warmed water into the cooler air of the night.

I could hear a lot of the nocturnal animals amongst the trees. There was a cacophony of harmonies; some deep, some piercing. All of them were calling and beckoning to their potential mates. In the distance, off behind the cliff face we'd just come from, a wolf call began to sound. It echoed across the water. The wolf next to me seemed to smile, his tongue lolling out as his mouth pulled against the sides of his serrated like molars. He circled around me, his tail curling around my waist as he looked at me and rubbed his muzzled against my jaw and then lowered, between my legs. It was hot and warm. I felt my physical reaction to his brazenness instantaneously.

Then he very pointedly sucked in a long, drawn breath and sat back on his haunches. With his neck stretched upwards, he let out a series of short yowling sounds before they stretched out, and the short sounds unfolded into a long, acclaiming howl that reverberated through my chest and wrapped around my heart. I was happy to simply watch and in awe at the magnificence and profundity of it all.

I'd never been up close to a wolf making its song, but I knew Jake was louder than his native cousins. Simply his size would amplify his voice, but there was something about the pre-eminence of the wolf who was staring at me, and scenting me that made me dip my head to the side in reverence. This was the alpha wolf, staking his claim, making his territory. Claiming his mate. Me.

Jacobs's deep, richer timbre was the last of the howls to echo down the valley as the wolf song ended.

* * *

The beast turned to look at me. The soulful eyes of my Jacobs looking back at me. Then he reared up on two feet as the air around us began to shimmer. I blinked, my eyes closing momentarily. As I opened them, standing there in front of me, naked as the day his was born, was Jacob. His hard, proud errection pointing directly at me.

Jacob stepped closer to me, his eyes shifting up and down the length of my body. His dark eyes shimmered in the darkness. The heat and desire that his body was revealing was almost as palpable in his gaze. Fully clothed, with heavy winter gear on, I'd never felt so naked in my life, and yet, I didn't feel exposed in the slightest. I wanted Jake to see me, all of me. Inside and out.

He stood close, hovering as we both savored the torture of being so closeness but still not touching. His breath blew gently over my temple and I closed my eyes. I could hear his breath, heavy as he willfully controlled it. The heat from his skin above his heart warmed my cheek. My heart thundered under my ribs as they expanded and contracted with each ragged, wanton breath. Then he moved and his fingers edged under the anorak I was wearing, to my flannel shirt underneath.

I heard the ripping sound as a long straight piece of gingham tore away. My eyes opened in surprise and I looked up at Jake in a silent question.

He lifted my arm, turning it so that the pink, bloodied wound on my wrist was face up. "It's weeping."

I looked down to it, waiting for the wave of nausea at the sight of my blood to hit me, but it never did. I just felt the freedom of it. The warm sense of belonging and clarity that I'd been feeling in the last half hour since the wolf had sliced it open and purged to venom from me. I didn't feel nausea. I felt warm. From the inside out.

His fingers were hot and sensitive as they gently wound the cotton around the fresh bite mark, tucking an edge under a loop.

The majestic man stood tall then, and steeped a few paces to the water before stooping down and washing his hands. I watched his nakedness as he hunker down at the water's edge. My eyes gulped-in the sight of his hard, muscled back, down the long lines of strength that ran along the length of his spine, down to the rounded asset of his butt. The muscle in his shoulder and arm shifted and bulged as he moved his hands. His tan skin seemed to luminess in the moonlight as his reflection shimmered in the water. I was mesmerized.

He leaned forwards, cupping a hand full of the still, crystal liquid to his lips.

Flicking little droplets off his fingers, he wiped his mouth before he turned to look at me over his shoulder, his eyes burning and intense. "Have a drink Bella, you lost a little blood before, you need to replenish."

Like a moth to a flame, I joined him, crouching by his side at the water's edge and scooping up a handful. It was cold and fresh, with a slightly metallic yet clean tang to it. "This water tastes delicious."

We both stood then, drawn together by an invisible pull that seemed to mirror us together. Like we were two halves of a whole. Or maybe the key to the other; just a small part shared with the other, that together unleased such greatness. Such overwhelming desire. Such love.

His hands rested on my hips as we stood face to face, only inches between us. His deep dark eyes were staring at me, shared with the man was the ancient beast who'd just howled his devotion to the moon. Jacob to protector, _my_ protector, was staring at me with the intensity of man in love and an animal consumed with desire. "Nothing is going to taste as good as I imagine _you_ will, Bella."

* * *

.

* * *

Jake shifted, sliding down the mattress we'd been sharing for the past week or so, his feet hitting the rear doors. The van swayed as he moved, the lines of his abdomen rocked into my hip. He arched down and his lips pressed a hot, sucking kiss against my shoulder, his lips bit at my skin as he pulled back. His cheek brushed against the side of my breast as he tilted his head up to look at me. "I wanna taste your skin, Bella."

He ran a thick, broad tongue up the side of my arm, regarding me through his lashes all the while. He blew his warm breath in the wake of his tongue and watched the little lines of goose bumps surface. His voice was rumbly and deep against my stomach as he spoke. "I want to see if I can give you goose bumps everywhere."

His hand traced up the outer line of my thigh and the backs of his fingers dragged over the denim and played at the bottom of my tank, ticking my stomach. "May I?"

I shivered. A hot, expectant tremor rippled through me as my back arched and I pressed my shoulder blades into the sheets. His eyes left mine and slipped down to the little B cups I was pressing forward. "Please," I whispered.

I sucked in a breath as he slowed everything down. Our almost frantic exploration was now reduced to gradual climb to the peak.

His huge hand slinked up, covering one breast through the little white cotton and lace camisole I had on.

"You're so beautiful Bella," he whispered, gently gripping and playing with the soft breast as his other hand slid up and slowly, carefully, pulled both the tank and my bra strap off my shoulder. He ran his nose along my collar bone, kissing the tip of my shoulder before tracing over to the other side and repeating... only this time he used his teeth to pull the straps down.

His kisses peppered over my throat slowly, carefully making his may down my chest until he reached to edge of the material. His hand left my breast and his fingers curled over the edge of both of the barriers left between us. "I want to kiss you everywhere," he asked, looking up at me again as his fingers started to pull down, "is this okay?"

I pressed my lips together, lifting in to a smile. I understood this boy, the wolf confounded and intimidated meat times, but his boy, the man he now was, I knew. And I wanted to him to know _all_ of me. "It's all okay." I whispered. "All of it."

His eyes left mine as he watched his own fingers pull my top down. The elastic stretched under his hands, bunching, as inch by inch my smooth white skin was uncovered. The wire of the little cream cotton bra I had on flipped, inverting so that my breasts were suddenly out for him to appreciate. Jake made a quiet little hum of pleasure. I hoped he liked what he saw.

I could feel my heart pulsing behind my ribs and in my ears. Thumping out a hard, heavy, excited beat. I'm sure he could hear it.

* * *

Jakes eyes flashed to mine again, in the small lantern light we had hanging from roof I could see his dark pupils yawing wide into his deep, brown eyes. He looked hungry, yearning, burning. Both his hands came up and cupped around the sides of each breast. His hands were hot and rough, but his touch was gentle and a little unsure. The beast may have been sure and ancient, but the man was still sixteen and hesitant. I didn't want him to be unsure… I wasn't. I wasn't any more experienced physically than he was, but I _was_ sure of three things: of him, of me, and of _us._

We were discovering this thing we had together. We were sharing in a long list of firsts.

My arms wound around his neck, the little makeshift bandage he'd wrapped around my new wound pressed into his back. My elbow hooked around so that I could pull him down to my lips again. "I love you, Jake. I trust you." My lips traced over his cheeks, the rough thin stubble on his chin scratched and prickled in a way that made me want to run my lips over more of him; and to have his lips on more of me. "Do what you want. I want it too."

He moaned as he dipped his head like the teenage boy he really was. "Oh Bella." He shifted, moving his entire body down a half foot. His fingers drew circles around my nipples, playing with them until they were hard and erect. His tongue poked out and slowly he drew a large circle around my areola, blowing on the wet he left behind. I looked down and caught the little smile of satisfaction gracing his luscious lips. "Goose bumps everywhere."

His tongue rapidly flicked against a nipple and his mouth covered it as he began to suck. He made long, pulling draws that gripped me from the inside out. His tongue took over from where his fingers had left off and I threw my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes as everything started to sparkle inside me.

We didn't speak again for a good fifteen minutes. Jakes lips were preoccupied, and my brain was an addled mess of delightful sensation. The heat. It was… I used to think the cold of Edward's kiss was thrilling. It wasn't. It was cold and it numbed my skin. This heat— Jake's warmth, it set my skin alight and electrified every nerve. It seeped into my bones and balanced my soul. A part of him unlocked a part of me that lifted my soul to another realm.

His lips kissed their way back up to my mouth and his body slinked up too. I shifted, pressing my thigh against the hardened length that I'd felt earlier. I did that to his body. My kiss. My breasts. _My_ love.

* * *

My fingers played along the lines of his muscle. They traced along the edges of his arms and shoulders, around his back and then back down each little square of his abs. I could feel his stomach roll and tighten as I tickled my knuckles along the edge of his cut offs. His hips jerked as I lowered my hand over the hard bulge in his pants.

Slowly, trying to tease and build, I loosened his button. Jake let out a little moan in the back of his throat as the tips of my fingers pressed the zipper of the fly down, stroking over him on the way.

I knelt up a little, shifting so I could see. I been feeling the length of his erection against my leg all night. I wanted to see it again. Before today, I'd never seen a man's penis. Or at least up close. And certainly never a hard one. And lord was Jake hard. Not hard like the marble inflexibility of Edward, but a hot, pulsing, living rigidity. Like the blood flowing through Jake's body had been redirected and was now straining towards me.

"Oh my God," I whispered as the zipper lowered and his long and thick penis was freed. I'd been thinking about what it would feel like to touch Jake this way. Intimately.

I wanted to know if it was as hot at the rest of him, or as solid.

* * *

My hand shifted down, automatically wrapping around it. My palm was instantly warm. I savored the heat and smoothness of the skin covering his shaft. He was _hotter_. And just a solid.

Tentatively, I gripped him tighter, moving my hand up and down. The skin pulled and covered over the bell shaped end before retracting back on the down stroke. "Oh my god," he moaned as I moved my hand again and again.

Jake's hips rocked in time to my hand, straining and pressing himself deeper into my fisted palm. He moved us so that we were on our sides, face to face. My clothes and my pumping hand were the only things between us.

He wound his hand under my head and pulled me into his lips. Softly his mouth curved around mine as his tongue played with the tip of mine. His other hand tugged at the mess of bra and tank forming a crumpled band around my ribs. I sat up a little to pull my shirt all the way off. My lips left his and my hand left the warmth of his shaft for a moment.

He let out a little moan, at either the sight of me topless or— as my hand wrapped back around his erection and I continued to pump— the pleasure he was receiving. I think it might have been both.

His free hand cupped around a breast, massaging and fondling. He had rough calluses on the ends of his fingers that scuffed at my nipples. He had the hands of a man. They stimulated with each aching pinch.

"Oh god, Jake. God that feels good." I wanted to know what other parts of me he could make ache. I wanted to know right then and there.

It hadn't even been a whole twenty-four hours that I'd declared my love for Jake. Not even a day had gone by that we'd shared our first kiss. And there we were, nearly naked. Until we weren't _nearly_ naked any more and we got _actually_ naked.

Jake kicked off the last of his clothes, towing his twisted shorts from his ankles as his fingers deftly undid my jeans and he tugged them over my hips.

"Bella," he breathed between kisses. He hovered above me, one knee was between my legs. "I want you. All of you."

"I know. I can feel it." I didn't just mean the hot, hard cock pressing against my leg. I meant I could _feel_ it emanating from his very being. His love, his desire, his want. I didn't know if it was the beast or the man, or both, all I knew was that I wanted it too.

He brushed a stray hair back off my forehead. "I mean it."

"So do I," I smiled, lifting my leg and pulling the ankle of my skinny jeans off my foot and wrapping my leg around his waist, pulling him closer to me. The line of his penis pressed against the outside of my wetness. A pleasure pulsed through my abdomen. "I want all of you too."

I reached up, kissing him with a moist, open mouthed tongue. I could never kiss Edward like this; rough and heated… with teeth. It was primal and raw. It was such a turn on.

Jake kissed me back, one hand fisted in my hair and pulled me closer to him, and the other grabbed another handful of breast and he kneaded the soft flesh he found there. I tilted my hips, letting the length of his shaft run along my folds, covering it in the lubricating slick and stimulating my center all at once.

I could feel myself building. The slow and steady track up to the top. The peak. The climax.

* * *

We shifted so that he was lying between my legs, on top. He kept on rocking along the outside of my folds. Sliding back and forth, each rock pressed into my clitoris and drove me closer to that peak. I was ready for more, my body and my heart.

Jake lifted his hips up as my hand reached between us. The dick was wet now; slippery and shiny. My hand glided up and down his length. His hips coordinated with each stroke.

My chest was heaving with each breath. His hand fanned across my chest, palming one breast then then the other. He tweaked a nipple, carefully twisting and pinching the rosy peaks. I shut my eyes as I quivered out a tremoring breath. A shuddering moan escaped my lips at his touch. Every nerve across my skin seemed primed and responsive to his touch. I held his penis, pumping and shifting it lower, closer. I opened my eyes to find Jake watching my face, his eye locked on mine. "I'm ready." I said, pressing his tip at my entrance. "Right here. Right now."

He stilled. His hips were suddenly motionless.

His hand left my breast to cup the side of my cheek. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you look right now?"

He shifted, kneeling back and knocking his head on the lantern hanging from the roof. The lines of muscle along his ribs rippled as his arm reached up to steady the light. "You're like a beautiful angel; a princess."

His finger played with my lower lip, flipping it seductively as he drew a line over my chin, down my throat and between my breasts. The back of his fingers drew a line down my belly and across the soft curls before a single finger traced a route along my inner thigh all the way down to my ankle. Goose bumps erupted on every slice of skin he touched. "Every last inch of your body is perfection, Bells. Do you have any clue how spectacular you are? How much I want you? How _long_ I've wanted you?"

He didn't wait for me to answer. He stooped down, pressing his lips to me. Less frantic, more controlled. "You're a virgin, right?"

I nodded. Even though we'd not actually had that specific conversation. It seemed it was a given seeing as I'd admitted to him that Edward has been my fist boyfriend and that we'd nothing more than cold, demure kissing. "Then were not doing it here— in the back of an Aerostar, with a crappy foam mattress and an unpowered camping site."

He lowered back on top of me, his skin warming me and his heat comforting me. "You deserve the Taj Mahal or the Waldorf-Astoria. The least I'm gunna give you is running water and Egyptian cotton when we share something so special."

I sat up, leaning back on my elbows. The tips of my nipples were rising and falling with each panting breath. I could feel the coil of tension primed within me.

He was being a gentleman.

I didn't want a gentleman.

I wanted a man.

A hot, hard muscled man to fill me to the hilt.

I didn't care where we were. All that mattered that it was Jacob. His hands and his body. On me. _In_ me.

I wanted him.

He lifted his hand, brushing my hair back off my face. "First thing tomorrow I'm gunna find us somewhere special. Somewhere romantic."

* * *

My eyebrows rose, the simmering fire in me felt like a pot that had come to the boil with the lit still on. I was jittery and steaming. I wanted to shatter from the inside out— with Jake as the detonator. "Are you serious?"

He lay back down, one leg draped over my thigh as the flat of his hand made long slow figure eights around my abdomen and breasts. He leaned in, kissing the small notch behind my ear as he pinched a nipple. "Dead serious."

I sucked in a heated breath, writhing and shifting, desperate for that final release.

"I don't care." My breath was coming in short, breathless pants. I rolled back on to my side so that I could grip his still hard and throbbing member. "I'm happy here."

Each whispered word accented by a thrust of my hand. "This is romantic enough." Up and down the smooth skin.

"I want you, Jake." Sliding over the head, smearing some of the moisture around the defined ridge.

"Here." I held his penis hard, firmly stroking, over and over. Jake obviously liked it.

So did I.

I could feel the wetness pool between my legs. "Now."

He let out heavy, rough moan. His eyes scrunched up and his abs tensed as I pumped. His hand settled on my hip, sliding over my bottom. He captured a handful of softness, massaging and grabbing. Then his fingers slid around the front, dipping between my legs and submerging in the moisture.

I felt a sharp zap of pleasure as his finger flicked at my hard and aroused center. He flicked it back and forth a few more times, each time earning him a hard, corresponding tug as my body juddered beneath his hands.

"I don't mean let's stop." He half laughed, half whimpered as I kissed at his throat, sucking and flicking my tongue against the raspy stubble. "I just meant no sex."

He moved to kneel between my legs and he pressed my knees further apart. Jake licked his lips, staring at my open, glistening center. His fingers rippled through my outer folds, playing and tickling. He pressed at my labia, sliding his finger back in forth.

I let out a moan, closing my eyes and pressing my head back in to the soft pillow. His finger circled around me, testing at my opening. I could feel the little pull of tension as his fingers circled the edge of my entrance. His thumb flicked my clitoris as his fingers played around my vagina. "No penetration—" His finger entered me, I felt it slide up along my inner wall, pressing, "—At least, not tonight, and not with my dick."

He lent down, his breath tickling against my cheek. "Is this okay though?" he whispered, suddenly unsure again. "It's not hurting you, is it?"

My hand reached up, cupping along the square of his jaw. I pulled him down for a soft, affirming kiss as his finger pressed deeper inside me and his thumb kept flicking against my clit. "No, it's perfect," I assured. "Just keep doing what you're doing. It's amazing, Jake. Amazing."

* * *

He purred along my throat, down over my collarbones before his mouth latched on to a rigid peak, sucking in time to his thrusting and flicking fingers. "I want you to cum Bells. Will you cum for me?"

I rocked my hips, tilting my pelvis to give him better access. I reached for his shaft, rolling my fingers along his length, softly caressing. "So long as I can make you cum as soon as I'm done."

He pressed his length in to my palm, before kissing my chest and pinching my clitoris gently. "I'm counting on it."

He moved then, pulling his penis from my hands and settling at my side. He lay over me as his lips pressed hot kisses on my soft mounds and between the valleys. "Lay down Bells, let me give this to you. We've got all night. I can have my turn next."

He licked a large circle around one breast, spiraling until his tongue flicked at the relaxed nipple. Then he blew, eliciting a sprinkling of goose bumps on the heated skin, the soft, dark, puckered skin hardened as the nipple stood up erect, asking to be sucked some more. "Yeah," he whispered, a self-satisfied grin across his lips. "I love doing that."

I lay back, reveling in the feelings coursing thought my body. His lips as they whispered across my chest, caused the rose-tipped buds to become rigid with desire. The deep, yearning feeling as his finger buried inside of my depth pressing up and intensifying each touch as his thumb rhythmically tapped back and forth.

It built steadily, the pleasure mounting. My body moved on its own, bucking and writhing. I needed more. I was waiting for more. "Oh Jake, it's good. So good. I need…" My head tossed from side to side searching for the high that was just out of reach. "I… I don't know."

"May be this will help." He added a second finger, stretching me a little more. "You're so wet, Bells. Come on, cum for me sweetheart."

"Oh yes," I hissed as the burn morphed into a pulling, pulsing accent. My breath was coming in breathless, urgent gasps. Quiet whimpers of pleasure caught in my throat.

The pleasure pulsed, building from inside my core, spiraling and spinning in a heated sparkle of delight. It consumed every fiber of my body and I exploded in a frenzied mass of rhythmic convulsions.

Jacob's lips found mine, capturing my heaving breath as his fingers stilled and he gradually slipped his fingers from my still quivering opening.

Through the slits of my eyes I watched as Jake lifted his fingers to his nose, inhaling. Then two fingers entered his mouth and his lips wrapped around, slowly sucking my quim from each one. His eyes rolled back in his head. "Mmm, you really are something special, woman."

* * *

I lay there, in a light pool of bliss, floating in the endorphins until my breath steadied and I found myself returning to my body. "Okay, that was…" I rolled curling into Jacob's side, my hands fanning over the bulk of muscle across his chest. God he had amazing muscles. "That was the most amazing thing in my entire life."

I lifted up, kissing the underside of his jaw as I ran my nose along his throat inhaled his raw, musky man smell. I pressed my mouth to his, my tongue tasting and savoring the sweet, nuttiness of Jacob's kiss. I really liked kissing this man. I loved it. "I love you."

He wrapped me in his arms, tenderly peppering soft kisses over my face. "Love you too, so much."

I lent up on an elbow, my hair falling over my shoulder and down the pillow he was resting on. My lips stretched into a smirk. "So, do I taste as good as you'd hoped?"

He bit his lip, smiling as he nodded. "Better."

I reached down to his still somewhat turgid shaft, watching it grow in my hands as I lightly stroked. "I wonder if you taste as good as your mouth does." I firmly tugged a few times. Twisting and rubbing around the sensitive skin.

He sucked in a breath and his eyes closed. He arched his back off the bed. His voice was husky, rough. It was as masculine as the hot, rigid flesh in my hands. I bent down, my mouth wrapped around his straining shaft. "Oh Fuck. Bella."

* * *

 **MWHAHAHA! Yes I'm leaving it there.**

 **More to come in a few days.**

 **Let me know your thoughts.**


	12. Chapter 12 - Hundreds

**Chapter 12 - Hundreds**

Still descending from my own full bodied orgasm, I crawled down the length of Jacob's figure. I kissed his lips and tasted his skin as I trailed down his chest, licking a line of sweat the length of his sternum. He tasted salty and hot. His hands never stopped touching me, sliding his fingers over my back and my ass as I gave each little square of his eight pack a soft, promising kiss. I felt an uncontrollable urge to taste him… _all_ of him.

"Oh Fuck, Bells," he moaned as my lips wrapped around his shaft and I slid my fingers through the soft, dark hair surrounding his magnificence. "This is better than anything I could have ever dreamed of."

The heat immediately hit me. Jacob was hot, but his dick was even hotter. It set my senses on fire as it burned in my mouth, searing as my tongue wrapped circles around the bell shaped head. He was thick, and he was long too. My mouth was almost at full spread to wrap around him. But did it, molding my lips and sucking the heated, turgid shaft into my mouth. The saliva pooled and lubricated the movements as Jake began to softly moan and press himself deeper into my mouth.

I looked up at him and crawled my way up his body, my hand still pumping along his erection as I pressed my lips to his. "You know, I have no clue what I'm doing?"

He moaned, kissing me with a smile on his lips, our teeth clicked gently against the others. "I'll tell ya now, you're a freakn natural." He opened his eyes, gently holding behind my neck and studying me. His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. He must have seen the honest nervousness there. "But I'll help you if you want."

His other hand gripped around mine, guiding my fist longer and deeper down his length, showing me what he liked. "After all, I've done it hundreds of times before."

He moaned again as I gripped him tighter. Then the hand behind my neck directed me back down, aiming my lips straight for his waiting, still wet dick.

His comment threw me for a moment. I suddenly felt grossly under experienced. He knew about my virginity, but I knew nothing about his level of expertise. Judging by his _top score_ with my buttons on the last level ten minutes ago, he was obviously already an expert. A little part of me felt a rush of jealousy. Had he pleasured other girls with as much passion as he'd done me? Had he enjoyed their pleasuring as much as he seemed to be enjoying my ministrations?

It wasn't a conversation to be had as the head of his aroused flesh stood proudly, inches from my lips. I decided it didn't matter anyway. It didn't matter who'd he'd fucked in the past. Or who had brought him to his climax with their mouths before… hundreds of times. I was going to be better than them. And anyway, this wasn't _fucking_. I knew that much. It was _love_ , and we were making it.

I wanted to be his _best_. I demanded it of myself. Not for simply the sake of competition. But because I was determined that he'd never want to look at another woman again after I was done with his body. This wolf was mine from now on.

I pushed the jealous thoughts from my mind and let the lustful, needy ones flood in. Like a child in a candy store, my mouth wrapped straight around his lollipop. It was Jake flavored… my favorite.

In and out he slid, each time my lips formed around his head, wiping along the sensitive ridge and tightening at the apex, before taking him back into my mouth. My tongue swirled around the thick, engorged head. The very tip of my tongue licked the ridge, playing with it back and forward, enjoying the texture of him. I shifted, sucking on the very tip before drawing all of his thickness into my mouth in one fluid move. Over and over I repeated the sequence. He moaned every time I did it.

In barely five minutes, the colossal warrior-man was reduced to a puddle of malleable dough as I pleasured him with my tongue. I felt powerful. I felt sexy. I'd already forgotten what I'd been worried about five minutes ago. The moisture pooled between my legs. I enjoyed doing this _to_ him… f _or_ him. It was my pleasure too.

My hand then formed around his shaft, following my lips and pulling the skin back as my mouth moved down and a rhythm started. Back and forth my head bobbed.

One of his hands folded though my hair and the other grasped a handful of breast, massaging and tweaking. It felt good. I shifted, straddling his leg as I pressed my own need into his knee and rotated my hips I a circle.

With a loud pop, I sucked my lips off the end, looking up at him from between his legs. He lifted his head of the pillow and looked down at me, his eyes dilated and his nostrils flared.

He groaned as he watched me wipe a flat, broad tongue up from the base to the tip. "Oh, shit." My lips circled around the glans tasting the salty, thick fluid escaping and then my tongue traced back down his length again. Thin lines of my hair as it fell across my eyes had created a blurred image of his hungry stare. I'd watched him as he watched me lick down the long, smooth skin, and then further, nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin below.

I opened my mouth wide again, sucking his balls into my mouth as my hand continued to pump along his length. My tongue tickled him as my hand kept moving. I shifted my mouth back to his shaft, still keeping eye contact and took him as deep into my mouth has I could in one clean thrust.

We broke eye contact then, he threw his head back, arching his back off the sheets as he let out a long, hedonistic cry. "Bella, yes. Oh god. Take all of me. Please." His voice croaked as his breath left in him in one long, ecstatic call. "Just relax your throat and take me."

His bend his leg, lifting me up on that one sweet pivot-point of pleasure until I lifted up until I was on all fours. I pushed my hips down to increase the pressure. I hummed out a small moan of pleasure as his dick moved deeper in to my mouth, sliding along my tongue and pressing to the back of my throat. I felt the gag rising—he was long and thick, and hard in my pharynx, but I curbed it. I wanted to do this for him. His need and plea for me to take all of him only turned me on further. I closed my eyes, focusing on doing as he suggested and relaxed my throat and imagined swallowing.

"Oh my… that is amazing, Bells. You're fucking _amazing_ at this, woman."

I didn't have any experience to compare. But Jake said I was good… and he'd done it… _hundreds of times._ The grimace of pleasure on his face had seemed to prove it. I never thought I'd have found so much pleasure in giving him pleasure.

Jake's hips continued to buck back and forth as I deep throated him for as many thrusts as I could manage. I didn't count, but it had to have been close to _a hundred._

I pulled back with a smile before wetting my lips and letting my teeth gently scrape along his length. I focused back to his erection, lightly playing with the swollen tip. Soft kisses pressed around the bell, nipping with my lips round the sharp ridge before taking him back into a long, slow suck. My hand all the while still gripped and stimulated the base of his dick as I drew my tongue over. His hips had kept up their rocking, demanding a wild pace from my mouth. He shifted his knee again, pressing it over and over against my wet heat.

I'd wanted to show him how good I could be. I wanted him to know I was the best he'd ever have, but he was also the best _I_ _'_ _d_ ever had and he was _darn_ good at it. I couldn't help but let my throat relax as I focused more on the developing climax inside me. "That's it baby." His hand wrapped around my hair, pulling it into a pony tail that he maneuvered my head with. "Suck it. Take all of it."

Jacob's brow tightened in concentration and his lips were trapped hard between his teeth while his hips thrust into my waiting and hungry mouth. "I love your mouth Bella. Your pink, pouty lips look fucking spectacular wrapped around my dick. I knew they would." I let him fuck my mouth. I wanted him to. My head lowered to meet each hard, deep drive that he thrust into the wet slaver I let pool.

* * *

The van was quiet. All I could hear was the soft creaking of suspension as we repetitively and rhythmically moved. Jake's breaths came harder and faster as he built. The messy sound of saliva and suction as my lips formed an 'O' around his cock harmonized with heavy moans.

"Bella, I'm gunna cum," he panted, his hand still held me consenting hostage by my by hair. I shifted the angle of my mouth, letting the length of him slide along my pursed lips. I licked a circle around his head, still pumping my hand at a steady rate.

"Where do you want to cum Jake? Tell me what you want."

I continued to beat at his shaft, a tight fist pumping along the soft, wet and slippery skin. He was silent, only gasping as he stayed trapped inside his own pleasure. My hand slowed and I lifted my mouth from him to look up. "Tell me, where do you want me? I want to do this for you."

He growled then and sat up, taking me by the waist. My hair fell in a cascade over my chest as, in one fluid motion, he flipped me, throwing me down on the mattress and knelt over me.

"Beneath me," he growled as his hand reached around his own manhood, pushing my hands away while his other hand drove my knees apart "and it's not about me. We're doing it _together_."

His fingers soaked in my wet. They ran over my folds until his index finger pressed on my clitoris. He bent down, sucking on my earlobe and blowing. "Always together." A shiver trickled down my throat and puckered at my nipple.

I couldn't have held in the moan if I'd tried.

I was still sensitive and aroused from my earlier climax. The knee pressing and just the act of pleasuring Jake had only added to the arousal. Each little press of my clit sent a tremor rippling through my muscles. I was quickly reaching my summit again.

I opened my eyes, looking down the length of my body to see the Adonis man come back to a kneeling position between my open legs. One hand drummed eagerly at my center while the other beat a steady, almost violent rhythm as he pleasured himself.

His eyes met mine. The raw, primal yearning pulsed between us. Jake's wolf had removed the scent of his enemy and his rival hours earlier. Now the man wanted to mark me as his. He wanted his scent all over me. I could feel the instinct prickle through me. I wanted it. I wanted to be bathed in his scent also.

"Do it." My voice was husky and full of carnal delight. "Cum on me Jake. Cover me in your hot, creamy seed." I knew instinctively that he wanted to. I was talking to his wolf. The animal inside that had demanded the cold ones scent be eradicated from me. He needed it replaced by his own scent. Now.

He growled out a response, pounding wilder still at his length. His finger slipped inside me as he increased his punishment on my engorged pearl.

However he'd learned how to pleasure a woman so well, I was thankful at that moment that he'd been such a good student… _hundreds of times_.

The wolf had never loved those girls. Deep down I knew that.

He bent down, taking a nipple between his teeth and bit gently. I felt the heat rise up in me. Swirling around my body, converging at my clit and diving inside me. My legs tensed; straight and stronger than I'd ever felt before. Jake helped me find my strength in so many ways. My hand gripped at the sheets as the other gripped at my breast, desperately trying to pinch the other nipple just as hard as his teeth were.

I could feel my stomach shudder. It made sharp, jerking lurches with each frantic hit to my clit. My legs tensed further, they stretched out tight and stiff as the pleasure had built.

"Oh Bella." Jake had tilted his head heavenward, I could see in his face the agonizing pleasure ripening. The muscles in his arm bulged and twitched as he jerked himself.

Sill swirling inside the building please inside me I took the time to watch him. To feel the love we were sharing. It was more than simply physical. It was a sharing of bodies, and or our minds and our spirits. His spirit warrior was so close to the surface, I could sense it. It was the man I'd fallen in love with over the last few months who was with me now though.

* * *

My eyes roved over him. He was magnificent like that. His chest was firm and proud, the muscle in his neck strained as it stretched upwards. His abs were tight, bunching together like a washboard. Thick, corded muscles in his forearm strained as he'd gripped his penis like a vice. He moved supernaturally fast, his fist looked like nothing more than a blur, a streak of tanned skin vibrating around his mesmeric shaft. I watched as a pearly liquid beaded at his tip, glistening and hanging there like a dew drop on a leaf in the morning. A thick, hard, _long_ leaf.

I'd wanted that thick length inside me, immediately.

I got his _expert_ fingers as a substitute. A quite a satisfactory substitute, none the less.

Two fingers thrusted firmly and deeply inside as his thumb had pressed harder at my clit. He pushed and he pushed, until the pressure of his knuckles against my sex finally took me over that second cumulative edge. "Cum for me now Bells. Come on. Now!" The pleasure spiraled up inside me, spreading out like lightning across my skin. My body arched up as I screamed out my second climax for the night.

Jacob met my scream. He roared out a deeper, more resonant cry. He pumped his length as long hot ribbons of semen jettisoned out from him. It spurted across my chest, covering my throat. He pumped again, covering my breasts.

Without a second thought, I unclenched my fists from the bed-sheets and smoothed the creamy fluid over my skin, reveling in the musky, sweetness that the wolf bestowed on my body. I wanted to be covered in his scent—badly.

It was definitely not something I'd fantasized about before—rubbing semen on my body in lieu of sex. But at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to feel his body and anything it could offer me either in me or on me. I understood then how the wolf might want me to wear his scent, but I didn't know why _I_ was so… stimulated by it; why _I_ wanted it so badly.

Something deep rooted and hidden within me had reared its head and the wanton woman inside purred like a contented kitten as she rubbed her mate's potent essence into her soft, milky skin.

* * *

Jake looked down at my body, raking his eyes over my nakedness until our eyes finally meet. They were dark and ancient, yawning wide as the wild animal inside him watched on. He pumped his straining member once more and angled the last, flooding spurt downwards, soaking across my hips and the petal-soft folds beneath. The inside of my thighs dripped in his seed. My sex was sopping with all he had to give.

Jake's hand left his shaft and it pressed into the mattress next to my shoulder as he collapsed partially on top of me. His fingers slowly slid out, curling over my thighs. His chest pressed to mine and I could hear the soft rumbling purr coming from him as he'd massaged over my pelvis and stomach. "Mmm. That… that Bells, was something out of this world."

I hoped it was the best he'd ever had… without actually having sex.

He leaned into my neck, kissing the still thumping pulse point. I lifted my chin to give him better access. I wiped my hands on the sheets as I shifted, rolling towards him and then felt down the mounded rise of muscle on his arm. My hand flowed down, over his forearm and wrist until I scooped around his hand and twisted our fingers together. Palm to palm. Soul to soul.

I lifted my head off the pillow, smiling as he kissed me softly and sweetly. I pulled back, my head flopping down in a cloud of contented bliss. "Who needs sex when we can do _that_?"

He'd laughed gently to himself, the puff of air escaping his lips had tickled down my throat. My nipples tightened. I couldn't have imagined my body had any more to give. Or receive. "Oh, I'm pretty sure, from what I've seen, that nothing beats sex." He gave my hand a little squeeze. "We've just got to be patient."-

* * *

-oO*Oo-

* * *

We woke the next morning still wrapped around one another; still naked and sticky from the wonderful mess that covered my skin.

I was still weird that I'd loved it on my skin so much. Maybe my body reacted to his animal within more that I'd realized. It felt uncharacteristically good to be scent marked by my mate though. Mate? Where had that come from? Is that what we were now? Mates? I imagined that's how the wolf saw it. I kind of liked that idea too.

I reached my arms above my head, stretching and letting out a satisfied and contented groan. "Good morning." My breasts rose with my arms and two velvet peaks emerged out from the sheet that had been covering my chest.

Jake's gaze zeroed in on my nakedness. "Why yes, it is." He smiled as he rolled over, covering me with is body. I liked the feeling of his weight on top of me. It felt loving and safe. He was warm and hard against my softness. He leaned up, hips pressing his morning glory against my body as his hands cupped either side of my breasts and took a pebbled pink tip between his lips.

I think he was going to be making up for lost time for a very long time.

He gently squeezed each soft, ripe swell, alternating between long, broad strokes of his tongue and blowing cooler breaths of air to raise the gooseflesh that had hardened my nipples to diamonds. "That's never gunna get old."

* * *

I moaned, bending my knee and wrapping a leg around his butt. My hands searched over his shoulders. I loved the way his shoulders were so broad and strong, the way the muscles of his arms bunched as he hovered above me.

We might have been _mates,_ but we weren't in the truest sense, not yet. We were best friends, and a weird version of boyfriend and girlfriend. But I wanted the humans in us to me more than a couple though, I wanted us to be _lovers._ "Is it first thing in the morning yet, Jake? Can we go find this _Taj Mahal_ I apparently deserve? Last night was amazing, but I still really want you. It's like an aching inside me. I need you to fill it."

He let out a long, amused but sexually frustrated breath. "Christ Bella. Tell me what you _really_ feel. Do you know how hard it was to put the brakes on last night and not just slam into you?" He thrust his erection into the length of my outer pleasure to make the point. "But you _do_ deserve the Taj Mahal."

He slid his hand down my body, gliding over my side and hips where he wrapped around my thigh and his fingers played with my delicate softness from underneath. "This _is_ a palace." He kissed me softly, lightly pressing his finger on my sensitive bean. The animal in him growled softly. Then his hand shifted over my inner thighs and he ran a circle down the soft skin there, then up through the dark curls above, all sticky with dried spunk. "But the moat, it's a _mess_." The beast was gone in the morning light, the boy was back instead. My boyfriend.

I pushed him off of me and sat up, burring my hands in my face. The boy was back and the girl in me was embarrassed at her heathen actions from last night too. "Oh my god. It's your mess!" I could feel the heat spread over my cheeks and extend down my throat and chest.

He sat up next to me, the sheet falling just over his hips, half his naked and tanned butt peeking out. "I know, I know." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and I leaned in to his heat, pressing my heated face to this even hotter chest. It was nice to just be held. Animal or not, I felt so at peace in Jacobs arms. Whole.

His hand brushed over my searing cheeks, and ran a flat hand down. "I always wondered how far down it went."

I looked up and our eyes met in the dawning light. "What?"

"The blush. It floods down until it blends in with these." He gently lifted each breast, testing the weight and spiraled a thumb over a rosy circle, coiling inward until he flicked the still hardened nipple. I felt the thrill shoot down my abdomen and settle deep inside me.

It didn't bother me that he'd thought about what color my skin was below my shirt line or what my pert, little breast looked like naked. I liked it. There were moments where the sixteen year old boy surfaced, but more times than not, especial while we lay naked in each others arms, Jake was a hot-blooded man. My man. He liked boobs. He liked _my_ boobs. And the woman in me liked that.

* * *

If I was being brutally honest, I'd thought about the color of his skin below his waist line too… I'd thought about it before we'd even run away. I'd thought about it as I'd watched him bent over as he tinker with the bikes. I thought about it as he'd taken off his shirt to use it as a bandage on my head when I'd fallen off. _Sort of_ beautiful… I was _sort_ _of_ a moron back then. And I'd thought about the color of his skin below the waist line as we'd lay side by side and head to two on the back of the truck. But now, as of last night, I finally knew. It was just as tanned— even darker when hard and standing proud at attention too. I felt another tingle between my legs at just how hard it had felt around my tongue last night.

I'd enjoyed myself last night. More than I ever dreamed— and we'd not even made it to real sex yet.

That was tonight.

* * *

He scooped my hair behind my ear and a finger pressed under my chin, lifting my face so that he could kiss me. "I love you."

I couldn't help the little smile of appreciation that drifted through me. He loved me _and_ he was a generous Adonis. "I love you, too."

"It was a pretty good night, though. Pretty amazing. Right?" He seemed a little unsure all of a sudden. As if the two earth shattering orgasms he brought me to— with nothing but his hot body and five skilled fingers— weren't enough evidence of how well I'd enjoyed myself.

"Yeah. It was more than amazing." I reached my neck up, turning into him and pressing my lips to his. My hand wrapped around the back if his neck and my fingers threaded through his short, glossy hair. I pulled him down onto my mouth and he opened for my tongue to flick at his teeth.

He moaned as our tongues touched and his hand shifted over my ass. He lifted me and placed me in his lap. I kneeled up, straddling his crossed legs, his hard shaft pressed optimistically between us.

"I wanted to thank you, Bells. Even though it wasn't _all the way,_ it was still special."

I pressed my forehead to his, letting the love energy flow between us. "Yeah. It was." Our hands linked, palm to palm and the energy flowed further. "I can't imagine the real thing can get any better."

We sat there in mutual silence, for minutes on end. I could hear the morning call of birds outside the van, the soft hush of voices from across the grounds and the steady whoosh of our shared breath. We were content to share space and time together. To simply _be_. And to simply do it together.

* * *

Eventually he sat back, freeing his hands. They rested on my hips before his fingertips lightly tickled lines up my ribs and over my breasts. Now that he could, it seemed Jacob couldn't help but cop a feel any time he could.

He traced over my shoulders and down my back before his hands gripped the roundness of my bottom. "Let's go take a shower. Together. I want to know how it feels to wash your body in soap."

"What… Here!?" My body bubbled at the thought of his heated, rough hands sliding over my wet skin, but the amenities at the park were separated by gender. I'd thought we'd have to save something like a shared shower for the privacy of the hotel room he was so intent on taking me to.

"No, the Taj Mahal. Yes here!"

"In the public bathrooms?"

He smiled at me, his perfectly white teeth lit up his face in the shadowy, burgeoning light of the morning. "They have doors to on the stalls you know."

"Yeah, but one of us has got to walk into the wrong room."

"We'll have clothes on… until I take them off of you," he smirked. "And if it makes you feel any better we can use the ladies bathrooms." He ran his hands up and down my spine before gripping my hips and shaking me against his erection. "I don't mind the girls thinking I'm about to get some."

My hands ran down his arms, they angled beneath his elbows and then drifted up and across his chest. My fingers weaved around his shoulders, then neck, as I lifted up to kiss him.

"Well, when you say it like that… we'll use the gents."

* * *

 **Thanks to my Beta Aretee for all her work on this chapter. I've gone an done a heap of rearranging and changing since she edited it weeks ago, so all the mistakes you see are mine. (if I had more patience and was more organised I'd have sent it to you Les. But I don't.)**

 **A sincere thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I've been so slack PM-ing you all. Know that I do read them. In fact I generally run over to my phone or whip it out of my bag when it dings with a new email. They are lovely and very kind. thank you... you know who you are.**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's pretty much just smut and fluff, I know, but I hope you thought there were a few little love moments in there at times... _hundreds_ of them ;-D Silly Bella, so insecure.**

 **Our two lovers are on the road to the top of that cherry tree. What surprise will Jake have in stall for her next chapter?**


	13. Chapter 13- Blinded by Love

**I promised you all a chapter on Friday, well it's Friday here in Oz so you get it now instead of later. This chap is pretty short, so to make up for it I'll post again on Sunday (which timezone is anyone's guess)**

 **Thank you to everyone who kindly reviewed and who have joined this story; welcome and thanks.**

 **And thank you Aretee for your superb beta-ing.**

* * *

 **Chapter 13- Blinded by love**

After a very sensual shower, we packed up camp and headed along the winding roads of the southern slopes of the Grand Mesa. Phone reception was virtually nonexistent on the plateau and sketchy at best, in the foothills. Jake had been staring at my phone all morning, searching for a hotel or Bed and Breakfast that he deemed suitable— when he could get data service.

He refused any of my help as he searched online for a place for us to stay the night. He wasn't letting me in on the surprise… yet. But I did know what he wanted to find: somewhere romantic and somewhere private. Somewhere with electricity; and running water; and an actual bed. A bed that we planned on using well… very well… hopefully more than once.

The location of this special place was all a big secret though… a surprise. Generally speaking, I hated surprises. But I already knew _what_ he was looking for. And _why_. It was just the _where_ he was still working on. I didn't mind that kind of surprise so much. I was actually looking forward to it.

We'd been getting low on food—Jake's appetite would have been hard enough to keep up with at home, let alone doing it out of a portable cooler with ice and the plastic tub we bought at the Thriftway as a pantry. They were both abundantly stocked now. Bursting with bulk packs and filling kinds of food, canned and fresh. Oh… and condoms; we'd bought a twelve pack of them. The extra-large kind.

* * *

We were sitting in a park, off one of the side streets of the little town of Cedaredge. The dappled light was filtering through the branches of the giant chestnut we'd settled under, it was mostly still bare of leaves, apart for the small buds sprouting from the few warmer, longer days of spring we'd had so far. I sat watching Jake, enjoying the way the hard, toned lines of his body rippled under his clothes as he moved. I knew how good he looked under those clothes. I knew how good he looked, _and_ how good he _felt_.

I was nibbling on the top of an apple and cinnamon muffin we'd bought from the local food store. They were a good price, $3.99 for the half dozen. A little dry. I was pretty sure I could make them nicer, but they were fresh and still slightly warm; they made for an easy late-breakfast. Jake had inhaled the other five in the short drive it took us to find the park.

I watched as Jacob wandered a few feet away from me, his hands totally distracted from me or from food at that moment. One hand was pressed to his ear as he talked on the phone. The other hand was draped around a pole of the children's jungle gym he was pacing around. His long fingers causally held the thick post, circling and shifting up and down the smooth painted metal absently. I suddenly had the urge to become a swing set.

.

I reached into my bag, pulling out one of the fresh, red apples we'd just bought. "Jake! You want one?" He was still pacing around the empty playground, still talking on the phone… just like he had been for the past twenty minutes. We seemed to get good reception in this town.

At my voice, he looked over, nodding—as if he was ever gunna refuse food. He held his hand out and I threw it his way. I'm a really bad thrower. Lucky for me, Jake is an exceptional catch. He stepped the three strides forwards, stretching his arm out and capturing the little rosy ball just before it hit the ground.

"Yeah. Okay," he said into the phone. "We'll see you around eleven," he nodded as he began walking towards me. "Alright. Bye." He hung up the phone and tossed it on the blanket I had spread out over the newly sprouting spring grass.

"All sorted?" I smiled up at him, biting my lip. I knew it was useless so ask for any details, this was his special gift for me. He wanted my first time to be special—no popping of Bella's cherry in the back of an Aerostar. At first, last night when I'd been laid bare in his arms and on the brink of climax, I'd not cared where we were. But now that the need had smoldered down to just a slow rolling simmer, I was happy he was so romantic.

But we didn't have the funds to go spending hundreds of dollars for a luxury getaway. As noble as his intentions were, we were still on a shoestring budget. I didn't need the Taj Mahal, I had Jake. But he was determined. He'd already spend the time coming down the mountain calling his father, and then Embry.

Jake had a piggy bank, in the shape of a garden gnome, hidden between the end of his bed and the dresser. We'd finally gotten to a point where we were gunna need the $148.11 in it. Plus the shell for the Volkswagen he was working on. He was hoping to get almost a grand for that heartbreaking sale. Apparently Embry was headed to the bank to put the coins in the account Jake and I were sharing. The car was already on Craig's list.

He sat down beside me, taking a giant, quarter of the apple in one bite. Chewing, he lay back and rested his head on my lap. "All sorted."

I looked at my watch— it balanced out the thicker, cream colored band of cloth I still had wrapped around my left wrist— it was a little after nine. "So we'll be there by eleven?" My heart sped up a little, the butterflies in my stomach taking flight at the thought of us bring in a place of our own so soon. My body was already at eleven o'clock. It was already getting ready for him. Earlier, I'd surrendered to the idea of having to wait all day to finally have him. This plan of his was _much_ better.

Jake took my hand, bringing the clean bandaged wrist to his lips as he inhaled. "So much better," he mumbled on the linen. "Clean and warm. It smells like me a little still too. You smell fucking perfect, Bells." His chest rose, the little crumples in his t-shirt stretched and straightened to accommodate his size as he filled his lungs. Then he tuned his head, pressing his nose into the lower half of my stomach and he groaned. "Between your pussy and the little bit of my scent still left on your skin it's gunna be a long hour and a half."

I squirmed a little, tilting my hips so I could relieve a little of the pressure between my legs on the rough blanket beneath me. "It's gunna be so worth it."

He hummed his agreement as he slowly brought the half eaten apple to his mouth and bit. I bent over Jacob's face, brushing my hands through his hair and gently scratching my nails over his scalp.

He closed his eyes, chewing absently. "Only an hour and a half to wait. We can do it, Bells."

I bent down further, taking him by the face and kissing him upside down. "Can't wait."

* * *

.

* * *

Just shy of an hour and a half later, somewhere outside of a little town called Cimarron, Jake pulled up on the rocky side of the road. The tires rattled and slid in the coarse grit. He killed the engine and silently walked around to the back, his bare feet silent as he moved. Then the back door opened and I turned around in my seat. I gripped at the seatbelt as it dug into my neck, watching him rummage through the little bag of first-aid supplies we'd bought from the drug store back in Cedaredge. The rear doors slammed shut and he stepped to my door, opening it. I turned, looking for the buckle to unclip it.

"Leave it."

My hands stilled and I turned back. I could feel the simper grace my lips. "What on earth are you up to?"

He looked at me, the silent darkness of his eyes was lightened by the late morning sun that was shining on his face. "Do you trust me?"

"You know I do."

He held his arm up, a little white bundle in his fist. "Then close your eyes," he whispered.

I did.

His fingertips brushed lightly over my brows, the heat relaxed my soul and I felt a little tingle as he lightly traced over my lips. I felt his face glide over my cheeks and then the soft warmth of his breath touched my lips only moments before he kissed me.

He pulled back with a soft clicking sound that echoed between our lips. His hands traced over my shoulders, his fingertips skimmed over the swell of my breast, circling my stomach and running a line down my inner thighs until he stopped at my knee. Then he turned around and did it all in reverse, back up my chest, dragging a line up the side of my throat, stopping at my chin and cupping my jaw in his hand and kissing me one more time.

"I want you to be excited. Anticipating. Mindful of your body and how it's gunna feel. Because I'm gunna make you _feel_ , Bella. Pleasure inside your body, your soul and in every inch of your consciousness. We're gunna feel it together."

My heart thudded, pounding in my chest. There was something so dominant and sure about Jacob's words. It made me have no doubt of his sincerity, or his ability to deliver in his promise. He'd been so focused and determined to make his fantasies a reality. Sex… with me— on a giant bed, in the middle of nowhere. I pressed my thighs together, shifting as the tension began to build.

I might not have realized it for as long as Jake had, but being with him like this was my fantasy too.

I felt him step closer, leaning into the car a little. His heat radiated of him, it smoothed over me and brought a heated, wanton prickle over my skin. He could give me goose bumps just by being close.

Then he proceeded to wrap a bandage around my head; over my already closed eyes.

I was blindfolded… Jake style.

* * *

We traveled along the road. Slowly winding. Lucky I wasn't prone to motion sickness. It felt like we were moving gradually upwards. I'd felt a pressure in my ears a few minutes earlier that I'd cleared with a clicking of my jaw and a fake yawn. The windows were down and the wind blew through my hair like whirlwind, buffeting and flapping like a jet. John Cougar Mellencamp was in my ears, his rough, gritty voice was blaring out the speakers, singing about makn' it hurt so good. All day long. It took my mind to the very near future and what the rest of the day was going to hold for us. For _me_.

Was it gunna _hurt so good_ , or was it just gunna _hurt_? I had no doubt that last night had been extraordinary. Jake had done extraordinary things to my body. It was like he knew instinctually how to pleasure my body. Every touch, every stroke only seemed to lift me higher and higher until I'd loss all sense of time and place… twice. Or was it just because he'd had so much practice. _Hundreds of practices._ A part of me wanted to know _how_ he'd gotten so good; or more to the point, w _ho_ he'd gotten so good with. Whoever she/they were, she'd/ they'd never given him pleasure in quite the same why I had last night. He might have learned how to take _Virginia_ to her heights, but she'd never gotten that good at taking him to his peak.

But I had.

And I hoped it had been as good for me as it had been for him… at least that's what he'd said. May be he'd said that to all the girls. His harem of one hundred.

.

* * *

The van slowed, and it bounced as we traveled over much rougher terrain for what, to my blindfolded senses, seemed like a mile or two.

I felt Jake take my hand, giving it a little squeeze. "Just a few more minutes, we've just got to be patient."

The apprehension I'd forgotten about from the previous night all came flooding back. I'd let myself forget all the nervousness. Jake loved me. He'd said so hundreds of times. _Hundreds of times_.

How was I going to keep up with _hundreds of times_? In the past I'd never felt like the unworthy, imperfectly human with Jake as I had with Edward. Jacob was just… Jake. He unconditionally loved me, bruises and all. He was goofy and sometimes slovenly. He had messy hand writing and couldn't cook for shit. He was a werewolf. But to me, we was _human_ all the same. We fit together. But he was so much more experienced than me. I didn't feel supernaturally inferior, but I did feel woefully inexperienced as a teenage girl. Apparently 'sex god extraordinaire' had been overlooked on my list of Jake's attributes. And now woefully inexperienced me, and my virgin—but still coveting— vagina, were nervous again.

I willed my traitorous heart to settle as I nodded, gripping blindly onto the side handle as we pulled to a stop. Jake got out and I heard the jingle of keys, and him talking to a woman. I wondered if she was one of the hundred.

I was being ridiculous.

A minute or two later, I heard another car drive off in the direction we'd just come. My door opened and I jumped a little.

"Ssh, it's just me." His body leaned over me and his heat washed over my breasts. He unclicked my seatbelt before his hands wound under my legs and behind me as he scooped me up. I yelped a little as he lifted me, my arms wrapped around his muscle neck to steady. The heat of his skin seeped though me. It warmed the bandage at my wrist and the wound underneath buzzed in a warm, electrically pleasant kind of way. My body rocked into his as Jake carried me, still blindfolded, across a gravel road. His flip flops crunched with each step. I pressed my face into his chest, inhaling and letting myself relax at the musky, pine bark smell that I loved so much. "I love you, you know?"

I felt him lean down and press a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Ditto."

Jake stopped and he let my feet go so I could stand up. Still in darkness, he wrapped an arm around my waist, holding my rear to his hips. I leaned back against him. His hardening erection already fighting in his pants pressed against my rounded bottom.

I wiggled my ass against his straining masculinity. Without my sight, my sense of smell was heightened, and all I could smell was the faint scent of wood smoke and Jake. His musky, woodsy scent surrounded and permeated every fiber of my being. He was my ambrosia.

"Have I been patient enough? Can I look now?" I wanted the surprise to be over so that I could get my real surprise. My _real_ gift... My Jake.

"Mmm," he moaned as my hand started to stroke over his expanding fly and he inhaled the scent of _my_ growing need. "I can't believe we're really here. That you get to be my number one, Bells."

My hand stilled. A little irk of irritation fought with the lustful desire. All of a sudden my insecurities about my inexperience bristled into irritation. He didn't have to keep rubbing it in like that. I didn't consider my self a trouble maker or one of those high maintenance girls, but I didn't want to hear any more about his other conquests moments before we did it. Maybe I was about to kill the mood, or ruin what we had before it had even really started, but I couldn't keep it bottled up any more. Doing that had nearly killed me last time. and I was done being kept in the dark. I was learning from my mistakes. I was going to call him on it.

Still blindfolded, I lifted my chin and put my hand on my hips. "Don't you mean _one_ _hundred_ and one?"

* * *

 **See... short but sweet and in desperate need for the next chapter- SOON! Sunday, I promise.**


	14. Chapter 14- Page One

**Thank you all for your wonderful reviews last chapter. So impatient! ;-D. so here is your reply in the form of the next chapter.**

 **Thank you L for you Beta. Always prompt and never needing it sent though twice... unlike other beta's I'm friends with.**

* * *

 _" **Mmm," he moaned as my hand started to stroke over his fly. "I can't believe we're really here. That you get to be my number one, Bells."**_

 _ **My hand stilled. A little irk of irritation fought with the lustful desire... "Don't you mean one hundred and one?"**_

* * *

 **Chapter 13 – Page one**.

He laughed at me.

I felt his head flick back, his chest pressed into my shoulder blades as he let out a long, cackling bellow.

Had he actually just _laughed_ at me?

His hands still held me firmly around my stomach. "Sure, sure Bells. That's me… the playa of La Push."

I pulled out of his hold, stepping away as I tore at my bandage-blindfold, releasing it off my face. I let it hang in loose folds around my neck. I turned to face him, my hands back on my hips again. "It's not funny, Jake."

He smiled, shrugging and pressing his lips together to hold in his infuriatingly insensitive hilarity. "Sure it is." He steeped towards me, a single hand reaching out to mine.

I didn't want his heated touch messing with my mind. I'd gone almost fifteen minutes blindfolded and not being able to look at him. Just looking at him and his brilliant smile was distracting, he was as beautiful as ever— even when he was smirking like a jerk.

"It's not." I shook my head, stepping back in counter to his step forward. "You could be a little bit more sensitive about it, you know."

His smirk faded then, replaced with confusion. The jerk didn't even realize that it smarted to learn about his previous conquests. He didn't even get that telling a girl, you claimed to love, that there'd been _hundreds_ before you was possibly something of a _sensitive_ subject. His head cocked to the side as he steeped closer. "Sensitive about what?"

I shook my head, looking down to my boots and the pale sandstone stepping stones underfoot. He just didn't get it.

I turned around then, putting my back to Jake. My eyes closed and I sucked in a long, emboldening breath. Then I let it out in one long, decisive exhale. It stupid jerk really had no clue.

He moved around me, making me face him, "I don't think we're on the same page here, Bells. Would you mind telling me what the hell's got your panties in a knot all of sudden. I thought we were about to have the best freakin' afternoon of our lives and here we are, finally at a place of our own, _literally_ on the front steps, having an argument that I have no clue what I've done wrong."

I looked up, beyond his shoulder to the quaint log cabin we were standing at the front, short stairway of. I was too caught up in his _hundreds_ to appreciate the subtle beauty in the cabin he'd searched all morning for. "You know…"

Jake shifted, his broad shoulders blocking my view of the cabin. His hand cupped around my cheek, silently asking me to look at him. "No, I don't know. What the hell are you talking about Bella?"

My hand reached up and pressed over the warm palm that was lovingly holding me. The same hands that touched me in way I'd never imagined. Hands that had touched so many before me. My eye traveled down his arm, soaking in the way his caramel skin smoothed over his muscles. Muscles that had bunched and tensed as he'd moved over me last night. Muscles that probably bunched in just the same way _hundreds_ of times before. I blew out a frustrated breath, finally meet his eyes as I stepped back.

"Look at you. You're _you_." I thrust two hands forward, palms upward in a desperate plea to the gods above. "You're beautiful, and you're perfect and you know exactly what you're doing and you did it perfectly. And I'm… well… well I'm _me._ And I have no clue." My hands fell, slapping quietly on my thighs. I wiped them up and down on the denim to stave off the tingling need to touch him again.

Jake's eyebrows turned down and his head cocked to the side in confusion. "What do you mean you're _you?_ " He seemed put out by my comments. Then his brows lifted and he placed a hot, soft hand on my arm. "Don't say it like that. You're _you,_ Bella. Bella Swan, the girl who features front and center in every single one of my fantasies."

I broke with his eye again, watching the fine curl of brown smoke wafting out from the brick chimney above us. It swirled and flicked, until finally dissipating in the increasing wind. "I feel like the flavor of the month right now."

He stood up taller, sucking in a breath. "What the hell are you talking about woman?" Then he stooped down, both hands now holding me captive by the shoulders. "I'm crazy about you. How have I ever given you the impression that you're nothing but a passing phase?" He didn't wait for a response. Jake's hand flicked off my arms, gesturing to the house only three steps up the porch.

The house he'd found for us to _fuck_ in.

But if I was being honest, it was never that. It was always going to be making love. He'd never _really_ given me that impression. It still stung to think there'd been so many before me though.

I could see the hurt building behind his expresso-brown eyes. I'd hurt him by doubting him and his sincerity. "I've loved you pretty much all my life, Bells. What's got you doubting that?"

It was hard to show how deeply my insecurities lay. Edward's abandonment had left a space that ran deep and absolute. My arms wrapped around my middle as I felt the fissure reopen slightly at the memory.

I was silent to Jake's simple question.

I saw a little wall lift up in his eyes. And he pulled his face slightly away from mine. "If anything, _I'm_ the one who should be doubting _your_ feelings, Bella." He pointed an accusatory finger at me. "You've been holding yourself together with nothing by your _forearms_ for the last five months over an old, dead parasite." He lowered his face, his lips only inches from my mouth. "But I'm not." I felt his warm, spiced breath blow over me, and the fissure inside me re-closed. "I'm not doubting your feelings for me."

He stood taller, looking over his shoulder to the cabin and stretched a long, strong, muscled arm back. "Look where we are. We're here to share something special Bella. What's wrong?"

His arm came back and settled on my hip as he turned towards me. I let it stay, the heat soaking thought the thin t-shirt I had on. "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, so obviously you do."

"The hundreds before me, Jake!" I spat it out before I lost the nerve. "Edward and I did nothing but kiss with a blanket between us. And now I know how cold and reserved even that was. But you… you've done _everything_ already. And I have no idea with who. And you're so good at making me feel good. And I'm scared I'm gunna suck at it. And its gunna hurt because you're huge—and I mean huge." I looked down at his crouch, my eyes bugging a little before shutting them. They re-opened into his worried and love filled orbs. I paused, swallowing hard and licking my dry lips." And I don't want to simply be another girl to add to your list."

He brown creased further and his head shook gently back and forth, puzzled. "What list?"

"The hundreds?"

Somehow, his brow creased even further. "What hundreds?"

I tisked, the jerk really, _really_ had no clue. "Last night. You said you'd show me what you liked. You said you'd done it 'hundreds of time before.'"

Comprehension washed over his face. The scowl of confusion softened to concentration. Then his eye brows lifted, and a so too did his lips. A wily smile spread across his face as a chuckling laugh bubbled up and out of him.

Getting laughed at was getting really old, really quick.

He grasped me by the face, one palm pressed into each of my cheeks. He squeezed, pushing my lips into a forced pout before pressing a hard, happy kiss to my mouth.

I tried to pull back, pushing at his chest and tying to move my face. But I was held tight. My kiss forced against Jake's as he continued to chuckle against my lips.

"You're such a dork," he said as he let my face go.

"Why? I think I have a valid reason to feel just a _little_ jealous."

"Bella." He let go of my face, skimming his hands down my shoulders and along the length of my arms. I felt the goosebumps rise despite myself. He held my hands, turning them and linking his fingers through mine. "You're jealous of my _hand_." His grin was splitting his face.

"What?"

His teeth bit his lips together, trapping the simmer of laughter he was trying to keep in. It wasn't working. He licked his lips, steadying himself and his giggling fit. "Come on Bells, it's not what you think. Sure," he nodded, "I've had hand jobs before. But never with another _actual_ person." He lifted our linked fingers, looking down at them as our palms pressed flush together and he gripped tighter. "It's only ever been Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters… and my imagination, Bella. I had my hand, but it was always yours I was dreaming of Bells." He pulled our joined hand together and kissed my knuckles. "This is gunna be as new to me as it is to you, sweetheart."

New to him? I'd been wrong. And I couldn't have been happier about it. I felt all the tension and worry wash out from me. It left behind the girl who had knelt at his feet and reveled in touching him. The woman who had laid back and let the euphoric pleasure he'd given wash through her body. I cursed Edward for creating such an insecure girl. This was Jake. _My_ Jake _._ My sun. He was warmhearted, and loving, and _hot_. And he burned _only_ for me.

He only ever had, and he only ever would.

"Oh." I felt an embarrassed flush wash over my cheek. Prior to last night, he'd only ever felt pleasure from himself. "You do that?"

He stepped back, finally letting out the unbridled laughter. Jake was never one to hold a grudge. He wasn't one to wallow or persist… or to mince words. "Of course I do. I'm a sixteen year old guy."

"But you said that you _knew_ sex was better than all the stuff we did last night."

"Bella." He shook his head, not believing that I'd let my imagination get so far away from the truth. "I'm trapped inside the heads of four other guys." He tapped his forehead, reminding me of the telepathy he had with his wolf bothers. "Two have… steady girlfriends, and one's fucked pretty much every chick in La Push— and most of Forks to boot. They have very strong feelings on the subject, baby. Trust me, as far as their concerned, nothing beats the real thing. Especially when it's with a woman you love." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling his hips closer to his. I could feel his need growing. "I love _you,_ Isabella Swan. I want to share this with you, and _only_ you. And only _ever_ you. Will you let me show you what love we can make together?"

I let my worry float away on the cool breeze blowing out from the hillocks behind. "Jake." I lifted up on to my toppy toes, pressing my breast against his hard warm chest. I felt a shiver quake though me. It was a deceptively cool afternoon for March, our new elevation calling for a lower midday temperature. I wasn't dressed for the cold. His hands roamed around the bare skin of my arms, the goose pimples from cold were now from his warming touch. He kissed behind my ear, heating the skin of my neck with each warm breath. He held me, his supernatural heat warming my body. His love warmed my soul. "I love you. Show me how you love me, Jake. Show me."

.

* * *

We stood, leaning against the railing that led up the three stairs for ages; kissing and touching each other's re-awakened bodies. We were reacquainting ourselves with the feel of each other's form. Everything started to take on a new meaning to me now; now that I knew I was the first girl ever to be granted the honor of touching the lines of his magnificent body. I wanted it more than ever. But on the same note, I had an unexpected up-welling of patience. I knew he'd waited for me, just like I had for him; we could take our time to enjoy our first moments together.

We pulled out our kiss, both winded, both of us excited and aroused. I pressed my head to his chest, happy to feel the rise and fall of each panted breath. The quaint log cabin we stood by came into view. It was old, with raw, weather timber logs piled upwards to a high pitched roof with lichen and moss growing on the shale. The house was set up on stilts, a few feet off the ground. The steps where we stood led to a wide, inviting porch that spanned the front of the home. Two rocking chairs sat to the left of the front door. Variegated ivy hung from baskets, spilling down in a flowing waterfall of green and off-white. It was a beautiful place. _Perfect_ , even. It was a place that memories were made. We might have been away from home, traveling and stopping at will. But it was _no_ vacation. Even for one night, we were gunna leave all our worries behind.

"What happened to the hotel?"

"Too predictable." He smiled, winking as he took me by the hand, leading me up the three little steps. "Too many people around in a hotel, and a B & B have shared bathrooms. I want you all to myself. I want it so that you can scream the house down and not a soul will hear. I want to have you in the shower." My body tremored at the thoughts of or bodies united in the privacy of a hot, steamy shower. Warm and wet, his body holding me tight. "Our shower, not some public cinder-block stall with an old perv listening in. I want to be the only one to hear you scream." I felt a renewed wetness between my legs. How he could somehow make an erotic comment seem romantic was beyond me. But my body and I were glad for it all the same.

.

He towed me to the front door, opening it and waving a wide arm inside the doorway. "I wanted something memorable for us, Bells. Something special we can look back on and remember. I want to give you the world, or the Taj Mahal. But I'll settle for this view over the Blue Mesa Reservoir."

I followed his hand, my eyes instantly zooming in to the rear of the cabin and the vista beyond. "Whoa." I stepped away from Jake, draw in, like a magnet to the giant, ten foot array of windows looking out over the spanning lake below us. It was mesmerizing. Vast, flat surface of blue, _blue_ water that cut through the landscape and almost seemed to dwarf the still snowcapped mesa in the background. My hand and nose pressed flushed against the cool, clear glass. "Oh Jake. That's beautiful." My breath fogged up the glass as I spoke.

He stepped up behind me, his legs straddling mine as he rested his chin on the top of my head. He was a giant and I was a dwarf, but we fitted together perfectly. "You like it?"

I reached my hands up behind me, winding them around his neck. "I love it."

Jake stooped over me, breathing on the glass and writing _I love you_ in the mist.

I tippy-toed up, straining my neck so that I could fog my half of the glass. My fingers made the two little "ditto" symbols underneath. The cool of the mist wet my fingertips, the condensation dribbled down in a zig-sag pattern until it pooled on the wooden window frame. I felt the dampness between my legs dribble out, pooling at the cotton between my thighs instead. My heart was in love. My body was in lust. I was ready.

Jake took in a deep, rumbling breath. I could hear the little squelch of his throat as he swallowed. He lent down, kissing behind my ear and breathing down my throat. "You smell so good."

I turned then, rearranging my arms so that I was holding him and pulling him down to my lips. We stood, arm in arm, kissing by the window. Our mouths were wet and hungry, our tongues played and flicked in a hot and impassioned embrace until we pulled apart, both panting for breath. His eyes bore into mine, deep and dark and full of the love he had for me. It melted my insides like hot caramel taffy. "It's really beautiful here, Jacob. Thankyou."

His hand wound around my hip, cupping my butt and giving it a gentle and suggestive squeeze. "Hey, it's for me too, remember?" He bent down, kissing me one more time before grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the window. "Come on, let's check out the bed."

* * *

We walked hand in hand through the charming, single room cottage. I'd walked straight past the crackling fire place with the soft, leather love seat by its hearth as I'd entered the cottage; the landscape outside had pulled me over. But now I could see the inside of this little love nest Jake had found for us was as beautiful inside as the view outside was.

Apart from the colossal expanse of picture windows, the rest of the walls were wood; aged and dark, left untreated in the form it had fallen from its forest. A home built with two hands. The fireplace was made from large, rough pieces of light, creamy rock that tapered and blended as it rose up out of the exposed beam ceiling.

I ran my hand over the couch as we walked past. It was smooth and warm, and natural. It reminded me of the underside if the wolves belly. And that reminded me of what else was near his stomach. I felt a throbbing begin at my center. The need was starting to mount.

"This is better than the photos!" Jake's hand left mine as he took a running leap onto the oversize four post bed sitting proudly and sturdily on the opposite side of the room. It really was massive; thick, solid posts that reached up at least six feet to the carved beam running across the top. It could have been severe if not for the softness added by the piles of pillows scattered at the head, and the quality richness of the cream and tan linen. In fact, it seemed to be just the right mix of masculine and feminine. Both hard and soft melding into one giant platform for sleep… and other recreational activities. My stomach tightened at the sight of Jake lying across the bed. His large form was sprawled diagonally from corner to corner. Finally, the beautiful hulk of a man had a place he would fit. I hoped he'd fit in me too. I pressed my inner thighs together at the thought.

Jake was bouncing on the bed, undulating on the sheets like a caterpillar. Then he kneeled up, grabbing a post and giving it a shake. "Sturdy as they come." He smiled, looking over his shoulder at me. "You wanna test it out?"

My heart began to thud. It thumped out a heavy, steady beat against my ribs. I unwound the bandage that was still draped around my throat like a scarf and stepped towards the bed. "Yes."

I bit into my lips, feeling my body respond to the change in the air. The warm cabin air was now thick with want and lust. Jake was looking at me with eyes that seemed half starved, and I was his banquet. I wanted to devour him. I wanted to drink him in as well. My body was ready to consume all he had to offer.

I looked towards the still open front door, out to the Aerostar sitting in the driveway. "The things are still in the van."

"Our clothes can wait." I felt a shiver fall over me, his voice was so deep and resonate. It reverberated through my abdomen and settle at me core.

He was gunna make me spell it out again. "No, the other things— in the drug store bag."

His eyes widened as he understood. He leapt off the bed, kissing me as he rushed past and out the door.

I laughed as his exuberance. It was funny how romantic and mature Jake could be one minute, and then just how much of a horny teenager he was the next. I liked a good measure of both.

.

My feet clicked lightly on the polished floors as I stepped to the front. The cool breeze hit my cheeks as I stuck my head out the door, it really was very cool here on the upland. "Maybe get our bags and something for you to eat while you're there anyway."

"All ready on it." He walked up the front steps loaded with anything and _everything_ we might need inside our little bubble for the rest of today and tonight. Hanging off one of Jake's arms were our two bags; the duffle I'd hurriedly packed the night we'd runaway and the sports bag Jake had bought from the charity store in Portland. In one hand he grasped the cooler and under his other arm was our box of pantry food.

"I thought I might get hungry and you might want a shower. But this is all I really want." Hanging of his pinkie finger was a small white plastic bag that he handed to me as he stepped inside the warm cottage.

I took it, reaching in and scrunching up the bag. "I'm glad were on the same page."

He very unceremoniously dumped all the bags and boxed on the floor, casting the door closed behind him with his foot. He picked me up, carrying me across the room.

"Exactly the same page." He kissed me hard, gripping and rubbing my ass before he took the box from my hand and threw me back on the piled of cushion on the bed. He ripped at the box, pulling out a long strip of the deep-red foil squares. He tore off the first square, handing it to me. "Page one of our own love story."

* * *

 _ **Fade to black…**_

 _ **Ha, no way. You know me better than that! Lemons to follow next chapter!**_


	15. Chapter 15 - Perfect Match

**As promised, FINALLY, a _real_ lemon! you've all been so very patient. Sorry if I've been stringing the story out too much, it wasn't my intention. I just wanted them to be in the right place before the big step. (ie- sexy times)**

 **Skip this whole chapter if you don't like the details. (I tend to write detailed sexy-times)**

 **You can thank my beta Aretee for her attention to detail. She keeps most of my spelling and grammar squeaky clean... unlike this chapter which is one big sexy-time.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

 _ **He kissed me hard, gripping and rubbing my ass before he took the box from my hand and threw me back on the pile of cushions on the bed. He ripped at the box, pulling out a long strip of the deep-red foil squares. He tore off the first square, handing it to me. "Page one of our own love story."**_

* * *

 **Chapter 14- Perfect match.**

I lay back on the bed, resting up on elbows as Jacob stood and took his shirt off. His stomach crunched and his chest tensed as he lifted his arms. He bunched the cotton up in his fist, grinning as he saw me admiring the show. He threw the shirt at me and it landed with a quiet thud on my face. The warm musky sent of him invaded my senses as I lifted it off to see him still smiling down at me.

"Your turn."

A little flutter of excitement effervesced in my stomach as I sat up. I crisscrossed my arms across my chest and lifted my t-shirt off in a one, clean movement. I threw my shirt at him. My complete lack of _any_ kind of coordination was obvious as the shirt unwound and ballooned out like an olive green parachute, falling several feet off to the side. I ignored his little simper of condescension as he watched the wayward throw. I wanted to play this game of strip poker— minus the poker— too much.

"Your turn."

"No way Bells, I'm topless, you got to be topless, too."

"Fine," I smirked, sitting up and unclipping the simple black bra I had on. I was a little slower this time. I wound my thumb under one strap, edging it off inch by inch, but holding the cups up with my inner arms. Then I did the same on the other shoulder, letting the straps hang down my arms as Jake watched, mouth half agape at the edge of the mattress. I let the loops slide down, catching the bra as it fell from my body and my breasts spilled out.

I tossed the lingerie at him, this time hitting him square on the face. His wolf reflexes caught it in a bundle of straps, lace and padding. He held it to his face, inhaling the scent of my skin on the material as he stared at my naked chest. " _Now_ it's my turn."

Watching me all the while, Jake stood proud as he undid his button fly. One by one his talented fingers slipped the brass buttons through the slit.

One. Two. Three. Four.

He opened the fly, letting his hard erection free. It bobbed for a moment, excited and ready, before righting itself and pointing directly at my bare, soft and ripe swells.

I had the urge to take him into my mouth, then and there. I promised myself l _ater_.

* * *

Jake bent down, lowing his cut offs as he did, stepping out and kicking the pants somewhere over near the private bathroom. "Your turn again. And no cheating with the underwear this time."

I knelt up on to the bed, walking on my knees closer to him.

"I wouldn't dream of it." There was a huskiness to my voice, a _come hither_ that left no doubt of my readiness and need. My fingers popped the clip on my Levis, the sound of the zipper softly rasped through the room as it lowered. I wound my hands over the waist band, slowly striping the denim from my hips and over the small roundness of my bottom. I stood then, and shimmied my jeans the rest of the way down, using the poster beams for balance.

Jake stepped closer, his hands reached out and grasped handfuls of soft flesh. His fingers molded around one breast as the other rested at the curve of my waist. He kissed the dip of my belly button, his lips were hot and soft. His breath sent goosebumps all the way down my body, until the tingling met with the aroused nub between my thighs. As he looked up, his gaze trailed the length of my chest until my eyes met his and he rested his chin on my abdomen. "My turn again." He sat back as his fingers curled over the lace of my underpants, slowly scissoring them down my thighs and over my knees.

His warm, dry hands then flowed back up my calves, molding over the curve of my thigh and around to my ass. I shifted my leg to step out of my underpants, gripping the tall bedpost tighter for support.

I lifted my leg, and Jake dove right in. His face buried between my thighs. His nose pressed into the center of my pleasure as he inhaled. "Oh god, Bella. Oh god, you smell good." He nuzzled his face more, pressing though the fine nest of curls and kissing the top of my clitoris. I felt the fire instantaneously. Like a match to the striker, I felt the spark burst through me, glowing briefly with intensity before fading. He flicked his tongue against my need, striking the match once more.

He pulled back from my vulva, holding on to the back of my thighs and craning his neck to look up at me. "Lie back." His hand slinked up my thigh, tickling over my pulse point and fanning out over my stomach and uterus. He pressed me back, the heat of his palm was like a wheat bag fresh from the microwave. Though a wheat bag had never made me drip with my need. "I want to taste you."

My legs buckled and I let myself fall back on the collection of pillows that had been stylishly arranged. My head sunk into the softness and Jacob crawled up the bed. His hands cupped over the apex of my knees and he spread my legs wide for him.

* * *

He looked at me, his eyes raking over my body from my breasts to my womanhood. "So beautiful." His hands slid up my inner thighs, tortuously slow, until they met over my folds. His fingers spread me apart as he eyed and wondered at the pink, soft heat, wet for him and only him. His head ducked and he inhaled my scent, the whites of his eye rolling back in his head. He moaned out his pleasure, pressing his lips to me and kissing.

The match was struck again. A bright white burst, like phosphorus to potassium as it engulfed my insides. It was sharp and it was hot. I felt it over and over as Jacob lay on the bed, is face between my thighs, and he licked me. He sucked on the little pearl. Harder and harder as it swelled and engorged. My hips rocked and his face move with it. His hands scooped under my ass, holding my body to his mouth.

His tongue flicked against my bead. He played with it, nibbling and sucking. Each little flick was a jolt of pleasure that filled up my vessel of need. His fingers played with my softness. He ran his hands through and tentatively dipped inside. One finger entered me, pressing up to the most sensitive side of my walls. I could hear the evidence of my arousal, the soft, wet slurp as he sucked and tasted. It dripped down his fingers, coating my inner thighs.

I felt the match strike over and over, each time burning longer and hotter—closer to setting alight.

I leaned up on the pillows, watching the top of his head as he ate at my banquet. The muscles of his back bulged and rippled as he fingers moved inside me. Jake looked up at me, his tongue flicking wildly at my clit. His hand skimmed up my side, following the curve of my hip and the dip of my waist until he found a soft, ripe swell. He pinched the nipple between his fingers as the other hand pressed up and deeper inside.

I let out a breathy moan. The soprano whimper echoed through the cabin. I felt the need in me rise, my hips moving faster and faster. My breath started to come in a panting gasp. My head fell back and I took over from Jake's hand. I grabbed at my breast, pinching the hard erect bud.

I felt a stretch as Jake pressed a second finger in, his tongue still flicking and sucking, striking that match harder and harder. "Jake… I'm… I'm…" The pleasure inside me built and it built. My thighs pressed at Jacob's head, holding his mouth to my hot, heated pool. I gripped at the bed covers. The summit was just in sight.

Then I felt his tongue stop. His fingers stilled inside me and then they slipped out.

* * *

"Not yet," he smiled as he knelt up between my legs, pressing my knees out further. He leaned over me, his mouth still glistening with my liquor. "Together. Remember Bells?" He pressed his lips to mine, the taste of my salty lube swirled on my tongue. I swallowed it as he kissed me.

He rubbed his erection through my folds, dousing himself with my slippery wet. The tip of his phallus played at my clit, each soft press another strike of the match. I moaned out my delight, arching my back and lifting my hips. I was ready. I was so ready to be joined with Jake as man and woman. I needed him inside me to fill the ache that had grown. "I remember. Together." My eyes were shut, my head listing back and forth as he re-assaulted my clit with the tip of his cock.

He lowered his body onto me, his chest pressing into mine. My breasts squished and molded to the hard defined lines of his pecs. His hips lowered and I found my legs spreading further apart still. I was open to receive him.

Pressing down on me further, Jake leaned on one elbow, reaching over the side and grabbing the almost forgotten red, foil square.

I loved his weight on me. It was warm and secure and consuming. I was his… for the taking.

With his teeth he tore at the packet, pulling out the wide, creamy ring.

I took it from him, pressing on his chest. "Let me do it. Please."

He leaned back, thrusting his hips so that his proud, hard erection pointed skyward. I ran my hands over the softness of his foreskin, relishing the way it glided and moved with my fist over the hard muscle beneath. I placed the condom on the tip, rolling it down over his shaft until it sat just below half-way. A little thrill pulled through me at the sight. If that was extra-large and it didn't fit, how was he ever going to fit inside _me_? My pink lips pulsed with the thought. The scarlet woman in me wanted to feel the pleasure with the pain. She wanted to feel the burn. It would only make the end delight all the sweeter.

* * *

Jacob shifted back to lie on top of me, his forearm still holding most of his weight off. "Are you ready Bells?"

My eyes drank him in. His love, his longing, his all-consuming need. His body was held tight and prepped, just above me. Waiting for my final permission.

I looked down our bodies, at the way my white sat next to his tan in perfect blended harmony. I liked at the way his hard, sculpted muscles melded with the soft, curved lines of my body. I felt he way our heart beat as one and our souls vibrated to the same frequency. I wanted us to be joined and as close to Jacob as any two people could be. My body was craving it. My heart was demanding it.

We were ready.

I nodded, shifting my hips so that the tip of him pressed at my entrance. "I love you, Jake. Make me yours."

His eyes widened, the deep, dark, ancient depth dilating as I took him in. "Mine," he snarled as he entered me in one fast, sinuous movement.

He pressed his hips deep into my body. To the hilt.

My body stretched and burned until I felt him meet his resistance at my cervix. The kick hit me from inside. It rippled through me and spiraled around my body. His pelvis pressed against my clitoris, striking the match once again.

He pressed his palm over my forehead, wiping my fringe back as he looked at my eyes. "You okay?"

I breathed out a ragged breath, tightening my inner muscles around him. "Very."

He smiled and let out a small relived chuckle as he began to move inside me. His lips met mine in a loving and heated kiss. Tongues played and lips molded to the other.

I felt my chest tighten at the love I felt for this man in that moment. "I love you, Jake. I love you so much." I held him. One arm wrapped around his back the other hand twisting through the hair at the back of his neck.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much I love hearing you say that. I love you too, woman."

* * *

He kissed me again, his hips pressing long, smooth stokes, in and out. With each thrust he pressed his bone into my pearl, re-striking the match. He thrust forward, this extensive length once again finding the very limit of my tight depths.

My hand slid down his back, gripping his hard, rounded ass and pulling him deeper into me, each time the head of his penis hitting the very depth of me.

"You okay, Bella?" he asked as he stated to set a hard pace.

I nodded, lifting up to kiss him."It's good. You're kind of big though." I lifted my hips meeting his stroke for stroke. I liked the small flicker of pressure I felt with every thrust, it coincided with each hard, igniting hit of my clitoris. My insides were almost alight."But it's still better then good. It's amazing, Jake."

He leaned back onto his heals and lifted my hips up of the mattress with his hands around my waist. My shoulders pressed into the quilt, the rest of me suspended as Jake pulled my body to him with ease. "You're kind of tiny. And that's fucking spectacular Bells, Spec-tac-u-lar."

We continued like that, him holding me up, pulling my hips to his for a long time. His hand around my hips shifted so that his thumbs were touching and they met at my clit. His thumbs pressed the little nub between them, pressing and flicking with each long thrust. I could feel the length of him as it slid in and out of me. The very hard, bulb like end pressing at the more sensitive inner flesh with each lunge —the G-spot. He'd found it. I could feel my self-getting closer and closer. That match striking over and over. Getting hotter and hotter.

We only had eyes for each other. We'd not stopped gazing into the other eyes since our bodies had united as one. We didn't need many words. I could read him like he was a part of my very being. The sex enhanced the bond we already shared. Our bodies were joined; our minds and our souls were now, too.

Jake let my hips rest back on the bed, his torso leaning forward. He bent down, kissing me before sliding a hand down the back of one leg. His hips never stopped, each drive flicking against my pearl bringing me closer and closer.

He hooked his hand around my knee, scooping my leg onto his shoulder. It stretched and tightened. Jake groaned out, his grunt echoing around my mouth as he kissed me. He entered me deeper at this angle, jerking and thrusting into my body.

* * *

We were both closer now. Harder and harder. Bodies writhing, sweaty; and dripping with desire. I gripped at Jacob's back, scratching short, bitten nails across his shoulders as I held on for dear life. He thrust into me at a breakneck speed. Over and over. Faster and faster. Deeper and deeper. I felt him thicken as he got closer. It stretched me and lit one long, hard final strike to my match.

Finally, I felt my body erupt in flames.

A hot, white flash erupted exploding out of me and caught my insides alight with pleasure. It raged through my body, singeing every synapse and nerve.

I felt Jacobs's final ecstasy hit him with an explosion of heat flooding though my insides. He pushed into my depths, hitting my end and adding fuel to my burning orgasm. My walls clenched around his thick, hard manhood as he pumped inside me.

We both let out a call of rapture. Screaming our hoarse exclamation of love and devotion.

He continued to pump, each thrust slowing and pausing at the hilt. I met him, rocking out the last of my searing climax until he collapsed on top of me. His breath left him in a long, satisfied gush. It was hot as it blew over my temple. Everything about Jacob was hot. It burned a pleasure through me and _in_ me.

* * *

His face was buried in my neck and he breathed me in. I held on to him, my hands wrapped round his shoulders as my legs came up and curled around his.

We lay there, still joined and reeling from the shared orgasm. I was wrapped around him like a koala around a tree— clinging to him with firm hands, I pulled his warm and hard body to mine. Jake was like a giant, russet cedar. His arms and thighs like trunks. His shaft a long, thick branch as it impaled me.

Our breathing started to settle. Heaving chests pressed together, moving in sync as we slowed to a rolling rise and fall. My hands smoothed down his back, sliding down the thick lines of muscle lining his spine. My fingers played over the bulk of his shoulders, massaging and relishing the rock-hard biceps of the lover above me.

We were quiet in the cabin, the only sounds were our soft breaths and the occasional crackle from the fire. The wind blew hard against the outside walls, causing small creaks and moans of the glass beyond. The weight of his body pressed down on me, his hips were a sweet kind of heaviness, keeping my legs spread wide so that his manhood could stay settled into my depths.

* * *

"I must be heavy," he whispered after a minute or two. He rolled off my body, his softening phallus leaving me feeling empty and without my source of warmth.

I watched as he pulled the full condom off and placed it on the floor beside us. I'd have to go see a doctor about other means of birth control if this was going to become a regular thing. I certainly hoped it was gunna be a regular occurrence… like, _hourly_.

I rolled on to my side, curling up to him with my hand flat over his heart. It pulsed under my palm, a strong, steady beat. "I like the weight. It's comforting and… I don't know, I just really like it." I liked everything about being with Jake. He was all man; virile and dominant. He was alive and real, his pulse bounding though his heated veins was evidence. He loved me and I loved him. He was my natural path. In that moment I knew I was bound to him for always.

His hand wiped over my hair, brushing long, gentle strokes down my head and shoulder. "What about the rest? Did you like that too? I didn't hurt you too much, did I?"

I kissed the side of his chest, languidly breathing in his masculine scent. It resonated somewhere deep within my body; the scent of my mate. "It didn't hurt at all, Jake. The burn was all part of the pleasure. It just added to the flames."

I sat up, throwing a leg over his hips and sitting on him. My hands gripped at his wrists and he let me pin his arms back by his head. "Do you think it's always gunna be that good?"

He smiled, the naked openness now between us seemed to give him the confidence to speak freely. "I don't know Bells. But I'd sure like to try again and find out."

I circled my hips, swiping my still moist fold around his re-burgeoning penis. I felt the soft growl escape his lips. It shuddered down his torso and hips and vibrated at my clit. Oh yes. He was better than man… he was my wolf-man. Strong and sure of himself, sure of his love and hopefully mine. I wanted him again.

* * *

"What would the stallion thoroughbred, the dominant wolf, feel about lying back while I took what I wanted?" I lent I've the bed, tearing another little fool square off and tearing the packet open.

He looked up at me, his eyes soaking in the desire that was pulsating though him. He growled again, it was a quiet rumble that melded in with the licentious groan the man was making. He rocked his hips, lifting me up and down and shifting me along his length. "I think I can get him to lie back and watch the show."

His hips lowered to the bed and I lifted up on to my knees and rolled the latex down his length. I moved one hand to keep Jake's wrist pinned by his head and the other released so that I could grab his length and line it up with my opening. I tilted my hips, sitting the head of his penis just at the inside of my depths.

I leaned forward a little, my free hand came back down to pin his arm again.

My eyes trapped his as I circled my hips.

It stretched at my tender flesh, rolling and widening. Slowly, millimeter by millimeter I spiraled down, winding myself down his pole.

Then suddenly his hands broke free. They gripped tight at my hips and in one fast thrust up he pulled me down on this his erection.

"Nope, this stallion wants to be in the saddle."

* * *

 **Phew. Told you I don't mince my lemony words.**

 **Let me know your thoughts.**


	16. Chapter 16 - New Scars Feel Good

**Thanks for all the great reviews last chapter folks.** **Some of you were waiting for the wolf to emerge in the last chapter and I have to agree, I missed him too, so to make amends the _spirit_ of the hairy alpha is going make an appearance in this one instead! Enjoy.**

 **Thank you Egratia, for beings such an awesome Beta.**

* * *

 **Chapter 15- New scars feel good**

We'd been in the shower for almost forty-five minutes and the hot water was still pumping. So was Jake. The man was amazing. Focused. Hungry. Unrelenting. Always giving. Never greedily taking. It was hot and hard but it was love… all the way.

My breasts and face were pressed up against the tiles while I pressed a flat palm against the terracotta. I screamed out my second orgasm as he held me, his arm wrapped around my waist, his forearm pulling me closer and closer and holding me up as my legs gave way. In and out he pumped, the hot water beating down on his shoulders and flowing in little rivulets down my back. My hair was a wet mess sticking to my face and throat.

We'd fallen asleep, still joined and wrapped around each other, after a glorious but exhausting first—and second time. We'd woken late in the afternoon, rested, ravenous, and ready to try again. Food had won. I whipped up a giant omelet with ham and we sat on the rug by the fire to eat. We sprawled out, lying on our stomach's, shoulder to should as we ate straight from the pan, nothing but some Teflon and two forks between our skin. Sex in the shower had followed _very_ shortly afterwards.

"Bella," Jake growled, his hips thrusting behind me. His balls thudded against my swollen and sensitive labia with a soft smack at every dive. "I'm gunna come inside you. I can't _not_." The water splashed in a rhythmic slap. His hand wound back around my hips, ticking over my lower belly and finding the soft, cotton candy folds. He rubbed me in a circle. Each rotation sparking the need inside. "We'll figure it out tomorrow. But I gotta have you like this, Bells. I _need_ to fill you up."

I pressed my ass back, meeting him hit for hit. To the erupting beast in me, not a surer word had ever been uttered. I wanted him to fill me. I wanted to feel the heat of his seed deep inside me. I could feel my final orgasm fast approaching and I needed Jake to climax with me. In me.

I didn't care about the consequence. A faint memory buzz into the outskirts of my brain, my period was due soon, really soon. That would be all the _protection_ we'd need.

I had no words of reply. Only a guttural grunt and a hard push back into his cock as he rode me from behind. His finger circled around and around my sensitive bean, each revolution was perfectly in sync with his thrusts. We were both mounting fast.

"Bella?" His other hand crisscrossed over my chest, his hand cupping a breast and pinching. Pleasure welled up inside me, rippling over my skin and soaking into every nerve.

"Yes!" I wailed. "It's okay Jake. Fuck me. Cum deep inside me Jacob. Now. Now!"

He threw the length of himself in and the very tip of him slammed into my furthermost reaches. I could feel the heat of his seed as it emptied into my hungry vessel. My body convulsed as he poured every last piece of himself into me.

Two more jerking thrusts and Jacob stilled behind me. We both were sucking in lungful's of steamy, humid air, his heaving chest moved against my back with each breath.

Jake let out slow, almost pained groan of satiation as his legs folded in beneath us.

I followed him to the floor, my hands clawing down the tiles until I was seated on his lap. His heavy erection was still full and extended inside me as his hand fondled and gripped at my breast.

* * *

Still floating on out bliss, we sat with arms and legs entwined. His breath was warm and wet on my shoulder and I felt a new peppering of gooseflesh erupt down my back and around to my chest just from his breath on my skin. His free hand scooped a thick bundle of wet hair from my shoulder, wiping it back to give his nose a place to scent. The water still beat down on us, my eye lashes hung with fine drops. He nuzzled at my throat lapping and nibbling. I lay my head back on his chest, exposing the pale skin.

The quiet of our showery repose was broken as his warm, heavy voice echoed through the steamy cubicle. "My wolf wanted to bite you, you know."

Silently, I reached an arm up, pulling in his head and holding his lips to my pulse point. I liked his lips there.

His hand slid up the length of my arm, goosebumps erupted with his touch. His fingers curled over my shoulder and then back down again. He kissed just behind my ear, sucking on the skin. "He still does."

The idea of the wolf wanting me intrigued me. It embolden me. It called to and was begging to awaken something hidden deep within my body. "And what about you, Jake? What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," he mumbled, the boy from his father's garage re-surfacing for the moment.

"Yes you do." I lifted my hand, slowly grazing my fingers down he rough prickles of his jaw. I shifted my head further, exposing the soft, pale skin of my throat. Instinctively, I addressed the wolf inside him. "You know you want to. So just do it. Bite me. Mark me."

"Do you want me to?"

I did.

At the time I didn't know why. I hated blood, I didn't like being hurt for pleasure— I wasn't into that kind of thing. But as soon as his lips had uttered his desire, I wanted it. That primitive, feminine beast was wide awake now, and as he emerged from the recesses of my mind she was demanded her carnal cravings from her mate. "Ah ha."

He didn't need to be given permission more than once. His hands both gripped at my breast, kneading and pulling at the hardened tips, elongating them as he twisted. I could feel my uterus fluttering, softly coming down from its climactic contractions.

"Oh. God that's so good. Why is this all still so good?"

Maybe the wolf was calling to those primitive urges I could feel bubbling up inside me. Was it that the wolf taught the man how to be an exceptional mate? Or was it Jake? Was the man simply an amazing lover all on his own? Or was it _us_ … together. Was it that when two people, who were so in tune with the other, united their bodies as one, everything ascended to another level. I liked to believe in the later of the three, with a little bit of the others thrown in for good measure.

I could feel his hardness still inside me, my body still clamped down around him, his swelling still full and enlarged in my depths. We were tied together. Just like our minds seemed to be sinking down into the primitive, our bodies were too; locked like the alpha male and female of the wolf pack when they mated.

Jake's breath was coming harder, increasing after the little pause he'd given himself after reach his peak. "Where?" His voice was gravely and rough. It was demanding and dominating. I turned further to look at him, the deep dark ancient eyes of his wolf staring back at me, the man I loved shrouded in the shadows for a moment. "Where can I mark you, Woman?"

Somewhere, in the very depth of my soul I felt the connection. The connection to the spirit warrior, the beast and to the man inside. Jacob and me. We both wanted it.

My eyes closed as I threw my head back again, it rested on his shoulder. I ran my hand down my face, rolling over my jaw and down the soft, long line of my neck and then shoulder and chest, exposing and presenting him with my throat.

"Not there. That's where the cold ones take from." I knew what he meant. Looking back, Edward kissed me there, over my pulse, a little too much. I'd been such a fool. I prayed then, that I'd never have to see him again; the predator that had taken and broken so much of me and then left me for dead; the parasite that had delayed and almost thwarted the love and pure devotion I could give and that I could receive from Jacob. I never wanted to be pulled into his unhealthy thrall again.

Jake's hand found my jaw. He cupped at it lightly with two fingers, turning me to face him. "I love you. You are mine. But I want to _give_ you this, not take. I want to prove my devotion to you. Forever, Bells. The wolf wants to mark you. But I want to sign my identity on you. I wanna give you the promise that I'm always gunna be here. You're my mate for life Bella. It's more permanent than any ring could ever be."

I thought for a moment, scooping my hair further and leaning forward. I twisted in my seat, his still hard erection twitched inside me, stretching and warming me from within. I turned so that I could look at Jake more easily, one hand swung behind and hooked around his neck. The other hand slid over my clavicle and down my chest.

"Here," I whispered, pointing to the smooth white rise of skin that stretched over my right breast. "No one will ever see it. But _we_ will…every, single day. I'll be reminded of how much you love me every time I look in the mirror. And you'll see it every night that you undress me."

I stretched up, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. His whole hand cupped around my jaw, pulling me to him as he assaulted my lips. "No one else."

His lips nipped down my throat, taking small bites of skin and laving a soothing lick in its wake. His hand scooped a large handful of breast. He lifted it out, cupping and weighing it before his lips lowered and he kissed the skin just above where the color changed.

"I love you, Bells." His voice was nothing more than a whisper. Hot and moist. It was wet with the water streaming over us and hot with the heat of his breath warming his words.

I gave a shivering inhale, holding my breath as I felt his mouth press against my skin.

He shifted his hips, pressing at the sensitive nerves running along my insides on more time. His hand pinched at an aroused, rosy peak while the other squeezed my still engorged clitoris… hard. He squeezed it between his thumb and finger, over and over. I sucked in lungful's of air as spasms of delight rocketed through me.

Phosphorous light engulfed my body as his teeth sliced into my skin.

Jacobs's hips shifted again. He pressed in deeper, pushing to my limits and then beyond. His teeth stayed latched on to my breast as we both rode out our sudden and final, fiery culmination.

Panting, his teeth unlatched. He licked a broad, flat tongue over the mark, licking up the small dribble of blood that trickled out and mixed with the water spray. Then he grabbed at my arm, bringing the healing scar on my wrist to his mouth and he licked that too. He nuzzled his way up my arm until he found his face buried in my neck and he inhaled.

I could feel him still hard with in me. Still thick and tight. Still possessing me.

* * *

A little while later, with both of us still in a daze from whatever that was, he whispered, "Let's get out," as his long, muscled arm raised up and shut off the tap.

I blinked away the droplets of water from my lashes, forcing myself back into the steamy room from wherever it was my mind had just been. I knelt to get up and his long, firm flesh slid outwards along my depths.

"Don't," he mumbled, turning me and pulling me back down before we'd completely separated. "I like you here." He said, more awake than I was. I felt my insides shift as he twitched this still partially-full member inside me.

I moaned as he moved and contracted. "Okay." I relaxed back onto Jacob's lap, letting my body mold to his. I didn't really want to be apart from him anyway. I opened my eyes fully, letting the cooling spray of water wake me more. "But you're gunna have to pick me up."

"My pleasure," he growled, "but I want to kiss you first." Jake held me around the waist as he leaned as far back as he could in the rectangular cubicle we were in. He lifted my ass up, pulling out until just the very tip of him was left tucked into my heat. Then he turned me, like a ballerina _en pointe_ in a pirouette. But the apex of the turn wasn't my foot, instead it was the thick, bulbous still inside me. The inside of my body spun around his fullness until I was almost facing him, just my knee was in the way. I lifted my leg to help. I pressed my thigh to my chest and extended my foot over his head. I felt flexible from all the activity, my blood felt warm in my veins and my sinew felt supple beneath my skin. He kissed the inside of my calf as it passed his face.

"Nice," he smirked, nodding as he continued to turn me until I was completely facing the opposite direction. Facing him. "Who knew you could get your leg up so high."

My legs settled around his hips and he reentered my core with a soft, sliding fall. He let out needy groan is his arms wrapped around my back and held me tight. We sat back after a moment, happy to simply gaze into the others eyes and let the knowledge of our shared experience wash through us. We were both smiling, his eyes shimmering under the muted florescent light. My finger traced over his forehead, brushing through his eyebrows and then down the bridge of his nose. I circled back, rising up the line of his defined, native cheeks and then down along the angle of his strong and very masculine jaw. His short cropped, glossy hair was plastered to his head, small beads of water dripped haphazardly down his jaw and over his lips. I leaned in, licking the little droplets off his skin.

"Who knew you could look so hot impersonating a drowned rat?" Then I kissed him, pulling his chest to mine, our bodies joined and pressed tight until I couldn't tell where I ended and he began.

With our lips still linked and my body still locked tight around his length, Jake stood. He held me by the ass as we stepped on to the floor mat. I reached for one of the giant bath towels hanging behind the door and together we dried the other. I stayed in his arms, holding on with my arms and legs until he walked us out the bathroom and over to the bed.

When we reached the bed, Jacob collapsed onto the sheets, his head lying back as I lay across his chest. I crawled across his torso, leaning my head on his pec. I listened to his heart beating. I couldn't imagine lying on another chest, listening to another heartbeat—or _no_ heartbeat altogether. I felt sick at the thought of how hollow it must be to lie on a man's chest and not have a warm heartbeat underneath your cheek. I was grateful I'd never have to know that emptiness. Jacob's body surrounded me and his soul besieged my heart. He was the effigy of substance; vitality and replete.

* * *

The love pulsed its constant hum over my skin as the lethargy then washed over me. The love was a constant, but the exertion of the afternoon had finally caught up with me.

Jake's hand caressed down my back, tickling along my spine and smoothing a soft circle around my bottom. "Bells, are you freakin' beat all of a sudden?''

My eyes were already closed as I breathed in his warm, musky sent. "Uh huh."

The night was silent as we lay wrapped in each other. I listened quietly to our settled breathing and the sporadic crackle of the fire beyond. I was warm and safe, and completely relaxed; it almost felt otherworldly. This, I realized, was my heaven on earth.

Jake lifted his head, his hand brushing over mine. "Thank you, Bella. Honesty. Thank you."

I paused for a moment, pulling myself back from the brink of slumber. "Don't thank me, Jake. I'm the one who should be thanking _you._ I never dreamed my body could feel this good."

"Yeah." His fingers smoothed over the damp strands of hair covering my shoulders. "That was better than anything the other guys have ever shown us in the pack mind."

I lifted my head up to look at him. "Really?"

He nodded, his eyes already closed. "Yeah."

"Then we're pretty lucky." I lay my head back on his chest, letting his warm hands and warmer heart sooth my aching but much loved body.

"Lucky in love." I could hear the smile in his voice, it rumbled through his chest.

"Yeah."

Barely a week ago I would have denied that statement, it would have torn at my gut, but after the afternoon and evening we'd shared, and even our last two weeks together on the road, I couldn't have agreed more.

We were the lucky ones.

Jake yawned, patting a soft, broad hand over my ass. "Night, Bells."

I snuggled further into his chest, his now soft length sliding out and settling sentry between my legs. "Night, Jake."

The last thing I remember was a soft, "I Love you," whispered on evening air and my mind finding consciousness enough to mumble, "love you, too," back.

* * *

…

* * *

I woke to the heavy pitter patter of rain on the roof. The fire by the far wall had long burned down to a slow burning ember, but I was still toasty warm wrapped up in Jacob's heated arms.

I wasn't sure of the time, but judging by the dim light and the shadows over the valley below us it was still only just breaking dawn.

"Morning," Jacob said, his hand smoothing over my still naked stomach.

I arched my back, stretching and turning around to face him. He pulled me in, kissing me lightly and smiling lazily with his deep, dark and still sleepy eyes. "What are you doing awake already?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I don't know, something woke me. Probably just the rain."

I lifted my head, tilting to look out the front window. "It's pelting down."

He nodded, his hand rubbing lightly over my arm. "I like it, it reminds me of home."

 _Home. Jacob. The wolf._ It had to have been almost thirty hours since he'd joined with his wolf; the night he'd marked me for the first time. Little would I know that only twenty-four hours later he'd mark me again. This time though, it had been a place on my body of _our_ choosing. His wolf had been with us as he'd bitten into my flesh. I'd seen it in his eyes, but the animal inside Jake hadn't been _truly_ let out. He must have been clawing for escape.I sucked in a sharp, worried breath. "Your wolf, Jake. Don't you need to phase? It's been over a day and a half."

"Nah, the wolf's as contented as he's ever been." He palmed my breast, plumping and stroking it and gently tracing over the bite shaped scab forming above. "This is _way_ better than talking to the ass-hats back home. And anyway, there's something about this place." He looked up to the dark, exposed beams above us, and then back to me. "It's probably no better than the van or anywhere else for that matter, but it _feels_ safe. The wolf certainly feels secure." He slid an arm under me and pulled me flush against his body. He pulled the thick, duck down coverlet that had lay twisted at our feet for most of the night up, and over us. It was warm and muted under the covers. A secret place that no one could find us. "I think the wolf is happy to just laze around this little den we've created and bask in the scent of his mate mixed with his. You and me." He pressed his morning erection into my leg, rubbing it up and down. "You want to mix up our scents again?"

I did. I _so_ wanted to mix up our scents again. But there were a few morning housekeeping things to be addressed first. My bladder being one of them.

"Down boy," I said, sliding backwards and turning to sit up. Jacob's arm hooked around me, pulling me back to him. My back slammed into his solid chest, with a soft slap as I let out a little giggled screech.

"There's no _boy_ here." He grasped my hand, pulling it back and rubbing his cock in my palm.  
"This is all man."

I couldn't help myself. I gave his turgid shaft a few strokes, relishing in the softness that wrapped around the rigidity before I released it and rolled over, kissing him quickly and sitting back up. "Yes. There is no mistaking that _beast_ as a man's. But I've got to pee and I need some coffee before any new _mixing of scents_ get made."

I sat on the edge of the bed turning his discarded t-shirt the right way round so that I could wear it. It was cold without his body next to mine. I felt his heat engulf me as he slinked up behind, pressing his chest to my back and wrapping his long arms around my shoulders. He kissed my temple before standing up and pulling on the boxer shorts still wrapped in his cut offs from yesterday afternoon. "I'll put the kettle on."

* * *

…

* * *

We'd found the Maxwell House in the pantry box he'd carted in. I was stirring two steaming hot mugs, standing bare foot in nothing but the large second hand white Nike t-shirt Jake had tossed against the wall yesterday. _Just do it_ was stamped in a bold black print across the front. We'd followed those instructions to the letter. We'd done it, we'd done it really good.

I was feeling the effects of all that _doing it_ now, the morning after. I pressed my thighs together, feeling the blissful burn inside me. Jake was a large man… in all facets of his physique. I added the creamer to our brew before I padded over to the bed, draping the thick quilt over my shoulders.

Jake was putting the last of the scraps of kindling in the fireplace. There was smoke all though the cabin as I picked up both mugs and waked over to him.

"I think I might make use of those rocking chairs out the front, get some fresh air." I leaned down, handing him his cup.

"Thanks." He took the mug, sipping it absently before putting it by the hearth stone and tossing a few more little sticks onto the dwindling fire. "I'm gunna go chop up more wood, then I'll join you." He was crouched by the fire, in nothing but his boxer shorts, the muscles of his back rippling as he moved. I stood by the sofa, my hand gripping the soft, silky covers that were wrapped around me like a clumpy but comfy shawl as I gawked unashamedly at his body. Jake looked over his shoulder at me, that perpetual smile graced his lips. "What kind of Indian am I if I can't keep a simple fire going?"

I swallowed, tensing my fluttering stomach. His eyes met mine as he turned, and I saw the moment his eyes dilated in recognition as he caught me staring, my lip bitten hard between my teeth. "You're certainly keeping _one_ of the fires burning." My voice caught in my throat, breathy and smoldering as the promise for more flowed between us. _Mine._

I walked to the door, ready to sit, bundled under the bedspread as I watched Jake chop more wood… in nothing but his boxer shorts.

The air was cold as I opened the front door, the chill rushing in to replace the warmth we'd created together inside. The rain had given way to some sleet with the occasional flake of snow falling slowly in the still morning air.

Then a warm gush of wind ran by me, like a hot breath of air as I felt Jacobs's hand wrench at my arm and push me back inside.

I looked back to the blur only to see Jake standing at the doorway, his broad shoulders blocking me. He was growling, a threatening, snarl building form his lips. I shifted, bobbing down so I could see past him.

I looked down the steps and my knees collapsed onto the hard, wooden floors beneath me. I felt the bruise as my skin smacked into the floor.

I felt a shiver rise through me–chilling my soul to the marrow.

All of a sudden, in the middle of the frost covered front yard was Victoria, her wild, red hair blowing back in the wind, a young, very pale and red-eyed man standing at her side.

My eyes scanned over the front yard of the property, stopping at the sight of the willowy figure near our van. Standing by the passenger mirror, with his hand in his jacket pockets and a broken line of hurt washing over his face… was Edward.

Both my nightmares had come at once.

* * *

_...~*~..._


	17. Chapter 17- The destruction of my life

**A/N: Hey all, first of all I'd like to say a big thank you for all the amazing reviews last chapter. I had great plans to write you all back but then totally wouldn't let me.**

 **So... just a few comments to a random selection of you. Thank you Past One, are you inside my head? Jeniese, I'm smirked when I read that (gasp!). Mindy, mellow Jake will up the anti soon but he'll never truly loose his humanity. Dona79, glad you saw the sweetness in the lemon. 4Gracie, I think they were made for the other too.**

 **Everyone, here is rest.**

 **Hope you enjoy. And for the record, Eddie is or cannon Eddie, he just isn't gunna get the girl in my version of events.**

* * *

 **Chapter 16 – The rapid destruction of my life… Jake**

 _He_ was watching me.

Jacob stepped back and pulled me close to the muscles of his back. I felt the warmth of his bare skin seep through the covers I had draped over me. I leaned to the side of Jacob's muscled arm again until I could still see _him_. He was still staring at me. He was exactly as I'd remembered, his hair a disheveled mess— the way it always got when he would nervously run his fingers through it over and over.

I stepped to Jake's side and he pulled me closer. I rested just under his shoulder, against his bare chest as his arm wrapped protectively around my waist. I looked up to watch his brown, heavyset eyes as they flicked between the couple of red-eyed vampires standing in the yard and the golden-eyed one further back. His jaw clenched, wary of how outnumbered we were. Three to one. I didn't count myself; I really didn't count in this war of the supernatural.

My eyes focused back on Edward. I hadn't seen him in such a long time. There was still a part of me that couldn't help but memorize as much of him as I could. The scars still ran deep and old habits die hard.

Jake's warning growl grow louder as Edward and I stared at each other over the twenty feet between us. The wind blew around us, howling over the porch as it brought a fresh flurry of snow from above. The wind whipped at Edward's hair, flinging it around his head and down into his eyes. He was the same boy I'd fallen in love with all those months ago. The same boy who'd confessed his love for me in the warm comfort of our special and private meadow. The same boy who'd left me…

I thought I was finally free of the pain he'd caused. I truly felt that by confessing my feelings for Jake and finally letting myself act on the urges that had been swelling up in me, I had let Edward go. In just the few days we'd been together I'd fallen genuinely in love with Jacob. I didn't just love Jake as a friend, I was _in love_ with the man. I'd felt free and _happy_ last night. Still wrapped up in the bliss of our new love, I truly had never wanted to see Edward ever again. And then, in the cold, harsh reality of the new morning, there he was… on my door step. And I couldn't stop staring at him. And I couldn't stop my breath from leaving my body in a cool, plummeting whoosh.

Why was he here? And why was he here with _Victoria,_ of all people?

Was it so that he could be truly done with me? To stop me from having any real shot at happiness? Was Edward going with the old adage of 'if I can't have her, no one will?' Or was he here to finally succumb to his primal urges? To take the only thing left inside of me that I hadn't already given him. My _Blood._ I felt the bile of abandonment and betrayal burn at my chest and claw its way up my throat.

In that moment, as Edward stared at me across the frosted lawn, I hated him. And yet, I still loved him.

* * *

I felt a sudden change in the wind, it was cold and coming now from the East—from up the mountains. I think it must have blown my scent—mixed with Jake's— over the front yard. Edward's hand clawed on the side of our van his fingers scraping into the metal with a sharp, grating sound that got lost in the cold, demented air between us. His nose pulled back into a horror-struck scowl, his legs buckling as he knelt into the frost covered gravel. "No."

The red headed woman on the other side started to cackle. She draped her hand over her companion's shoulder, leaning on him as she threw her head back in a maniacal laugh. "Oh Riley. It's just too easy to make him hurt. She's already done it for us."

Edward hissed from his semi-fallen positon by the tires and Jake's snarls got louder. They rolled through my side and down to the floor boards beneath my bare feet. He stepped us back, his broad hand pressed a heated palm across my stomach as he wordlessly urged me backwards over the threshold of the cabin. I moved back, hiding behind the door frame, my head still leaning out to see.

Happy I was partially protected, Jake took a menacing step towards the porch stairs as his body began to shake. His clenched fists had begun to blur.

Victoria's lip curled at him. "Oh quit your growling, _pup._ You think a little "woof-woof's" gunna scare us?"

Her arm dropped from the other man's shoulder and she stepped closer to the bottom of the porch stairs. She leaned forward, her hand coming to the side of her mouth as she closed one eye in a theatrical, full faced wink. "The secret's out, kids. You can't stay forever in your little love nest. Lord knows, I'm sure you've been keeping the neighbors up with all her shrieking, but even if you _are_ a dud in the bed, the whole world would know just by the stench. You two reek of sex." Victoria's eyes darted to Edward as her lips lifted into a smirk. She was enjoying making him hurt on the inside. She looked back to Jake, pointing to him. "You fouled her with your dog smell, you over-sexed mongrel." She shook her head, tut-tutting, "and here I was, promising my lovely Riley and the gang here a small though _delicious_ meal."

Both Edward and Jake snarled as several more red-eyed, pale beings emerged from the shadows. Three walking at human pace until they stood behind Victoria, two more dropping down from the trees that surrounded our little cabin. Seven to two. Those really weren't odds I'd cared to bet on. I felt my heart sink into my chest.

This was how it was going to end. I knew it would be pointless to ask Jake to leave and save himself. He'd protect me until his dying breath. I would have done the same if our roles had been reversed. Even now, as a weak and vulnerable human, I'd sacrifice myself for him. I may have been feeling conflicted for my feelings for Edward, but my feelings for Jake were stronger than ever, they were solid. I loved him. It didn't seem fair for us to have had so little time together. After all the heart ache and wasted time, finally we'd… _I_ had made it to a place where I could be happy, and fate was all too pleased to take it away from me… from us.

I closed my eyes and wound my hand up the inside the shirt of the shirt I wore, Jake's. Even without the advantage of super sensitive smell I could still almost _taste_ his musky scent in the cotton. It calmed me and tore my heart out both at the same time. I wasn't ready for this. We were just finding each other.

I pressed my fingers over the mark he'd made above my breast. It was rough and crusted, but warm. Inside me I could feel as it throbbed out his love and devotion to me. The same devotion that was about to get him killed trying in vain to save me. I tried to console myself that we'd at least had last night.

My thoughts were brought back to the yard in front by Edward's creamy, dulcet voice. I felt the pull again. "I don't know how you found her," he hissed, "but you're not going to touch her, Victoria." He stood up and stepped to the front of the van. He had on jeans, and a frayed and grimy suit jacket. He still looked like something out of Men's Vogue to me— only dirtier and far more unkempt. He maneuvered himself closer to me, until he was almost between Victoria's posse and the cabin.

"I found her, _Edward,"_ Victoria snarled his name like a curse, "because you led us straight to her."

* * *

She turned to face him, her lip curled back in distain. "And now you and your precious human are going to pay. You think you're so clever that you got him and tore him into oblivion like an animal." I knew she was talking about James. All of this had only ever been about retribution for James' death. "There was no skill to your hunt." She screamed. Like a woman possessed, she screeched, her wild hair falling across her face as little droplets of silvered spittle sprayed into Edward's face. "You outnumbered and then you _murdered_ my James! For what!? Wanting to eat!?"

Edward stood tall, facing the woman's sanguineous eyes as he slowly wiped his cheek.

"You know it was never about sustenance for James. I heard his mind. It was about the hunt, and the pain, and the cruelty. That's what Bella was to him." Edwards lip curled back as he took a step closer to the mad vampire. He was poking the beast. "And that's all he wanted you for. You were merely a tool for him to _use_ , Victoria. A willing helper. As they say these days; a friend with benefits."

The woman pulled at her long, curly hair, the rage tremoring off her. "Liar!"

Edward lifted his chin as he gave his head a little shake. "Why would I lie about that?"

Victoria's face was pulled back in a cold grimace, hatred pulsating from her. "To hurt me like you're hurting right now."

Her shoulders lifted and squared under the thin sweater she wore and her eyes narrowed as she stared at Edward with a disdainful leer. "We saw you looking for your precious pet. Sulking around that miserable, wet town, _all_ day yesterday. Back and forth, back and forth."

She stepped closer to Edward. In her cool, revenge filled wrath she seemed to forget about Jake and me for the minute. I could hear the barley controlled breaths of the red-eyed vampire as she crept closer to Edward. "I watched you, for thirty-one hours, as you skirted around the wolves and searched every inch of that town and the native's village. And then you left."

She took one final step to Edward until her body was only inches from his, she hissed into his ear, stalking him like a lioness before her kill. "You figured it out much faster than I did. She wasn't there, was she? And you had no clue where she was. And that just killed you. Didn't it?"

She stalked around to his other side, resting her long, sharpened nails on his arm. "I do have to _thank_ you, Edward. You helped me so much. You know her scent better than anyone else, don't you?" She reached up in her toes, her lips grazing intimately above his collar as she whispered over his cool, marble skin. "You'd know her sent if it was carried for miles on a breeze. It calls to you. You crave her. You crave _it_. You can taste her salty heme on the very tip of your tongue."

I could see Edward swallow as he fought his natural urges. I never appreciated just how much he must have had to fight his own self until that moment. Had my life truly been at risk every time he'd held me?

I felt a coldness sweep over my skin. The thought of my life being sucked from my body as I'd laid, in my bed, sleeping next to Edward chilled me to the bone. I'd been such a gullible fool.

I longed for Jake's warm, strong arms to wrap around me. As if he felt my need, Jacob reached a hand back, taking mine and giving it a reassuring squeeze. The warmth of his touch soaked into my bones and flowed along my veins into my soul. I sucked in a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

I stepped out from behind the door, just hovering on the threshold as Jake turned his face to me, his eyes never leaving the tense standoff below. "Promise me Bells," he whispered. "You're not gunna do anything stupid. Go. Go hide in the bathroom. Shut the door." His eyes flicked to mine. The desperate plea in his love filled eyes choked me, pulled my tears to the surface. "Promise!" His eyes moved back to the front yard as Victoria moved behind Edward.

My breath caught in my throat. It was dry and scratchy. It hurt to breathe with the overwhelming love and sorrow branding its way through my body. "I promise." The tears brimmed at my lids. I didn't want to die. Not here, not now. And not Jake either. "I love you."

With his eyes still trained on the enemy below, he nodded and linked his fingers through mine. "I know, baby. I know."

My attention was pulled once again to the yard and Victoria as she dragged a nail across the shoulder of Edward's jacket and then up until she had wound her fingers thought his hair. She yanked on his messy waves, pulling his head to the side and making him face Jake and me as we stood by the doorway. "Can you smell her blood? It's tainted by the wolf, but it's there. He's already opened her, taken her, and claimed her as his. And she's _let_ him. And I bet she _enjoyed_ it too."

She chuckled to herself; an unhinged, crazed gurgle. "You're faster than me, what time did you get here?" she didn't pause for an answer, none of the answers mattered. All she wanted was to plant the hurtful seed in his mind. Edward's imagination and mindreading would do the rest. "Did you hear them _fucking_? Could you see them? _Smell_ them? What was it like to listen as your rival claimed your mate? Did your cold, un-beating heart break like mine did? Or did you get a perverted kick as you listened in?" She paused, nodding and smiling to herself. "Yes," she purred, her cat-like voice rolling down and threw the white tipped grass beneath. "You pleasured yourself while you listened in to the boy pleasuring her."

That had been the breaking point of Edward's control.

He snarled out a vicious roar, twisting and making a two handed grab for Victoria over his shoulder. But the feline-like vampire was ready, ducking away and moving faster than I could see.

The other five, red- eyed vampires moved then, towards the cabin… towards me.

* * *

It all happened so fast, but I processed it in slow motion. I felt the loss as Jake's hand pulled out of mine. Then I sensed the air change around me, cracking and popping as he phased. Instantly, like magic, in the place of my boyfriend was now a gigantic and menacing wolf. The mob of vampires skidded to a halt. They took pause, reevaluating and calculating the best and safest way around the wolf to get to the prize. Me.

As the torn shreds of his boxer shorts fell like confetti around him, the wolf flung his head back and let out an echoing howl that reverberated through me until the back of my teeth juddered together.

Further in the yard I could see Victoria and her friend, the one she'd called Riley, fighting with Edward. Their bodies were nothing more than a blur of silvery arms and marble bodies as the three of them wrestled. Edward was out numbered two to one. I didn't like those odds, but I knew Edward had the mental advantage. But Jake… my gut twisted and my heart crushed as I counted the five he was up against. I hated those odds; I _hated_ them.

I hated the vampires, I hated Victoria. Even as he continued to fight for his own life, I hated Edward for pulling me into this preternatural world. I hated that my traitorous mind forced me to look over the sleek but powerful lines of Jake's wolf, knowing it was most likely to be the last time I would see him again.

Then my self-preservation, and the memory of the promise, kicked in and I backed into the house. I closed the front door as five blood thirty vampires rushed, all at once, toward the man that I loved. I knew full well, that no amount of wood— or steel for that matter— could keep a vampire from what it wanted.

But I'd promised Jacob.

* * *

With the heavy covers still wrapped around me, I sprinted across the cabin, slamming the bathroom door shut and pushing the thin bolt across.

I let out a pained and agonized cry as I threw myself against the tiled wall. My back hit the tiles hard, with a thud so violent that it knocked the wind out of me. Breathless, my wheezes echoed through the small room as I listened to the sounds of the fighting outside. The crashing of wood and the sound of metal tearing making me shudder and cringe. Tears welled in my eyes and large grief-filled drops traced down my cheeks.

A slow, sorrowful wail escaped my lips as I slid down the wall of glossy white tiles. I landed on my bottom, onto the cool, hard floor with a thud as there were more crashes— closer— and howls filled the walls around me. I screamed into the feather down quilt my hands were bunched in.

I lifted my head as the sound of glass shattered outside the room. The door of the bathroom rattled. I couldn't breathe, fear and lament griped at my insides as I waited for the end. All I could hope was that it would be fast. That one of the wilder, less restrained vampires got to me and drained me before Victoria could begin her torture. I hoped the same for Jake. That, as he fought for me and as the last of the light left his eyes, it would be fast, and painless.

I saw the door handle rattle a split second before the bathroom door was forced open with a small pop. The thin brass crossbar splintered though the wooden doorframe. I screamed. It was a wordless sound that hammered in my ears louder than the thudding of my heart. My eyes scrunched tight as I rolled myself protectively into a ball. I felt hard arms hold me and lift me off the floor. Instinctively I lashed out, hitting the rock like limbs and whipping my body back and forth. "No! No! NO!"

I felt us moving. Thin bars of steel caging me in as I fought. If I survived this day, I was going to be wearing the bruises for weeks to come.

A sweet, fragrant scent invaded my nose as I sucked in what I imagined was my last breath. It lured me in, it unnaturally calmed me. And with a final, hitching sob, I stilled. My humanity had failed me against the lure of the undead.

"Bella. Sssh. It's me."

The soft voice registered somewhere in the depths of my brain. I lifted my eyes, opening them to familiar short, cropped spikes.

"Alice?"

* * *

 **Oh Snap, an other cliffy.**

 **Hope you enjoyed, and that it wasn't too confusing.**

 **Mwahahahaha.**

 **Oh and Les, thanks for the Beta... I'm compiling the food list.**

 **The site still isn't letting me reply to reviews. So let me thankyou in advance. You know who your are— and you're wonderful.**


	18. Chapter 18 - I choose me

**A/N:** **W** **ow guys! Thanks so much for the great reviews you sent me last chapter. I think a lot of you had been waiting for Vic or Ed to show up, and I gave you both... plus a few more. The rest of the Cullen's are showing up for the next few chapters and the pack will finally arrive too. I hope you enjoy these coming chapters just as much.**

 **T** **hank you Aretee for beta-ing this chapter for me.**

 **Enjoy, MarinaNamaste**

* * *

Chapter 18 – I choose happiness

"Hey."

Alice smiled down at me as we rushed thought the cabin. She jumped us upwards, onto the window sill with her arms still cocooning me. "Hold tight. It's a long way down."

I could still hear the sounds of battle towards the front. Metal on metal, like the swords of the medieval knights of yesteryear clashing as they fought in chain-mail and armor. It was a great melee to the death… and my Jacob was in the middle of it all. "Jake!"

"It's okay Bella. We're here, the pack's here. We're _all_ here."

Cold air gripped at my lungs as we stepped through the already shattered windows, out onto the ledge that over looked the valley below. Had it only been a day since Jake and I had stood arm in arm, marveling at the view? I'd felt so safe then. I'd been a fool to rest my vigilance.

Alice flashed a look at me, her eyes were a familiar honey liquid. She'd hunted recently. "Do you trust me?"

I didn't answer her loaded question. There was so much betrayal and unresolved conflict in me I didn't trust myself to answer my one time best friend. But I trusted her enough with my life in that moment. It was either trust Alice Cullen or die. So I nodded. It was nothing more than a slight shift of my chin. But she understood.

She stepped off the ledge, jumping down the eleven feet to the ground and ran, at her full speed, down the valley. My stomach lifted up into my throat and I fought the urge to vomit as we hurtled through the lowland forest. Being carried by a vampire was unnaturally steady. Unnaturally fast. I didn't like it. I wanted the warm, softness of the wolf and his natural, rocking gait.

Her cool touch and cold, empty chest grated at me too. They were the wrong arms. I was being taken in the wrong direction. I felt a cold dread slowly begin to seep up my spine. Something about this wasn't right. I was in danger, a mob of red-eyed vampires were after my blood, and Alice was saving me from them. It seemed to be a very sensible option in my mind. But I still didn't _feel_ right. I _felt_ like I should have just stayed in that bathroom, huddled on the floor while the sound our supernatural battle raged around my fox hole… wolf den.

It didn't make sense to double guess such simple safety methods; put more distance between me and the source of danger. But my gut was screaming at me to wake up and smell the trap. Alice was carrying me away. Away from the fight, and away from Jacob. If Jake survived this battle with five, strong vampires, the first thing he'd do was come get me from the bathroom. But I wasn't going to be there. Jake wasn't going to know where I was. And as I felt my chest tear open and my throat tug and pull at my heart, I realized something… Edward would. Weather he would read it in Alice's mind, or it had already been prearranged, he'd know. Edwards would know where I was. And Jake wouldn't—that was assuming he was still alive.

I found the last of my strength. I _refused_ to be manhandled like a doll.

"Stop!" I fought in her arms again. "Put me down. Put me down Alice!"

"I can't Bella. We have to get further away."

"Why? No! I want to go back. I need to see Jake. I need to see if his all right. Please." The overwhelming urge to see Jacob diffused though me. I looked over Alice's shoulder as the rear of the cabin shrunk into the distance at a flying speed.

"Esme is waiting with a car down the valley, Bella. It's less than a minute."

I didn't feel the smug sentiment of knowing I'd been right—they'd planned it all. I just wanted to be put down. "A car? No." I fought again against her arms. Each knock forming a bruise on my shoulder and hips. "I don't want to leave him, Alice. Stop. Put me down!"

She kept on running, ignoring my crazed plea. I could feel the anger rising in me. She wouldn't listen. They _never_ listened to me. I wasn't a child to be carried and told what to do. I wanted the basic respect of acknowledgement and acquiescence.

"It's okay now, Bella. You're going to be safe with us." We stopped then, my body jerking as Alice came to a sudden stop.

"Put me down!" I shouted, forcing my way from the little vampire's arms just as she let me go. I knew it wasn't because I'd asked her. She'd only let me go because we'd arrived wherever it was she'd wanted me to be. I still had no say.

Alice held me steady as my legs lowered down. I didn't have any shoes on. As I pressed my toes onto the cold and wet leaves underfoot I gasped. The cold water needled into my skin and the icy wind blew through the leaves, curling them around my bare legs and ankles. I felt cold; from the wind, from the sleet lifting between my toes, from the cold arms that had been carrying me, and from the bitter dread of losing Jacob that was frosting over in the pit of my stomach. It all lowered my temperature. But nothing lowered it more than the lack of my sun— my heat. I wanted Jake. I needed to know how he was. I needed to have his warm, heated arms pull me to him. I needed his strength and his solidity. I needed his love.

Trying to gather my both angry and distraught thoughts, I looked around me. My head tiled back as my gaze rose up the dizzying heights of the Douglass fur's looming overhead. Were still hidden in the thinning forest, but now down the bottom of the hill. I could hear the occasional car go by, the brum-rum-rum-rum of an exhaust break as a truck rolled down the nearby road.

Pulling the thick quilt tight around my shoulders, I turned, looking up the hill Alice had just sprinted me down from. Long, thick plumes of smoke were wafting up into the sky. It blew and dispersed into the cloud cover, coloring the grey rainclouds a sick tinge of pallid, puce lavender.

There was a soft rustling further down the hill as a person stepped through the under growth. Her slim build ducked under a low lying branch as she came into view.

I felt my heart grip as Esme looked up, smiling her worried brow relaxing into a relieved smile at me. "Bella! Oh sweet child we've missed you."

"Esme." I looked her over. Her hair sat just at her shoulders still. Soft, caramel curls settled against the pale blue collared blouse she had on. Surely, this loving, motherly woman couldn't have agreed to take me by force. But then again, she's left without so much as a good bye note too. They'd all abandoned me.

I felt Esme's hand touch the edge of my shoulder through the quilt. She'd misread my memories of being discarded as fear. "You're safe Bella. Rosalie just called me. Victoria is dead. They all are. No one can hurt you know."

* * *

 _All._

My knees sunk into the wet leaves, as I pulled myself into a huddled ball. _All_?

My stomach heaved. Sharp, painful convulsions seized me as I tried to empty the small about of coffee I'd manage to sip earlier.

Esme leaned over me, her hand caringly circling my back.

"Jake," I sobbed, "No."

I tried to swallow. The bitter taste of bile stuck to the back of my tongue, suffocating me and pulling my words back into my lungs.

Esme stooped down, comping my messy hair back from my face. "Jacob, he's the wolf you've been traveling with, isn't he sweetheart?"

I looked up at her, she _was_ still the caring mother-figure I remembered, but now, up close, I saw the unnatural perfection of her skin. She still survived on the blood of others.

I nodded. "He's my wolf." _Mine._ "I love him, Esme."

"So…?" I could read the question in her eyes. Did I love Jake more than I had loved Edward? More than I still did love him.

"I love him. And he has never hurt me." I rubbed at the partially healing scar on my wrist. It didn't hurt any more. And my heart hadn't hurt for days, not since the wolf cut the old scar out. It was the only sliver of warmth I had to cling to in that cold wet forest. "He loves me so much, I can feel in in my bones when his skin touches mine."

Esme's face dropped, saddened eyes searched mine as she realized the truth; _they'd_ hurt me too much. They'd all taken a piece of my heart when they'd left and, now after all those months I had mended too significantly for them to try and reattach the severed, jagged pieces. "You left me. You all left me."

"I'm sorry for that Bella. Rosalie told us what happened to you when we left. I truly am sorry you had to go through that grief. Edward is my son, and I did as he asked of us. But none of us wanted this for you. We all grieved when we left. We all wanted you to be a part of our family, in any form… we still do."

She sat back on her hunches, inclining her head as she listed to something up the hill. Something I couldn't hear yet. "We were in Montreal yesterday when Emmett and Rosalie telephoned Carlisle. We drove down as soon as we could. "

Her eyes flicked back to mine, kindness and warmth reflecting in the golden pools. She was still as regally beautiful as I recalled, but as I searched over the still familiar lines of her face, I saw the harsh, angular edges that lay under her skin. The cold, pale waxiness of death lingered just under the surface. I understood now why they were sometimes called the _undead._ After so long with only the natural, honest beauty of Jacob to look at, I saw the artificial beauty of them. Unnatural. Cold. Dead.

Alice stood behind Esme, looking down as she spoke to me. "Your future went blank, Bella, and then only a few hours later I saw Edward's decision to go back to Forks, to find you. Jaz and I were down in Texas, visiting old friends of his so that's why we sent Rose and Emmett. By the time we arrived back in Washington, everyone was gone. You. And Edward. And Victoria. Rose and Emmett lost your trail in a town back on the interstate. Em said it wasn't until they picked up Edward's scent, followed by a half dozen rabid vampires that they realized who it was. And what they wanted. And we all came as fast as we could. I just didn't know if we were going to make it in time."

I heard a rustling in the forest above. We all turned to look as the rest of the Cullen family walked out from the darkness. Edward included. "I still can't see you, or your wolf. I don't know if we were."

"Jake," I whispered, lifting my head, to look again at the purple column of smoke floating skywards.

"He's fine," Edward said, his dark, black eyes boring into my chest. Relief rushed over me as I looked around the forest, waiting for him to come find me… wherever we were. "The pack have been trying to call you for hours. I suppose you were otherwise _occupied._ " There was a bitterness to Edwards's tone that I'd ever hear him use before. It frightened me. It drew my attention to his sense of ownership he seemed think he had over me. He didn't own me; I wasn't his. He left. He gave up that right. He had no right be bitter that I had moved on or that I was happy.

"Edward," Carlisle warned, his hand resting on his son's arm.

Edward's eyes flicked to his fathers and then back to me.

The tightness in his face relaxed. His jaw eased and the thin line of his lips loosened back out the plump, pink ones that gave me my very first kiss. The lips that had whispered sweet nothings of love and eternity. The lips that had said I wasn't enough. Lips that had lingered too long at my pulse.

"Bella. I'm sorry." His voice waved thought me, pulling me in. "I only ever left to protect you."

I felt the chasm of the hole in my chest widen, it echoed and tried to pull me in as I peered over the side. "You said you didn't want me."

He smiled, his lips pulling up for only a moment before they fell, a thin tight line of self-hate stretching across instead. "When I said that, it was the very darkest kind of profanity. I lied."

"You lied?" I felt a confused sense of relief wash over me. He'd lied.

He nodded, reaching out a hand and pulling me to standing. I let him take my hand, unfolding and righting myself. His hands were cold, hard and unyielding as they wrapped around mine. "I lied, Bella." The masochist in me got a little thrill at hearing my name on his lips again. "I'm a good liar. I love you, Isabella Swan. I never stopped and I never will stop loving you more than anything else on this God-given planet." I felt my self being pulled, drawn into the cold, dark black hole of Edward's love.

He still loved me. The girl from last spring wanted to run into his arms and never let him go. But I wasn't that girl any more. I'd been burnt from the cold of that love. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. He'd said he loved me before, and then he'd left. Was this just more of the lie? My head was a mess of second guessing and self-contradiction. If he'd loved me so much, then how'd he been able to leave me?

He pulled me closer to him, his hard hand cupping around my waist. "And you believed the lie… didn't you? You believe me so easily."

I felt the traitorous tears well in my eyelids, threatening to spill over. "I did. I believed you. And you broke a part of me that day, Edward. You destroyed me."

He shifted until is iron hands cupped my face, holding me towards him. "I'm sorry, Bella. Really. I will never, for the rest of my existence forgive myself for the pain I've caused." His sweet breath washed over me. I felt my lungs full with it, it dizzied me, and gently pulled me in.

His eyes were dark, a thin circle of gold almost consumed by the thirsty darkness within.

I felt his gaze pulling at me. It reached out to me and scratched at the mended hole in my chest. I waited for the hole to gape open and ooze its insidiously depressing pain. But it didn't. I mentally shook myself, clearing my mind from the whirling thrall of his scent and his gaze.

"Please, Bella. Can you still love me after everything I've done to you? Can you love me again?"

My face was still trapped between his hands, at his mercy.

"Please let me go, Edward."

"No," the desperation in his voice pulled at me. "Not until you tell me. Have you moved on like I'd meant for you to?"

Jasper stepped up then, his hand on his brother's shoulder. "The lady asked you to let her go. Now let her go, Edward."

He ignored Jasper, his eyes flicked back and forth between mine as he waited. His hard fingers dug painfully into my skin. I could feel the bruise that could rise up tomorrow. "Do you still love me?"

I was silent, my whole body trembling from the tension held inside me. Did I? My answer to that question had been changing from day to day.

* * *

There was more rustling in the trees. With my head still locked in Edward's iron grip, I searched my eyes over to where five giant wolves stalked forward. They walked in a V formation, coming to a stop only a few feet from where I was locked in deep conversation with Edward.

Jacob's wolf kept walking. A heavy growl vibrated through the air. His muzzle was raised with his sharp, lethal canines showing. The two men locked gazes, their eyes exchanging a challenge of possession and of wills. Jake's wolf let out a quick, vicious growl, threatening Edward as he held my face in his frozen, vice like hands.

"NO!" Edward snared, his eyes to mine and then back Jake's as he read his thoughts.

Edward's hands released my face only to pull coarsely at my oversized shirt. His fingers tugged down the neck line, exposing the top half of my breast, revealing the two semi-circled, punctured lines of Jake's mark.

I could see the fraught pain in Edward's eyes as they frowned at the bite that I'd so readily accepted just last night.

"No."

* * *

"Yes!" I snarled back, my teeth pressing hard against each other. My hands wrenched upwards ripping the collar of the shirt from Edward's fingers and covering myself up. "No one gets to see that part of my body but Jacob, Edward—no one!"

I could feel the vitriol rolling off Edward. "You let him _brand_ you, like property."

The newly awakened woman inside me bristled at the accusation. It wasn't a _branding_. It was a symbol. A mark of fidelity and eternity between two souls. "I love Jake, Edward. And I'm proud to wear his mark."

I could hear Jacob's low, reverberating possessive growl. I was proud to have that magnificent beast as my personal protector, as my mate. I realized, as the growl mutated into one that I instinctively understood as a warning to his enemy, that I was most proud of his restraint. It must have been exceedingly challenging to see a Cold One so close to his mate and not intervene.

The man inside the animal, who was also my best friend, was giving me the time and the opportunity to defend myself. To truly terminate any hopes of reconciliation Edward had harbored. Jake was letting me make my own choices—something Edward had never let me do.

I knew that if there'd been a threat to my physical safety that Jacob would have stepped in, in a heartbeat. But Jake knew, as well as I did, that Edward wasn't going to let go unless the final dismissal came from me.

"You have to let me go, Edward," I said, stepping back. "Let me live my life the way I want to."

Edward mirrored my retreating steps, his hand gripped hard and pressed down on my shoulders. "We're not _finished_ yet, Bella." Edward looked back at me, shaking my shoulders in a single jerk that rattled my teeth. "You didn't answer my question. Tell me! Tell me, Bella. Do you still love me?"

I could feel the tears as they escaped and trickled down my face. Each single tear held so much in its exodus.

The tear captured the fear at being held like this by Edward, against my will. I didn't think he would intentionally hurt me and I was sure none of the beings waiting around the heated standoff would allow it, but it was frightening nonetheless. I shed a tear at the injustice and humiliation at having to have this discussion with Edward held in front of everyone, least of all Jake. And lastly, I mixed into a tear all the gushing relief I felt now that Jacob was here. The emotion was so strong it over flowed.

I looked over to the wolf, his deep, soulful eyes staring back at me. The animal shared the same eyes as the man. The same soul. The soul that loved me and had _made_ love to me like no one ever had, and no one ever would. I felt my heart being pulled, not to Edward, but to Jacob… my choice.

* * *

I scrunched my eyes, blinking back the second wave of tears. I felt a warmer breeze ripple over the bare, goose-bumped skin of my legs. When my eyes opened, Jacob, the man, was standing there, naked, a determined look in his narrowed eyes. I looked over his body, his muscles twitching with tension. His skin was scratched and bruised, dirt caked along one side of him as, on the other side of his ribs, a long, angry wound was beginning to heal.

He looked at me, silently mouthing, " _I love you,"_ as he squared his broad shoulders and clenched his fists to his side. His knuckles pulled white against his tanned and muddy skin. "She said, let her go." Little balls of frothy spittle escaped through Jacob's clenched jaw as he pulled tight on the obvious internal demand too rip the vampire apart.

I turned my eyes back to Edward. "Yeah, I did. Let me go."

Edward ignored both Jake and I, instead trapping himself in the anguish of his desperate last demand. "Answer me!"

Resolve hardened in my chest as I sucked in a handful of corroding breaths. My lungs burned. My chest hurt. I could feel the bruises on my cheeks already starting to bloom from Edwards's earlier grasp. The tears had made my eyes red and sore. All because of Edward. This wasn't love, it was _ownership_. I was _no_ t his to have. I'd had enough of being his puppet to maneuver like an ivory queen on a chess board.

"I love you, Edward—a small part of me always will. But I _hate_ you more. I'm not _in love_ with you anymore."

His grip on my shoulder slackened, and his fingers slipped down my arm. I saw the dark cool fluid of his eyes solidify like hard, polished onyx. It hurt me to hurt him, but I had finally realized that I needed to do what was right for me. To choose _me_ above anyone else. I had to choose what was good for me, what _I_ truly wanted.

That person was Jake.

"I want you to leave me. Go." I'd memorized those words he said to me last year in the forest. I'd said them over and over to myself as I'd relived that heartbreaking day. A form of self-flagellation. I'd always felt unworthy of Edward. We'd never made sense to me. But with Jake, I did feel worthy. We made complete sense. We belonged together.

"Make it as if you never existed, Edward." I was using Edward's words back to him to make him understand. He had to. " _You're_ the one who's not good for me." I felt the snarl form on my lips. All the months of hurt and dejection balled up and spat back in the culprits face. "Promise me that you won't come back. That this will be the last time that I'll see you."

"Bella don't, don't do this."

I breathed in again, finding the strength to keep talking as I stood face to face with my ex-boyfriend, as my current lover was forced to watch on. I fed off the anger, not the heartbreak of it all. The broken heart over Edward would have given in too easily. I hated that he'd made me so weak. He really was like a parasite. Sucking all the life out of the one he attached himself too. Me.

It was time to detach the bloodsucker. It was time I took control of my own life.

I stared into Edward's eyes, I hoped he could see my decision. It was concrete. "I don't want you," I said steadily and clearly. "I don't need you, Edward." I lifted my shoulders, pulling the cover closer around me before I spoke each word with slow exacting finality. "And I don't _ever_ want to see you again."

I felt the heat then, Jacob's hand as it slid over my back and pulled me towards him. Edward's arm came up, stopping me from getting closer to Jake.

"Don't Edward," I whispered, "A clean break. Remember?"

Jake pulled at me again, growing at Edward and scowling at him through narrowed eyes. I looked up at his face. His square jaw was tight, pulsing as he clenched his teeth. His body shivered as he held in the need to phase and rip his former rival and blood-enemy to pieces.

"Do as she says, Edward, or so help me god…" Jake inhaled, his chest lifted, expanding and growing him in stature. He voice was deep and rolling as he spoke. "Give. Me. My. Mate…" The beast inside had finally been allowed the freedom to have his say against the Cold One.

 _Mate._ I felt his words inside my soul. I knew them to be true. We'd been building the foundations for weeks, if not months. Jake and I had embarked on the journey days ago, we'd promised it last night and we were living it then and there. I was his.

And only his.

Edward dropped his hands, the broken defeat washing through his eyes before the hardened, angular mask of the creature within him smoothed over.

"Goodbye, Bella. I'll go. But I'll never stop loving you. I'll never stop caring about you, watching over you. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe and to be happy."

He turned then, leaving a row of Douglass fur needles splayed on the grown in his wake.

The air shifted, a warmer breeze blew through the valley and I called out, hoping he'd still hear me.

"Take care of yourself, Edward." I had the sudden worry that my happiness, without _him,_ was going to be his undoing. "Don't do anything stupid.

For once, I was taking my own advice. I was being smart. I was choosing happiness. I was choosing love. I was choosing Jake. I was choosing _me_.

* * *

 **A/N: So how was that? I really wanted to keep Bella's feelings for Edward as close to how she is in new moon and Eclipse, but have her still choose to be with Jake... and to Love him more... and then realize the manipulative ways of the vamps... especially The Ed.**

 **Next chapter will be the aftermath of the battle and the clean up - both physically and emotionally- that will follow.**

 **Leave me some Love.**


	19. Chapter 19- Build and Re-build

_**Oh my gosh! You guys were so generous with your reviews last chapter. You really blew me away. Thank you all.**_

 _ **We're getting towards the end of the story. Only 3 more chapters to go. (I still have to finish the Epi though!)**_

 _ **Some you loved Bella's monologue to Edward last chapter, some of you thought it was quite harsh. It was harsh. I've tried to keep Bella as cannon as I could, with her tears over the goodbye. Only in my story it's Jake who gets the girl. (Whoo hoo!)**_

 **A special thank you to Egratia, my Beta, for editing this chapter. There were heaps of errors. Sorry if we've missed some folks.**

 _ **Hope you all enjoy the rebuilding of their lives.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 19- Build and Re-Build**

I cried for a long time after Edward left the forest.

Bundled up in the quilt, with feet numbed by the cold, Jake had picked me up and started to carry me back up the hill to where the last of the purple smoke was still tricking skywards.

Carlisle, Jasper and Alice had taken off to follow Edward and there was a quiet silence between the wolves and the remaining vampires that followed Jake and I up the hill. The silence between the pack and Cullen's was understandable, but there was a silence between Jake and me, and it was much more uncomfortable. The silence screamed louder than the robin's whistling from the tree tops above as he continued to carry me back up towards the log cabin.

Only my pitiful sobbing broke that silence.

I'd told Edward to go. I'd made my choice. But I didn't feel the instant relief and happiness of being free of him that I thought I would. I felt that hole inside me scratch open a little. But it didn't bleed; it didn't even trickle. With each teardrop and each step away we took, it just throbbed and ached like sandpaper on a freshly healed wound. I'd been the one scraping.

Deep down I knew I'd made the right decision. I truly was happy with my choice… Jake. After the last few weeks we'd shared, there really hadn't been a choice. My feelings for Jacob ran too deep and too strong. But some part of me would always love Edward… and what had hurt was that I'd told a man I love that I _hated_ him, and in such a cruel way.

I knew, first hand, how cruel those words could be. I'd suffered for months remembering them. I didn't regret my words because they needed to be said. There needed to be no doubt about my feelings, but I still felt so torn and guilty. I think Jake subliminally sensed that feeling of self-betrayal radiating off me. Yet if he did, he kept it to himself as I cried. He just held me a little tighter as I rocked against his chest as he walked through the sub-alpine forest.

Jake carried me. And I cried… over another.

* * *

He placed me on the couch by the remnants of last night's fire and held me as I cried more still. The harder I sobbed, the tighter he held me.

I hated myself for letting Jake see me like that. It wasn't fair for him to see me crying over another man. No one had forced me. _I_ had sent Edward away. It was _my_ choice— and I was sticking with it— but the finality and brutality of my dismissal of someone I was still secretly holding a small flame for hurt.

It hadn't been that long ago, that Edward appearing and avowing his love for me still would have been my dream come true. But that scared little girl he'd left in the forest had made her way out. She'd dusted herself off—all be it after months of wallowing… but she _had_ emerged.

She'd been dragged out of the mud by Jacob. He'd pulled at her soul, hauling and lifting; slowly bringing her closer to the edge of the pool of dejection she'd thrown herself into head first. He'd washed her down, cleaning her of the dark, sticky muck of despair. And as she dried, with the warmth of his care, she could see clearer. She could see further along the horizon than simply a hollow promise of eternity and the unrealistic notion of perfection. She saw the beauty of where she'd been standing. And it was in the middle of Jacob's garage. His sunny smile and simple beauty was all that she needed to keep from getting lost in that forest again.

When once again faced with the possibility of eternity in the forest, with Edward asking me to step back into the cool, damp shade it created, I'd decided. I chose to stay in the sun. To stay in the bright, warm daylight for a natural lifetime… _with_ my sun. I chose life. I chose the healthy option. I'd chosen Jake.

I'd fallen in love. It was real. It was honest. It was natural _love_.

I knew the decision was right, I wasn't regretting it. But it still hurt like nothing else to have made it. So I cried… and the man I loved the most held me. And I loved him just that little bit more for his devotion.

* * *

…

* * *

I was snuggled into Jacob's side as he held me on the couch, the quilt was squished up between and around us. His fingers rhythmically stroked over my temple and hair in a smooth, loving touch. "It's gunna be okay, Bells," he whispered, his breath was warm and tickled the shell of my ear.

I sucked in a breath, my chest staggered and rose with it as my eyes closed. I settled back heavily against his bare chest and felt the warmth of his skin infuse into my cheek. My hand snuck out form the quilt and wrapped around the side of his ribs. "I know. It's just hard."

I kissed the skin just above his heart as his lips press against the crown of my head. "Thank you Jake; for it all."

.

"Here you go Bella." We both jumped at the voice, even as softly spoken as it was.

I looked up, wiping my dripping nose on my wrist as I look an offered steaming mug of soup from Esme.

"And I found these in a rucksack under the bed," she added as she handed Jacob a pair of black corduroy shorts, "what's left of the bed, at least."

The cabin was more or less destroyed. The front door had been kicked down, with splinters of the frame scattered over the now, dirty and scratched polished floors. The bed frame looked like it had been bowled over. I imagined it had been, a giant wolf and an impossibly strong human-looking _thing_ wrestling for domination and crashing through the thick solid posts. The table that sat by the large back windows was split in two, three of its legs splayed out at unnatural angles. The beautiful picture window, that had fogged up with our breath only the day before, was now a giant, gaping hole. The cold wind blew in, bringing a few small flakes of snow with the flurry. I hadn't yet seen the state of the once pretty front porch—I didn't want to.

.

There was a tense treaty between the other Cullen's and the wolves who, I'd learned, arrived to help Jake shortly after he had phased and howled before he'd gone to fight the red-eyed monsters.

I could hear the sharp, hard cracks of broken wood being repaired and rebuilt as the unlikely team began the clean up outside.

I lifted the steaming mug to my lips, sipping the packet soup she'd made for me. "Thank you, Esme."

Jake stood then, still unashamedly naked, and pulled on the offered pants. "Yeah, Thanks," he mumbled..

* * *

Jake and I had yet to talk. He'd whispered the small words of encouragementand we'd not separated since he'd found me being held captive in Edward's hands. But we'd not _talked…_ not really. I'd just been slowly easing my tears as he crooned wordlessly in my ear. We needed some privacy to reaffirm our feelings. Neither of us wanted to have that conversation within ear-shot of another seven supernaturally good, eavesdropping ears. Whether they'd mean to or not, they'd all still hear.

Regardless of our covert audience, I was still too much of a mess and Jake was still too uneasy with the vampires still lingering. We tacitly agreed to wait for any deep and meaningful conversation until later. We'd wait for the privacy of our own bed, what was left of it anyway.

Jake stood as he did up the button fly of the shorts Esme had given him and looked around the broken cabin. I watched as he took in the destruction, really took it in for the first time. His face paled as he let out a slow groan and plonked back down at my side. "What the hell am I gunna tell Helen?"

"Who?" My voice was croaky and strained, like I'd silently been screaming for hours. I suppose I had been.

"Helen, the lady who owns this cabin. It's trashed." He bent forwards, leaning his elbow on his knees as he fisted his hair. "I can't afford to fix it all, Bells. I can't even afford to fix _some_ of it. We're so fucked."

I felt a little quickening of my pulse. We'd not talked, but just little gestures and words like "we're" –even if it was followed by the word " _fucked_ "— let me know how he still felt. _We,_ Jake and I, and our fledgling relationship we'd yet to really define out loud _,_ were still okay. We'd be _fucked_ together. And that was fine by me too.

* * *

Emmett's voice sounded from outside, "Jacob."

We both turned around to see him standing in the broken, gaping doorway. He had brown tailored pants on, with a white collared shirt with the sleeves wound up to his elbows. I saw then a glimpse of the man he would have been in the nineteen thirties.

"Don't worry about the cabin. We'll fix it up, and we'll smooth things over with the owner too. This is part of our mess as well, and we don't walk away from a mess. And anyway, it's Edward who should be paying for all this. None of this would have happened if he hadn't left Bella." He frowned, licking his lips in a very human way before continuing. "I love my brother, don't get me wrong, but he really messed things up. The least my family and I can do it pick up the pieces…" He smiled, the dimples on his cheeks pulling in, and transforming the immortal man into the lad from Tennessee he was still inside.

Emmett held out the large handful of wood splinters in his palm and forming a hard fist around them. He opened his hand and the sawdust fell like cold ash of a fire as the wind drove it back out the door. "We'll pick up the pieces, Jacob, and then disappear in the wind… literally."

I doubted it. Emmett had good intentions, but there was a part of me that knew Edward would never really leave me be. I would still go on with my life. I'd love Jacob with every inch of my body and soul. We'd start a family one day and grow old together. But I didn't believe that Edward would disappear forever. Maybe for a while; a few years, even a decade. But I got the sense that he'd always be watching over me, over us. Edward would watch me be happy, from afar.

Jake sat silent for a moment, absorbing Emmett's words. He lifted his hand from my waist and he stood, stepping around the couch. "Thank you Emmett. I'm in your debt." Jake reached out a hand, shaking the Cold One's with a trust and lack of outward repulsion that showed me the natural leader and amazing man that was inside my mate.

"There's no debt, Jacob. We've already taken enough from you and your pack… and from Bella. Just look after her and be good to her for the rest of her life. And we'll all be happy. That's all we want."

* * *

…

* * *

The Cullen's had been true to their word. The cabin had been manhandled back together in the course of the afternoon. Hard, pale, marble fingers had pressed nails into wood. Deft, tanned and careful hands had recreated and restored the interior.

Jake and his pack brothers had helped. Silently the wolves worked in unison, harmoniously assisting the coven of vampires I had once thought of family, until the wreckage of the battle ground resembled the log cabin Jake and I had spent the night in.

About mid-afternoon Alice and Jasper arrived back just as Sam and Paul were fixing in the new picture window glass. I knew Carlisle would stay with his son. I was glad Edward would have someone to lean on. I'd been so alone when Edward had left me last year, that isolation had almost killed me. As much as he'd hurt me, I didn't want that for Edward.

Alice came skipping inside, through the now mended front door. "It's all done," she chirped to Rosalie and Emmet who were working together to fix the broken lock on the bathroom door. They both smiled nodding as their eyes flicked over to me.

I was better dressed now. Showered, fed and clothed— reset after the morning from hell. Jake and some of his brothers were cussing out the back, sealing up with silicone the last of the glass from the picture window. It was just me with the Cullen's inside as I folded and repacked the bags Jake and I shared.

I folded my grey sweater, pressing in to my stomach as I looked between the two couples I had been ready to call my brothers and sisters at one time.

"What?"

Jasper walked over to me with his leisurely amble. He'd not spoken to me since the Cullen family had arrived here in Colorado, and definitely not since that evening of my eighteenth birthday. That evening that my life turned to hell. That night he'd tried to _eat_ me.

"The cabin. It's all sorted, we fixed it up with the owner." He held in his hand a thick buff colored envelope, it crinkled and jingled as he shifted it from hand to hand.

I smiled, Jake was going to be happy to hear that. "Oh really?" I put the sweater down on the now repaired bed and stepped to the back of the cabin. "Jake! Come here for a minute."

I saw from the back window a half-naked man swing down, jumping the ten or more feet to the ground. I felt the little thrill run through me at the sight of him. His dark skin and the way his muscles underneath bunched and tensed, pulled tight at my insides. He was a beautiful man. And ten seconds later, he walked through the front door, his eyes honed in on me, shining dark and deep with his love. I knew he was mine.

Possessively, and with the confidence of a warrior, Jacob strode into the circle of vampires that had formed around me. "Yeah sweetheart?" His arm curled around my waist, his finger ticking the bare skin of skin between my jeans and sweater. I felt the goose bumps rise and tighten across my stomach at his touch.

My arm wrapped around his and the other pressed a warm hand to his even hotter, harder chest. I loved to feel the heart beat underneath. "Jasper here, went and explained it all to the owner, Helen, and it's all sorted."

Jakes brown lifted, surprise followed by suspicion. "Really?" he scoffed a small laugh, swallowing it back. "Wha'd you do? Bribe her?"

"Kind of," Alice smiled, taking the envelope from her husband hand and reaching in. "We bought it."

"You bought it!"

"Mm hmm." Alice held out the keys, a Texas longhorn keyring attached, a little golden skull and horn symbol swinging from her fingers.

I felt a little prickle of irritation. That was how they fixed everything. Money. And it seemed to me that they were rubbing there abundance of, and the Quileute's _lack of_ in our face.

Alice held up the key, tinkling it against its chain. "It's time you started your property portfolio Bella. I assumed this place was special to you both." Her cool hand reach over and grasped mine, lifting it and pressing the sharp, hard metal in to my palm. "It's yours."

I let the key drop from my hand, like it had burned me. It fell on to the still scratched but now swept clean wooden floor with a crisp, chiming clatter. "What!?"

Jasper bent down, picking up the key. "It's yours Bella."

He held it out for me to take. His eyebrow lifting as he probably read my growing irritation.

"No." I shook my hands in front of me. "I don't need your money, you don't owe me anything." I just wanted this day to be over. While I appreciated their effort to help in the clean-up, and their willingness to risk their own lives to protect me, I just wanted them to leave. I just wanted to be with Jake. To feel his touch. It go back to the carefree moments with the wind in our face on the open road. I didn't need to be indebted to them any further.

Rosalie leaned forward. "Please Bella. It would mean a lot to us if we could give you this."

"I can't, Rose, it's too much."

"To you it might seem like that. But for us it's not. I'm not gloating, I'm just being honest, we have a _lot_ of money, Bella, and to us, this cabin is just something little. Money can't buy you happiness. But giving this to you just might. We can leave here knowing that you have it. I can imagine you coming here for vacations over the years. Having the children I will never have to opportunity to have. I can imagine you and Jacob growing old together here. Something I would give up this immortal life for." Rosalie took the proffered key from Jasper's hand, and held it out. "Please."

I sighed, feeling torn about yet another thing in my life. I really didn't have any hard feelings towards the rest of the Cullen family. I wanted them to be happy. If imagining me happy and human here in this cabin would do that, then I suppose I could accept the extravagant yet earnest gift. But on the other hand, this place wasn't just special to me, it had to have some significance to Jake. How would he feel about it being bought for me— for _us_ —by a Cold One?

I looked over my shoulder to Jake, hoping to get some kind of signal from him. He mouthed, " _it's okay,"_ but I was still uneasy accepting it.

Jake shook his head, I could see him try and hide the rolling of his eyes. Jake always saw things more clearly than I did. He had the path laid out in front like a trail in the forest of life, and he very really detoured. Just like the way he'd so loyally and patiently followed me. Like he knew the path would lead us together in the end. Out of the forest and into the sunshine of our future. He'd been right.

I barely caught the movement as is hand swooped down, unnaturally fast, and he took the key from Rosalie. "If she won't take it then I will." He tossed the key in his palm a few times testing the weight. He threw it up in the air, the key chain lengthened and spun before Jake caught in a sideways swinging clutch. He transferred it to his left hand as that hand found mine. His fingers twisted with mine, the now warming, hard metal pressed between us. "What's mine is hers anyway."

They all smiled, a genuine happiness for me… and my new mate.

.

Jasper looked around the cabin, then, his eyes searched outside to the pack of half-naked men watching the exchange from the porch. "Which one of y'all hounds is Embry?"

I felt Jake stiffen next to me. He didn't like his pack brother being singled out by a blood drinker.

Sam stood forwards, his shoulders, almost as wide as Jake's, barred across the door way, "why do you want to know?"

"It's nothing untoward." The blond vampire smiled, his grin lifting up. "We've been in communication over the last few weeks, 's all."

All the wolves bristled. Shifting uncomfortably. The very idea of their brother in collaboration with a leech was shocking, that he might have done it behind their backs was abhorrent.

"What! No I haven't!" A man pushed passed his alpha, ready to defend his own honor. "I've never seen you in my _life."_

 _That_ was Embry? The tall, lanky and shy boy I'd met in Jake's garage was nothing like the hulk of a man standing face to face with the most volatile of the Cullen family.

"Peace, boy," Jasper calmed, his palms turned outwards in a placating manner. "I don't mean to offend. It's just a little matter of business."

Embry stopped, just a few feet from the doorway as he eyed Jasper wearily. "Your voice. I know your voice."

Jasper nodded, a twinkle of mischief in his eye. "I think we might just forget about that there delivery, now. You put 'em back where you found 'em." He winked at the wolf boy, who, as a wave of comprehension rolled over his face, smiled. "I won't be needing 'em anymore."

Embry nodded, his face still a mask of surprise. "Okay." The rest of us still seemed to be still very much clueless.

After a moment of edgy curiosity from all the beings with a heartbeat, Jasper stood taller, giving his head a sharp, final nod. "Well okay then." He turned back to his family, taking Alice by the hand. "Say your good byes sweetheart. I think we'd best be leaving these fine people to themselves."

…

* * *

The good byes weren't as difficult as I'd imagined they'd be. I would miss the family that the Cullen's had given me, but as I hugged Alice, one last time, and they left— as ethereal as dust being carried on the wind— I realized that I had a family already. And they didn't take more than a heartbeat to start complaining, loudly, about the stench.

There was a man, I didn't even know his name, who was systematically walking around the cabin, opening every door and window as he went. "I'm gunna spew if I have to breathe in another breath of their fucking rotten dead stink."

Jake followed behind. "Paul, it's cold out!" He shut the front window the man had just opened with a heavy click. "Bella will freeze."

Paul doubled back opening the window Jake had just shut. "She'll be all right, that's what coats, blankets, and _you_ are for. We'll all phase in our sleep if we keep smelling it."

"You're not sleeping here!"

The man, Paul, stopped and turned to face Jake. "I fucking well ran for eleven hours straight, stopping twice for a drink in a river and once to take a piss. All to save you and you're leech lover's ass."

"Don't call her that." Jake stepped up, his face only inches from the others.

"Oh relax, it's a term of endearment. I know she's yours, we can all smell _that_ too. It's fucking making me horny."

I felt my cheeks begin to bloom a heated red. They could smell _me_? _Us_? Holy crow.

The one Jake called Paul sighed, scratching the back of his head before running his palms over his face. "Look Jake, I'm hungry and I'm tired and I'm sure as shit not sleeping outside with this storm blowing in."

I looked out the now closed window. It looked like a clear, blue afternoon.

I moved over to Jake, winding my arm around his back. I felt his heat, and the hard, broad lines of his back as it tapered down to his even harder gorgeous ass. I felt his body melt against mine. We'd not had enough contact over the last few hours as he'd been helping with the re-construction of the cabin, and my nerves fired off in excitement as we touched.

I reached up, pulling his hardened stare from his pack-mates to mine. My hands cupped over his jaw, lightly stroking over his cheek. "They can say Jake."

I lifted up onto my toes, pressing my lips to his. "They helped saved our lives. I thought I'd seen you for the last time on that porch. I thought I was going to lose you. And it hurt more than anything I'd ever felt last spring." I'd meant it when I'd chosen him, I meant all the things I'd said to Edward earlier. Jake was never merely a _safe_ option. He wasn't the runner up. He was my _life_. And I loved, him... Irrevocably.

He pressed his forehead to mine, breathing me in as I whispered, "you're my best friend, my family, my lover, my _mate_." I looked up, meeting the eye of the other four, half naked, tired and dirty men standing like statues around the lounge of the little log cabin. "The least we can do is feed them."

* * *

… _._

I managed to throw together a quick chili. I figured two pounds of ground beef was never going to be enough, so I stretched it out with extra beans and the last of the rice we had. There were no complaints, when thirty minutes after declaring I'd make some food, I had five giant, now clean but still starving men stooped over their bowls, silently devouring what was once a three-quarter full, sixteen quart pot.

The one I'd learned was Jared, stood up to get his fourth helping when he leaned over to the cell phone charging on the counter. It had died sometime yesterday afternoon, but Jake and I had been a little too _preoccupied_ to bother plugging it in.

"When this is charged it's gunna have, like, a hundred missed calls and messages. One of us stopped to call you every hour or so." He pointed to the seemingly innocuous metallic rectangle as he sat back at the now repaired table we were crowded around. Jake had insisted I sit on his lap— not enough chairs. Then Jared pointed at Jake and me, his finger switching diagonally between me and his brother. "That dead battery almost go you two killed."

Jake tore the last piece of bread in half, placing the other half next to my bowl. "What happened Sam?" His hand pressed on my stomach as he held me closer and he inhaled my skin. "How did you know to come?"

The alpha put his spoon down, it clinked against the ceramic bowl. "It was Paul."

Paul scooped a spoonful in to his mouth, nodding in appreciation before explaining. "I was in town, headed out to meet Missy Hebert, you know her? She's the one with the tongue ring," he smirked, winking at me, "it's amazing what those little balls can do."

Jake growled, shifting me to his other leg, further from the wolf smirking at his mate. I knew Paul was just messing with Jake, shame no one told Jacob though. "Fuck off, Paul. Just tell me."

"All right. Mr. I-can't–answer-my-phone-because-I'm-too-busy-fucking-my-mate's-brains-out."

I could feel the tension rolling off Jacob, the small quakes of muscle tremors he was trying to suppress. It had been a stressful day, the wolf needed answers. "Paul," he warned, he voice a deep, ominous base.

"Fine." He wiped at the sauce in the bottom of his empty bowl with a slice of bread, before stuffing it in his face. "I was on my way to the diner in Forks when it hit me, the fucking leech stench. But it wasn't the red-head, or her toy boy," he chewed. "I could tell it was different. You know… like…. less… I don't know… less _dead."_ Paul wiped his mouth before taking a sip of water. "And then I realized that was because it was a vegetarian Vamp. A Cullen. I called Sam and we all searched around the town, flowing the trail every god damn where. When it intersected with the redhead's and a fuck load more of the deader smells, we decided to follow it for as long as we could. Jared's got his little man bag now—"

Jared lowered his bowl, frowning at Paul. "Hey!"

Paul gave him an unabashed look. "Well you do, it's a _man_ bag."

"It's a _back pack,_ for when we're wolf _._ Kim made it for me. And any way, it _was_ handy." I could tell they'd had this argument more than once before.

"Yeah, yeah. It was handy 'cause he had his phone stuffed in there and we could call home and let them know what the hell we were doing... but it's still a man bag."

"It had food, too."

"Two fucking granola bars." Paul held his fingers up, showing Jake. "Two! For the four of us… for a whole god damn day."

Embry piped in, "That reminds me. You'd better call your dad soon Bro."

"Yeah," Sam agreed.

Jake nodded absently, "I will if Paul ever gets to the end of this saga."

"There's nothing more to say, we followed the red-head's trail, and we followed it s'more. We followed it all the way down to Oregon, and I had to damn-well swim like a dog across the river. And then we followed it all the way across the state." He turned in his chair towards us, his fist on his hip. "You fucking went to Yellowstone! Are you serious? You left us— to guard _your_ people—so you and your leech lover could have a camping vacation in the mountains?"

Jake shifted, his hand digging in as he held on to the side of the tabletop. "You know it wasn't like that. You know why."

"Yeah. But not at first. No," Paul scoffed, "you just ran like a pussy the first chance you got. Convenient that a better excuse popped up though, wasn't it?"

"Enough," Sam interjected, his eye flicking to Jake's as Paul slouched back in his chair to let Sam take up the story. "We caught more Cullen scents somewhere in Wyoming and then down south over the Mesa."

Sam pressed his palms flat on the table, addressing Jake across the wooden surface. "Jacob, when you phased and howled for us, were way over the other side of the canyon. I've never run so fast in my life as a wolf. It was like a magnet pulling us to you, it was some heavy stuff. I know it was probably only a minute or two. But it was still a minute or two… with _five_ of them. I can't believe you held them off for as long as you did."

Jake's fingers had been sliding up and down the length of the side seam on my Levi's. His fingers paused at the mention of the fight, and his hand curled around my thigh. I rested my hand on top of his, giving him a silent gesture that I too was proud of him. In so many, many ways.

"It was because of Emmett and Rosalie," Jake mumbled. I saw a little smirk begin to glace on his face. "They took out one each. So if you count the one I tore apart, you guys really only had two between you. Just like the granola bars."

"Fucker," Paul mumbled.

* * *

…

* * *

"Thank you for doing this." Jake stood behind me, watching me in the bathroom mirror.

I bent over, spitting the toothpaste out. "If you say you need it, then I know you must. There's no way you'd agree to me sleeping with four other guys if you didn't."

"We'll all be in wolf. Lahote's not going anywhere near you with fingers instead of paws. And even then, paws are bad enough. But I do need it. You don't know how much I've missed them. How much the wolf missed them." I had an idea, I'd seen the shaking anguish he'd gone through every night on twilight. "But they need it too." He tipped his head in thought. "Probably _more_."

"Why more? You're the one who's been away from everyone."

He mumbled through the toothbrush in his mouth, his dark eyes reaching my soul, even though the reflection. "They need to be near me… near _us_."

I turned around, looking up at him with my hand splayed out on his hard chest.

Jake avoided my eye, leaning over and rinsing his mouth. Then he turned and wiped his mouth on a towel, still not clarifying his potentially sensational comment. "Jake?"

He sighed, turning me by the hips and pulling me closer. "I _called_ them to where we were. I don't know how, but I did, Bells. As soon as I phased I felt it."

"Felt what?"

"The leadership. The alpha position."

"Oh." That wasn't something Jake had wanted. Yet he seemed to be taking it all in his stride for now.

"We're all physical, and they need to reconnect to their alpha and…" his voice trailed off. I was waiting for the rest.

"And?" I raised a single eyebrow at him.

Jake ran his hands over my hips, circling my bottom and then back up to my waist. I could see the tension in his jaw set, and his chest lift as he sucked in an encouraging breath. He let it all out in one fast, long, continuous breath. "The alpha and his mate. His marked, and scented mate."

Both my eyebrows raised then, and my mouth formed a perfect circle. "Excuse me?"

Jake licked his lips, swallowing. "The bite." His hands ran up my sides, dipping at my waist and over the swell of my breast. He lowered his face as he pulled down the front of my shirt and he pressed a kiss over his crusted bite mark, inhaling. "It smells freakn terrific." I felt a fresh wave of goose bumps erupt over my chest and up my throat as Jake's nose traced a line up wards and settle behind my ear. " _You_ smell freaking terrific.

My eyes were closed as I just swam in the cloud of his touch, my arousal increasing. I wanted more. _Lot's_ more. But it wasn't happening tonight. Too many supernatural ears and noses. I scoffed, "I thought I reeked of sex."

"Mm hmm." Jacob, grabbed at my boob, puling and twisting as he nodded, nuzzling into that sweet spot behind the ear even more. "And it smells freakin' terrific."

They'd all _smelt_ the sex on me. Victoria had. Edward had. Had Esme also? I didn't want Esme to know. Not Esme. "Oh my god."

Jake stood taller, his hand shifting from my breast to my shoulders, he smiled down at me, his perfect, white smile made pretty much it all feel better. "Trust me, it's a good thing Bella."

His smile fixed pretty much _all_ … but not _everything._

I shifted on one hip, tilting my head at him. "How, how does smelling like semen constitute as a _good_ thing?" Then I felt it… I felt my stomach drop as my brain finally clicked. Semen. I smelt like semen. Not like Jake, or my own arousal. And certainly not from the latex we _didn't_ use yesterday in the shower.

I gasped, round eyes stared up at Jake as my hands covered my mouth in shock. "Oh my god, Jake! Am I _pregnant_?"

He took a double take, jerking back with confused eyes. "What?!"

My hands fell from my mouth, thwacking him lightly on the chest. "Is that what you're all smelling?"

His shoulder rose, and his face contorted into a crazed, scared giant man. Then the anxiety and inexperience of the sixteen year old underneath showed through. "How would I know?"

"Well can't you smell it? I'm sure there's hormone changes and stuff. If a stick that you pee on can detect it, surly your super smeller can."

"I don't know! And even if you are, you'd only be one day. I doubt even my sense of smell is _that_ good!"

I pulled away, taking a short pace towards the shower and then back again. "But do you think I am?" I looked up at him, wishing he'd have the answers for me. My hands ran through my damp hair, combing over the top of my scalp and gathering the back lengths in a cascade over my shoulder. I pulled at my hair. "Oh god, what if I am?"

Jake's hand stilled mine. Taking them both in a giant, warm and supportive fist. He lent into me, inhaling my scent at my temple. "Just…" he inhaled again, scenting over my face and throat. "I don't know for sure, it doesn't smell any different than you normally do this time of the month."

"What do you mean, _this time of the month_?"

His cheeks reddened under his tan and he bit at his lip as his eyes avoided mine.

"Jake?"

"I mean… like… we can smell everything… I mean… your scent… it changes…" his eyes flicked to mine again, and then back to a seemingly fascinating spot just over my shoulder. "…all the females do."

I felt my tongue get stuck in the back of my throat. Holy Shitaki mushrooms, they could smell everything _. All_ of they could smell _everything._

"Can you smell… like…" This was way more than I was prepared to discuss with my boyfriend of a whole of two days. Edward was attracted to my blood more than any other being on this earth and we'd never discussed it either. But this was Jake my best friend _and_ my boyfriend—scented and marked mate— if I used his terms. But he was still just _Jake._ My Jake. One of us just need to spell it out— and I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't gunna. I shifted my feet, working up the nerve to just say it. "Can you smell my period?" Kill me now.

His eyes darted to mine and then back away again. He shifted a little, giving my hands in his a little squeeze. They were warm, and for the first time, a little damp. His eyes met mine, deep and dark and apologetic. His browns drew together in a crinkled frown and his lips lifted in a lopsided grimace. I could tell that this conversation was no more comfortable to him as it was for me.

"May-be?" he squeaked, the teenage boy I'd come to know before all the chaos coming to the front and center.

I moaned, closing my eyes.

"But…" he started, puling me a little closer to him. "It's not just that. It's…it's...it's also—"

"Oh man, just spit it out Jacob, please." I whispered, encouraging and uneasy.

"It's also the other scents," he blurted, avoiding my eye again.

"What scents?"

"Like, Sam can tell when Emily is… like… when she'd fertile, and stuff." He tapered off. "Oaky, this is just too weird. I'm sorry I bought it up."

"No, it's important. Can you… can you smell that with me?"

He was quiet for a heartbeat or two. His eyes searching mine as he finally nodded. "Yeah." He licked his lips," that day in meadow— with the leach with dreads— you were ripe."

I felt my eyebrows lift to somewhere into space, "ripe?"

Was that a good thing or a bad thing? It sounded ghastly.

"It's just what Sam calls it. It's like a musky, spicy scent, like you've use some perfumed oils or something, it's nice."

I saw the flicker in his eye then, the beast with in giving the man a burst of masculine confidence. He pulled me closer, a soft rumbling of contentment reverberated from his chest to mine. One hand still held mine between us and the other fanned over my butt as he pulled our hips closer.

The perpetual bulge in pants pressed into stomach. His lips grazed over my cheek until his hot mouth pressed a soft kiss behind my ear. "It smells _good_ Bella. Now that I think about it," his rough, hungry voice rolled over me, "I can't wait to be with you when you are ripe. I think it should be some good sex we'll be having that week."

I felt my body react to his deep, resonant voice. The goosebumps erupted down my throat as my nipples contracted. I pressed my thighs together and squirmed where I stood in the fluorescent lit bathroom.

My body and mind were at odds. My wanton body wanted to lay down on the tiles of the bathroom— wolf senses outside the room be dammed— and my mind was desperately trying to stay lucid long enough to compute his words.

"So if I was fertile that day, then I shouldn't be now, right?"

He kissed down my throat, sucking little bites between his lips. "Yeah. I think… yeah." He took a long breath at my throat again, "Yeah, now that I really think about it, I'm 99.9% sure were okay." He kissed down the length of my throat, winding around behind my ear and jaw. "We're okay, Bella."

He pulled me closer, his body pressed hard against mine and I let him hold me tight. He tucked his face into my shoulder sucking in great big lungful's of my scent. My body erupted in heated goose bumps as his warm breath rippled down my back.

After a moment, Jacob stood straighter, his hands were still holding me to him, but with less intensity. He kissed my lips briefly before pulling back further. His hands skimmed down my arms until his fingers found my hands and brought them up and kissed them with a look of pleading love in his eyes. "Bella, what if you were pregnant? Would it really be so bad?"

I wanted to scream, 'YES!' I was a junior, Jake was still a sophomore for crying out loud. Of course it would be bad. My father was going to kill me as it was.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't mourn any new life— hypothetical or real— that could come from the love Jacob and I shared. Somewhere deep inside me— right next to the part that had let Jake _bite_ me— I coveted the idea of his seed growing inside me. But the majority of me was scared. Scared shitless of the idea.

I pulled our joined hands closer to me and I kissed his knuckles as I drew in three long calming breaths. Even his hands smelt good. Like strength, and love, and hard work. Those were the hands of the man I loved; the hands that had loved me so very well. No matter what, I knew he'd be holding my hand through it all. "No," I whispered with a smile pulling across my face. "It wouldn't be that bad. But it's all just _what if's._ If you say we're okay then I think I'm going to bank on the accuracy of that nose of yours before we go making grandparents out of our dad's," I said, tapping him twice on the nose with a smile.

He chuckled under his breath. His hand scooped over my face, brushing along my cheek and warming my jaw. "I love you. I'm not sure if I told you that since… since he left. But I do. I love you, Bella."

I bit into my lip as I reached up on tippy toes, dragging his lips down to mine. "I love you too, my alpha wolf."

* * *

 **More pack time to come next week, girls and boys.**

 **Leave me some love.**


	20. Chapter 20 - Sleepovers

**A/N: again, you guys were so kind with your reviews of last chapter. Thankyou.**

 **Aretee/Egratia, as usual, did a great job of Beta-ing this chapter. The next time I post I'll have finally met her in real life. Three years of digital friendship and finally we get to see the original copy.**

 **I've given you a little more pack, and a little hard and fast lemon against the front door in this chapter.**

 **Hope you all like.**

* * *

 **Chapter 20- Sleepovers**

The evening was strange, to say the least.

I came out of the bathroom to find four of the tan and brawny men standing in a half circle by the now banked fire—Jake was outside getting more wood for the night.

It was uncanny to watch the way they moved, all of them turning as one to face me as I walked to stand awkwardly by the couch. I pulled at the collar of my sleep shirt, adjusting it. They were staring at me, looking me over as if my appearance had changed since they'd last met me. I suppose it had. The last time I'd seen Sam Uley I'd been near comatose and blue with cold as he'd carried me out of the forest.

It occurred to me, as I rested my hip against the warm softness of the leather sofa, that the wolves had physically saved me that night, and today, _my_ wolf, with the help of these men watching me, had emotionally and spiritually saved me for all the nights Jake and I had yet to share together. Starting with tonight, with the entire pack to keep us company.

* * *

I felt safe with these men, they were Jake's family and they saw me as family now, too. The way they were looking at me wasn't weird or ogling. Well, it wasn't for Sam or Jared or Embry. Paul, on the other hand was ogling. I felt him look me up and down, a predatory leer on his face. Even in Forks his reputation on the Reservation as a player preceded him, and it seemed being a wolf hadn't curbed him any. He was an attractive man; well-built with a bad-boy face, but compared to Jake I didn't see the appeal. My head and my heart only had eyes for one man.

Paul's eye contact broke as Sam cuffed him on the back of the head. A loud cracking sound echoed through the cabin as Sam's hand made contact. The other two boys narrowed their eyes at Paul as a small rumbling growl of warning rolled through them all.

"All right." Paul defended as he rubbed the back of his head. He shucked, as he walked over to the fridge and tipped back the last of the O.J. straight from the bottle. "I was just testing her."

Embry shook his head. "You're a fuckwit. Did you not see her mark? You think she'd let Jake do that if it wasn't real?"

Embry was right, I'd not let Jake mark me on a whim. It had been a sudden urge and a quick consent, but the love and commitment behind the bite was real and strong and as solid as the bed we'd lain in.

Paul twisted the lid on and put the empty bottle back in the fridge. "You never know. She let the leech fucker bite her wrist."

"You _know_ that wasn't her fault. Jake showed us."

Paul smirked, chuckling to himself. He eyed me again, his gaze started from my toes right up to my tits focusing on the spot where the bite mark was, if he'd been able to see it. I was fully clothed in long pajamas, but I felt naked under his stare. "Yeah, he showed us lots of stuff."

Sam smacked him in the back of the head again.

My cheeks blossomed a fiery red. I knew, academically, about the mind link that the pack shared, but to finally grasp the detailed level of intimacy that was revealed was… embarrassing.

"Oh man. You smell that?" Paul snickered as he closed his eyes and zigzagged across the room like a cartoon dog as he honed in on me. His eyes opened a few feet from me. "You smell even better when you're embarrassed. The blood must make it even better."

"Really, Paul?" Embry shifted in front of me, tucking me behind him with his arm. I was happy to hide behind him. "Jake's gunna have your ass if he finds out what you're saying."

Embry turned around, a placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. He was hot, but not as hot a Jacob. "Don't listen to him, Bella. You do smell good." I could feel my heart jump. I hadn't before, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable around all the supernatural senses smelling me and the half-naked man-boys talking about a private mark on my boob.

Embry must have sensed my growing uneasiness. "But it's like a _sister_ kind of good," he rushed to add. "Or _mother._ You're pack. We like the way all the mates smell, but you smell the best of us all. You're the Alpha's mate."

There was a murmur of agreement from Sam and Jared as Paul detoured around Embry and me. He pulled the embroidered quilt off the bed with all the intact pillows and threw them in a pile on the rug by the fire. "Still gunna be good curled all around it though."

I was seriously starting to have doubts about the nights proposed sleeping arrangements.

Jake had explained it to me. I understood. The pack needed to reconnect. His brothers were all dead-tired from their cross continental run. They desperately needed sleep, but more so, they need to center themselves after all the vampire involvement. And smack, bang in the center of the pack, was Jacob—their new alpha. They were all going to sleep in wolf, in a _puppy pile_ in the middle of the lounge. Like that they'd be protected as one from anymore vampires, as well as connected together in mind and spirit.

I still wasn't convinced I wanted to be _lying_ anywhere near playboy Paul Lahote, even if Jake and the others would be there too.

Apparently they slept in wolf all the time back home. Especially in the early days of a new member joining the group.

Jake had been the most recent to join their little gang, and now he was the leader of the pack. I had to trust that he and his position of dominance would keep me safe from any wondering paws. I wanted to believe that Paul's flirty bark was worse than his bite. I tended to think he was just playing with me. There was teasing glint to his eye that made me doubt the sincerity of his appreciation of me. And when I thought about not how I _thought_ I should be feeling, but how my body had actually been reacting to Paul's unreciprocated gaze, it wasn't repulsion or uneasiness I was feeling, it was indulgence and forbearance. Like a parent watching their child do a trick or sing a song.

The front door opened as Jake strode in carrying a pile of split logs. "No one's _curling_ around her but me."

He tossed the logs by the fire before pulling me into his side. He looked indifferently at Paul as he stood taller, with his chest puffed. He arched his brow with a confident, authoritative glint to his eye. "You can curl around my ass if you want, Lahote." Jake thumbed towards the front door and the growing piles of white mounded up outside. Their noses had be right, we'd had a quick snow storm right at dusk. "Or better still, you can sleep out in the snow."

"The floor will be fine," Paul grumbled, his head bowed as he briefly made eye contact with his leader, a silent apology in his stance.

I was right, Paul had just been playing me… and Jake had known it all along. He'd never even seemed threaten by Paul's philandering comments and I imagined the other wolves would have been more upset with him if he'd been serious with his toying. I'd known it subconsciously too.

I looked up at Jake. My eyes traced over the square line of his jaw and my palm pressed in to the rise of his chest. I felt the strong, regular beat of his heart underneath. He oozed masculinity and self-possession. I smiled to myself because he was all mine.

He nuzzled down behind my ear, his quiet voice rumbled down my spine. "Embry is right; Paul is a fuck-whit. But Paul was right too; you do smell good." He breathed me in deeply, then exhaled. His hot breath tickled down my throat.

I felt my nipples tighten as goose bumps erupted over my chest. " _Especially_ when your heart beats fast and the blood rushes to your skin."

He stood close behind me, towering over me as his hands smoothed over my hips and across. His hand fanned over my stomach and pressed lightly down lower.

He sucked on the skin just below my jaw as his finger hovered over my cotton covered center. "Where else is the blood rushing Bella?"

My breathing hitched as I closed my eyes. I forgot I was standing in the middle of a room with four other men watching as my boyfriend felt me up. They'd see it all next time Jake phased any way. I was in the moment. And the moment was hot.

Ever since the wolves had arrived, there was a subtle change in his demeanor. He carried himself a little taller. And he actually was a little broader. There was also an intensity in his eyes that I'd never seen outside of our private times together. His suggestions came out more as commands, but ones that anyone would be happy to follow. Authority and confidence radiated from him. I _wanted_ to follow him, and it felt right, too. But the changes in his need were what was the most glaringly obvious. My body responded willingly to his touch. There was a new tension in the air. I needed him to release it.

He really was the true Alpha. Pure man; Virile. Bold. Confident. Sure.

Mine.

* * *

.

* * *

Just before bed, Jake sent the others for one last run around the perimeter of the property. No one was fooled. Jake just wanted a few minutes alone with me before my feminine scent got mixed any more with the rest of the packs. He'd been breathing in my scent and making less-than-secretive touches over my skin all afternoon. But that touching earlier had my body wound tighter than a coil. I was _more_ than ready for more of his touch.

Jacob had me pinned against the front door before the wolves' foot-falls had faded down the hill. His hand held me hard as he manhandled me until my back hit the wall. His hands and his mouth dominated my body.

He'd had always been open about what he wanted… me. I'd just chosen to be blind to how much he loved me. But, never had he demonstrated such a level of forceful demand for my body. I liked it. I liked it so, so much.

We'd had so much tension since I'd innocently and unknowingly walked barefoot, wrapped in a blanket with a coffee in hand, out onto the porch to a standoff of bloodthirsty vampires.

Last night, wrapped around Jacob, his body surrounding and within me had been the best night of my entire life. I wanted nothing more than to just surrender once again to Jake's hands and lips as he worshiped my body.

I kissed him back with as much passion and enthusiasm as I could muster. I wanted to let him help me forget all the worry, all the tension, all our troubles of the day. I wanted to forget everything but the feeling of his skin on mine.

He kissed me hard as his hand pushed up my sleep shirt. His hands were hot and needy as he cupped large handfuls, then twisted and pulled gently at my nipples. Straight away I felt my body melt into him. My leg lifted and curled around him as he stepped his hips closer to mine.

"Oh Bella, you really do smell _so_ good." He kissed a line down my jaw and throat. Licking and tasting the skin along my collar bone.

All I could do was whimper and rake my fingers through his hair.

He licked at the dip of my collarbone, tracing the tip of his tongue around the line of muscle stretching down my throat. "I need you, baby. Now. Here. I need you to be mine again."

"I _am_ yours Jake," I breathed out, surrendering to his demand.

He tugged on my pajama pants, pulling them down and then off before he lifted me up and pressed my back against the door.

He held me with one hand cupped around my ass as the other pulled my t-shirt up higher. He dipped his head, lowering his lips to the red mark on my chest. "You are." He licked over the bite, nibbling it with his lips and sucking at it. "Mine."

Jacob touching the sensitive mark did something to my insides. It grounded me and lifted me skywards both at once. _His_ … I truly was.

He swapped hands, pulling my panties to the side and freeing himself from his shorts.

The tip of his head rubbed along my wetness. Back and forth, stimulating me and soaking us both.

I pulled my head back, looking to his intensely black eyes. "But the other wolves?" I panted between heated kisses. I wanted this. I wanted Jake inside me more than I had ever wanted him before. But I didn't want an audience. In any _sense_.

He sucked at my earlobe, sending a new spurt of wetness at my lips. "They'll stay away. They won't interrupt _me_."

He didn't give me time to respond. He entered my body in one hard, full thrust. I let out a surprised but wanton cry as our bodies became one.

Buried deep within my warmth, Jacob shifted his hand to grip at my waist and I wrapped my legs around him. I held on to his shoulders as he began to move.

He was hard and unforgiving.

It was exactly how I wanted it.

With each thrust my back slammed against the wooden door and my shoulder blades dug into the wood. He was hot, and hard, and thick. I felt myself stretched and filled to my limits and still wanting more.

He pressed his forehead to mine as he continued to thrust into me. "I thought they were going to kill you, Bells." His fingers gripped around my bottom and I dug my hands into his neck. "And then I thought he'd stolen you."

My breath was coming in short, jerking pants as my body slammed against the door. "I was screaming for her to take me back to you."

"I heard you." He pulled my hips into his, a hectic, frantic beat. Our bodies moved in time with our racing heartbeats.

"But then _he_ had you. And I thought I was gunna lose you Bells. I died a hundred times watching him touch you."

"I didn't want his touch Jake. Only yours," I grunted . "Only. Ever. Yours."

"Mine," he growled, slamming the back of my hips against to door, thrusting his long, hard manhood right to my very depths.

One hand left my bottom and grabbed at my breast, squeezing it and bringing upwards to his mouth. He ducked his head and sucked it hard, nibbling on the sensitive and erect nipple before caressing his way up to his mark.

I felt my body react instantly to his touch. I tightened and felt my pleasure getting closer to that blissful edge. I felt the tingle start with each thrust of his body and how it pressed into mine. The tingle built to a thrill as his hips slammed against my clitoris. The waves of delicious tension rolled along the length of my center. Harder and harder. More. More.

My body exploded as he bit into my skin once more— over the one from last night. He didn't break the skin, but it broke through what I'd thought had been my threshold for pleasure. I surpassed the limits of what I thought a human body could feel.

In that moment we found our visceral nirvana together. I screamed out a perfect climax as my body erupted in shudders of ecstasy.

His body paused on the out-stroke. Just the tip of his length was stretched against my apex. "I love you," he growled as he paused.

"I love you, too. Forever," I gasped, partially incoherent for the tremors still erupting though my body. The pure, unadulterated pleasure had unraveled my mind almost to chaos. Everything was incoherent, everything but Jacob Black. Never could I forget how good I felt around Jacob's body, and how good Jake felt inside me. And the love… It was branded on my soul from his caring devotion.

"Forever," he sighed as he slammed inside me one last time.

I felt the heat, the blissful burn as he came undone, surrounded by me. It was where he belonged. He pulled himself into me twice more, his body jerking and tense as he let out a satiated moan of perfection. His deep, rumbling voice vibrated through me.

After a moment to come back for the tantric-like experience, we lowered as one to the floor, panting and spent but now truly reconnected after a day of so much turmoil.

I curled my legs around him and rested my face against his chest. He pulled me closer to keep me on his lap, still joined together, as close as two people can be.

His hands made patterns around my bottom and along my spine. I tucked my arms in between us and traced my fingers over his ribs and the now healed scar from the earlier fight.

"I love you," I said, kissing the warm skin of his chest just beneath my lips.

He kissed the top of my head, smoothing my hair down my half naked back. "I know. I heard."

I closed my eyes, breathing in that 'Jake' smell that had a way of intoxicating me and keeping me warm. He was like a good cognac, only _way_ sexier. Alpha male.

I rested against his abnormally warm skin as my breathing returned back to normal. Jake's supernatural lungs could take a lot more exertion than that. But for me, that had been the fastest marathon of my life. "Speaking of hearing, please don't tell me the pack aren't waiting outside."

I could hear his lips part in a smile. "Do you want me to say _that_ , or the truth?"

"Oh, god," I groaned and pulled back, lifting my chin as he kissed me sweetly. I kissed him back, making an effort to let go of any worry about who might have hear us. As Jacob kissed me until I was giddy and breathless, I suddenly couldn't find it in me to really care. It had been hard and fast, but the love had been too perfect to be marred by such frivolous worry.

Jake kissed me once again, his tongue flicking gently against mine. His penis jerked inside me for a beat as I moaned into his mouth. How could I possibly want more after the hedonism we'd just shared?

He smiled as our kiss broke, his finger tracing a line down my cheek all the way down my throat and between my breasts. "I think we're out of time for any more, but thank you for that. I needed it. The wolf's been antsy to reclaim you all evening. "

"The pleasure was _all_ mine." I winked and gently pulled my hips back, sliding his still semi-rigid shaft out. Jake chuckled, making one last grab for my boob as I moved away. He seemed to really like this new, more confidant Bella. One who was more in tune with her own wants and desires— His mate.

I liked her better too.

.

I stood and adjusted my partially torn underpants.

"We didn't use protection again," he said, pointing to the dampening spot on my underpants as the evidence of our lovemaking soaked through. "I'm sorry Bells. I just… your scent." He shook his head at himself like he couldn't believe how absentminded he'd been himself.

"It's okay," I nodded, trying to cut off his sudden concern. I didn't want to interrupt this perfect moment we'd been having. "My scent, like you said, is it still… _unripe?_ " I really didn't like that term too much, but it did seem to be aptly descriptive.

He nodded silently. "Yeah. That hasn't changed. But since I bit you." His fingers traced sensitively over my chest, tracing the reddened scar the tip of his finger. "And even before that." His fingers glided up my throat and then over my shoulder. My skin tickled and broke into goose flesh as he traced down the inner line of my arm. "When the wolf got that venom out." He kissed the almost healed scar on my wrist. His warm lips throbbed against the pulse point. He inhaled at my skin, and placed another soft kiss on my palm. "You've smelt so good. So fresh and sweet. Like mate, Bella."

I smiled, "then as your _mate_ , Jacob, if it turns out I do get pregnant, we'll just deal with it together. Because what this is," I said, bending over to cup his face between my hands, "is bigger than you and me. And I know this isn't just some short fling."

"You know it's not." He smiled, kissing me as he pulled his body from mine. He stood up, pulling me up to standing with him before he tucked himself back into his shorts. He pulled me closer, his hands wrapped nearly all the way around my waist. I liked how big he was. It only made to enhance how protected and wanted he made me feel… and how loved. "I'm so in love with you, woman."

"I know Jake. And I'm in love with you. Forever. That's why it's okay. We'll see what happens, and we'll be there for each other." I smiled, giving his crotch a little pat. "But regardless of how much I love you, we're going to be more careful from now on. I'd really rather not get knocked up at in high school while having run away from home. Even if it is to the love of my life." Jake chuckled at my attempts to lighten to mood. I ran my fingers through his hair, it was growing. "I'm making an appointment with the first doctor we can find tomorrow," I added.

He jerked his bulge against me, shaking my hips. "Sure, sure. Maybe you could try to be a little less god-damn sexy too."

I lifted my hand pressing one finger into his mouth for him to suck. His eyes dilated as his lips wrapped around my finger and I dragged it down, along his full lip. I reached up on to my toes, kissing those teasing lips. "I could say the same about you."

He shook his head, tut-tutting me as he bent down and scooped up my discarded pants. "You think you can keep it in your pants for the rest of the night, Swan?"

I stepped into the bottoms, letting them sit low on my hips. "I can, if you can."

The front door opened then and Paul walked in, unapologetic. The others followed more sheepishly behind, a more contrite look on their face for the intrusion. "You can both keep in your pants. I'm fucking tired and I want to go to sleep. It reeks enough in here now as it is. I don't need any _more_ fresh sex smells to get me going."

Paul pushed the sofa back to make more room by the fire. "I've never tossed off as a wolf— claws and no actual hands— but this alpha-pair juju is good shit and just might if you two go at it again." He gestured to Jake and me. "I really don't imagine wolf jizz is a mess I want to clean up."

 _Ew._

Sam bent his head, rubbing his palms on his face. "Oh, kill me now."

"You've got absolutely _no_ filter, do you?" Embry said, shaking his head.

"We'll it's true!" cried Paul. "And the scent's only going to get better if he has gone and got her knocked up." I felt my gut roll as I realized how much of my life was now open to the Pack… all of it.

"You!" Jake boomed, pointing to Paul. "Phase NOW. Shut the fuck up and go lay down over near the door."

Paul exploded into his wolf, the denim shreds of his cutoffs floated down as he silently crawled over to the space by the door, right where Jake and I had just been. Probably where the _sex scent_ he'd been complaining about was the strongest.

The wolf sat on his haunches by the doorway and looked back at us. He whined. A pitiful soprano whimper at the back of the beast's throat echoed, as the eyes, the same light brown as the human's was, attempted to wordlessly plead its case.

"I said shut up!" Jake said loudly, a deep, double timbre in his voice.

The wolf shut up.

It was uncanny the power Jake had over his pack already. I hoped he'd never abuse that power. I knew he'd hated having his freewill taken from him, I didn't like seeing him do it to another. Even if Paul did, kind-of, have it coming.

Jake turned to his other pack brothers "I'm sorry if the scent in here affects you. But for the wolf, this is our home, our den. It's got to smell like us. He _needs_ it like this."

"No, I get it," Sam agreed, "why do you think I would only let you guys in the kitchen and dining areas at my place? My wolf can't stand the idea of anyone's scent anywhere near our bedroom but mine and Emily's."

"And you've got to battle with the lingering vamp smell too," Jared added. He nodded his head as if it was all so very reasonable... Discussing the scent of your mating and the scent of other men around your mate, that is. To anyone outside our supernatural blended family, we'd be bat shit crazy. But to us, this was life as we know it. My life.

.

* * *

"Come here Bells," Jake asked, reaching his hand out for me to come closer. I stepped in to his arms and he hugged me for a few combined breaths. He whispered into my hair, pressing a soft kiss to my temple. "You ready for bed?"

I nodded, stifling a yawn. We'd not had that much sleep the last two nights, and today had been draining, to say the least.

"Okay guys," he said over my head as I closed my eyes into his chest. I could hear and assortment of pants being dropped and the shimmer of phasing ripple through the air. Once Jake loosened his arms, I turned around to see three giant wolves standing by the kitchen table a pile of cutoffs hanging over one of the chairs.

I moved to the layers of pillows laid out on the fire rug. "So… how are we gunna do this?"

"Easy, you're gunna be nowhere but curled up against me." His hands hovered around the waist band of his basketball shorts. "I'll phase and then you can use me as a pillow, and then the others will sort around us."

I looked over at the grey wolf who'd been silently lying on his paws, outcast from the imminent lupine bonding circle. "And Paul?"

"Paul can think about his big mouth and how to keep it shut from over there." With the finality of an alpha's decision and with the unabashed confidence that came with it, Jake dropped his shorts. His thick, pendulous phallus swung between his legs as his arms starched up above his head.

I felt my body react to his virility, a fresh yearning pulled at my insides. My eyes roved over the lines of muscle as his chest and abs stretched and pulled into definition. His eyes never left mine as I felt the crackle of electricity. Then suddenly, the same eyes— only now they belonged to the russet wolf – were looking at me. He started on his hind legs before gracefully dropping down to all fours. I loved the wolf almost as much as the man. They were one and the same.

Wolf-Jake padded over to me and circled twice, his nose was warm and wet as it sniffed over my body. I felt the tingle as his muzzled pressed into my crouch, sniffing the evidence of our love. And unbidden blush crept up my neck and I wondered how long this kind of behavior was going to affect me like that . Then he licked my hand, a short and simple lick that brought my attention to him as he crept over to the rug and lay down. He looked at me with his café noir eyes waiting for me to join him.

I did. I lowered down on to my knees and settled on to my side, against Jake's chest. Immediately I could feel and hear the heavy thud of his heart. It pulsed to the beat of my life.

It only took a moment for Sam, Jared and Embry to lay down around me in a circle, each one of them touching me in some simple way, be it a tail at my back or a paw pressed against my leg. There was snuffling and settling before I felt the communal relaxation of all of them… all except for one. I lifted my head, looking over my shoulder to the door.

I don't know why it bothered me, but I didn't like Paul being excluded. I felt like it was my duty to look after the pack's emotional state. Jake looked after the physical; the fighting, the training, and the honorable burden of being tribe protectors… and I looked after their spirits.

Instinctively I knew that was the role of the Alpha's mate… me.

I felt a confidence wash over me as I sat up. As much as what he'd said had been embarrassing and indiscreet, Paul's punishment had been bothering me all evening. It seemed he was the one wolf who had the least control and who was most affected by all the scents. He had the most to gain emotionally from the puppy pile.

"Why don't you come a bit closer Paul?"

I saw him flash a look over to Jake.

"It's okay," I assured him. "I know you didn't mean any harm. And I'm sure you were just being honest. I'm also sure it must smell strongly of Jake and me in here… for your nose. And if I was to be… pregnant…" I stuttered, as okay as I thought I was with that, it still wasn't something I'd be keen to actually _try_ for. Not yet anyway… "…then it would be a stronger smell, too, I'd assume."

Paul pawed forward a few inches only to be halted by a deep, threatening grown from Jacob. The two wolves looked at each other, locked inside an internal mind debate between leader and subordinate. But I was the leader's mate. And as far as I was concerned, that made me equal to the leader. At least on this topic I felt I was.

"It's okay Paul," I said again over the growling. "You can come join the pile. It must be the worst thing for such a social animal like a wolf to be segregated from its pack."

My eyes shifted over to Jake's as I spoke. I was hoping he'd get the hint and lift whatever order he'd placed on his loud-mouth brother.

Paul pawed forward once again only to be once more stopped by Jake's now louder and deeper growl.

I turned around, poking the red wolf in the ribs lightly. "You stop that! Don't be a domineering ass. He's had his _time out_. I imagine if he was allowed to speak he'd be apologetic. So Jake, don't deny him what is a basic requirement for a social animal. Human or wolf."

I rested my hand on Jake's head, wiping down in one long sweep along his face and muzzle. I loved how his fur felt under my fingers. It was almost as good as the man's skin… almost. "Don't deny him touch."

Jake let out a long, snuff and his shoulders drooped in a wolf like sigh.

I could almost hear his telekinetic resignation. I could tell the moment that Jake released Paul from whatever binding that had held him silent by the door. The smaller wolf crawled over towards the wolf pile, his tail beating loud on the wooden floor. For all their brawn, sometimes it was hard to remember that these men were really sixteen year old boys, thrust into a very adult and supernatural world.

Paul crawled between Jared and Embry, brushing up against Jake as he went. He stretched his leg and his front paws until the very tip of his foot was touching mine and his tongue was making quick thankful and tickling licks over my sole.

I pulled back my sensitive foot, resting it at the back of his neck.

"Okay. It's oaky. Just never mention wolf jizz ever again and were all good, Paul."

My head bounced as Jake let out a wolf-like chuckle, his ribs jerking in and out. The other three soon joined Jacob's mirth.

I rested my head back on Jake's side. His front paw draped around my shoulder in a very loving and human gesture as they all quieted.

I closed my eyes, letting the sound of five heavy, slow breaths mix in with the soothing crack of the fire that was gently burning in the hearth, center and ground me. With Jake, wherever that may be, was my home. And the five furry boys piled up around me were my family. "I don't know how much talking's going on in all of your heads but I'm grateful it's quiet in here now. I'm beat."

There were guttural mummers of agreement. And more settling against my skin. "So... I'm going to sleep now. Good night, boys."

We lay silent in the moderate darkness for a minute or two before I spoke again. "One more thing. I didn't say it earlier, but thank you. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for helping me fix up this house. And most of all," I rubbed my cheek against his warm and soft fur. "Thank you for being a good brother to my mate."

I felt the collective sigh circle around the pack. It was then and only then that I felt the true, communal relaxation of the Quileute wolf pack as they fell into a long deserved slumber.

They were all as one. And somehow, I'd ended up in middle of the pile.

Right where I belonged.

.

* * *

 **Leave me some comments if you feel so inclined. I fell off a chair yesterday and have a sore shoulder. I need the love (PS, don't stand on swivel chairs to wave at the smoke detector)**

 **;-D**

 **MarinaNamaste**


	21. Chapter 21- Taking the long way home

**A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews last week. Most of you love Paul and his typically crude comments. He's so much fun to write.**

 **So I finally got to meet my Beta, Egratia this week. We had dinner and she liked the kangaroo jerky I made for her.**

 **It's crazy how this site can link people from around the world like that. We started out simply by reviewing and then PM-ing each other. chatting through PM's most days. And then she asked me to beta'ed her first lemon, and it all snowballed from there. Messages, emails, Facebook, Skype and delicious care packages from across the Pacific.**

 **Yes, we're each others Beta reader's, but were so much more than our love for the twilight kingdom; we're friends off the screen too.**

 **You don't have much time to read this week Les, but I hope you get to see this note. You too Sarah, all the way over in NYC.**

 **This is the last chapter folks, I hope you all feel as satisfied at the end of this journey as our hero's seem to be.**

* * *

 **Chapter 20- Taking the long way home.**

I woke hot and sweaty, in the middle of a pile of _werewolf_. I was the most comfortable I'd ever been in my life.

My hair was stuck to my damp forehead. My cheeks were hot to touch. I could feel the heat radiating from all sides. I didn't have a blanket or a sheet, I had living and breathing fur over my feet and legs as my covers. Each one of them was touching me, just a slight brush or touch. But physically, the pack was connected, and I was in the center.

Embry was lying across my left foot. Jared was laying on his back, his legs sticking up awkwardly in the air as his tail rested across my right ankle. Sam was a little further away, by my head. The soft pad of his back paw was pressed against my elbow. Paul had wiggled his way up during the night, closer to my legs, and was now squeezed between Sam and Jared and curled up by my knees. All the while, Jake was snuggled up behind me. His warm breath blew over my head as his front leg wrapped around my shoulder. The protection and sense of family was pulsing between all six of us. I'd never felt so safe and sheltered in all my life. The circuit of energy flowed through us a whole.

As a pack they were connected in body, spirit and mind.

.

* * *

I opened my eyes to the dawning sun as it streamed through the front window. The sky was a pinkish blue with long wisps of clouds stretching across. It was a perfect morning.

I felt Jake's wolf stir behind me. He snuffled in a quiet breath, sniffing at my hair and down the side of my throat. His nose was refreshingly cool against my heated skin. Then I felt the air shift and the hairs on my arm raised as the fur gave way to the smooth soft tan of his skin. His muscled arm wrapped further around my chest, a strong hand now pulling across my stomach in place of the paw.

"Morning, Beautiful," he whispered. The length of his naked body pressed behind me. I could feel his morning pleasure as it rose.

I lulled my head back and tucked under his chin as I wiggled my bottom into his erection. "Morning."

"You survived your first night with the pack."

I closed my eyes as he raised up and kissed me softly behind the ear.

As I opened my eyes, it was to a wolf-Paul watching us. He and I shared a look, he sent a silent thank you to me for including him last night. I smiled gently at him. It seemed to me that the man had never really known the simple kindness of a mother, or a sister for that matter. Instinctively I knew this was now the role I had to play in my life as Jake's other half, as the Alpha's mate. I had to be mother and sister to these man-boys. The Ying to Jacob's Yang. Someone they could talk to without fear of judgment or retribution. They put on a brave-faced bravado, but the honest truth was that they probably all needed therapy after the trauma they'd had to endure. They'd killed and destroyed sentient beings that looked an awful lot like people. I knew certified therapy was never going to happen. I hoped my open door and the comradery the pack had would be enough.

I made it my personal goal to make sure that Paul Lahote, at least, learn the platonic tenderness and benevolence of a woman's touch— without the need to try and get into her pants. He needed to learn that girls were good for more than one thing. I had a sneaking suspicion though, that the overly sexualized mind of the grey wolf didn't see my gender in any other way other than carnally.

Jake's hand wondered over my shirt and he groped my breast, unaware we hand an audience. I watched as Paul's beholden gaze transformed into a grin, that couldn't be called anything less than _wolfish._ The smirk swam across his face as he watched his leader privately embrace his mate… me.

I turned to look at Jake over my shoulder as I stilled his wandering hand. "Yes. I did. The _whole_ pack." My eyes flicked to Paul and then back to Jake's deep, soulful brown. "With every one included."

I could see the human alpha meet the eye of the wolf over my shoulder. Jake's eyes narrowed as he followed Paul's line of sight… to my right breast. Then I saw the flicker of pardon as Paul shifted his gaze well away from me. They came to an understanding.

I was totally out of bounds. Jake didn't share- even with his eye. And Paul's loose mouth was forgiven, but not forgotten.

I was learning quickly that that Alpha's mate had some pull among the ranks. But the buck still stopped with the Chief.

…

* * *

…

* * *

…

I came out of the bathroom, my hair wrapped in a towel. I hated to wash Jake's scent of my skin, but I'd been so sticky and sweaty after being surrounded by the pack all night, I'd had to shower.

The boys were all seated around the kitchen table, spooning their second and third bowls of cereal. Sam was looking at Jake, his spoon pointed towards him as he spoke. "Your father's been worried about you, Jacob." He looked to me as I opened the fridge, his spoon now pointing to me, "and so has yours Bella."

"I'll call them, we'll talk," Jake placated. "But I can't go back yet, Sam. I just need a little while longer; so does Bells."

Sam looked at Jake with a solid stare that, up until yesterday, would have had Jacob lowering his eyes and yielding. Yesterday… when Sam was still the Alpha. But he wasn't any more… Jacob Black was now. "Your people need you too, Jake."

Jake shifted, his chair scraped on the floor as he stood. "You think I don't know that Sam?" Jake keept his tone quiet, making his authority and earnestness all the more palpable. He paced over to the sink putting his bowl down with a clink. "I know what my people need, it's been drilled into me since the day I was born. I've watched my father lead and serve the tribe for my entire life. I know."

Jake held out his glass and I topped it up with the juice bottle in my hand. Then he handed it to me in silent offering. I closed the fridge door and quietly took the tumbler. I wrapped my fingers around the wet, cool glass as I stood pressed to Jacobs's side. His arm wound around my waist and I felt some of the tension ebb from his body at my closeness. We balanced each other.

Jake took a long, deep breath against my temple, centering himself. "But what about me, Sam?" he continued. "What about what I want and need... Hey? And not just _me_ , but _all_ of us, the _whole_ pack. No one seems to give a flying fuck what we need?"

"It's not about what the individual wants Jacob, it's about the pack collectively."

"That's bullshit, Sam. Bullshit." I felt his hand grip harder at my side. "The pack is a team but it's still made up of individuals. What's the point of five, worn out, over worked, over wrought, resentful human beings making up the team. We all need a break. I know I do. And I've heard it in all our minds. We all do. The threat's over. We can at least give ourselves a few days off. That's all I'm saying."

"You know he's right" Jared added, tipping the bowl to his lips and slurping up the dregs of milk. "I'd really like to take Kim out on a real date. One that's not interrupted by patrol, or limited to the boundaries of La Push. I want to go to the movies with my girlfriend, Sam. I don't think that's too much to ask for a high school sophomore."

"It's not," Jake interrupted, his tone firm and commanding. "That's why it's not even up for debate." He sliced his hand through the air with a gesture of finality. "I'm not coming back with you guys today. We'll come back when we're ready. And that's not gunna be today. You've all got the next three days off. Do what you like," his eyes traveled over to Paul, "or _who_ you like."

Sam slouched back in his chair. His shoulders rose and then fell with a resigned sigh. "The council aren't gunna like it."

"The council aren't pack," Jake clipped.

He pulled me closer, his hand warm as it wrapped around my shoulder in a silent gesture that included me in the family. I was pack. "I'll deal with them eventually. But they're not a part of my pack. They're wise and they're wonderful advisers. But they don't get to tell us how we protect our people anymore." His hands dropped from my arm as he thumped his own chest. "That's my job."

He stepped over to his brothers, all sitting around the little wooden table. He braced his hands on the tabletop, his arms were locked and strong as he looked each wolf in the eye. "And I say, you've done your fair share of _protecting_ over the past few months. The redhead is ash. The mind reader is gone, for now. The tribe is safe from any imminent threat… And you all deserve a long-weekend, at the very least."

Jake moved his hand onto Sam's shoulder then lowered himself to the former leader's eye level. "Go home Sam, go back to Emily. Bella and I will be home soon enough. I just need a little more time with my mate before we're separated by miles of forest, hours of school, and real life once again."

I was a statue, absorbed by the way Jacob seemed to carry himself now. I was attracted to the surety in which he spoke and the leadership he exuded. His authority was attractive on such a base level. I felt my body react to his dominance with a fresh burst of wetness between my legs as my heart swelled with pride and love. Maybe we never had to go back to Forks. The thought was appealing… traveling anywhere we wanted to by day, making camp when it pleased us, and making love all through the night. This time we could enjoy it without the pressure of obscurity and the fear of the undead.

Like he'd heard my thoughts, or maybe he'd _smelt_ them, Jake turned to meet my eye over his shoulder. He smiled softly, mouthing _I love you._ I smiled back, biting my lip as I brought the juice to my mouth and winked happily at him.

Embry looked over to me as I held the glass, then back to Jake; several times, back and forth. "How are you going to cope with her back at chief Swan's house? This… you're not gunna be able to—"

"I'll manage."

Jared lifted his eyebrows, skepticism lining his face, "Jake, if Kim lived outside the reservation I would have been AWOL throwing rocks at her window every night to let me in."

"Then that's what I'll do."

Paul scoffed, "You're honestly telling us you're gunna go sneaking into the Chief of Police's house to _snuggle_ with his daughter? D'you like the taste of lead, Black? Because if Chief Swan finds you in her room in the middle of the night your ass is gunna be full of slugs."

"Then we'll tell him."

A flutter swooped through my heart at what Jake was saying. I hadn't realized how much it had been bothering me until the solution was put forward. I'd been lying to Charlie about so much this last year or so. And it hadn't been sitting well. I felt the volumes of lies and secrets lift from my shoulders at Jake's decree that we could tell him. I wasn't going to have to lie to my dad any more.

No more lies.

"What?!" Sam yelled, sitting upright. "You can't share the Tribe's secrets to an outsider!"

"Yes, I can. It's _my_ secret to keep or to tell, not the tribe's. I'm sick of this secret, _need to know_ , shit. We do more damage not telling the people closest to us than by just being honest. I'm gunna tell Charlie. And anyway, he's not an outsider, he's Bella's father and my dad's closest friend.

"My mate," he said, taking me by the hand as I stepped closer to his side, "is pack. And she and I will be together for the rest of our lives. And pack is family… and that makes Charlie family. He has a right to know."

I linked my hand through Jake's fingers, silently giving him the support to be the leader he so naturally was.

As I stood by Jacob's side, a deep sense of belonging washed through my bones and permeated my very nature. I loved this man, and I'd never felt such a humbling and yet all-consuming love than from being declared a permanent part of his life. We wouldn't be in any rush. But I was never going to be anywhere than by his side.

Jake stood taller and he looked towards his best friend as he continued his argument. "Just like your mom Emb, and yours too, Jared, tell your folks when you get home." I felt the heat in Jake's palm increase as the resolution of such a decision bolstered him and gave him the confidence for more self-confidence still. "And I'm gunna tell Quil, too. We're not going to be thrust into this world without support and a little heads-up anymore. I saw him in your mind Emb, he's gunna blow any day now."

"He is. He's so angry at us Jake. It's been shit keeping this a secret."

"I know Emb. I know. No more secrets."

I felt the shift in the group as they all considered and then subscribed with all of Jake's new avowals. There'd be no more secrets. The Quileute warriors would have their identities back. They had been born, not as spirit warriors, but as boys with their whole life ahead of them, without restrictions of boundary and duty. Jake was giving them back that freedom.

They would have a chance of reaching all the goals they had in life before they'd been thrown into the terrifying life of the supernatural. They didn't have to reach any further than their own homes on the shores of the Pacific Northwest if they didn't want to. But they now had the choice. And that had been what had broken Jake when he'd first found his wolf. The choice to make his own journey in life and not be bound by his birthright.

The air settled around us like a warm zephyr off the ocean. Each wolf collectively relaxed, their shoulders dropped very slightly and the tense, almost permanent, readiness for attack finally receded from their bodies.

I felt the caress of respite wash between both Jake and my joined hands as my body and his relaxed in unity. The pack was harmonized and in sync with their new and true leader.

Quietly, I ducked under Jake's arm. I pressed my cheek to his chest and wrapped my arms around his middle. I felt the love pulse between us. "No more secrets."

* * *

….

"Bye" Jake called, waving a broad arm at the wolves as they set off down into the forest. His arm dropped around my waist as I sunk into his side.

"I thought they were never gunna leave," he sighed happily as he turned me and tucked a finger under my chin. He lifted my head, lowering his lips to mine.

"It's no secret," I smiled, "but I want remind you just how much I love you."

He kissed me gently, his lips were soft and warm, as they leisurely pressed. "And just how much would that be?"

"Come on," I whispered, smiling and biting my lip. I held his hand, tugging him as I walked backwards up the front stairs. With our eyes still locked in a loving, heated gaze, we walked back inside and over to the freshly made bed. I lifted my shirt over my head and slowly lowered down the cargos I'd put on earlier. I knelt on the bed, in nothing but a light pink set, as Jacob's eyes raked over my body. I felt the goose bumps rise all over. I reached behind, unclasping my bra and letting my breasts fall free. I dropped to the ground, my knees making a soft wooden thud as I looked up at him along the length of his body.

"I love you this much."

* * *

…

…

* * *

We'd found ourselves traveling through Navaho country and then further south to the bustle and sunshine of Southern California. I'd had no desire to go back to the dry heat of Phoenix. My home and my heart belonged now, to the luscious greens of the Washington old growth forests. But we were both looking forward to the golden beaches the OC, where we were headed.

"Okay, okay, okay. I got one." I looked over to Jake as we speed across the I-15. "Who would win in a fight between Judge Judy and Betty White?"

"Aw, that's a good one, Bells," he nodded, indicating as we turned towards the Beach Cities exit. "I think, definitely Judge Judy. She's got that hammer thing, and her attitude. She's like a pit ball."

I held up the king size candy bar we got at the gas station back in Victorville and opened it for us to share. "But what if Betty White had a Snickers? Then she'd turn into like, a really strong football player and could tackle her!"

I stooped forward to the radio controls, tuning in a station I'd just seen advertised on a billboard as I continued my persuasive on our hypothetical battle game. "And then Judge Judy would get all caught up in her robes and stuff and she'd down for the count." I turned the volume up, as I sat back, smiling broadly. "Finally! Some decent music!"

There'd been limited choices driving through the desert, to say the least.

He looked over to me from the driver side, smiling. His eyes were bright and shining as he straight with teeth pulled back in a smile that made my tummy flutter.

"What?" I asked, taking a medium bite of the candy bar, and handing the rest over to him.

"Nothing." He took the chocolate and bit into to it as he refocused back on the road. His eyes flicked back to me a few more times as I quietly sung along to Billy Joel. That same smile still pulled handsomely across his lips. "I love you, that's all."

…

* * *

After a blissful week of camping and celebrating the confirmation that I wasn't, in-fact, knocked up as I went surfing on the crimson wave, then actually trying to surf in the clear blue waters of Doheny State beach, we took our time making up for lost time after the crimson wave receded - and I mean making up for lost time _a lot._

 _W_ e took a few days to make our way up to Yosemite. Jake and I stopped for the night whenever the mood struck us. I was getting used to this life of freedom and free love.

It was a Tuesday that we finally arrived in the National Park, a little over a week since Jake and his pack, with the help of the Cullen's had finally put an end to Victoria. It was so liberating to be able to just be two semi-normal kids on a getaway. We no longer had that ever looming threat of decimation and torture looming over our heads. Putting aside the occasional ant's in Jake's pants, thought it seemed much better now that he had the assurity of being Alpha, we were no different from another other touring couple we'd crossed paths with. Only I had a supper strong, super intuitive lover by my side. We were exploring and traveling with no scheduled, no serious agenda and no need to remain obscure; though privacy did have it's benefits. Jake and I were enjoying the sunshine. Enjoying the fresh air. Enjoying each others bodies.

We decided to park our van at a campgrounds in the Yosemite Valley trek through the woods to our secluded campsite for the night.

We hiked with Jake leading the way, just off the tail and along the Merced River and up to the granite bounders of Liberty Cap. I had my rucksack packed with a micro tent we'd bought in Fresno, food to feed an army of forty, and the innate knowledge and the trust of the shape shifter as my guide. Sometimes we'd walk hand in hand as he'd help me step over uneven terrain, and other times I rode Jake _wolf-_ back, holding tight as he bounded over rocks and small creeks and up almost vertical inclines that I'd have had no hope of making on two feet.

We didn't have a map, instead Jake found his own way off the track. We rode past the falls and the rapids that had been carved out by the sheer force and volume of the winter melts. Such natural violence that somehow left behind a rugged and stunningly beautiful landscape. We rode through thick, pine forests and upwards to an unmarked summit meadow. The towering, ancient trees made me nostalgic of the giant forests of the Pacific Northwest. I felt like we would step over a rise and see the beaches of La Push on the horizon. The Californian forest smelled earthy and green but it wasn't quite the same as the salty, cedar scent that was quintessentially La Push.

I wondered if Jake felt the nostalgic stirrings from being in this forest. His wolf seemed very at home up there; the wolf seemed at home _anywhere_ were nature was supreme.

I followed Jake through the vaguely familiar forest. Even if he didn't really know where we were going, I trusted in his magically _innate_ sense of direction. And he proved me right as we arrived and set up camp at a wonderfully secluded clearing that overlooked the Valley.

We shared a perfect night, exploring the wilderness in the moonlight and then exploring each other to the sound track of the sounds of the forest.

.

* * *

Jake woke me before dawn on the Wednesday, gently shaking my shoulder. "Bells, wake up. I want you to see this."

"Mmhm?" I moaned, my voice was rough from sleep. I sat up in the darkness as the thin sheet fell in a crumpled heap at my waist. "What?" I yawned. "It's not even morning yet."

In the dim light I could see the white of Jake's eyes as they raked over my naked torso. He groaned in frustrated appreciation before remembering why he was awake at such and early hour and turned around. "That's why I woke you up. I want you to see the sunrise." He unzipped the tent flap and crawled back outside. I looked up as his head popped back in and he looked me over one more time. He smirked, and wiggled his eye browns at me. "And then we're fucking."

"Oh, how romantic," I chuckled. I knew what he meant though... he looked magnificent in the retreating moonlight.

A small breeze flapped the tent fly open and cold air rushed in. I felt the chill as it hit my skin and my nipples hardened at the freshened air. I'd been so comfortable and warm from lying curled up in the arms of my own person sun inside our tiny tent.

Jake, still naked as the day he was born, stood up outside the tent. "Don't worry baby, I can do romance and risqué, both at the same time," he winked. He turned around to look out over the horizon and then back to me still inside the tent. "Come on Bells," he waved as he walked over to edge of the cliff, "or we'll miss it."

Fumbling around in the dark, I watched his perfect ass walk away in the pre-dawn light. I stumbled over the bedrolls, searching on my hands and knees until I found my way outside. The air was even colder as I stepped outside. I ducked back into the tent and dragged the disarrayed sleeping bag with me as I tiptoed, bare foot, on the cold grass over to where Jake was now sitting.

Jake pulled me on to his very naked but thankfully _warm_ lap and wrapped the unzipped sleeping bag around me. "Look at it Bella." He nodded out to the breaking dawn. "It's amazing."

Making a concerted effort to ignore the hard phallus pressing against my back for just a few minutes, I looked up as the first hint of light lifted over the horizon behind us. It painted the rock face a brilliant pink. There were purple shadows squiggling down in the crevices and clefts in the rock across the valley.

I leaned into Jake's warm chest, reaching behind and combing my fingers through his hair as we sat and watched the sun rise. "It's so beautiful." I gushed. "It's amazing how nature can be so calm and serene here and yet so destructive and turbulent just a few miles down in the river."

"It's just like us, you're the beauty that calms and balances my turmoil." He kissed behind my ear and his hand wove under the covers and found the still hard nipple.

I felt the ignition of my insides. My body reacted instantly to Jacob's knowing touch. I moaned as he kissed his way down my shoulder, closing my eyes and letting the sensations envelope me. He lifted me, turning me around his lap so I was facing him. His mark was now easily in his sight. He ducked his head nipping at it before sitting up straighter and pressing his lips to mine.

We kissed as the sun rose over the mountain. Our bodies were awash in glowing pinks and vermillion oranges. My skin was alive at his touch. On the mountain side, on the bluff cliff face, Jacob lay me down on the spread out sleeping bag and worshiped every inch of my skin until, like Icarus, I combusted as I few too close to the sun. My sun.

…

* * *

We spent the rest of the week driving around Lake Tahoe, exploring and generally being lazy and horny. We found new ways to love one another in the confines of the Aerostar. Generally we'd stop not long after lunch, and with the radio playing in the background, we'd reaffirmed our feelings for each other… over and over again. It was an easy itinerary to follow.

We'd received a healthy and anonymous deposit into my back account while we'd been in Yosemite. But there was no real mystery on who it was from, only the finer details were a mystery, such as _which one_ of the yellow eyed vampires had sent it. I wondered if Alice had finally seen me in her visions and known we'd needed a little top up. As amazing as the road was, it was still long and itinerant. It was nice to consider the indulgence of a real bed and four walls. The running water was a bonus too.

At first Jake had been a little put-out from the unrequested donation. As over the top as it was, he'd accepted the cabin, but that was supposed to be last of it. He didn't want anything more from the Cullen's. I couldn't blame him. I wanted there sense of ownership of me making choices for me to be finished too. But we were tired, and sometimes a little sore from the sleeping arrangements so with the lure of a little splurge of luxury and two whole nights in a proper bed in a room of our own, we'd both succumbed.

It was Reno that we decided to spend the weekend. We used the money to pay for beautiful suite overlooking a lake.

We explored the city a little, following the river as it wound through the city center. We enjoyed the spa in the bathroom of the suite we'd checked into. It turned out be Jake's favorite part of our mini-break for our big-break.

We splurged with a late checkout and made the most of our extended time in the king size bed. One. Last. time...

Twice.

Rejuvenated from out little stop, we left Reno late Monday morning. We set out ready for another new week of just Jake and me, and our freedom on the road to nowhere.

* * *

It was my turn to drive and Jake was leaning against the passenger door, his feet up on the dash. He really did have huge feet. Everything about that man was in proportion. Including his love for me; and for life.

He had his arm out the window and was weaving his hand in waves against the wind as the air buffered through the car, sending my hair around in a whirlwind. It was a cool April morning, but one where you could feel the heat of the day that was yet to come. It was going to be another hot and dry day in the northern Nevada desert. As we drove westbound, I contemplated the dry and brown landscape. I missed the forest. And as strange as it was to say, I missed the almost perpetual rain of home.

.

We stopped for lunch, in a little town on the cross roads of the interstate and the highway.

We were squished into one side of a booth at the local Taco Bell. We were happily sitting close, with my leg draped over Jake's knee and his arm around my neck as we ate one handed.

"I wish they did enchiladas here," I said, spearing a piece of chicken off my salad bowl. "You know, I've been told I make a mean enchilada."

I smiled inwardly, I used to make a lot of good stuff to eat. I'd been a little limited since we'd been on the road. As much as I loved cooking simply— on a gas fire, in the middle of nature— there were times that I missed the convenience of an actual _kitchen._ Like a fridge and an oven. I couldn't make decent enchiladas on a butane burner.

Jake popped a chip in his mouth, nodding. "Yeah. I heard about you making Charlie branch out from his traditional cuisine," Jake laughed as he remembered. "I was home the next day when he came over, raving about how good they were to my dad. Dad was so pissy, mumbling how even if his daughters were home they'd probably burn the packet just getting one out of the freezer."

He tipped the packet of his extra side of chips to me, silently offering me some. "You'll have to make it for me someday, when we're near an oven."

I nodded, crunching on the tortilla chip. "It's a date."

.

I'd long finished my power salad and Jake was on the eleventh of his twelve taco _supreme_ pack and only just, now, looked to be slowing.

"You're really going to eat a _dozen_ tacos?" I queried, raising a brow as I picked at the sprinkling of cheese that had fallen onto the wrapper.

His mouth was full as he answered, picking up that last DLT. "You want a bite."

"No you have it. It's just, I still can't get over how much you eat sometimes."

Jake shrugged, biting into the crispy shell. A blob of sour cream fell out and he wiped it up with his finger. I watched as he placed it in his mouth and slowly sucked the creamy sauce off, completely unaware of my ogling. "It's a damn expensive metabolism, I'll tell you now. I don't really know how Sam and Emily have any money left the way we all hung out at their place. I think we need a Taco-Bell in La Push, the pack alone would keep it afloat."

He'd been talking about the pack a lot lately; just little comments and anecdotes but I could tell they were on his mind.

I shifted sideways in the booth, towards the window. His hand slid down my back and settled on my thigh as I rested my ankle on his knees. I brought the last of our Baja blast freeze up to my lips slurping at the nearly completely melted drink. "Did you talk to them this morning on your run?"

Jake had woken up relaxed but still somehow a little jittery. I could tell that even though the man was completely contented, and the wolf was happy to be by my side day in day out, there was still something missing. So, at my urging, Jake had left me to re-pack our now shared bags while he made his way back to the Nevada edges of the Tahoe forest to stretch his paws.

I handed Jake the drink and he lifted the lid, tipping back the last few clumps of limy slurry. "Embry was there," he said, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "He told his mom yesterday."

"How did she take it?"

"Surprisingly well. Once Emb called Paul over to phase so he wouldn't have to leave her alone while he demonstrated, she made them both a pot roast and let them both drink whisky with her while she processed it all and did the twenty questions thing."

He scrunched up his last wrapper, adding it to the mountain of paper on the tray. "It's going to be so much easier for him now. I do wish I'd been able to help him though. He must have been desperate if he asked _Paul_ to help. And Emb ran into Quill at the store again, they had a huge fight. I saw it from Embry's memories, Ateara's getting _huge_."

Jake looked down at our twisted fingers, playing with the ring I wore on my thumb as he silently got lost in thought.

I figured I knew the direction of his thoughts. "Do you want to go home Jake?"

He shrugged again, pulling me back closer, this time onto his lap. "I want to be with you, Bells. And if you need more time away from it all… just me and you, then that's what I want too."

I didn't know what I wanted. At the thought of home a thousand images would flash thought my brain. Charlie, school, my room, Jake's garage, First Beach. But the memory of Forks also conjured up images of _him_ or more so the feeling that I now had about that part of my life… and they weren't positive.

Although I knew, I just _knew_ , that I was over Edward. I wasn't so sure I was over all the hurt and messed up self-esteem I'd had when he'd left. I felt good. In fact, I felt fantastic by Jacob's side. But a part of me was worried what would happen when the honeymoon was over. I didn't doubt my love for Jake, but I did have reservations about my ability to be this happy in a town that held so many sad feelings for me.

It humbled my heart to think that Jake would stay by my side, away from his home just to be with me. Surly I loved Jake equally as much to risk finding out just how happy I could be back in the real world, with a stunningly handsome and devoted man as my other half.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss, "I really love you. You know that?"

.

* * *

Jake took up the wheel after lunch. The radio had been blaring and he'd been tapping out the beat on the steering wheel when he came to a stop at a junction.

His toned, long arm reached out and turned down the volume and he pivoted slightly in his seat towards me. "Which way Bells? Left or Right?"

Left was the way we'd just come and right was deeper into the heat of Nevada. But straight ahead was north, towards the boarder of Oregon and eventually Washington.

It was time.

Time for me to find the gumption to face my, most likely, unfounded fears. To take my life back and to live happily, with the assuredness of a love that superseded anything I'd known before. Both physically and emotionally.

The love of a man and the love of a mate.

My hand reached over to Jacob's and I squeezed it tight. It was warm and dry and fitted around mine perfectly. Like two halves of a whole.

"Let's go straight ahead, Jake. Let's go home."

* * *

~:The End:~

* * *

Whew... It's done... The story's over.

Thank you for sticking with me and for all the wonderful comments and reviews you've all sent me.

I've been working on an Epilogue. It's being beta'ed. But my wonderful friend and Beta is here in Australia visiting me, with out her laptop. So you'll all have to wait a few more weeks for it.

I have some plans to make a series of out-take snippets, too. Stuff like the wolf's conversation when Paul was in "time-out" and the battle that we completely missed. If you have any other ideas of what you'd like to read, then please let me know.

Thanks for joining me.

May the light with in me honor the light with in you.

Namaste, Marina.


	22. Epilouge

**Finally, the final installment of this story. Thank you Egratia, for editing this chapter for me. Jet-lagged and still not unpacked from vising me down under, you polished and gave this gem some luster. Thankyou.**

 **FYI- This is the longest Epi in the history of written word. Part of me sends an apology, but most of me says enjoy a good, hearty chunk of story...**

* * *

 **Epilogue.**

William ran up the hill. His feet pressed into the loamy soil as he sprinted, bare chested and bare foot. His heart pounded with excitement. He was enjoying the new power and strength his growing body had given him.

Bella jumped as he ran inside, slamming the door. "Mom! It was so good. Dad was doing all these kind of flips and stuff."

She put the last grilled cheese onto the press, wiping her hand on a dishtowel. "Was he?"

Her eldest son opened the fridge, and took an apple from the crisper, taking an oversized bite. "Mh- hm."

She looked him over as he came to sit at the counter. He'd gotten darker over the summer, running and playing with his siblings and cousins in the water. And taller. Much taller.

They'd all been worried last spring when both Will, and Sam and Emily's eldest two started to have growth spurts. But they'd never developed any kind of fever and they'd never gotten the heated temperament of a new wolf. They were just boys growing up.

Will continued to talk around a full mouth as his brother and sister came in. "There's this swing that he said uncle Paul made and he made it swing really high and then he'd do a somersault off from the top."

Bella looked at her youngest, Drew and her daughter, Sarah as she pointed to the two empty chairs. "Come and sit down for lunch."

Sarah climbed up on to the stool, next to her older brother. "Dad said you had to wait for us and make sure we got home okay. You ran too fast, Will," she whined.

Bella pulled the toasted sandwiched from the press, her fingers smarting with the heat. "He's not coming up for lunch?" She cut the sandwiches, starting the hungry hoard off with a quarter piece each.

"He said to tell you he went for a run," Will said with his mouth full. Bella put her quarter on his plate and set about cutting up the rest.

"We'll did he say how long he was going to be? I wanted him to help me make the other beds before Uncle Em and Aunty Penny get here."

The teenage boy just shrugged like all good adolescents do.

Sarah jumped up and down on her seat. "Are Ruby and Grace coming tonight?"

Bella nodded, "and Sage."

Embry had three girls. One almost two years older than Sarah and directly in the mists of adolescent delinquency , and the other two, Irish twins Ruby and Grace were less than a year apart and in the same grade as Bella and Jacob's daughter, Sarah, at school. Between his wife and his three daughters, both Jake and Bella thought Embry Call was thoroughly wrapped up around their fingers. And the grey and black wolf couldn't have been happier about it, and that made the Black family happy for their friend too.

"Yes!" Sarah shouted. "We're _so_ watching Pitch Perfect tonight!"

The two boys groaned.

* * *

Jake had been attempting, with varying degrees of success, to give up his wolf.

It had been five years ago that he'd first tried; his eldest, Will, had been ten at time., Sarah had just started school and their baby boy, Drew, had finally gotten out of diapers. Bella had been ready to get back into her copy-editing job and Jake had wanted to be able to guarantee his time at home so she could.

Five years, and it was still an uphill battle with the beast.

There were weeks when he didn't feel the itch of the monster beneath his skin in the slightest.

And there were others, like this week, where his need to _go wolf_ each and every day— to simply tolerate the kids— almost consumed him.

He'd been playing by the river with the children before lunch, swinging off the rope and doing risky things, which Bells wouldn't have approved of, when he'd felt it creep on. The ants crawling under his skin. The clawing at his ribs. The heat of the phase charring him from inside.

He'd left Will to get the other two back to the cabin while he stretched his paws. Jake knew from years of coming down to their Colorado cabin that the wolf wouldn't be happy until he'd done at least one circle of the title perimeter. This place, the cabin, that the whole pack called a home away from home, had some tense memories for the wolf— some astounding ones for the man, but still, some tense ones for the beast. Jake knew what it would take to calm _him_ enough to go back to the grilled cheeses he could smell wafting from the now much expanded cabin.

He was following the wolf-worn trail, headed back up towards the cabin when he first smelt it. Or at least he'd _thought_ he'd smelt it. It was barely detectable even to his wolf nose, but he was sure he'd smelt it none the less. It was that too- sweet, sickly scent of leech. It was less acrid than the regular scent of vampire, rather a more subdued and earthy odor. The moment his nose had picked it up memories of cold, pale, yellow eyed beings filled his mind. It was the scent he'd have once associated with a Cullen.

He'd come across his fair share of red-eyed blood suckers over the years, and dispatched of them quickly. But this scent, the one of the vegi-vamps, was a scent he'd not smelt in _years_ ; not since the most agreeable couple of the crypt came to visit Bella and him when she'd had still been studying at Washington State. They'd more or less lost all contact with the Cullen family. The fortune teller had sent her a letter on occasion. Jacob would generally ask his wife burn it after she'd read them, they stunk up the house. She'd learnt to not even bring them inside anymore.

The soldier vamp had made contact through a solicitor over a decade ago with the details of a grant they'd set up for the wolves to help with education. Just like the cabin, the proud alpha in him bristled with the assumed charity from his enemy. But the reality was, apart from Bella and then Seth, none of the rest of the pack, wolf or human, had furthered there education beyond high school or their GED. It had been the bloodsuckers return to the Pacific Northwest that had been the catalyst for their hairy metamorphosis. It had tied them all to the Reservation for life, with no chance of parole. But the grants had given them that chance of rehabilitation. A way to better themselves and give back to their community while still on two feet. Just like Bella accepting the cabin all those years ago, the pack had accepted the grants too. Guilt money it may have been, but the outcomes were advantageous to everyone, none the less.

Embry finally got his degree with it. That was where he'd first met his wife Penny— in dentistry school. Bella and Penny had quickly become the best of friends too. They had shared many of life's milestones as women of the same age tend to do: adjusting to life on the reservation; the excitement of being young brides; the kicks and tightening as their first-born's grew inside them; and the trials and heights that they weathered from being mates of werewolves. Jake new Bella was going to be happy when Em and Pen arrived later that afternoon. Jacob just hoped they were on time to deliver the thing he'd asked them to bring with them. He wanted to be on the road by sundown. He had some memories to reminisce on with his wife.

And being out here, in this forest, searching for that elusively familiar scent, there were some memories that Jake hoped Bella never had to recall again. At least she had never had to see Edward again. Jake figured that after that day there in that forest, when Bella had told the sparky shit-head she never wanted to see him again, the mind-leech had finally listened to her, finally.

On each contact with the Cullen's, none of the parasites had mentioned their brother, and neither Bella nor Jacob had asked. Out of sight out of mind.

Jake was sure Bella was curious though, Jake was… just a little. So long as the mind reader didn't try the moves on his mate, it might have been good to see how he was getting on. So long as he didn't try his vamp juju shit on her again, because Jake knew he wouldn't have been as gracious as he was at sixteen if he did.

On second thought, he never wanted to see that lanky sparky ass ever again.

But as he trotted though the forest flanking the Gunnison National Park he was almost positive he'd caught something like that scent wafting down the mountain again.

It wasn't a leech he knew though. He'd memorized each of those blood sucker's stenches to heart years ago. They were etched into his brain like the dirt gouged tracks surrounding their vacation home.

He didn't know this scent. It was a faint scent too, almost so faint that it was almost missed. Jake wasn't sure if the odor was weak because it was old or if it had been deliberately concealed. On the off chance that option two was right, he had to go investigate. He wouldn't have tolerated _any_ leech scent around his cubs, regardless of their diet, but an unknown one, who might have been hiding, was unacceptable.

The wolf doubled back to where he thought the scent had originated. As he turned, his huge paws skidded into the soft layers of pine needles that littered the undergrowth. With his nose to the ground, the Alpha of the pack hunted in search of the owner of the offending smell.

At full pace, Jacob circled around the building that sheltered his family. He searched in a pattern that spiraled outwards from the log cabin, if he could still call it that. The building that caught his eyes as he leaped over the trunk of a fallen old-growth now loomed three stories high. Just like his pack had helped him to clean up the aftermath of the Leech carnage all those years ago, all the wolves had helped the Blacks build on extra rooms as the pack had grown. They'd done it for love, and they'd done it for duty. But mostly they'd done it for a free place to stay on vacations from the Res. The little log cabin was now large enough to house two wolves _and_ their families all at one time. Once, they'd managed to fit three couples, when the children were younger. The howling that must have been coming from that cabin that Christmas Break… the neighbors five miles over must have been ready to call the county Sherriff.

But no one was at his side in that moment, as he searched for the barely perceptible scent. The only wolf in howling distance, was Jake. His claws dug into the ground as he raced thought the forest. His muzzle snuffed and blew as he searched and ran. Around and around the wolf careered. Finding nothing, he circled back up to the house, listening to the clinking of plates as his mate and his cubs ate lunch. It smelt so good.

Bella had the habit of adding a little smoked cheddar into the normal cheddar mix. She made the best grilled cheese.

The wolf re-scented the air, hoping to catch another waft of the putrid smell that had sent him on that possible wild goose chase and prevented him from getting his grilled cheese.

Nothing.

The salty, crisp sent of the melted butter on the white bread was distracting. But he focused, closing his eyes for a moment and letting his spirit warrior propel him forward.

For fifteen minutes the wolf ran. Around and around. Circling back and forward, searching in vain for the source of the scent that was now gone.

Jake finished the last concentric circle, detouring back down to the river, to where he'd first noticed the stink. He slowed, coming to a stop at the edge of the bank that he'd been playing with his children on only minutes earlier in his own, human skin. The wolf bent down, watching his furry reflection in the gently flowing stream before leaning further and drinking great lap-fuls of the cool mountain water.

Quenched and having caught breath, Jacob, Alpha of the Quileute pack, ran a full circle of the boundary one last time. He zig zagged over the leaf-littered ground, sniffing the earth as he traced the same perimeter line he'd marked out over twenty years earlier.

He trotted further up the hill, beyond the cabin and towards the local access road. He paused at a great sandstone outcrop that he liked to sit on and contemplate life. The wolf sat back on his hunches surveying this domain, his back leg stretched up and scratched at an itch behind his shoulder.

He licked his chops, searching his eyes across the view of the valley that the Alpha saw as _his._ Below him was the lichen covered tiles of the roof that sheltered his immediate pack—Bella and the kids. He could see the small bundles of potted color that hung from the front porch, Bells made sure there was always bright salutations to great them as they drove up the driveway. Jake's gaze shifted to the side of the front drive, where the suburban was parked, to the silvering green of the forest that surrounded the cabin. Tall pines branched and stretched out, fingers of dichotomically sharp and soft needles and undergrowth twisted together to bring life to all those among it. Then beyond, in the distance, the water of the Gunnison shimmered out a soft silvery sparkle reflecting the afternoon sun as it headed over the Mesa.

The wolf let out a quick huffing breath, calmed and satisfied that whatever the scent, whoever it had been, was now long gone.

The breeze coming of the reservoir ruffled though his russet pelt. He scented the new air. Pine, loam, the fresh water of the lake below… and grilled cheese.

* * *

He leaned over her, sliding his plate into the suds. "Thank you." He pressed his chest into her back, nuzzling behind her ear as she wiped at the dishes.

Bella pressed back, turning slightly and lovingly rubbed her brow to his cheek as she continued to wash.

He bent further over the top of her shoulder, his hands spooning around her body and finding purchase on her breast. The other hand found its way under her shirt and up to the old silvered mark on her chest. His finger traced over the familiar crescent scar, tickling and soothing the skin. As always, like a spark to gasoline, his touch lit her up.

Jake inhaled, letting the gentle aroma of mate and home surround him. His hand cupped over her other breast, matching the one outside the shirt, and he rubbed playing with the now hardened nipple poking through the lace of her bra. "These are almost as good as that grilled cheese you just made."

Bella chuckled to herself, even after three children and almost twenty years of marriage he still couldn't seem to get enough of her body., aAnd her body, it seemed, still couldn't get enough of his touch. "You know your babies used to feed off these."

"And I plan on getting my own fill just as soon as those _babies_ are asleep later tonight."

They both turned to the gagging sound coming from the refrigerator. "Really dad? I'm like right here. Save that shit for when I'm out of ear shot."

"Language!" Bella chided.

"Sorry mom, but—" Will's eyes followed down to where his father's hands were groping his mother. His face pulled back into a grimace of utter disgust. "Oh my god. I'm scarred for life. No kid should ever see that, you know? I'd say get a room but… oh man." He gripped at his head, pulling his long, black hair. "I don't even want to think about that… I don't even—" The refrigerator door slammed shut as their fifteen year old fled from the room of such corruption.

They both chuckled, smiling at the typical adolescent reaction of their son. It wasn't the first time the couple had been caught in a compromising position, not by a long shot. And it certainly wasn't the most compromising position one of the kids had ever found them in either. Their parents were in love and loved to show the other, it wasn't Bella and Jake's fault they didn't knock. The kids had learned to accept the physicality of the wolves; all the cubs had. Bella figured Will was just flexing his increasing hormones.

Bella turned back to finish the dishes. She fished out the last plate—Jake's— and wiped it before stacking it in the drainer. Jacob's hands slid away from his wife's body, slinking down and resting on her hips as he continued to look back to the refrigerator where Will had just been standing.

He'd been growing all summer. Bella was sure it was just a normal pubescent growth spurt. He was as cool to touch as the rest of his kids. But as Jake stood staring at the grip marks indented into the metallic handle of the refrigerator, he wasn't so sure.

He pulled his eyes from the dints as he heard the plug being pulled and the slurping sound of the water as it drained. He looked down over her shoulder as the soapy suds popped and dissipated down the drain. Bella flicked the white froth off her fingers, drying her hands on the dish towel to the side. Jake stepped back a little and her eyes followed to where his had returned to; the imprints on the fridge. Maybe it was _that_ kind of growth spurt after all. She wondered how much of his childhood her son had left.

She stood close to Jake, wrapping her arms around his side and burrowing under his arm. "He had four sandwiches and then drank, I'd say, almost a half-gallon of milk."

Jacob shrugged, shaking Bella by the shoulder in an attempt to down play and distract. He hated that she was so worried. "You know we all love it when you add that smoky stuff."

She turned from her station by the sink, spinning on the spot until her body was flush with her husband's. Her arms draped around his neck, pulling him down to her. "You know it's just the Bacon Easy Cheese with Velveeta, Right?" She let herself be distracted for just a little while more. But she understood the gravity, no matter how Jake tried to spin it.

His hands settled on her hips and his thumbs brushed along the edge of her waist band. Jacob always loved the soft skin just above her hips. "Then it must be the way you butter the outsides or something."

Bella stood up on her tippy toes, bringing her lips into a pout. They kissed softly; dry and simple, but comforting and full of the happiness and undisputable love that they shared. "I know that's just the wolf bias talking. You have to love my cooking. Paul's the same for Rach, and we all know that she can't cook to save herself."

He held her by the shoulders kissing her one more time. They'd spend all afternoon like this if one of them didn't change the subject. "Speaking of wolves and their wives who can't cook, you wanted me to do something before Em and Pen arrive?"

Bella nodded and took him by the hand. She pulled him out of the kitchen and upstairs to the second master bedroom. "The beds are still unmade. They need to have clean sheets. You know I can't get those fitted ones on those king beds by myself."

He tapped her on the bottom as he followed her up the wooden staircase. "Short ass."

* * *

Bella Black was hanging her kids' damp towels over the front railing of the front porch when she felt it; that other sense that told her she was being watched. The wind was blowing through the trees that loomed above her, but that was all. Just the leaves rustling. No soft cheery song of the robin. No occasional whistle of the warblers. The birds were silent.

Jake had helped her to make the beds up and then they'd watched a little TV before he'd gone out for a run, on the pretense of collecting more firewood. They did need more wood, but Bella knew her husband's real reason for going for a run… the wolf needed to stretch his paws. He'd been feeling the pull of the wolf more strongly of late. She worried that it was in preparation for him handing over the reins to the next generation. To their son.

The kids were all inside watching a movie— the boys had chosen— and it was just her out there on the porch, but she _knew_ she wasn't alone.

A cold shiver trickled over her skin and goose flesh rose in its wake.

Bella blinked, straightening a wrinkle in the terry toweling with a long stoke of her fingers. When she opened her eyes, there was a woman standing at the base of the steps.

She was staring at Bella with her golden eyes. They were lighter than she'd ever remembered Edward's or any of his family's being. They were greener than the topaz of the Cullen family, they reminded Bella of the color of wheat only weeks before harvest when the thin leaves of green still clung to the yellowing kernel.

The woman stood statue still, unnaturally so. Her skirt flapped against her thighs as she continued to stare at Bella. Her face was neutral, not scowling or malicious, but not smiling either. Bella felt her pulse quicken as her natural cautiousness and sense of self-preservation kicked in. The woman seemed curious, but Bella knew that in a fraction of a second the Nordic looking woman's curiosity could be satiated with her blood.

The woman blinked, licking her lips as she looked Bella over. Her eyes seemed to take inventory of the frail human who stood nervous clutching the rail for support. Bella stared back, her heart galloping with adrenalin, her breath coming in short, hiccupping pants; it had been near on two decades since she'd last seen a vampire. Her blond hair was braided in a single long twist that hung over her shoulder. Stray wisps of hair flicked against her jaw and cheek in the breeze. She was a stunning woman, tall and willowy with skin as smooth and pale as any vampire she'd ever seen.

"They were right, you do smell wonderful," she smiled at Bella, a hint of Germanic accent in her bell like voice. "I can see, now, what all the fuss was about."

"What do you want?" Bella asked, not wanting the false pleasantries she come to expect from the cold ones.

"To meet you, of course."

The wind picked up, flapping the towels against the rails and blowing the sweet honeysuckle scent of the woman across Bella's face.

There was a crashing sound from inside the house, like a chair had over turned from standing up suddenly.

Her eldest, Will, called out from within. "Mom?"

Bella stepped her hands over the railing, quickly moving to the top of the steps and placing herself between the vampire and her children.

With eyes still on the lithe looking woman below, Bella called to her son over her shoulder, "it's okay Willy, keep watching the movie."

The vampire's lips lifted in a pleased smile. "You have wolf children."

"They prefer the term _shape shifter_. And my children are _none_ of your concern."

She held her hand out in a placating, biblical manner towards Bella. "Peace, child. Don't be afraid for them. For over eighteen centuries I have had to endure the heart break of watching the descendants of my children grow old and pass though this world. I would never submit another to that kind of torture."

There was a rustling in the forest beyond, something moving towards the cabin. Fast. Her breathing steadied as she waited for her wolf to reach their children and her. He'd always promised to protect her and she'd never doubted that oath for all the years they'd spent at each other's side.

As she waited for her soul mate to arrive, Bella reached across the short stair case, leaning out into the open. "Jacob!" she called into the forest. "Jake!"

A figure emerged from the bushes and Bella felt her heart seize as she took in the blurred figure as it raced across the clearing. Her heart pulled in her chest as a foreign worry, and a fear she'd not felt in years, began to grip her. Where was Jake? She felt a hopelessness overcome her as the second vampire stopped and stood protectively next to the other woman.

Finally, after all those years, the supernatural world had caught up with her. Her blood had always called to the undead, it had been nothing more than a lucky break and the vigilant lupine protection of her pack that she had kept her blood flowing though her veins for so long. Finally, after such a warm, abundant and loving life, it was going to end at the cold, hard hand of a vampire. She always knew she'd had it too good for too long. She just wished she could see him one last time. Tell him that she loved him. She always had and always would.

She closed her eyes as she held her shoulders strong and square. She would not scream, she would not cry out. But she didn't want to see them coming for her. She'd stand strong as she did all she could to keep her children unaware and as safe as they could be until their father arrived to protect them.

He'd protect his cubs, Bella knew that. But she also knew that he'd die a little inside after she was gone. Maybe more than a little even. He'd probably be not much more than a shell. But he _would_ survive; for the kids. For them he'd keep getting up every day without her by his side. It gave her courage to know he'd continue, but she still wished she'd have a moment to tell him how much she loved him. Just one more time.

Pressing her eyes shut tighter still, she breathed in a deep, final breath. She tried to remember how her lungs felt filled with his kiss. How the heat of his sweat breath felt on her lips as he'd kissed her and his body had loved hers. Her fingers played at the old pink scar that sat at her wrist and her hand pressed a warm palm above her breast, above his mark. Their mark of fidelity and unity. Her mate. Her wolf. Her husband. It tingled and sparked as she said one final good bye to her love.

"I love you Jake," she whispered, almost inaudibly to herself.

The vampire still heard.

"Jacob's coming Bella. I can hear him. I simply abhor the idea that you'd fear me."

Bella's heart stopped. Her breath was apneic at the sound of that voice.

With her palm still pressed hard to her chest, Bella opened her eyes.

Next to the beautiful blond Norse goddess was a boy, tall and lanky with pale white features. Bella looked him over, her eyes weaving though the tangle of bronze hair that contrasted against the white of his skin. Edward.

* * *

Bella was a maelstrom of emotions: relief, longing, anger, nostalgia and relief once more.

Relief that she most likely was not going to die in that moment, longing for Jake to be at her side, nostalgia at the memory of the man she'd once loved—or at least the silly high school girl she'd been had loved, and relief once more at the bullet she'd dodged. The being in front of her was no man, he was a _boy,_ frozen in time and unchanged from the last time she'd seen him. She truly understood then that she'd never have been truly happy with that life, with Edward. She'd never had been happy without Jake. Her sun.

Bella stared at the bronzed hair vampire, comparing her dull, _human,_ memories to the vivid, unearthly image before her now, in the flesh—so to speak. She hadn't dreamt of the day she'd see Edward again—because dreaming of someone implied she had only fond memories of him. But she had wondered.

Everything about the way they'd both 'broke up´ with each other all those years ago had been callous and self-protective. Adolescent. First when Edward had deserted her in the forest. And then when Bella has told him she hated him and to never return. She'd meant it at the time, her wallowing had transformed to anger. But Bella was a forgiving person, and not one to generally harbor a grudge. She was in a much better place emotionally now. She was sure of her feelings and devoted to her husband and the family they'd made together.

What she and Jake had shared for the past twenty years was real and true. She adored the man like her heart would explode. After all this time she was still madly in love with him. Her natural path. There were no doubts. None. But there had been good times between Edward and her. Very good times. And she had truly loved him once. She was glad for the opportunity to say a more cordial good bye.

Bella was pulled from her inner contemplation's by a quiet yet determined voice coming from behind her. "Mom?"

She didn't turn around, her eyes remained locked in with the boy—because the creature in front of her really was sill that frozen in time seventeen year old she remembered. "Please go back inside Will."

He stayed right where he was. "Are they… are… are they…?"

Jacob had made sure all the children who were likely to have the gene knew the legends. And as they matured and reached an age to be trusted and not terrified of the truth, all the children of the pack were told _all_ the truths. Will knew his father was a wolf, he'd seen it with his own two eyes. But Cold ones… he'd never seen one of those. And there were two, at his home away from home, and they were staring at his mother.

Bella turned her head, tearing her eyes from Edward's to face her son's. The wood of the door frame was cracking and splintering under the young man's grip. Bella licked her lips, slowly nodding her answer to his unsaid question. "Yes."

Will let out a long, whooshing breath and then in a rolling roar of bones cracking and skin tearing, Bella watched on in horror as her son transformed, for the first time, into his wolf.

The gangly beast stood at the top of the steps, his humanly long hair falling in long, cascading flows of a dark red-brown pelt. A rumbling growl built in his chest as he crept forwards. One paw in front of the other.

Edward stepped protectively in front of the other woman, pulling her behind him, his hand nestled into her waist.

"William. My name is Edward Cullen. And this is my mate Astrid. We will not harm you or your mother. We are peaceful. We do not hunt humans. You know about the treaty my family have with you people?" There was a pause as Edward listened to her sons thoughts. She'd forgotten how weird that was. Edward nodded seemingly appeased that Will remembered the teaching of the treaty.

The new wolf knew the _anonymous_ version, what the child-man didn't know was just how deep his mother's involvement with the founding members of said treaty had been. And who this cold one in front of them had once been to her. It would all be divulged now he was pack.

"Then you know that my mate and I are no threat to you. Please," Edward begged.

Edwards's words echoed though Bella's mind. His mate _._ Not his friend, or his companion. His _mate_. Bella wasn't sure how she felt about that. She figured she had no right to feel jealous, or anything akin to that, but she did wonder. He'd declared his undying, never ending love for her in that forest just a mile or so down the mountain the last time she'd seen him. It had been twenty-five years, but surly that was only a blink for an immortal being. He'd blinked and when his eyes had opened he'd found someone else to dedicate his life to.

Bella supposed she hadn't been much better either. She'd declared her undying, never ending love for him in that forest back home when he'd left her all those years ago too. She'd love him so very much that she'd let herself waste away to virtually nothing. Physically and spiritually. All over the love she'd once declared unequivocally. And then she'd found Jake. And she'd been freed of the venomous hold Edward had had on her. And all the adolescent ardor and whimsical daydreams had paled in comparison to what she found in Jacob's soul in the _life_ they'd made _together_. Bella had learned that love had many layers, may depths. As pretty and exciting as her love for Edward had been, it had been fleeting and evanescent once the deep rooted, life affirming love of her mate had been allowed to thrive.

She wondered if Edward had had a similar epiphany when he met this woman. She hoped so, for his sake.

The gangly wolf stayed positioned at the top of the steps, guarding his mother and reading himself for attack all at once. He growled at the vampires again.

Bella stepped forwards, laying a calming hand on the wolf's back. "It's okay baby boy. Can you hear your dad?"

The gigantic wolf looked to her, his oversize dark brown eyes blinking once. He had his father's eyes. Deep and soulful, but still—thankfully— innocent and trusting.

"Listen to him. Do what he says. I know that they probably stink," the wolf snuffled, pawing at his nose in agreement, "but they are the good ones Will, they're not gunna hurt us."

"Truly," the female said, "we will not you hurt you, child of the spirits."

William looked at the cold ones, assessing and gauging the risk. Then suddenly, in one movement, all eyes turned to the tree line. Watching. Waiting for something that her human ears couldn't yet pick up. A few seconds passed and Bella felt it throb-out in the scar on her chest. Jacob.

* * *

The wolf stalked out the bushes, his glorious, thick, red coat waving in the summer breeze. He eyed the cold ones, nodding to Edward as he walked past, positioning himself between them and his family.

He was calm and not as agitated by the scent of a vampire so close to his family as she expected him to be. Bella understood then that he'd seen it all unfold in the eyes of their son.

Will's wolf whined as his father and Alpha approached. He brushed against the larger wolf, baring his throat in a sign of submission. Jake licked at the young-ones neck, then over his head and ears in a grooming manner. Bella smiled at the gentle show of affection. Even as a fierce and formidable warrior, her mate was still loving and kind. He was giving their son the comfort and reassurance he needed in such a time of upheaval in his life. What a thing it must be to have your body transform into a beast in a heartbeat, thought Bella.

She watched as the wolf comforted the other. The hard strain trickled from the smaller wolf's tremoring muscles.

Jake's wolf had closed his eye as he'd comforted the younger one. Then his head turned, his ears cocking upwards and proud as his eyes opened directly in to his mates gaze. Bella. He made the final step up to her.

The beast let out a deep, contented grunt as he brushed his muzzle against her cheek. The tension ebbed from them both at the caress. Bell closed her eyes, letting the warm softness and earthy, musky sent of her wolf envelop and swaddle her.

She felt the air shimmer around them and then she was enveloped in not just his warmth and scent but in his strong protective arms as well.

"You okay?" he whispered as he kissed her temple.

She held him tight and nodded her reassurance.

Jacob let her go to reach for a damp towel hanging from the rails and wrapped it around his waist. He took his wife's hand before moving half way down the steps.

The man stood tall towards his once rival. He felt no threat from the geriatric child, but he still was not happy for the disruption to his life and upset of his wife. He'd yet to really process how their appearance had brought on the phase in his son. "What are you doing here Edward?"

The female shifted from behind Edwards's protective torso. "Don't blame him. It was me. I wanted to come see for myself the woman who could still hold so much of this beautiful man's heart."

Bella felt her heart pull. She didn't want to think of Edward still holding a flame for her.

Edward's eyes flicked to his mates, and then to Bella's. He shifted on his feet uncomfortably. "She doesn't hold my heart Addie. How many thousands of times have I tried to explain that?" He stopped over, holding the woman by the face gently as they gazed into one another's eyes. "You do."

The blonde woman smiled, her eyes searching Edward's before shifting over to Bella and the man and young wolf surrounding her. "I know that Edward. But there's still a piece of that love that you're still clinging to. You need this goodbye."

There was silence in the yard for a moment as the two immortals stood frozen in a silent conversation the rest weren't privy too. An owl in the trees above hooted, the twit-twoo breaking the silence. Edward unfroze, his shoulders relaxing as he stood taller. He nodded towards his mate, turning towards the cabin again.

His gaze traveled up the steps, assessing Jacob before settling on Bella. She leaned in towards Jacob's chest, stooping under his arm and gathering strength from his silent power.

"Edward," Bella said softly, nodding her acknowledgment but neither indicating her happiness or displeasure in seeing her old beau—she wasn't sure herself.

"Bella. How many years has it been? Twenty-five?"

"Almost."

Edward smiled at her, the soft gentle grin that she'd had the privilege of seeing all those years ago. "You haven't changed a bit, still the same sweet girl I knew back then."

Bella wondered if he meant _sweet_ in the figurative or literal sense. She figured it was both.

She shifted her arm, searching out Jake's fingers to link them together. She watched as the depth of his smile faded as he saw her draw strength from her mate. "I might look more or less the same, but I'm not that naive little girl anymore, Edward. A person can grow and change quite a lot in that kind of time."

"True," he nodded. "Quite true."

Edward and Bella were exchanging niceties; small talk that circumnavigated the reason from the cold ones' intrusion into their life.

"So," Jacob cut in, sick of waiting. He knew Bella needed this, he just hoped it didn't take all god damn night. He had a schedule planned. And he damn-well hoped the blood sucker wasn't gunna try to rip her throat out with blood lust. It went against every fiber of the wolf to even contemplate leaving her with the cold, dead thing. But the man inside was stronger than the emotional beast. Jake just hoped Bella was stronger than the emotional pull the leech had on her. She'd been strong enough twenty-five years ago, he had to trust that she would be strong enough now.

"I suppose you want to talk with my wife alone?"

Edward's eyes flashed to Jacob's, a silent conversation going on in their heads. "She's safe with me Jacob, she always was."

"Not always," he bit back.

* * *

Bella's eyes glanced between her husband and Edward. She saw as the pale man-boy paled even further, obviously being shown by Jake a time in Bella's life when Edward had indeed harmed her. He'd broken her heart. "That's why I'm here. To make amends."

Jake scoffed, "what, are you on some kind of AA program for leeches or something?"

The female nodded, laughing, "Something like that." She stood taller, softly taking Edward's hand. "I'll go now, leave you with some privacy. I'll be up near Huntsman Ridge, there's meant to be plenty of trout in the streams around there."

He took both her hands, pulling her in for a heartfelt kiss. Bella noted how there was no holding back as he kissed the vampire, in the way he'd held back with her. There was no need to be as careful as he had been with the human. Jake had never needed to be that careful with Bella. She was his equal.

The cold pair separated and the female turned to address Bella, "It was a pleasure to finally meet you Bella." She paused for a moment, laughing to herself, Edward chucked as well, nodding.

"I suppose I've been remiss," she said, pressing a soft hand to her chest. "My name is Astrid."

Bella nodded, her lips tight. "Hello." Bella had forgotten how strange and awkward vampires could be sometimes.

"Bella, I want to thank you for releasing Edward and giving him the freedom he needed to find me. He always thought he had been alone for many years, but I had been alone for so many more. So, for him, I am grateful to you."

"Um" she murmured, she was contemplative for a minute at the ancient being's gratitude. Once Bella had realized her feelings for Jake and placed her heart in his care, there had no longer been any sense of sacrifice or loss at Edward's departure from her life. They were never meant to be, Bella knew that now, she'd understood that for over two decades.

Edward and Bella had never made sense. They were different _species_ for heaven's sake. Predator and prey. They'd been mismatched from the get go. And now, when Bella thought about how she'd once wanted to be like him, frozen in time, without a heart and without heat, she shuddered and pressed herself closer to the warm man at her side. Bella thought she should probably thank Edward for leaving her back in that forest all those years ago. His actions had lit the catalyst that would set her on the path she should have always taken. Her natural path.

She smiled at the other woman, the one who made sense when standing by Edward Cullen's side. "Your welcome, Astrid."

The tall woman turned to Edward, lifting up and kissing his cheek. "Take as long as you need."

And then she was gone. Like an ethereal specter sweeping in the wind.

The sudden movement seemed to upset William's wolf. He growled, hedging forward off the porch.

Jake held his hand out, his strong muscled arm reaching and placing a calming palm on his wolf-son's shoulder. "It's okay, Will, let her go."

The wolf stopped mid-step, looking back at his father.

The two shared an unspoken moment, implicit trust emanated from the younger of the deep brown eyes.

Jacob patted Will's shoulder, his long, reddish fur reminded him of his own fur the day he'd first phased— before the Sam had made him hack his human hair off. Jake and his pack had learnt a lot since those early foundational days. Including how to wear their hair as their ancestors had—long— and to still be able embrace the wolf in earnest.

Jacob had much to teach his son, the future alpha.

As he fidgeted and stepped on the spot, the pads of his paws lightly pressing into the maple wood decking, it appeared that patience was to be his first lesson.

"Wait just one minute son, just one minute."

Jacob turned then, his yes boring down in to Bella's has he wrapped both arms around her. "Do you want to?" He asked, the _actual_ question left unsaid.

She lifted her face upwards and her eyes roved across the smooth caramel skin over. She looked over the angles and lines of the man she loved. The man she'd chosen. The man she still chose.

She shrugged. "I don't _not_ want to. Maybe it would be good to say a proper goodbye. All the other ones have always been so heated."

"They've certainly been _something,"_ Jake agreed.

They stood silently for several heartbeats, feeling the connections flowing between them, reaffirming the love and devotion that had long been affirmed and assured. Their hands moved like reflections, coming up until their palms touched and their fingers intertwined. Jake's face lowered down until his lips pressed slowly and softly onto Bella's.

"I'll take Will for a run. Just get some of the nervous energy out of him. Teach him how to phase back." His hand stilled on her hips, pulling her closer until her soft body melded into his. "We won't go far, Bells. Just call if you need me."

She nodded as he stepped back. She watched the way his muscles bunched and flexed as he removed the towel from his waist and hung it back over the railing.

The alpha man stood, naked as the day he was born at the top of the steps, his mate and protégé behind him. He placed his hands on his hips, his feet shoulder with apart as he stood tall and proud looking down towards a waiting Edward.

"Say your piece, Cold One, and then let this saga finally be done. I'm trusting you with her one last time, Edward. And then I want you and your kind to leave my family alone, for good."

"You have my word, Jacob."

He nodded as he stepped down the first rung. His eyes flicked over to Will's indicating for him to follow. As his feet reached the cooling damp grass he paused and turned back towards the cabin. His eyes met his best friend's, as a smile started on his face. "Love you Bells." Then he winked happily and trustingly. A bright, full, sunshine smile burst across his face as this body began to shimmer and, in a quiet explosion of skin, he lowered to all fours and unmasked his inner beast.

Bella watched as the two wolves lopped off into the forest, their colors only differentiated by the creamy swirls that covered Wills flanks and the tip of his tail.

* * *

"They're very similar." Edward commented, breaking the peaceful silence. Bella had forgotten he was there, momentarily.

Her eyes flicked down to the front yard where he stood. "Like father, like son."

"Their minds are very similar too. There's a quiet fury inside them. It just sits at the edge of their emotional mind, pushing them and reminding them that they are both human and animal both at once. Jacob has more control though."

Bella shifted her feet, stepping down. "Will is just a child, I'd be surprised if he _had_ a tenth of his father's control."

Edward nodded, stepping to the bottom of the steps. "They both love you though. Obviously in different ways, and Jacob's is far more consuming." Edward leaned on the side rail, his elbow bent as his wrist hung easily down. It was a very human gesture, but the sceptic in Bella wondered how much calculation went into the seemingly benign gesture. "It's fascinating really," he continued, "the way his entirety focuses around you. His consumed with you. He doesn't _exist_ without you."

Bella stood up straight, stepping down the last of the steps. "Why are you here, Edward?" She placed a hand on her hip. She might have conceded that some closure would be good, for both of them, but she wasn't about to reminisce about the _good 'ol days_ and she already knew how much Jacob loved her- unlimited, unconditionally and unequivocally.

"Because Astrid led me here."

"She very beautiful."

"Yes, I think so."

"You love her," she stated. No emotion in her tone.

Edward paused, pursing his lips. "I do. I truly do."

"And a part of you still loves me."

He was silent for a moment. The tepid breeze blew thought the yard, sweeping around them and making the hanging towels flap.

"I do."

"But not as much as you used to, or as much as you do her."

He was quiet again. His fingers combed long, scooping sweeps thought his ragged hair. He turned on the lower step, folding gracefully until he sat. "No. Not as much. Not anymore."

Bella followed him down, and sat purposefully close. His knee touching hers, their elbows brushing. "But we did love each other once, Edward. We just got so caught up, and messy and angry. We were good together for that little while, but we weren't _good_ _for_ each other. You know what I mean?"

He nodded, grasping his hands together. "You hated me."

"I did. You hurt me. And I couldn't see your reasoning. But I don't hate you anymore." Bella licked her lips as she thought how best to continue. "I guess… I guess, with age, the anger's been tempered. You might be a hundred years old, but you were just as inexperienced as I was back then. We were both making it up as we went along."

"And I presumed wrong. I underestimated your human emotions." He turned to her, taking her hand in his. "I want to apologize for that."

His sweet breath blew over her and for a moment Bella remembered how she'd come to love the boy currently holding her hand. But that was all ancient history now. And her heart was far too full of the love she felt for Jacob and their family to have any squeeze room for Edward. They weren't going to rehash the past.

Bella pulled her hands back. His hands were cold. She didn't like it. They felt wrong… on many levels. Too smooth. Too hard. Too cold.

Too _dead_.

"I want to apologize for saying all those things to you that day, too." She tucked her hands under her butt to warm them back up. "I meant them at the time, but it was the hurt and the fear and the anger talking. A part of me still loved you. I suppose it still does."

"But not as much as you love him."

"No. Not even close," she answered without missing a beat.

He looked up at her through his lashes, a small, pensive smile just touching his lips. "I'm happy for you Bella, honestly. You're living the human life you were supposed to. Full of warmth and love and laughter."

"Yeah, Edward," she smiled back, a few loose strands of her reddish-brown hair falling across her eye. It flicked and shifted as she blinked, before she tucked it behind her ear in a soft, single swipe. "I'm happy." She bit her lip, trying but failing to hide her grin. "So, so, happy."

He smiled openly at the palpable sincerity of her words.

Bella stood and Edward followed then. She turned to look up at him. "Are you happy Edward? I want you to be happy."

Edward stepped onto the ground and turned to face Bella who was up a step higher. They were almost eye level like that. On equal footing. They'd never been on equal ground back when she'd been with him.

"I wasn't happy," he started. "For the longest time I wallowed and sunk into a cold, dark solid block of nothingness. I think it was almost a decade." He shifted on his feet, his shoulders rising and then falling as he gently slid his hand into the pockets of his sweater. "And then I found Astrid. Or she found me," he chuckled, remembering something only he knew. "She slowly thawed me out. Kneaded and worked my dead, cold soul until it was open enough to see her standing there, waiting to love me."

He looked up at Bella, his ocher eyes taking on a molten liquescence as he spoke of his mate. "She loved me. And I fell, Bella. I fell hard. And deep. And all consuming. I haven't been this happy in my entire existence."

Bella smiled. Happy for her old flame. "You know what I think Edward?"

"What?"

"That you and I were just training for each other. Preparation before the real thing swept us up and consumed us whole. It gave us the insight to recognize what real and true, healthy and perfecting love looked like. And we found it. Just not with each other. And I found it a little sooner than you. But we found it. And I don't know about you. But I'm holding on to it with both hands." She held her fits up high, pressing them together. The petite gold band on her finger caught in the sunlight. "I'm never letting that man go."

"And I don't plan on letting her go either."

"Then perhaps what we need to do, is let go of each other?" Her fists opened and fanned out in demonstration.

He smiled. "I think you might be right." It was that same, inhumanly perfect smile gracing his inhumanly perfect lips.

Bella's gaze skimmed over his angular features, so familiar yet so _un_ -humanly foreign. Bella shifted in her sneakers, one white plastic toe pressed into the canvas side of the other. Her head tilted as she assessed her first love. It seemed like a life time ago now. She supposed it was. "You know you haven't changed a bit. Not physically at least. You look exactly the same."

He replied intently, his mind as sharp as it ever was. "You don't," he smirked. "You look twenty years older. I was just being polite before."

Bella faked a huff, the pout morphing into quiet and sarcastic laugh. "Gee, thanks."

His face softened. "But they're life lines, Bella." His hand reached up to smooth over the small crow's feet at her temples. In reflex Bella leaned back, silent setting the boundary between them. Edward's hand turned mid-air and slid back in to his pocked. He continued as if the silent conversation had never occurred. "They're from smiles and worries. Loss and love. They're the signs of life."

Bella took his lead, replying lightly and casually. "They're the signs of being the alpha's mate to a pack of teenage wolves and then having three of my own, that's what they are."

The vampire nodded to himself, his hand still stuffed in the front pocked of his sweater. "I bet you're a great mom. You were always a nurturer."

"I was," she agreed. "I _am_."

Bella looked up towards the cabin. To the front door where here two youngest children were still inside watching a movie. She turned back to Edward, her hand resting on the rail for support. She took in a big breath, "it's been good seeing you again Edward." Bella thought they'd said all they needed to say, it was time for the impromptu reunion to end. She knew she thought she'd said all she wanted to say at least.

He nodded, like he too had realized this final goodbye was now at its end. "Like wise, Isabella Swan."

She clicked her tongue at the back of her teeth. A habit she'd picked up from her spouse. "I go by Black now, I have for quite some time."

"You'll always be Swan to me. That's the girl I loved. This woman in front of me, the one that goes by Black, is Jacob's. And I wish them a long and happy life."

Bella pressed her lips together, her fingers absently finding the scar above her breast. It always grounder her, it connected her to him. "Be happy, Edward. Go find that excruciatingly stunning woman of yours." She nodded to the forest with her chin.

Edward held out his arms. "May I?" he asked. "For old times' sake."

Bella thought a hand shake could have sufficed, but she relented leaning forward and letting Edward take her into his arms one last time. It was uncomfortable and rehearsed, with none of the fluid warmth she was accustomed to from her caramel skinned lover.

He inhaled at the crown of her head, "You smell like a dog now," the vampire muttered into her hair.

Bella chucked, her face pressed into the soft fleece on his shoulder. "You smell like lemon bleach."

They embraced. Platonically and a little awkwardly. He was cold and hard and not at all the arms she wanted around her.

"Bye Edward," she whispered, relaxing her hold after a breath or two.

He stood tall as he let his arm fall to his side and stepped back. "Bye Bella. It was a pretty amazing story we wrote together, wasn't it. But I do like this new fairy-tale I'm currently in a lot better."

She nodded, "I like the legend I'm in better too."

Then without another word, and in nothing more that the blink of her human eye, Edward had turned from the cabin and vanished into the trees. Bella Black was left standing on her own, at the bottom of the stairs; by herself but far from alone. Her heart still pulsing the bond she shared with her love inside her.

.

* * *

Bella knew she was going to be covered in vampire scent. She'd hugged him for Christ's sake.

Drew, Sarah and a bowl of popcorn were happily continuing to watch Shrek the third for the fifth time as she re-entered the cabin. She went to the laundry room and stripped down to her panties and bra throwing her vamp tainted clothes straight into the machine.

It was only a few minutes later, as she lathered her hair for the second time that she felt him enter the bathroom.

She didn't ask him to join her. She knew he'd come regardless. He knew she needed him there.

They needed to reconnect. Emotionally, spiritually… physically.

She stood under the warm water, rinsing the shampoo from her hair as the curtain pulled back, and she felt his large, warm body slide in behind her. His arms wrapped around her waist and his hands settled on her soft stomach as he pulled her close. His face burred under her wet hair, inhaling through the water raining down. "You okay?" he mumbled against her skin.

"I am now you're here."

"Love you."

"I love you too. You know that right? It was just some closure and proper good bye. I don't have feelings for him anymore."

He turned her around, his hands falling on the swell of her hips and bottom. "Of course I do. I could feel how uncomfortable you were taking to him to whole time. Did he hug you or something? You were so nauseated towards the end. The smell's all gone, by the way. Just the front steps smell but that will go with the next rain."

He kissed her jaw, peppering small butterflies down her throat.

"Yeah. He stunk. I don't remember them stinking that much. It's caustic."

"It's B-leech."

She hummed in agreement before changing her direction of thought. "He's gone for good."

"Good." His hands lifted up to Bella's face and he pulled her up until her lips met his. "Finally, I can have you all to myself."

Bella pulled back, a worried frown as she searched between her husband's eyes. "You always had me. I was never torn. You don't think I've been holding a candle for him all this time?"

"No. No candle. But the decent human in you needed to say a decent good bye, that's the kind of thing I love about you, Bells."

His hands slid underneath her ass and lifted her up. Bella felt the warmth of his body as it pressed against hers. She felt the melding of their skin and their souls as she wrapped her legs around his hips. They both needed to reconnect.

He had that hungry look in his eyes. A look that would have brought Bella to her knees if she'd been standing. But she wasn't standing. She was wrapped around her husband's hips as his hard erection ran lengthways through her steadily dampening petals. "That…" he said as he lifted her up higher and then lowered her as he filled her in one fluid stroke, "and your pussy."

She'd known it was coming, she's been hungry for it too, but Bella still let out a playful yelp at the sudden penetration. He moved in her once, then twice, both of them feeling the way he warmed her from the inside out. She held on around his still powerful and strong shoulders as she wiggled her body around his length. "Ever the romantic, Jake."

"You know I love all of you," he said, moving his hips slowly and deliberately as they spoke. "Your heart. Your brains. Your boobs," he smirked, flicking his tongue out at her right nipple then up and over the now well healed but still ever responsive scar. Her body shuddered at his touch. "But I just left you with your old vampire boyfriend for like a whole fifteen minutes. The wolf is desperate to reclaim what's ours."

"Well, that would be all of me then. I'm all yours babe." She shifted her hips, pulling him infinitesimally closer to him. Deeper. Warmer. Tighter. _One_.

Hard and fast they started to move together. Knowing and safe in their comfort but still impatient to re-connect and re-affirm the love they shared.

Two souls reunited as one. Mates. Lovers. Friends. Twin flames.

"God I love you, Jacob," Bella panted as she held on to his shoulders and let the swell of pleasure begin to build within her body.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," they both panted together.

With each thrust the pair climbed closer and closer to that all too familiar but not less exquisite bliss. Her breasts bounced with each movement. Heavy and full, with dark pink nipples standing upright and scratching against his tanned chest. Their mouths met in a gnashing of teeth and lips. Tongues searched and hands held tight as they climbed inside the other's souls.

It was only a moment later that together they reached a shared climax. Her walls clamping down and around him as he spilt his heated, virile seed deep within her. It never grew old. How could one ever tire of perfect love and happiness.

.

* * *

"Better?" she panted a minute or two later, as she came back to her body. Even after all those years, their sex was still other worldly.

Jacob continued to hold her with his strong arms. She rested her cheek on his shoulder as he stood buried deep within her, the warm flooding water of the shower beating across her shoulders.

Jake sighed. A contented grin pulling at his cheeks. "Much better."

She wiggled a little in his grip, making to disconect their bodies and stand. "Good. Now put me down you stud and tell me how Will is after his first phase."

Jake did as he was told. Sliding out of his wife's body and placing her carefully on the wet tiles.

He grabbed the loofah that was hanging over the facet and squirted the honey smelling cream all over.

He turned Bella around, soaping her up, and paying special attention to her ass and boobs. Even after watching her nourish their three cubs and a life time of free feels, her boobs were still his favorite play toy.

"He was good, Bells. Better than good. It was like it was all finally fitting into place for him. Like all the anger and crazy emotions he'd been feeling all suddenly made sense. And he's fast. The little bugger's gunna out pace me eventually."

Bell turned, wrapping her arms around his ribs. "So long as he's happy. And that he knows he has options still. That's all I need him to remember."

"He's happy Bells. And he knows now just how much his father loves his mother. He's seen it in my head."

She looked up at Jacob. Concern in her chocolate eyes. "So long as he's not seen _how_ you express that love. No child needs to see that!"

"Christ no! That shits' been long locked away for years, Belly. I've shared a head with fucking Paul Lahote for crying out loud. My mental sex-tapes are in a _vault._ Safe and sound for me and my private time only."

"Good. I always wondered if episodes of _Bella does Jake Across America_ played in the pack mind after we finally came home."

* * *

It was just before dinner when Sarah jumped up and ran to the front window. "They're here! They're here!" she yelled.

Little Drew looked out too, "that's not Uncle Embry's car."

"It's freakin' ugly, that's what it is," Will added, opening the front door.

Bella guessed he was looking forward to seeing another wolf. He'd been antsy and jittery the past half hour when Embry's wife, Penny, had phoned to say they were almost there.

Bella stirred the huge pot of chili she had slowly bubbling away on the stove. She tapped the wooden spoon on the side and went into the front room, wiping her hands on a dish towel as she walked.

Jake's footsteps thundered down the steps as he hurried down, a large duffle bag slung over his shoulder. "It's not _ugly_ , Will, it's a classic _and_ it's obscure."

"It's obscure because no one in their right mind would even want one. It's ancient," the new wolf answered back teasingly.

"Don't be so judgmental, son." Jake said, slapping Will playfully on the back. "Your mother and I owned a sweet ride just like this one back when we were younger. It served us well. Very well."

The young wolf did _not_ want to know what he meant by that… he was lying to himself, Will knew _exactly_ what that meant. And that meant he wanted to wash his eyes and ears out with some of that vamp smelling beach mom kept in the laundry.

Snickering at Will's apparent discomfort he turned back towards Bella. He rubbed his hands together in excitement. "You know what month it is Bells?"

She narrowed her eyes at her husbands, trying to figure out what he was up to. "It's June."

"And in two days it's going to be July, and then in six days it's going to be..?"

"The fourth," she laughed, understanding the significance of that day but still unsure where he was leading to.

"Which is…?"

Bella grinned further, giggling like the happy, fresh faced girl she'd been on the fourth of July twenty years ago. "Twenty years."

He dropped the duffle bag on the wooden floor and pulled his wife into his side. They looked out the front door, down to the white minivan with a wood-grain appliqué running along its sides. They watched as Embry Call and his family all piled out of the 1986 Aerostar. "Happy anniversary Bella Black."

She turned to look at Jacob, a sparkle and smile in her eye. "What did you do?"

"I searched high and low, and bought you a min-van for our anniversary." He placed his hand on her hips. "We're going on a road trip woman. I've packed us up. Emb and Pen are gunna pile all the kids in our suburban and drive them back home in a few days. And we, my wife, are running away in the middle of the night. Just you and me and our van. Like old times."

He reached up onto her tippy toes, wrapping her arms around him. "God I love you."

* * *

…

* * *

With a Ziploc container of chili for the road and a flurry of good-byes, Jacob and Bella Black waved goodbye as the trusty van rolled up the gravel drive way.

In the darkness of the night, with nothing but the soft lighting of the dashboard and the array of the headlights as they lit up the road, the couple drove in comfortable silence. Bella kicked off her shoes and curled up into her wolf's side.

It was only an hour or so into their journey when he stopped at a giant direction sign at Grand Junction. A cross roads for the interstate. And the road they always took for their journey home.

"Which way Bells?"

Bella lifted her head, studying the choices.

Straight ahead was home— North West, towards the Pacific coast and eventually Washington. Left was south— across the Rio Grande and into New Mexico.

The only other option took them deeper into Colorado, towards the Rocky's and then into Middle America. "Right, Jake. Let's go Right."

"We'll okay, lover. We never did make to Boulder Colorado, did we?

"Only now no one will think we're college students with scholarships and book smarts. We're just oldies in an ancient van, recapturing our youth."

"You never lost it Bells," he smiled, pulling on the hand break and turning in the driver seat. He tucked that pesky strand of hair softly behind her ear, cupping his strong but gentle hands around her jaw. "You look as beautiful as you did in that old beat up Chevy as we snuck out of town."

Her hand came up to rest on his as she leaned into the warmth of his palm. "We had no more idea where we were headed then as we do now."

"It doesn't matter where we go though, does it. As long as were together, babe." Jacob pulled Bella closer to him, her petite body slid across the bench seat and fell against his chest as his arms wrapped around her. He kissed the top of her head, inhaling and feeling the way their love pulsed together.

She looked up at him, her chin resting on his chest as they kissed quickly and sweetly. "We're on this road together Jake. For life. Hopefully even longer."

"Yeah. Just you and me, Bells. I want to run away with you, because I can.

* * *

 **Phew, I told you it was long. I hope you all enjoyed it thought. Let me know you thoughts.**

* * *

 **I'd also like to thank whoever it was that nominated me for the Top 10 June fic over at twifanficrecs. It's such an honor. And pretty darn cool. And so are you. (who ever you are)**

 **If any of you want to vote for The Runaways, head over to twifanfictionrecs . com**

 **I'm sure our Jake and Bells would love their story to be a winner.**

* * *

 **Thank you to every one who has read, favorited and reviewed on this story. I hope you all enjoyed this traveling story. I always thought that our heroes just needed that little bit more time together, without the Ed. They never got in the cannon books and that is one of the reasons why I love fanfiction; we get to right the wrongs we perceive in the original works... and we get to see what happens behind the fade to blacks :-P**

 **Review, folks, then vote. Then have a happy day.**

 **May the light within me, honor the light within you.**

 **Namaste, Marina.**


End file.
